Five years apart or more

[SixtiesChild]

I am due in March and have a five year old little girl who is starting primary school next year. She is so exited about being a big sister and is at an age where she wants to help out a little.
Most of the age gaps I hear of are closer together.
Is there anyone out there with a larger age gap between children?

[ceejay]

Hi there. I've got two boys, just under five years apart. It worked out quite well - it meant the older one was very settled with kinder, etc, when our second was born in January. We've also been able to get him out this year, away from the baby, which has given him some much-needed baby-free time.
Overall, the age gap seems to be fine - although it does mean we've headed back to doing the baby thing after being well out of it. There might be something to be said for a smaller gap but ce la vie.
Also, a friend of mine has just had her second girl and her other daughter is 6 and a half.
all the best.

[Sarie]

I have just under 2 years between my two and at times I find it awfully hard. Nathan still doesn't understand that sometimes I just have to do something with the baby and I can't do what he wants right now.
I think if we were to have another, I would wait for a couple of extra years.

[jackieb76]

Hi,

I have a 6 year old daughter and I am due for my second in February so there will be 6 1/2 years between them.

This was not through choice but because I was single for a while after having my daughter and I have only just come to a stage with this partner (we have been together for 4 years) that we are ready to have a child together.

I think that there are +ve's and -ve's for large gaps between children but I am sure that it is not quite as much work having an older child and a baby. I know for a fact that Ella is very excited and more than ready to help me with the new baby.

There are obviously plenty of advantages of having children close together but there is really nothing that I can do about it now, so I like to think of the positives of having them further apart.

Take care.

[Mummaof2]

Hello,

My daughter turns 5 in December and will be starting kindy next year. My DS EDD is 22/12 (her birthday). My DD is very excited about getting a baby brother and she is also excited about starting big school. I myself believe that 5 years age gap is a good age gap as the older child can understand to some degree when baby needs mummy more then they do for a while. But i also think that you should involve the older child as much as possible when it comes to the baby eg. helping with bathing & dressing etc.

My sister has 2 sons who are 5yrs 1 day apart and even though like all siblings they have their fights they actually get along quite well. On the other hand a friend who has 3 children 8,7 & 2, the first 2 only 13mths apart and they constantly fight between themselves and for their mothers attention and has for the 2yo he was basically brought up by another of her friends as she was always spending time with the first 2 to keep them happy.

[filledebebe]

My first two are four years apart. I have always been really sensitive about the age gap - but am realising that it is not so unusual! Our son was beginning his pre-school year when our daughter was born. They get along very well and he is very helpful. It was a shock going back to baby stage again and I am going to have my second and third closer together - approx 2-2.5 years.

Having said that. I don't think I would change the first age gap. I was at university when i had my first and got through a law degree with number one in tow - I just could not have coped with a second any earlier.

My family has a fifteen year age gap across six children. It is like we are from separate families - however i am the best of friends with my youngest brother (he is 10 years younger than I) and worst enemies with my eldest sister (who is only two years older than I)!!

I think you will really enjoy your time with your second, just as i have done. I also think that there were great benefits for my eldest having four years to himself - although he is a little spoilt!

Good Luck!

[Miss_Vicki]

Ill be in this boat soon , Im due in Feb an My little girl turns 5 In dec this yr , Im, hoping she will be ok with it an Be my little helper (she loves to do it now When she is in the mood)

i Would of rather a Closer gap , but what can u do lol this bub Wasnt planed but yet still very much loved ;)

[aardvark]

My girls will be 15 and 5 in January.

The baby is due at the start of February, so I will have one in high school, one in prep, and a babe in arms.

The teenager is a useful baby sitter from time to time, and the two girls are very close, and enjoy doing things together.

[jasminesmum]

I have 2 boys.One aged 15 and the other aged 7.My little girl is only 5mths old.
I had my older son when I was only 20 and to a different partner.So thats why there was 8 yrs between my sons.My little girl was planned earlier but that did'nt happen.The boys get on really well.They have similar interests and enjoy playing cricket together or the playstation.But they also can fight fairly well.They both adore their new sister and I'm sure she is going to be very spoiled by her big brothers.
I don't think it matters how many years you have between children.Whatever suits you.Everyone is different.

Michelle

[maybe1more]

I have a 27 months old son and tryed to give him a brother or sister so i could have my kid close in age, however god had other plans so by the time i get the all clear to start trying again which is in March next year , my son will probably 4 and a half or older when i finally have bub number two so there will be a bigger gap then i intended but thats life, at least my son will be in kindy or pre school and i can be a home will my my additon if all goes well!

[j&k'smum]

I have a nine year age gap. My son is now 11yrs old and my daughter is 2yrs old.
Different fathers obviously.
I don't care what anyone thinks and I'm only assuming its the same as having them closer together. They still fight and have the same problems closer siblings have. One is probably just older enough to know better! :D

[aardvark]

Why is it different fathers "obviously" with a 9 year gap?

I have a 10 year gap, and an upcoming 5 year gap, and it's all with the one partner.

[j&k'smum]

Its not really a common thing I guess to have an age gap so big with the same partner. Everyone I know has different fathers so I think I was just putting that in becuase in my cicumstance its something that is often pointed out by others. Sorry. I didn't mean to offend you or anyone who has the same partner.

[the_queen]

I'm due in May next year (2nd child) and The Princess will be 5 in July next year. I think a bigger age gap is better for the following reasons:

* I spent the first (almost) 5 years of The Princess' life just with her. She was the centre of my world and I think this gives children self-confidence and emotional security. She had a cleft lip when she was born, and I don't want her to be a shy, introverted, self-concious child. I want her to be able to stick up for herself if/when she gets teased about her scars.

* She is old enough now to understand that a baby will need my full attention sometimes, and she is old enough to be given an activity to do by herself. She amuses herself for hours sometimes, playing with her dolls house and playing doctors with her teddy bears.

* I personally find the whole parenting thing wonderful but overwhelming. I know that I couldn't cope with 2 kids in nappies, I couldn't cope with 2 screamers, I couldn't cope with a baby and a toddler. Kudos to y'all who can. But I know myself, and I know that I couldn't cope.

* I will have one-on-one time with Chomper (the new baby) during the day while The Princess is at school. (OK getting emotional now, thinking about her going to school.... :( ) And I won't be sitting around an empty house thinking "oh my little bubby is so grown up" etc etc. I'll be too busy with the feeding/changing/etc etc.

* Me personally, and I know everyone is different in this regard, but me personally I have kinda forgotten the challenging stuff about labour/newborns/etc. I am not fearful at all of labour, I am excited about breastfeeding, I am even looking forward to that beautiful BF poo smell!!! (see I've gone completely nuts) So I think that I am almost like a "first timer" again.

* On a more serious note, I was almost 3 when my first sister was born. My mum had PND, couldn't cope, etc etc, so I was pretty much ignored in the first year or so after she was born. I was sent to my grandparents house nearly every day, was constantly hearing myself described as "a difficult child, whereas the baby is so much easier" etc etc. So now 22 years later, I still don't get along with my sister. I know I'm an adult and should be more mature etc etc but I can't get past the feeling that Mum likes her more than me. Admittedly, I am a little dysfunctional :rolleyes: but it truly has affected my relationship with my mum and my sister - plus it's affected the way I deal with other people in general. So maybe it's more about how the parents deal with the age gap, than the actual age gap.



Having said all that, I also think it's true that kids who are born close, grow up close. My second sister was born 17 months after the first one, and they grew up almost like twins. They are and always have been really close. I guess that kinda makes me feel like I was the "practice child" who they screwed up. So like I said, maybe it's about how the parents deal with the age gap.

[WeThree]

Thomas was 6 1/2 when Coops was born and its been great! He has always been old enough to understand that cooper is just a baby and doesnt mean to pull hair/suck his face etc, whereas cooper thinks matilda is being mean to him and will whack her one! Thomas has always been able to help, i could have a shower and know he wouldnt sit on the baby or roll him under a bed, and hes great at pushing hte pram whilst im pushing the trolley out shopping! he is very patient with cooper now he is older too, plays with him heaps and generally spoils him, alhtough gets annoyed when cooper gets into his stuff! I try to make sure thomas gets time alone without the little ones, let him stay up later than them, let him have time alone in his room, or outside with friends. However it was abit of a shock when Matilda came along!! There is only 18mths between her and cooper and you cannot leave him alone with her, i cannot take showers etc when there is no one else here and it is pretty full on all the time, having said that i dont think i would have wanted to wait to much longer before waiting to have matilda, when we had cooper it was a bit of a shock, cause we were used to the older ones getting up quietly on w/ends and watching telly, uninterrupted sleep etc, so i said to my hubby if we are having one more, we do it now, and get it all out of the way in one go! :)

[BandE's mum]

Hi Nadia. I have two girls who are 5 years and 2 months apart. I had Emma 1 week before Brianna started grade one and I wouldn't have it any other way. It's just so lovely to spend all day with the baby without felling guilty about not paying attention to the older one. And when she comes home from school she has so much to share with me as I do with her...

[kimmy]

Hi Nadia my two are 5 yrs apart also. i think it good like this, Jakob is at preschool 3 days a week he gets to help out with things, his not very good at it but hay he trys, his really great with her. & she adorse him loves her big brother. :)

[j&k'smum]

I have found the age gap difference at times difficult because my son had me to him self for so many years and then K came along. I really feel that our relationship has changed and I feel that he is angry with me more. I get confused as to whether that is just normal for his age or whether he really has a problem with it.
He did get his own way alot and I did everything with him, which I miss too. I had a cry not long ago because things had changed so much between us and I did miss that. Not that I begrudge my daughter AT ALL, but I do miss me and him. I miss giving him that sense of loving and belonging that I think he feels he has lost.
I have recently asked my mum to have my daughter on Saturdays so I can do something with him, one on one. We have been out a few times and it has been great. We really connect again.
It is hard for me trying to give my attention to the little one and to my son and I feel torn somedays but I feel it is out of my control. I do the best I can.
I might be playing handball with him out the front say, and I will tell him "only for 15mins mate." That will come and go and then I will have to stop to go cook tea and he will get cross with me, which then annoys me because I gave him that time and then the negative energy flows. I have found that the last few months have been the hardest. I feel that I really can't handle the selfish attitude. It really is a constant battle and its getting worse. Its been quiet trying and mentally exhausting. But I will get there. We will get there. I just have "suck it up" lol.
Please dont get me wrong. Its not ALL the time, but majority of the time. Do I need outside help or is it just the way it is with siblings of any age?? (Maybe I'm not used to that either and am finding it difficult, maybe I expect it to be all smooth sailing and expect him to behave and be mature too much?)
Sorry for going on but I think I needed to get that out.
Any advice would be appreciated..
Jo :)

[WeThree]

Jo, try not to feel bad, these are things that i battle with with my eldest as well, he was used to all of my time and now he has a husband, brother, sister, and step sister to contend with! but ive come to the conclusion that he was actually probably really spoilt before and that as long as i handle this the right way and still make an effort to have time with him, that this is all actually good for him, your son knows that you feel guilty and will use that against you, kids are really cluey, i wouldnt be asking your mum to have your daughter every sat, she is a member of the family and your son needs to get used to the fact that things are changed, of course ask your mum to have her occasionally, also ask your mum to occasionally do things with your son, this way he gets some special time with nanna as well. try not to worry it sounds like your obviously doing your best and im sure you'll all be fine :)

[SweetSerenity]

Hi Nadia,
I have a 10.5month old son, and if i was to have another one (i'm not sure if i will) i wouldn't have one till he's at least 4 years old.
Financially we cant afford another one, plus i want to concentrate on him so much right now and want to be very involved with him growing up.
I think having another one so soon, i would find it hard to be involved as much as i am with him.
That's just my feelings and opinion.
I don't think there's anything wrong with 5 or more year gaps. It's whatever suits your lifestyle.
Take care.
Natalie xxx :D

[Mala]

Hi Everyone,

When Baby#3 arrives, my kids will be 7 and nearly 4. :D

When #2 was born, #1 had turned 3 a couple of months earlier. She was fantastic.
The three year gap was just great - she was old enough to be able to know and understand when baby and mum just needed that time alone - to sort through feeding issues / sleep. :o
And not once did she get jealous of her baby brother.
Don't get me wrong - they can fight like the best of them, but then, that's what siblings are for, isn't it?
Siblings teach us how to deal with conflict - the worst fights in the world are had with our best friends! ;)

Mala

[eslay2005]

Hi Nadia,

Just to give a little insight for the kids with a big age gap, I'm 8 years younger than my sister. We both have different fathers but now that we are older we are very close. Ever since I was a little girl she's always looked after me and doted on me, it was like having two mothers. But we did have our fights like any siblings, like using her things without asking her, though she got over it pretty quick coz I so much younger.
And during my teenage years I became rebellious against her and my mum, I had two strong women looking after me and wanting to know where I was, who I was with and to do and not to do. I resented the fact that my sister was not around my age to understand what I was going through.
But now that we are adults I totally understand why she was so protective of me and now we always talk and see each other.

Her daughter is 4 years old and she will have her second one a month after mine is due in Feb. Her daughter understands that she will have a baby sister and she is very excited and wants to look after the baby.

This is my first baby and I can't really say what age gap I prefer because I want to wait and see how I cope. Everyone's different but I know my husband likes them to be close.

Sorry if this is too long............. :D

Regards
Eslay

1st BUB due 27th January 2006!

[Shelly68]

We are trying for our 3rd, and our youngest is already 8 1/2.

I don't think it matters what the gap is, you cope, (you have to). And you really don't have any other lives to compare it to do you.

Unless of course, you've been re-incarnated!!!!

[j&k'smum]

Coopsntilly,

Thanks for that little bit of advice. I actually forgot that I wrote in here lol. :p
Things have been better. I saw a segment on 60 minutes and something just clicked for me. Its been really good. I sat with him the other day and told him that for as long as it takes things might seem really tough but I have to teach him respect and how to handle his negative responses. My son is VERY strong willed and you are right in saying they get spoiled when they are on their own. I take full responsibility for that. I feel now though I have to go against ten years of teaching him that he can get what he wants when he wants.( An unintentional teaching of course) I have made a rod for my own back so to speak but thats ok. Better late than never. I know I am doing it for his own good in the end.
I have started time out for him and have been persistent and calm thus far. Its like I can see the end result in my head so the now doesn't phase me. If that makes sense. I am not as frustrated as I was. I feel in control.
So there you go, my little update..Thanks again. :)

[bridget75au]

Well my son is 12 and a half and my Partner's daughter is almost 14.....

We're trying lol :eek:

Do we want to go through all this again? You bet :D:D:D (Although I must say it's taking him a little longer to come around to the idea as I am 30 and he is 41).

[pumpkin]

my children are 6 4 and 3 plus a new one ortwo on the way in may

[ChristineM]

Everyone is different and all families are different. My eldest daugter is 18 & my youngest daughter is 8mths old with 2 other daughters inbetween at 16 & 14.



The 3 eldest will have finished school before the youngest even starts,,,,,am I crazy?? Sure I am,,,,and loving it!!! :D

[Tizi]

My first two are 4 years apart. They are 12 and 8 and my youngest is 71/2 weeks. My first two kids are from a previous marriage hence the big gap but it has worked out well, they adore him and are always fighting over him. They are quite helpful with him. It's great!

[loobeelu]

I have 5 1/2 year and 4 year gaps.
I wouldnt have it any other way, in fact the 2nd gap was supposed to be longer, but she is an IUD baby.
I dont have the patience to have 2 little ones at once, and I love that I get to spend lots of time with each child before the next comes along.
I ponder having another, and would wait again for another 5 year gap, however that means my eldest would be 14 and we would end up with kids at home for 35 years :eek: I actually want a life past children as well if that makes sense, I had my first child at 23, and so I would like time to do the stuff I didnt do before he came along. Its a tough one to balance up!

[figjam]

I am the youngest sibling of 4. They are 12, 8 and 7 years older than me. so I'm going to give the kid's account.

It's quite lonely growing up. A bit like being an only child really.

they all left home by the time I reached high school. :(

It's not so marked now and I can gloat when they all have their birthdays, but it was a bit depressing growing up. I'm quite envious of the relationship b/n my two girls, they're very close in age and great chums.

[meglet]

13.5 years apart is a big gap!

There's 10 years between me and my sister, and there will be 8 between my dd and the next baby, due in June.

[angelickaren]

hi i have two sons both 5 yrs apart and i am due with my third in june so all mine will be 5 yrs apart i think this gap is great in some ways and bad in others but overall good :o

[Minke]

Hi all, am new at this, so hope this is all okay!

Am due in April with my second and my first turns 5 next week, wasn't planned that way, but it has probably worked out really well as my daughter will be in preschool when the baby is born. She is so excited and can't wait to help out, whether a jealousy problem arises, who knows? That's my main worry, that spending 5 years as an only child she may take the drop in attention badly.

As for siblings born close getting along better, my sister is 7 years older and brother is 9 years older and i get along better with both of them than they get along with each other! Huge personality clash that would have been there no matter the age gap. And another friend has an age gap of 14 months between her and her sister and they have always hated each other - same thing personality clash. I think it has more to do with personality than age gap. So no fear for those who take a bit longer getting around to the second (whatever the reason!)

[mumof03]

Hi,
I know this is an older post now, but I thought I would add to it. I have 3 children. There is a 2/12 year gap between my first two children, which I found great. However, there is over 7 years between my 2nd and third children.

I loved having my first two with the age gap they have. My eldest was day time toilet trained by the time the 2nd one came along, however I wanted quality time with both of them, especially when they started school, so my husband and I made the decision that if we were going to have another baby, It wouldn't be until our other kids were well at school.

I fell pregnant with number 3 when my 2nd child was in grade 2. When my last baby was born it was a god send having older children. They helped me out in all kinds of ways by talking to him and keeping him entertained while I was cooking dinner, to answering the phone while I was feeding him.

However there are some negatives to large gaps between children too. One of them is getting the older children to know how to "stop" helping. As my youngest got older, the other two wanted to help more, so everytime the little one wanted something, he would point to it, and the older ones, thinking they were helping, would get it for him. By doing this, it didn't allow my youngest to learn to talk as he should have. By the time he was two years old, his volcabulary was that of a 6 10 month old. I had to get really tough with my older kids and get them to make thier little say what he wanted and not just point to it.

Finally, I got through to them and in the last 4 months he has come a long way and is now speaking in sentences. He is almost 3 years old and is almost up to a standard where he speaks like a 3 year old should.


I just thought I would make aware my situation to help others look out for similar problems to correct them before a problem occurs.

[suemp]

my brother and i were 5 years apart and it worked so well for my parents that we planned the 5 year gap between my ds and the bub due in oct. back when we were growing up there was latch key kids and while it is less occuring now it shows my brother was able to look after us both after school so both my parents could work. my bro loved teaching me to read, ride a bike, etc etc funny now he is a teacher. but as mum of 3 said my mum had to step in as id grunt and point and my bro would run and get what i wanted. i had no need to learn to walk!!
that said though im such a paranoid parent id worry about having a toddler accidently hurting a baby not being old enough to know better. my best friend had a dd a week ago and she just caught in time her 2 year old daughter trying to feed the baby m and ms

[jessi]

theres 10 years between me and my little brother! Im 21 and hes 11... such a great kid-so excited about being an uncle!