OMG at my wits end with DD and bedtime :(

[MummaG23]

Arrrghhhhh! Night after night this happens, DD is nearly 5 . She screams and cries and yells out. I have tried a book to relax her, rewards, closing the door and walking out.. EVerything!! And then once she is asleep she usually is in our bed by 1am. I'm sooo over it DH and I fight obviously because we have different views over it and we are both so fed up.
I'm 20 weeks preg with Twins , so this has to STOP!
Where am I going wrong? Any suggestions please!!! :(

[Hannahly]

My approach would be to try praise for good activity and consequences for bad activity (otherwise known as bribery and blackmail)!

My DD did a similar thing for a few months last year - it tires you out cause it cuts into your evening, disrupts your sleep and hers and basically everyone is just cranky.

I got this idea from another bubhubbers, it's kinda convoluted but worked for us... Buttons ... I bought a bucket and a bunch of buttons. Told dd that she would get 5 buttons for going to bed quietly, and then every 10 mins quite after that she would get another two buttons, and when asleep a bunch of buttons. If she yelled out, woke her brother, got up unnecessarily then buttons got removed. She is a good sleeper and has been in the past so I found that if she allowed herself to calm down and be quiet she would mostly go I sleep within 5 minutes. That got going to bed sorted.

Coming into our bed in the middle of the night is an ongoing issue. She comes in cause she gets scared in her room alone at night - i cant admonish her for that - i remember getting scared too. I actually don't mind it, but my DH does, so now she gets a settle down cuddle and he will take her back to her bed. Sometimes she arrives at 2 other times not til 6. 6 o'clock arrivals are highly praised and encouraged. 2 o'clock arrivals are pretty much ignored other than a 'jump in, come here I'll give you a kiss and cuddle and daddy will pop you back in your bed shortly.'. Hoping she moves onto to her next phase/annoyance soon to keep us on our toes!

[daysta112]

No suggestions as I'm not even close to perfecting this with ds

But thought you could use a smile

http://www.stott.nl/wp-content/uploads/Go_To_Sleep.pdf

[mordygordy]

I have the same problem with ds4. Nothing seems to be working have has been like it since he was a newborn.

[Ffrenchknickers]

I would lie down with her and srtoke her hair until she is asleep. We did a star chart wih our 4 year old DD to stay in her bed at night and she had to get 10 stickers in a row then got to buy something. It worked and she is now 5.5 and hasn't come in during the night since!

[MummaG23]

I would lie down with her and srtoke her hair until she is asleep. We did a star chart wih our 4 year old DD to stay in her bed at night and she had to get 10 stickers in a row then got to buy something. It worked and she is now 5.5 and hasn't come in during the night since!

My hubby would say we are letting her win If I do that... He wouldn't do it so bed time will fall upon me everynight

[SpottySocks]

We've just been through a similar thing with our youngest who is 4 at the end of the month.

First DH and I agreed on a "plan". We picked a long weekend to start, when DH had Friday and Monday off work. On the Thursday afternoon I talked to her about staying in her own bed, told that she was a big girl now and like her sisters it was time for her to sleep in her own bed, told her she could pick one story and I'd pick the other, we'd read and then it was time for her to lay down and go to sleep. Told her that if she stayed in her bed all night she (& her sisters) could pick a surprise for the bag of little toy's I had wrapped up for her, but if she came into our bed or got up then she would miss out.

Thursday afternoon I made sure she was kept busy, had a long play at the park etc. so she was tired. She had dinner and her bath, picked out the stories and off we went to to bed. She lay down happily and it looked like she was going to go to sleep, 10 minutes later she appeared in the lounge and said she couldn't sleep. DH picked her up, told her it was bedtime, took her back to bed, he gave her a big cuddle and told her how much he loved her. They had a couple of minutes snuggling in her bed. He came out at 7.45pm and we didn't see her again until 6am!!!!:eek: If she had come out again we had agreed we wouldn't talk to her, just pick her up and put her back to bed. (which we had to do about 10 times a few days later!).

So the first night went really well- the next couple of nights were a bit harder but gradually she has improved and now most nights she goes to bed quite happily without any issues and rarely gets out of bed. Sometimes she has tried to crawl into our bed in the middle of the night, but when this happens one of us (usually DH) picks her up and carries her back to her bed, give her a cuddle and sometimes a back tickle and she goes back to sleep.

I thinking that both of us deciding to take the same approach helped. We really had to get her out of our bed as DH & I weren't getting any sleep, she would take up the whole bed! We are all much happier.

DD2 always had trouble falling asleep when she was younger and we used to give her some music to listen to, or story cd. Once she fell asleep she was fine - she has never come into our bed in the middle of the night.

Goodluck!

[Ffrenchknickers]

My hubby would say we are letting her win If I do that... He wouldn't do it so bed time will fall upon me everynight

Win what though? My kids have all loved cuddles to sleep at that age and they certainly don't want to do it forever ;) They are teeny for so long! I want my kids to have memories of mummy stroking their hair and singing to them! That is sad he feels that way and also that he wont help you! xoxo

[danik]

I think first work on getting her to fall asleep by herself quietly would be a good place to start and once that's mastered work on her staying there all night. Using a reward system is a good idea. Have a chart and for every time she goes to bed and falls alseep in a calm and quiet manner she gets a star on the chart. After 3 stars in a row maybe buy her something inexpensive (coloring book or whatever she's into) and let her choose. I think set a predictable but simple nightly routine around the same time every night. Ours is outside or physical play (good to wear the kids out) between 430-530, dinner 545, bath or shower 615ish and then story and in bed by 7pm. That's the time I found to be the best bedtime for DD1 (she's 5.5 yr old) yours may work with a different time.

[Bellaleggos]

From personal experience don't start doing this. I did it and then my DD wouldn't go to sleep unless someone was stroking her hair or holding her hand. We have ups and downs with her and she's nearly 5. Now she's started pre primary she's soooo tired she gets over tired. Have to make sure she's n bed at a reasonable time, has a story and then I get her to rest her arms and legs. She's usually asleep within minutes. I try to get her to drop off by herself and leave the room. I usually hover nearby if she starts shouting but don't go back in unless she gets out of bed.
As for middle of the night she always comes to me and I end up taking her back to bed, kiss, tuck her in and off I go. More often than not she goes back to sleep. My major issue is her waking when her dad gets up for work at 5 and refusing to go back to sleep! Good luck.

[sydneychick]

Hi good news we are taking our 6 year old to the doctor on Monday to get a prescription of melatonin, its a natural derivative from the sun, it assists a person to get back into a normal sleeping rhythm. Our child has a good routine to bed but will be restless for two to three hours before sleep comes, so it could be 10.30pm etc my husband and I are at our wits end, melatonin can be easily researched on Google and no side effects, air hostesses and pilots take it too.

[jagamoe]

Hi good news we are taking our 6 year old to the doctor on Monday to get a prescription of melatonin, its a natural derivative from the sun, it assists a person to get back into a normal sleeping rhythm. Our child has a good routine to bed but will be restless for two to three hours before sleep comes, so it could be 10.30pm etc my husband and I are at our wits end, melatonin can be easily researched on Google and no side effects, air hostesses and pilots take it too.

I love melatonin it has been my savior. Pead prescribed it for my DS 2 years ago and DD just last week it's a god send he told me its a synthetic form of our bodies natural sleep hormone melatonin has no long lasting side effects and leaves the body in half hour :)

[ChaoticMummy]

My Miss was like this too.... This Melatonin sounds great!! I might ask my doc about it...

Having said that I read somewhere about remembering that some children need to be taught how to fall asleep... Talking about relaxing and concentrating on breathing and staying still... After a few nights of this I now use a sleep meditation app on my phone... You could no doubt gets kids meditation CDs too? I may have even found a podcast?

I recommend "Bedtime Meditations"... I think it was almost $6 - but 9/10 times my Miss is asleep within 15 minutes of the start. First time or two I laid with her to model "restful listening" (*may* have fallen asleep myself first! Lol) now she pops it on herself and I popin 10 min later to grab my phone, tuck her in etc.

We also have a consistent bedtime routine. Toilet, teeth, drink (water bottle beside bed), story, cuddle - meditation app thing. We have a little saying each night we say to each other too... Same thing every night. "Goodnight, I love you best, don't get out of bed of I'll (she finishes sentence with "close the door"), see you in the morning"

Try to combat the reasons she gives for getting out of bed by pre emptying them - eg. Toilet, water, tuck in, I love yous etc.

That's my hot tips that are working for us at the moment.... Hope something works for you soon!?