are we right to worry?

[YMo7]

My 12yo dsd has always been small - very small and not eaten huge amounts of food... However the last few months she has told us she is getting really fat and needs to lose weight. (she wears size 8-10 clothes and is 12. In length she needs 10-12 but doesn't fit her waist).

She refuses to eat breakfast, eats a price of fruit for morning tea sometimes, won't eat lunch, maybe sometimes has a piece of cake or a price of fruit or a couple of biscuits for afternoon tea, and will complain every night that she has too much dinner and can't eat it all. (we give her a tiny bit more than our 6 year old which is about half of what our 10 year old eats)

This morning she was prepared to sit at the bench ALL day in front of her breakfast instead of going to school coz she just flat out refused to eat it. She ate about a quarter of her already small bowl over the course of 50minutes, crying most of the way through, until I told her don't worry about eating anymore and to go to school.

My dh and I are very worried. Should we be? Or are we reading too much into it?

[VicPark]

Absolutely. It is not healthy to eat that little. Many girls feel peer pressure around that age to look good.

I'd see a counsellor about how to tackle it. Im not sure the confronting/forcing approach will work in the long run. I didn't eat much around the age of 14+ and would cringe every time my parents said something to me. It was like they didn't understand and was embarassing to talk to them. It would have helped me to have someone younger who I respected to talk to. Also if I was to learn about/get into sport and nutrition more that would have helped.

Good luck.

[SassyMummy]

Yes, I would be worried. It might be worth making an appointment with the school's student counsellor... and the GP. Then seeing where to go from there.

It's not healthy for a tiny 12-year-old to be so fixated on her size, let alone losing weight.

[silentrockfaery]

I would be worried. That's how my eating disorder started. I hope she is ok.

[OurLittleBlessing]

Is she in fairly good health otherwise? Could she have any food intolerances or allergies that are making her feel unwell after she eats?

:hugs: How stressful :hugs:

[Huni&Coco]

:yes: i would be worried.
:( i mean no judgement, just suggesting what i would do if my daughter were in this situation, i would try to sit down with her or maybe even take her out on a girls day (just mum and daughter) and try and figure out where and what the problem is.
is it possible that a friend is doing the same thing and she feels she needs to also do so?
is she being peer pressured or bullied?
imo, i wouldn't try to force her to eat etc. (as hard as it is) just in case she becomes more upset and refuses more. i would try positive encouragement and maybe asking her what she would rather eat instead of .....? even though she may refuse, at least your giving her options. i would explain the harm she could cause her body and health in doing this and if she wants to stay "fit" maybe encourage great diet and exercise.
if this doesn't help i would be seeking medical advice and i would explain that to her.
i really feel for you op :( this must be very hard to watch your daughter go though this. :hugs:

[YMo7]

Thanks .,, just needed to make sure! :)

I guess it's off to the dr we go... Poor little darling


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[YMo7]

Yup otherwise good health.



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[Huni&Coco]

Would love to know how you go! all the best! :hugs:

[YMo7]

Sorry I been using big in my phone in between work and kids do can't respond in length... But she ate this morning... She had a muffin size quiche for dinner last night and a mandarin yesterday arvo and that was it all day except for the small amount of rice bubbles.

Today I said to her gently... You know you have to eat breakfast today right? And she ate a whole small bowl of cereal! Yay!

Will still go to the dr but it will have to wait until Thursday night or the weekend unfortunately.

Thanks for the support ladies! I am pleased that I am not just over reacting! My dh had meningitis last year and nearly died. He lost 23 kg in 1 week. He worries if she gets sick she won't have any back up. She only weighs about 30 - 35kg.


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[LoveyDovey]

You are right to worry, and can I just say it's wonderful that you have noticed these behaviours.

I had an eating disorder for years and it started out this way. It's like a slippery slop from that point, so it's great you are on to it now.

She may feel as though she has no control over her life, so her weight is something she can control. She may also have a fear of growing up, which causes her to hate the curves etc that she is developing.

Try not to make a huge issue over the food as that is just a symptom of what's really going on. Encourage her to talk about how she's feeling as the real issue goes deeper than food and weight.

:hugs: I know it's hard for others to watch someone hurt themselves in that way. You sound like a lovely step mother.

[YMo7]

Thanks.. Yeah we are trying to talk to her but she does t say anything is wrong... I asked her if she felt better yesterday when She got home and she said she didn't feel bad before so she was ok. she comes to me crying sometimes but tells me she doesn't know why? I just put that down to puberty? Is that right?

My dh and myself have had custody for 5 years this July, along with her 17yo brother and they don't see their bio mum anymore so as much as she is still my dsd, she considers me as mum and I consider her as dd.

If we have pizza or something like that she will eat like crazy but we can't have that every night! Lol... Hopefully I can make something tonight that she will enjoy! :)


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[daysta112]

Not sure where you live but lots of Capitol cities have support groups for young ladies with image problems. Maybe talk to her about her bmi and what range it is in, I'm not positive any of this will work but I think professional help will be beneficial but be careful if doesnt just make her hide what she's doing

[Savingfishfromdrowning]

I would be worried.

You need to tread very carefully though I think. If you try to force her to eat or make a battle about it and she does have an eating disorder it's not going to help her. If she has an eating disorder she is doing battle with an internal 'voice' (for want of a better word, not a literal voice), which is telling her horrible things about herself. That voice can make you an enemy very quickly.

Do you have a good GP? If so I would take her there and say you are worried that she has lost a lot of weight and doesn't seem hungry (don't mention dieting or not wanting to eat). It's possible there is a physical problem that could be ruled out first, but a good GP should be able to refer you to an appropriate counsellor if needed. It might even help if you go to the GP by yourself first and tell them your concerns so they are ready when you visit with her.

In the mean time make an effort to praise her about lots of things, but don't mention appearance. Stick to her character and talents. Does that make sense?

[YMo7]

Been to the dr. She has very low blood pressure and has the shakes and headaches and says she is nauseas after she eats. She had 2 GRAINS of nutri grain for breakfast today which she voluntarily ate. She had a glucose test which was ok. She had a blood test for vitamin and mineral deficiency etc as well as pancreas testing. She will see a psychiatrist or psychologist depending on test results which one. Thankyou all for your help and concerns!


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[Savingfishfromdrowning]

Been to the dr. She has very low blood pressure and has the shakes and headaches and says she is nauseas after she eats. She had 2 GRAINS of nutri grain for breakfast today which she voluntarily ate. She had a glucose test which was ok. She had a blood test for vitamin and mineral deficiency etc as well as pancreas testing. She will see a psychiatrist or psychologist depending on test results which one. Thankyou all for your help and concerns!


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Hope you get some answers and help soon :hugs: