I think my mum is an alcoholic

[jennibear]

So recently ive found out my mother is drinking FAR more alcohol on a daily basis than i thought she was.
I always knew she drank reguarly but only a couple of glasses a night. Now i find out shes drinking around TWO LITRES of wine per night. She was saying she buys a 4ltr cask of wine every 2 days!

NOw my mum and i ahve a great relationship, ive always been able to talk to her about stuff but im not sure how to aproach this issue.

She is in her 50's and in quite poor health, shes on blood pressure meds, vurtigo (sp?) meds, anti-depressants, medication for gout. Now with all this medication she shouldnt be drinking AT ALL, i know that but the amount she is drinking is FAR too much even for someone NOT on medication.

PLease, im after some advice on what i should do about this, im starting to get very worried for her, she cant keeping drinking so much!!

:(

[GothChick]

As the daughter of a woman who has been an alcoholic for nearly 20 years I can tell you now, if she doesn't see she has a problem, or doesnt want to do anything about it,NOTHING you say is going to stop her from drinking.


I have begged and pleaded with my mum, told her its killing her, tried to emotionally blackmail her with DD, I stopped talking to her, I have tried supporting her, I have tried everything, she has a disease and it always wins.


Every time I call its;

How are you doing mum?

Im good!! SO much better!! I haven't drank for 3 days now love! I'v had enough of it, im really doing it this time, I know I have said it in the past but I dont even miss it now!!'

Oh mum that is so great, well done you! Im so proud of you! Good on ya, remember to just take one hour at a time and call me whenever you need to'.....Knowing full well the next time I call her she will be drunk..


It is emotionally draining and it never stops.

I have no advice unfortunately because I have tried so hard and nothing as worked, shes dying, full of illness caused by the drinking and she still wont stop.

Id love to send you some before and after shots of my mother, it would horrify anyone.
Sorry to be such a downer..:hugs::hugs::hugs:

[OurLittleBlessing]

Hugs to you both :hugs:

I would just be honest with her. Maybe her admitting how much she is drinking is her way of reaching out?

I believe there is a support group for the loved ones of alcoholics, but I can't remember what it is called. Maybe someone else does?

[EchoSummers]

I'm sorry to hear that.

My mum is a functioning alcoholic with a full time professional job and has been drinking too much for at least 15 years. She has had numerous health issues because of this and I doubt her liver will hold out for much longer.

It is really hard. She knows she has a drinking problem and has tried to cut back before but has never stopped. She likes drinking too much and doesn't have any intention of stopping anymore. It will kill her within ten years but she's in denial about that.

Its hard. She can be terribly aggressive when drunk and as a kid that was...hard. It's still hard. You can't count on her for anything, ever.

Sorry I don't have any advice. Just in my experience.. If they are aware of the problem and the bad effects and have access to the resources to quit...they won't stop until they want to.

[Ash93]

Be honest with her but dont expect miracles, my dad almost died I had to keep him breathing the second he got out he was jokinv about going to buy a drink. I had a seeious talk with him but no.. He still drinks, he has cut back abit tho but I doubt he will see all his grandkids reach adulthood :(

Sent from my GT-S5670 using BubHub

[missybubble]

I don't have any advice but big hugs to you all.

OP can you call AA and ask them for advice?

[felicita]

Sorry, no advice. We had to wait until Nanna's gout got so bad she couldn't handle the bottle of brandy herself.
She said she didn't like drinking to excess, but had a different definition of what constituted excessive drinking, and lost count after the second drink so every drink after the first was number 2 in her mind.We then tried decanting 2 std drinks each day into a manageable container for her to mix with as much or as little coke as she liked, so she retained some control over her boozing, and when it was gone it was gone for that day. This method of restricting her to the amount she agreed to when sober turned out to be a satisfactory solution for all parties involved.

[Poppy79]

Hi.. Only new in here, but felt I need to reply.
My mother has had a severe drinking problem for about 20 years and her drinking turns her into a completely different person.
In my mothers situation, she would often go through phases of where she would sober up for a few weeks or even months, and that would be great, but the family would never discuss the problem, we would all just be thankful to have our mother/ wife back. Nobody would want to bring up the issue in fear of 'setting her off' into another binge.
It wasn't until recently that we started to talk about her being an alcoholic when she was actually sober, and she would actually talk to to us about it too. Talking to someone when their on a drunken binge is pointless.
She has been sober now for nearly a year, but you always wonder how long that may last, as it is a problem that will be with someone for life.
Obviously just talking about it hasn't helped my mother, she's also got help from her GP, councillors, but not sweeping it under the carpet has helped my mother admit to her problem and she sought the help out herself..

[GothChick]

Hi.. Only new in here, but felt I need to reply.
My mother has had a severe drinking problem for about 20 years and her drinking turns her into a completely different person.
In my mothers situation, she would often go through phases of where she would sober up for a few weeks or even months, and that would be great, but the family would never discuss the problem, we would all just be thankful to have our mother/ wife back. Nobody would want to bring up the issue in fear of 'setting her off' into another binge.
It wasn't until recently that we started to talk about her being an alcoholic when she was actually sober, and she would actually talk to to us about it too. Talking to someone when their on a drunken binge is pointless.
She has been sober now for nearly a year, but you always wonder how long that may last, as it is a problem that will be with someone for life.
Obviously just talking about it hasn't helped my mother, she's also got help from her GP, councillors, but not sweeping it under the carpet has helped my mother admit to her problem and she sought the help out herself..
That's fantastic she has been sober for a year!!! That must be so tough for her!! A huge congratulations to her! Just shows, it can be done! I know you do wonder how long it will last, but a whole year, that's incredible!! I hope you tell her how proud you are of her.:highfive:

Jennibear, I guess the main thing is to be there for her, to talk to her about it...pick your moment and bring it up with her, try not to judge, try to be understanding and tell her how worried you are...

[jennibear]

Thanks all. Its nice to know im not alone. Thankfully she is still able to hold down her job and be involved in her grandkids lives, although im not sure how comfortable i am with leaving her with my kids while shes drinking anymore. I thnk this is the main issue im having. She keeps asking me if Dh and i wana go out for the night and she'll watch the kids. While i would love that im not comfortable leaving her alone with the kids while shes drinking so much (she generally only drinks at night)

I think im just going to have to be honest with her and voice my concerns. Its just a tough one.

[SuperGranny]

hi jennibear, if you have a good relationship with your mum you need to talk to her about her drinking. It really is a disease, and it can take control. She is already on serious medications, she has serious health issues, she needs to stop. Alcoholism is not something that can be fixed, it has to be lived with for the rest of her life, one day at a time is the AA motto. When she agrees she has a problem, then she will be able to stop, with the right help. I wish you good luck, your mother is blessed to have you, I hope she can see her problem. hugs, Marie.

[Bellaxo]

Big hugs, firstly! I know first hand how hard it can be to live with alcoholism in the family, my mum started drinking about 13 years ago, probably about 4-5 glasses a night but she's little and barely eats anything, I grew up from 13 cooking my own dinners and locking myself away in my room since she refused to admit it was a problem and lied to the family I tried to confide in, it got worse and worse and you could see it was mentally destroying her as well as physically. So after one bad night my sister, my DF and myself (we were all living together then) we said enough is enough and called the RBH and got her admitted. She had to admit it was a problem though, which she did thankfully because of the breakdown she'd had that night due to family members. They kept her in for a week, then discharged her, she was on some medication that apparently helps too, but her doctor who fills the prescription was so belittling to her that she stopped and has been wine free on her own since Sept 2009. I still worry about it daily and I think I always will. Especially now we are 120k from her. We had to get to know her all over again, since she'd disappeared for years into someone that only gave the generic "I'm fine" response to everything.

She was a full time worker and if I were to ask them, they would have NO idea that she ever had a problem, she got that good at hiding her life from people.

If your mum refuses to admit there is a problem, the only thing I can suggest is seeking help for YOU to talk to someone about how you feel, how you're coping. I never did and I lost my adolescence due to it. I have issues with the family members that blame me for her drinking (they thought that she drank because I was an angry teenager - I was angry because she drank and noone would believe me!)

If you need to chat vent whatever, PM me. This is my first post in a loooong while on here but I couldn't not reply knowing others have to deal with this too :( x

Sent from my Galaxy Nexus using BubHub

[Boobycino]

My dad and now brother are high functioning alcoholics.

Regardless of the fact we have a family history of particularly men in our family being high functioning alcoholics (good jobs, responsible reliable, good people, seemingly fit and healthy etc) dying young from alcohol related illness.

I just take a deep breath and try not to give it much thought seeing as my brother and dad are both very open and honest - bordering on proud - about their addictions.

[Benji]

:hugs:How stressful for you. That's a lot of alcohol. More than 2 standard drinks a day is said to be a danger to one's health, I can't imagine the risks associated with so much alcohol.

I have no experience with alcoholism apart from being close with a collegue who was a raging alcoholic for many years. He cannot have a SIP of alcohol - it's all or none for him and I'm fairly sure most people with alcohol problems are this way inclined. I'd ask her if she wants help and see if you can help her get rid of all the alcohol in the house as a start and get her onto AA.