Please help

[unigirl]

So this is going to be a ramble basically but please bear with me. I have another username on here, I don't comment very often but would like to keep that name yeah not important but I really need some advice. I have no children but me and DP were ttc but I guess that is out the window. Im sitting on my kitchen floor in amongst some broken wine glasses that meant alot to me, all my wet washing and a broken clothes horse from which DP has all just broken/thrown at me.

This is becoming a regular occurrence, him breaking stuff every weekend.. and its always my stuff.. All though he never hits me.

I don't know whether to leave or not. But I literally have no where to go. I'm not from here, I followed DP here for work. I have no friends or family in Australia. No one to turn to so here I am. We haven't been here long, so I don't even have my own bank account so I literally am stuck.

I could go back to my home town, back in the country I am from but firstly I need a ticket home. I don't work I am at uni, I don't want to give my studies up but it is looking like I will have to.. As I am going to need to find a job, but with no money/transport how do I even do this?

I don't want to leave, I want DP to get help but he refuses :( So instead like right now, and most other weekends I spend most of it angry and in tears.

I looked up women's refuge but I am so embarrassed :(

I don't know what to do other than cry.. I don't even know what I am asking from you guys, just some advice maybe just to know that I am not as alone as I feel. Should I leave? Stay? Try and make him get help?

Sorry for my rambles and the fact that this might not make any sense :(

TIA

[Guest1234]

I'd leave, and not return unless he DOES get help. He is abusing you :(
I dont have much helpful advice, but I know a few ladies around here will.
:hugs: you DO NOT deserve this.

[duckduckgoose]

This is a violent relationship. It is abuse. My ex was the same and it escalated. Relationships are not meant to be like this. Do you have a friend IRL you can call and stay with?

[hopefully2]

I think u need to call home and make a plan with them to leave. Perhaps your patents can lend you the money?

You can not force someone to change so it won't work whilst he is frustrated, aggressive and unhappy and unwilling to get help.

When he is calm can you ask him what is stressing him and tell him the effects his outbursts have on you?

It's difficult to just leave these situations do perhaps start making plans.

I feel for you. It must be awful to feel so trapped. Plan and carry out whatever u can today. Perhaps book a counseling session at uni with the student counsellor, they have great ideas and know all the agencies that can supply assistance in your area.

Good luck. Keep us posted.

[JaneDoe]

I'd leave!!! This is most definitely domestic violence!

I would not consider for one second having a baby to a man like this!

This could very quickly escalate to physical violence!! Very quickly!

TBH I'd get out if the country, do you truly believe he will seek help and change??

What are his outbursts over? Was he always like this?

[unigirl]

We have only been here 6 weeks, so I literally know no one.

I am so embarrassed, I always thought if I got in a situation like this it would be so easy to leave. But being in the situation is so much harder.

I think he has depression (Obviously Im not a doctor so dont know for sure) for the first 3 years of our relationship everything was fine, it started going down hill when his brother who has some disabilities had a child and his parents basically cut DP off (emotionally like they replaced the grandchild with him). It was never taken out on me and nothing got broken he would just cry lots.. Then we moved here and we have no friends and its ended up like this..

I will see if uni has councilling options tomorrow I hoping they will. Or atleast options of where I can go etc

I dont really have alot of contact with my family, my dad was also violent towards my mother and she isn't a saint either so I don't have a lot to do with either of them.. Its just like a cycle repeating itself...

Oh and no we are not ttc I put a stop on that after we moved here and he changed

[LoveyDovey]

I am so sorry you are going through this...it must be so awful being in this situation in a new country.

If you are in Tasmania you would be more than welcome to stay with me until you can sort something out (hope I don't sound creepy...I just know it can be hard when you don't know anyone).

Please don't stay in this situation. Remember that he will only change if he wants to...he has to do that for himself or it won't work.

Don't be embarrassed to speak to a women's shelter...your situation is exactly what they are used to so they will have good advice for you.

[AllCreatures]

:hugs:I'm so sorry, what an awful situation.

The PP's idea of seeking counselling through your university is an excellent idea. Start by looking on the uni's website. Most universities have great counselling services and they're usually free for students.

If you can't get your DP to seek help then I think you need to leave him. Ask family to lend you the money for a ticket home. It's not safe to stay where you are in the current circumstances :no: Good luck :hugs:

[MsTruth]

You need to get out as soon as possible. It may not have to be forever but right now it is what you need to do for your safety.

Your university will have student services that can assist you with getting in contact with agencies that can help you so see them as soon as you can. I believe that Centrelink can make an exemption for people who come to Australia and suffer domestic violence so make contact with them. Also if you came here on a 457 (or similar) visa as a spouse there is actually a legal onus on your partners company to assist you financially in situations of domestic violence. Many women do not know about this but it is something to consider and explore - perhaps with a community legal centre where you can get free legal advice.

Do not be embarassed to go to a women's refuge. They are set up to assist women in your situation and they can help you make a decision to stay or to return home.

Also do not be embarassed to contact your friends and family back home and to tell them what is happening. I am sure that they will want to help you in whatever way that they can.

Please be strong and look after yourself

[unigirl]

I am so sorry you are going through this...it must be so awful being in this situation in a new country.

If you are in Tasmania you would be more than welcome to stay with me until you can sort something out (hope I don't sound creepy...I just know it can be hard when you don't know anyone).

Please don't stay in this situation. Remember that he will only change if he wants to...he has to do that for himself or it won't work.

Don't be embarrassed to speak to a women's shelter...your situation is exactly what they are used to so they will have good advice for you.

Unfortunately I am not, but thank you for the kind offer.
So DP has cleaned up the mess and has agreed to give me the front half of the house for the night so I can sort my stuff tomorrow.

I have emailed for an appointment time at the uni as I cant ring today as they are closed but I shall ring again in the morning if no reply email. I am hoping the can help me and if they cant direct me in the right direction.

I hope we can work things out, as it hasn't been this bad for very long but I understand as hard as it is I need to leave the situation for the time being.. Hopefully I am feeling as strong tomorrow as I am today :(

Should I let his family know? Or leave it up to him I am worried for his well being when I leave.

[ABigDeepBreath]

I'm sorry that you're going through this, but glad that you posted here. You have obviously identified that this behaviour is not ok and asking for help here is a great first step.

I noticed you are WA. Have you tried speaking to these people....http://www.womenscouncil.com.au/get-help.html


There is also this... Women’s Domestic Violence Helpline
Information, referral and telephone counselling.Ph (08) 9223 1188 or 1800 007 339 (24 hours)

You could call the 24 hour number right now to start finding out what you need to know in order to make an informed decision about what your next move is. They will know about services for your partner, as well as ways to help you to prepare for possibly having to leave.

Please take care and keep us posted.

[Lulubellesmumma]

Hi there

i'm so sorry to hear that your going through this. I'm with the others, what you are describing does constitute forms of abuse, although I'm sure your hubby still loves you it sounds like he really does need some help.

I've grown up in the Salvation Army as a church and my parents were ministers, so when I read your post I immediately thought of whether they are near you. They have really good social outreach services and in particular the Salvos really emphasizes on assisting women who are going through difficult times in their lives.

I know this will seem strange coming from a someone you've never met, but its totally ok to need help. Sometimes in life we will all need, we've just got to reach out and take out.

I hope that things turn out o.k for you :) :hugs: