Visually impaired SAHM... please won't someone come visit me?

[abba12]

Hi

I'm a young married mum of 20, almost 21 with a 15 month old daughter and another bub on the way. I live in Beenleigh. I love my kids and I absolutely believe being a stay at home mum is the best thing I can do for them. But I'm so isolated. I am visually impaired, making me unable to drive, which immediately rules me out of pretty much everything. Most people don't have two spare car seats for carpooling, let alone a third when the next baby comes. Groups and classes aren't generally in reasonable distance of public transport, and even those that are are very hard for me to get to because my vision impairment makes going to an unfamiliar place or finding a certain house a daunting task at best.

My husband and I lost most our friends when we married and had children young, though it's a decision we don't regret at all, and we find older parents tend to judge us harshly for our choices as well. We hope to have a large family, and have fairly old fashioned values, but as long as people respect our beliefs we can get along with just about everyone. I'm terrified of my husband finding full time work again because I am so dependent on him as my only friend through the days (he is in a dificult situation atm, he is studying, working in the evenings, hoping to replace that job with a part time daytime job soon, plus casually running a computer repair business from home, he has a few promising job opportunities coming up, but a couple of them are full time positions).

Please, dosen't someone want to befriend a young mum? Our schedule is completely flexible, we have routine rather than set times so naptimes aren't an issue, and we can get to some central locations ourselves, or our door is always open for a friendly face. I just can't find anyone who wants to come in. I'm tired of being alone and only having friends on a computer screen. I'm tired of watching the clock all day waiting for my husband to finish his 'work time'. Being unable to drive in Australia is a very isolating thing.

Anyone that wants to can email me at abba12_the_first@(nospam)hotmail.com - just remove the (nospam) from that address before trying to use it.

[ellamaesmummy]

Hi abba12,
I'm so sorry to hear of your predicament. Just to make you feel a little better, I believe a lot of us feel the same way you do in terms of being lonely after 'life' starts. I found a lot of my friends drifted away after I had kids...and I was 30 when I had my first. I'm now 33 and making the big move to the Sunny Coast soon as I just haven't been able to find my place here in Brisbane.
Although Beenleigh is a little far for me to pop in and say hi, I just wanted to suggest (and you've probably already looked into it) that you try going through a Playgroup Australia group. I find other playgroups will hop, skip and jump to different locations for meetups where Playgroup Australia have a base place to meet so if you could get there by public transport, it will just be to the same place each week and I'm sure you'll meet people who will continue to be friends outside of playgroup. I have noticed there are a lot more playgroups and meet ups down that end of Brissie so you've got so much choice really.
If money is a problem...which I'm taking it that it is, there's a Playgroup Australia group that has no weekly fee which meets at the Beenleigh State School on Tuesdays at 9am. Maybe someone on here goes and you can ask them about it. I believe that Playgroup Australia has a $35 yearly Membership Fee which I hope you can scrape up for your own sanity and for your kids. The PCYC have a playgroup too but they have a $20 yearly fee and are $2 a week per child but you probably have the $35 fee on top of that (getting very expensive then)...possibly claimable, I'm not sure of government payouts etc.
Anyway, in your situation and from my own experience with general playgroups, you may be waiting a while to meet people so you should try to join one of the playgroups above so you can just start getting out there :D
Good luck :wave:

[bezzy]

We have a playgroup at Griffith Uni Logan campus in Meadowbrook, not sure if there's a bus easy for you to access from Beenleigh to the uni (but I know the uni has a decent size bus depot so there's probably a few going there) - we would be happy to have someone meet you at the bus stop and help you guys get up to where out playgroup meets. It's right near the bus stop. We are through Playgroup Australia, and your first three visits are free so you can try it out, then $2 per week and membership to Playgroup as PP described above. We're quite a small playgroup, usually just a few mums each week at the moment. If you'd like any more info on our playgroup just let me know.

[Imsooverit]

I agree with PP. Join Playgroup. Just keep going each week and you will make friends.

Also, the Beenleigh Library have a Storytime/Baby Rhyme time each week day. It's free. Keep going to that and you will hopefully make friends there too. Here is the link to their Calendar. http://libevents.logan.qld.gov.au/eventcalendar.asp?ln=7

I think you just need to get out of the house and keep going to the places where other Mums with young kids are and eventually you will meet some people who you can become friends with. I know - it's easier said than done.

I know this is a big step - if you've not met anyone on Bubhub irl - but maybe you could put up a post about a meet up and ask who is interested. Let everyone tell you their days that suit and arrange it that way. You could meet at a spot at the Hyperdome (which is pretty central to everyone in "Logan") in the outdoor food court near the play equipment. That way people can buy a coffee or bring something from home. Tell them you'll tie a red ribbon to your pram or something so you can all recognize each other. You can turn up 15 minutes earlier so you're not trying to "see" who's who - they can just find you.

I hope my suggestions help. I no longer live in the Beenleigh area so I'm out (beside the fact that I'm waaaayyyy old and DD is 7).

It's hard putting yourself out there (especially with sight problems) but it will be well worth it in the long run. Good luck!

[abba12]

Hi

Thanks, but like I said in the main post, I can't drive and public transport is dificult at the best of times. I don't think people realise how impractical public transport is to take, especially this far from the city. For me to take my daughter to a one hour toddlers story time at the library is easily a 3 or 4 hour endeavour, just getting ready to go takes twice as long because I have to carry everything I need with me, I can't leave spare nappies in the car for example, and I can only carry so much while using a white cane and holding a toddlers hand and pregnant. We have to wait for busses on both ends of the trip, up to an hours wait each way, and depeding on the bus schedule we may be at the library up to an hour before it even begins. That's not even taking into account what a bus trip with a tired and bored toddler is like. It's just not practical in any way.

Playgroup is slightly more practical because it's a longer period of time, provided I can find one accessable by transport, but if playgroup is 3 hours I'm still looking at a minimum 5 hour outing, which will have to include lunch out, and bubs wanting a nap so being very hard to manage on the way home. Still, I might have to look into it if I can't find anything else. Money isn't so much the issue here as simple accessability. I'll keep the logan griffith one in mind, but I suspect, iirc, to get to it I would have to take the 1 hour bus to the hyperdome, then wait for and switch busses for another 20-30 minute trip, and again, that just isn't practical, I can't do two hours there and two hours back for a two or three hour event, I'll be out all day and the bubs needs to nap eventually, not to mention having to leave the house at 7 in the morning, an impossibility when I have managed hyperemesis, and am useless until the medicine kicks in around 8:30 (there is a shorter bus between beenleigh and the hyperdome, but I have to transfer at beenleigh station and wait 40 minutes between first and second bus, making it rather pointless really because the time ends up being the same, I just have to choose between 40 mins on a bus or 40 mins in a bus stop)

Busses and toddlers just don't go well, they are ok if you have the choice and can use them when it's practical, for example they're great for getting into the city, or if you live near one of the big stations, but often it's just not practical, and once you throw a disability in too they become a bit of a nightmare to be honest.

[FearlessLeader]

Hi, I don't know your area at all, but some local councils have accessibility buses. Ours has one that picks people up from various places and drops them off at shopping centres, neighbourhood houses etc. It may be worth calling community services at your local council and see what they offer.

Sent from my HTC Sensation Z710a using BubHub

[VicPark]

I agree with a pp: perhaps there is special transport you can get. Another idea might be (and i know it would
Be a hassle but will Pay off In the Lon run) to move to a location within walking distance of a major
Town centre.

Be careful about inviting strangers you meet online into your home.

Best of luck.

[Cluky79]

Subscribing to respond later :) hugs Hun

[Imsooverit]

I had a quick google of transport options for you. Have you had a look at TransitCare? http://www.transitcare.com.au/ I think it's run by/ or in partnership with the Logan Council.

I would imagine you would be eligible. They will pick you up from home and the cost is $2 local each way up to $10 for a further distance. The website (under FAQ) says to discuss with them your taking a child on the transport. According to their website they will give you a lift for shopping, appointments or even drop you to friends house.

[Cluky79]

Hi Hun sorry for the late reply it been a day but anyway, I'm not in QLD but would you be interested in a pen pal type situation? Would that help in anyway?

[Cluky79]

Oh and not all of us older mums are bad lol I wish I was a young mum but it took so long to find Mr right. :)

[happygirl1982]

I had a quick google of transport options for you. Have you had a look at TransitCare? http://www.transitcare.com.au/ I think it's run by/ or in partnership with the Logan Council.

I would imagine you would be eligible. They will pick you up from home and the cost is $2 local each way up to $10 for a further distance. The website (under FAQ) says to discuss with them your taking a child on the transport. According to their website they will give you a lift for shopping, appointments or even drop you to friends house.

How good does that sound!

[kmetius]

beenleigh library and been state school both have free playgroups