'I'm pregnant and he wants abortion'

[StephanieC]

Hi my name is Steph. I have been seeing this 'great' guy for only just over 7 weeks now. We weren't using protection, we were both aware of what we were doing. I am 28 have never been pregnant and have always wondered whether I could even get pregnant. Well my q was answered about a week ago when 3 tests came back positive. Told the guy and he started treating me different and told me to get rid of it. We got along so well until we found out. Have had 2 blood tests and a scan to confirm I fell pregnant within the first 3 days of us having sex. I mean what are the chances- to be 28 and never pregnant. Anyway so I made him come to the scan and his eyes were glued to the monitor. Yet tonight he told me because I have decided to keep the baby we are no longer b/f and g/f and it's my fault that the relationship got ruined by the choice that I made. It's really hard- I live in a town where I know quite a few ppl and he is only new to here but has a job where I will be seeing him quite often. So anyway I have made the decision to keep it, but I can't help but feel sad that this relationship could have been something great and I am so worried that even though I have a supportive family and friends that I will always wonder. Btw- there has been nothing more in the world that I than a baby- so maybe I'm just sad by his reaction. Advice? Please:confused:

[karisha]

Guys have a tendency to freak out in situations like this but if you feel in YOUR heart that you have made the right choice than don't second guess that. He has 9 months to come around and get used to the idea. If he doesn't, then take comfort that you will have a little bundle of joy that will idolise you no matter what and be grateful for the life that you have given them.
Congrats on your pregnancy xoxox

[mummy2Luca]

he may come around, men do freak when the hear these things. If he doesnt com around you still have a gorgeous baby so either way you win, its him who misses out on you! Congratulations on your pregnancy xxx

[Madame Mayhem]

He may be in shock and he may come around to the idea, but honestly, if he is not willing to man up and take responsibility for his part in this, then he is not worth it.

Good luck

[Alexander Beetle]

Aw honey, that's tough. But at the end if the day he knew the risks so he needs to accept the consequences. You have to do what feels right for you, he can't force you to make a decision that you would feel uncomfortable with.

[Jensha]

I think his behavior is appalling it takes 2 to tango you didnt get pregnant on your own it's not as black and white as well have an abortion that's a lot to ask of someone it's selfish of him to ask that of you. If anyone has ruined the relationship it's him in my opinion. I don't think your choice is wrong. If he doesn't come around to the idea just know that this baby is precious :) take care

[shelle65]

I agree with AB and Madame Mayhem. His choice was whether to use contraception or not, it ended there.

As the others say he might just be having a freak out and come around. If he doesn't and continues to act this way I'm guessing it wouldn't have been such a great relationship anyway - he sounds like an immature tosser. Lucky you found out early before you wasted a couple of years on him. At least this way you won't be mid-30s, single and wondering if you will ever get to be a mum! :celebrate:

Being a single mum is hard but has some fantastic advantages too - come chat to us all over in the single parents' section, you will see how awesome we all are and realise you too will be just as awesome as us :D

[Benji]

Ultimately our laws are set up so people have the right to do with their own body as they please. He was silly enough to not use a condom and is now playing the victim but in the end it's your body and emotions that will suffer the consequences so it's up to you what happens from here. Good luck :hugs:

[Bennos Mummy]

I think you just need to give him time to have his little freak out before you start freaking out. This is a big deal!!

In your 7 weeks of courtship did you talk about kids etc? Do you know if he was wanting kids anytime soon? Maybe he wasnt planning on it and is just seeing his life flash before his eyes? LOL

Give him time. :hugs:

On a brighter note... CONGRATULATIONS!!:cheerleader1:

[chameleon]

[text deleted by moderator]

Anyway back to the OP, sorry to hear you are going through this, and perhaps it wasn't wise to be having unprotected sex with someone after such a short amount of time, but he knew the risks too. If he now wants to turn around and put it all back on you because you have decided to take responsibility for it, then I don't think that is the kind of partner you want anyway. But hopefully he is just scared and will come around, and even if you aren't together, I hope he can at least support you.

Good luck with it all:)

[katzdreams]

firstly :hugs: to steph. Just remember that your body is yours and no-one can make you do anything your not comfortable with.

[text deleted by moderator]

Steph, just take it one day at the time. Be good to yourself. You've already decided to keep the baby so take the necessary steps to ensure a healthy pregnancy and get good sleep (decisions always are easier when you have sleep). He's probably feeling 110 different emotions so I'd take what he says with a grain of salt over the next couple of months, and just give him space to ponder the situation. Its a tough one, but you'll be fine. And lastly, congratulations on your pregnancy:hyper:

[missybubble]

I agree with AB and Madame Mayhem. His choice was whether to use contraception or not, it ended there.

As the others say he might just be having a freak out and come around. If he doesn't and continues to act this way I'm guessing it wouldn't have been such a great relationship anyway - he sounds like an immature tosser. Lucky you found out early before you wasted a couple of years on him. At least this way you won't be mid-30s, single and wondering if you will ever get to be a mum! :celebrate:

Exactly what I was going to say, if he's going to act like that then probably better you find out now.

We've only been together 3 months on Sunday and I'm 10 weeks...so it does happen :)

[Mokeybear]

Hi Steph

If you feel in your heart you want to have your baby, have your baby, he will either be there or he wont, time will tell. Ive just been through a similar thing, I felt very guilty and alone at times while I was pregnant as fob put alot of pressure on me early on to abort, then as the pregnancy progressed he would swing from being excited to very cold about it, I figured that was probably fair enough it was such a stressful time for both of us. Give him some time but try to be at peace that the chances are you will be raising your child alone.
Once my beautiful daughter was born all my feelings of guilt went out the window, I know I made the right decision to insist on giving this beautiful girl LIFE! She is the absolute joy of my life.

Congratulations on your baby!
:babydust1::babydust1::babydust1::babydust1::babyd ust1::babydust1::babydust1::babydust1::babydust1:: babydust1::babydust1::babydust1::babydust1::babydu st1::babydust1:

[SugarSkull]

Hi my name is Steph. I have been seeing this 'great' guy for only just over 7 weeks now. We weren't using protection, we were both aware of what we were doing. I am 28 have never been pregnant and have always wondered whether I could even get pregnant. Well my q was answered about a week ago when 3 tests came back positive. Told the guy and he started treating me different and told me to get rid of it. We got along so well until we found out. Have had 2 blood tests and a scan to confirm I fell pregnant within the first 3 days of us having sex. I mean what are the chances- to be 28 and never pregnant. Anyway so I made him come to the scan and his eyes were glued to the monitor. Yet tonight he told me because I have decided to keep the baby we are no longer b/f and g/f and it's my fault that the relationship got ruined by the choice that I made. It's really hard- I live in a town where I know quite a few ppl and he is only new to here but has a job where I will be seeing him quite often. So anyway I have made the decision to keep it, but I can't help but feel sad that this relationship could have been something great and I am so worried that even though I have a supportive family and friends that I will always wonder. Btw- there has been nothing more in the world that I than a baby- so maybe I'm just sad by his reaction. Advice? Please:confused:

He shouldn't make you feel guilty. He's old enough to know right from wrong and to know exactly what he's doing. Surely he knows where babies come from. I know you say that you've never been pregnant but if he really didn't want a baby, he should have been cautious.
He shouldn't make you feel guilty for keeping *your* baby. If you feel that you want to be a mum and that you want to keep this baby, then so you should.
If he isn't supportive now, he'll never be supportive.

[faroutbrusselsprout]

[quote deleted by moderator]

Exactly! And when I was in the exact predicament 8 years ago, a very wise counsellor said to me that the child does in fact win, they get to be born! How brilliant is that!!
DS1 has the most amazing Dad now and he has just won an academic award! He's awesome.
So glad I didn't let some loser guilt me into a procedure that would have haunted me for the rest of my life just because he couldn't hack his own consequences.
It has not been an easy road that's for sure but I don't believe for a second that the child "doesn't win". Single mums are awesome and step dads are amazing!
Congrats on your pregnancy and here's to another beautiful life being brought into this world.:smiliedance:

[KatiesMum]

The moderators have deleted quite a number of posts from this thread.

This is not a debate thread. Its not a thread to discuss anything other than to offer support and advice to a young woman who is in need of assistance.

Any posts which are not supportive or helpful will be deleted.

Come on guys. We are here to help people remember ....

[share a book]

:hugs: once you hold your baby, nothing in the world will matter more then your beautiful angel. If he comes around, bonus. If not, his loss too. I take it he is a consenting adult. Even my 8 year old knows that when male sperm meets female egg, a baby grows in the mother. It's not rocket science, and abortion is not there as a get out of jail free card to pull out when things get tough.

[mrsd]

I honestly think that a lot of guys just don't get it until the child is there in front of them.

My DH, who is fantastic, has groaned when he has found out about most of our later bubs but has loved bub when it arrives and is a great dad. Guys don't always have a lot of imagination!

Congratulations and look after yourself and bub.

[SassyMummy]

It is absolutely your choice, legally and... well, logically. It's your body which is going to deal with this, and too often it's the man who just abandons the relationship and the child, leaving mum holding a baby... so you really do need to think of what YOU want here, not what he wants.

Let's face it... he's shown you his true colours here. He's not been a man and gone, "you know what? I decided to not wear a condom, and it's no secret that a man doesn't get to make the decision to terminate or not... so I'll be there to support you with whatever you decide," rather than "wah wah, abort it... you're a horrible poo-poo face and I won't like you anymore if you're pregnant!" etc. He acted like a child (hence my paraphrasing of his reaction...), so you be the adult and make the decision you feel most comfortable with. You're going to have to live with this decision forever, so might as well make sure it's something you're content with, rather than making sure some guy you shagged for about 8 weeks is happy with it. You owe far more to yourself than to him!

Good luck with whatever you choose, but make sure you're keeping yourself happy... not some dude who treated you like crap when he helped get you both into a tough situation.

[SugarSkull]

Will you have much support around you? Do you have family or friends with bubs?

[Merlsy]

Firstly - congrats!!

I was in the same situation only I was 16, my then DP voiced his concern (obviously we were both very young), I was doing it with or without him, no matter how young I was, an abortion was out of the question! He's a very doting dad now (although we never made it - and had a 2nd lol).

He will come around, maybe not in a relationship with you, but he'll definitely play a role in DD/DS life, he's just super scared!

[Hollywood]

Everyone has said what I would have said, so I won't repeat what they advised.

Just *hugs* from me :hugs:. My DD (my second child, nearly 6 months old now) is the result of just one weekend 'fling' with her father. I've known him for over 9 years as he's my BIL's mate, but our courtship was literally only a couple of weeks down at my family's beach house and that one weekend together which resulted in our beautiful daughter. DD's father has been great from the start and is very much involved in her life, and I hope for your sake and your unborn baby's sake that the father comes around and stops freaking out. It really is so immature for him to be pressuring you to abort. He can't force you, and he may as well just man up and accept the responsibility.

Good luck xx

[Babiesoneday]

You both have a choice. You have a choice regarding the pregnancy. You made it and he doesnt like it but hes going to have to deal with it. He may change his mind once the pregnancy gets to a "no going back now" point. He may not. Id advise you not to wait on him. Likewise, he had a choice to make to stay w you or leave. He chose. You dont like it. He may chabge his mind about this too but you may also. If you are seriously set on bringing this child into the world, its time to forget about him. Being a parent requires grown up behavior and dealing w grown up emotions. He clearly isnt capable of that. Time to prove that you are and stop worrying about some guy youve Been involved with for only a couple months. There should be nothing left to always wonder about. He answered all your questions. Hes not the one, unless your idea of "the one" is some guy who abandons a woman after getting her pregnant and blames her for it. Sounds like you were headed for a very childish relationship. He did you a favor. You may not have a say in whether hes your bf or not so its time to accept it and get over it. You have no idea what youre in for come nine months from now. Good luck to you both

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[Cynvero]

Don't be sad. You have a huge reason to be the happier woman on the world. And you'll feel soon if not yet, I'm sure.

Adults should always act with both love and responsibility. That's all needed. You did right. Give him time.

I can assure you, you will never regret your decision. Having a baby is an amazing gift. Enjoy it! He/she will give you everything you need to overcome any difficulties you'll face. You'll realise it with every kick, with every sight into his/her eyes, with every smile he/she gives you... I'm in love with my little one, and you will with yours soon.

Men comes and goes. Your baby needs you and is happy and proud of you because you choose him/her as well as he/she have chosen you.

Congratulations! Go forward! :flowerz:

[Vic35]

I wouldn't blame yourself for the end of the relationship, he's just trying to make you feel guilty. The relationship would have been just as over if you had decided to terminate. The honeymoon is over when something like this happens and you can't go back to the carefree getting to know each other time. You have to do what is right for you.

He may come around he may not but it's not your fault. You didn't ruin anything.

You said you wanted a baby more than anything and although it will be hard I'm sure it will also be wonderful.

So congratulations xx

[hopefully2]

Congratulations. Parenthood is the most fulfilling role u will ever play. It is tough though. It's the hardest job and will be very hard on your own. However you will get through the tough times and still feel privileged for the opportunity to be a mum.

This relationship may never have worked or may have been the best thing ever time will still tell. A child will not preclude u from finding a deep and meaningful relationship. In fact being a parent focuses you on what true love really is. You have never known love till you have a child.

You have made a choice, now express to him how u feel about him and where if you two aren't together where he is welcome in the child's life. I think that you also have to have discussions about what you deem are his obligations financially and physically. He might be freaking out as he feels powerless and backed into a corner.

Good luck

[waterlily]

I don't have much advice I'm afraid. Just want to say congrats and off some hugs. :hugs:

[Mamma Duck]

I guess if this has been the guys reaction to the situation, then you probably aren't as well suited as you would have thought. I wish you all the very best. Being a single Mummy won't be easy, but it sounds like you have great support. You will make a great Mummy.

[Pru40]

Ultimately our laws are set up so people have the right to do with their own body as they please. He was silly enough to not use a condom and is now playing the victim but in the end it's your body and emotions that will suffer the consequences so it's up to you what happens from here. Good luck :hugs:

Laws are one thing, but psychologically we all want to make our own decisions and not have our lives fundamentally changed by the actions or inaction of another.

You should not be pressured into terminating a pregnancy and he should not be forced into becoming a father, and all babies should be well provided for and loved by those who create them and those who raise them.

Someone has to lose here, and as daunting as it is, you get to make those decisions on behalf of potentially three people. That's a lot of responsibility, so try to respect and understand his fears as you tell him what you have decided to do with his life as well as your own. There's no need to turn him into a bad guy.

Half of all babies in Australia are 'unplanned', so this is in fact a normal situation... but I bet it doesn't feel like it or what you had in mind for yourself 10 years ago. No matter how a baby comes into being, every one of them is a miracle, so be happy about your decision to get pregnant and enjoy. Be a great mum. Congratulations!

[shelle65]

Does anyone recall the thread on here posted by a woman who was in her late 30s, pregnant to a newish boyfriend. The boyfriend pressured her to have a termination, saying that their relationship was too new and that if she had the baby he would leave her. He told her that if she had the termination they could TTC again in 6 months or a year.

She was unsure but had the termination. They stayed together for a bit but after a year he refused to TTC and said he didn't think he wanted children. I'm not sure what happened after that but I suspect they broke up. I still remember it and feel so sad for the woman.

[Benji]

Probably happens a lot shelle, this is why the laws are set up so women have the authority over their own bodies. Sadly, it sounds like there's not enough counselling to ensure that this is what women REALLY want or whether they are going through it to keep the peace with others :(

I actually do think that threatening to leave someone or make their life hell if they don't have a termination is actually really abusive and irresponsible :( It shouldn't be coerced, it's not a minor thing.

[Benji]

Adding: Pru, going by her recollection of events I'm still going to conclude that he's not a gentleman. Saying this is "her fault that the relationship is ending" and that she's "ruined everything" is nothing short of emotional abuse and trying to guilt her into having a termination.

I don't think he's been nice about it at all for someone who knowingly went to bed with a woman of child bearing age without contraception.

[VintageLover]

I'm so sorry for what you're going through xxx

But...

Congratulating you on a baby you never thought you'd have!!

Yay!!

Not ideal circumstances but a baby for you none the less :-)

This little soul was meant for you, don't be pressured into making a decision that you don't feel comfortable with. This is his lesson to learn also-he chose to have sex with you..he chose to not use contraception. That's what happens.

He us being childish. Probably because he's frightened.

Look after yourself and your baby and take it one day at a time.

As for this guy..take him or leave him on your own terms but he can't pressure you. Xxx

[Pru40]

Hey Benji. Isn't it better to cut him some slack because he now has no control over the situation and so is probably desperate and distressed as well as foolish? He can make as much noise as he likes, he can threaten, he can beg and he can believe it's the end of the world, but his contribution is now irrelevant. (Unless he regains his dignity and gets over how he thought fatherhood was going to be.) I don't want to judge him for acting like a **** in the face of that. It sounds harsh - I realise this - however isn't it better to put the situation in perspective ASAP, empower the mum-to-be and to really let her know that she's in charge and her focus will now be firmly be on her health and preparing for the baby's arrival? What's a 7 week relationship with a fool in comparison to what she is about to experience - not much. Be practical and joyful.

[OneNowOneLater]

First of all - no matter what, the baby that you're carrying is YOURS op!!!!

Pru40 - while you are correct that he does not have the right to tell the OP that she has to terminate cos she's destroying a 7wk relationship, I didn't see in the OP's post that she is forcing him to take any kind of fatherhood role.

Only he (fob) will make the choice if he wants to be part of this child's life. Paying CS for example doesn't make someone a father - it just proves that he is acknowledging his role in the child's procreation....

OP - good luck on whatever path you choose. Both will have its hard times. Been there, done that, got a wonderful 5yr old to prove it.

[Dragonia]

I apologise for being so blunt, but it seems hes making you choose, him or baby. Him who can leave at any time, even if you aborted, him who can mess around with anyone at any time, him who seems to not care about feelings. Or baby, who will love you forever. Baby who will always be there for you and you for it. Baby who will make it feel like your life has no other meaning except love.
Choose what YOU want, not what anyone else wants

[Pru40]

Are you serious? The fatherhood role is implicit. When a baby is born so is a mother and a father whether they like it or not. They can choose whether to be good or bad or absent at the job, but they cannot make believe that that child does not exist or that the child doesn't want to be known and loved by each of them. What's with all this denial?? I don't get it.

[Tildy]

Ohh Pru, I can assure you that men can indeed make believe that thier offspring do not exist. I have pretty much disowned my 'father' for this reason. He was a bit rubbish.

Now back onto topic: OP, if you were to terminate do you honestly think your relationship would survive long term anyway? After feeling pressured into doing something that you dont want to do. Something that will change your life. I feel that there is great potential for alot of resentment to grow towards him which would kill your relationship in time. And then you have wasted all that time living with huge regrets.

If you truly want your baby, then have it and tell him that next time he wants to have sex without procreating, he better take some precautions because you certainly didnt impregnate yourself.

[delirium]

You haven't ruined the relationship, he has. He has got you pg, not used a condom and is now playing the victim. I understand finding out you are going to be a parent is a life changing event. But he sounds immature and selfish. You've said you want to keep the baby - if it were me, if he didn't get with the programme it would be bye bye. Contrary to what he seems to think, this is his doing too. He could of used protection but didn't. Sorry but I have little sympathy for him, and lots to you that this happy time is being spoilt.

[share a book]

Are you serious? The fatherhood role is implicit. When a baby is born so is a mother and a father whether they like it or not. They can choose whether to be good or bad or absent at the job, but they cannot make believe that that child does not exist or that the child doesn't want to be known and loved by each of them. What's with all this denial?? I don't get it.

My daughter turns 9 soon. Her father plays no role in her life. He does not parent her in any way. Many, many, many others are the same. They abandon their babies, often even before birth, and never look back.

[MyLittleLilacTree]

Hugs to you! At 16 I was in a not-so-healthy relationship and fell pregnant. I had no idea what I wanted to do! I was an over-achiever at school, house captain, etc. I was unsure about how I felt about a baby - I loved the thought of this new life inside me, but I didn't think I was ready. My "partner" at the time, and I use the term partner loosely, said if I didn't have an abortion then I'd be raising a baby all by myself. I was PETRIFIED as some naive, scared 16 year old girl. I ended up having a termination after being bullied into it.

If I had been older, I would have kept the baby. I wouldn't have given a stuff about what he said. But I was young and scared and I just did what I was told. I regretted it for a long time out of guilt, but at the same time, I'm glad that I don't have to be in constant contact with him for the rest of my life.

On the other side of the coin, my cousin got pregnant 2 weeks into a relationship and the father was not interested. And then as the birth became closer, he finally came round. He is the most doting father now (she is 8), and he and my cousin got married and had another baby. So they do come round eventually lots of the time :)
I think you are at a great age, and you're obviously excited about becoming pregnant. I have a 7mnth old at 22yrs and I can tell you now that that baby growing inside you is the BEST part of you and you have no idea how lucky you are that that little boy or girl chose you to be it's mummy! I think you'll do a fantastic job! Good luck :)

[SassyMummy]

I'm echoing the "it's absolutely possible for a father to give up his child as if she were a used piece of toilet paper," sentiment.

He can even do that after spending the first 3 years of his child's life as an active parent... not just every other weekend, but actually living with the child too.

This was my ex... and now he hasn't seen or spoken to or given child support for or sent a birthday/Christmas present to our daughter in over 1.5 years. He hadn't spoken to her for about 6 months before that either.

He might have a fleeting thought about her occasionally for all I know - but that's about all he has to do with her. His choice completely... it had nothing to do with me. I was quite accommodating to him seeing her... he's just a selfish douche.

Sure, men are fathers the instant they have a child... but that doesn't mean they have to do anything other than donate their sperm.

[Opinionated]

He sounds like a tosser. You are both responsible for the pregnancy happening. Given you have only known each other for 7 weeks, I would get some std testing during your antenatal care. Obviously you didn't know each other as well as you thought.

Don't be pressured, you have to live with your decision. His decision was to have unprotected sex and he has to live with that. That was where his control over the outcome ended. Good luck.

[Babiesoneday]

I went through the same as well to an extent. I have a daughter who is nearly 9 and a son that is almost 8- both fathered by my ex husband, who was never much of a father to his first child that is now almost 13. I had to force him to parent that child. He stopped being a fsther to our two kids as soon as I left him and has never looked back. I was in another relationship five years ago with a man I have known for about 20 years now. Everything was perfect, much like you say of your romance with this man. I can confidently say he was head over heels for me while I was reeling from leaving.my husband and moving quite slowly. Then I got pregnant. He pressured me daily to abort. Told me we could only be together if I aborted and it was my fault and my decision, but one that would cost me him. He even threatened to commit suicide. Nothing he ever followed through on of course. I ended up having to cease contact with him until the first few months were out of the way, even though id fallen in love with him. A few days after I found out we were having a boy (he was still pressuring me to reconsider at 19 weeks as tho thats possible) the dr noticed problems on u/s. Part of his heart never developed. Hypoplastic left heart syndrome. Often repairable w surgery after birth but my sons heart stopped beating. The father never once went to a dr appt with me and started telling ppl I was never really pregbant but made it up. He stuck around (by that I mean slowly stopped texting me or calling me or seeing me but would still answer my calls) for about two months and then just dropped off the planet and out of my life. He still likes to act like it never happened. Im not saying my story is just like yours. All men arent terrible w these situations, but people show u very early on who they are. He is showing u exactly what hes all about. Stop being such a woman and looking for reasons for his behavior or how to fix it. Think like a man. Like he is. Accept this is who he is and walk away

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[Pru40]

That's a terrible loss Babiesoneday, I'm so sorry to hear you went through this.

This is such a useful discussion for the OP _ hope you're still with us StephanieC.

The father of my teenagers abandoned them when our twins were 3 weeks old and DS was 18 months. By abandon, I mean he got on a plane and went to live in another country. He wanted me to abort the second pregnancy even after we found out it was a twin pregnancy, and sadly we had lost a twin in the first pregnancy followed by a very premature birth of DS. The man had decided that he wasn't into fatherhood and family life. A bit ****ing late.

The first pregnancy was an accepted accident and I was delighted by it (at 25 yo & 33yo) - we hadn't been together long, we got engaged, bought a house and renovated it. The second pregnancy was the result of domestic violence. After DDs were born he tried to convince me that adopting the three of them was the best thing to do. I got a good dose of PND which was related to the relationship failure and expecting things to be different.

My children have always wanted to know their dad and be wanted by him, and for years I secretly hated their longing for him. This was not helped by the hard work of single motherhood and not having a permanent home. Last year, for some reason, Santa Claus decided to turn up and begin a relationship with them, as he's ready to be a father now. And you know what? The kids didn't even need to pause to forgive him or demand some answers. They just loved him. He has rescheduled two more trips to Australia to see them this year. It's completely disrupted the relationship the kids have with my husband of three years. More hard work.

What I'd like StephanieC to know is:
(a) go for it, no justification is needed
(b) be happy, it is wonderful
(c) he's going through his own baggage and could take a long time at it, he's absorbed with himself, he's worse than useless for the time being, let him be
(d) take up the reins now, don't get distracted

Why is ex boyfriend not ready for fatherhood? Who knows. What we do know is that he is desperate and has crossed boundaries and has behaved badly in trying to deny, avoid and stop impending fatherhood. Unplanned parenthood does that to many people, I think a bad reaction is reasonable in the circumstances. Having a baby is a big deal. Not having two parents is a big deal.

Why was my children's father not ready? The short story is that he was adopted himself at 6 months of age and is an emotionally detached type of person who finds other people "needy". He did get married but didn't have any more kids.

I will work on my sensitivity in future, I can't believe I offended so many people and am sorry for that. :( Maybe it's my age and world weariness.

[Chillies]

Laws are one thing, but psychologically we all want to make our own decisions and not have our lives fundamentally changed by the actions or inaction of another.

You should not be pressured into terminating a pregnancy and he should not be forced into becoming a father, and all babies should be well provided for and loved by those who create them and those who raise them.

Someone has to lose here, and as daunting as it is, you get to make those decisions on behalf of potentially three people. That's a lot of responsibility, so try to respect and understand his fears as you tell him what you have decided to do with his life as well as your own. There's no need to turn him into a bad guy.

Half of all babies in Australia are 'unplanned', so this is in fact a normal situation... but I bet it doesn't feel like it or what you had in mind for yourself 10 years ago. No matter how a baby comes into being, every one of them is a miracle, so be happy about your decision to get pregnant and enjoy. Be a great mum. Congratulations!

Well said!! Congrats on the pregnancy :)

[Rosie Bb]

Hi Steph, I can totally feel your concerns and sadness because I'm going through exactly the same thing. I was with my boyfriend for 18 months when I found out I was pregnant. I was ecstatic and told him of the "good news" expecting that he would jump with joy. But instead of feeling excited, his whole personality changed. He began to keep his distance and he stopped calling me after a while. Although he said he was happy, deep down I knew he wasn't as he never once talked about my pregnancy. I am now 18 weeks pregnant and nothing has changed. He's still keeping his distance and he still doesn't talk about the pregnancy. I now only see him once a fortnight (if that!)

In my heart, I constantly remind myself that he is irresponsible and I also query whether he is the right one for me. Your bf sounds exactly like my bf! Total d***heads!!! They are not man enough to accept the consequences of their actions and they blame us for getting pregnant.

Just remember when bub is born, it will be their loss. They decided to not want to have anything to do with bub and they will regret for the rest of their lives thinking about bub.

Hugs to you. Stay strong, stay positive. They say there are two things you shouldn't waste your time on: things that don't matter and people who think you don't matter. Keep smiling Steph! :)

Congratulations!

I say to him that its not rocket science to figure out that I may fall pregnant if we have unprotected sex but no matter what I say, he's in constant denial and disbelief.

[laurea]

They say there are two things you shouldn't waste your time on: things that don't matter and people who think you don't matter. Keep smiling Steph! :)


I like that :)

[Lovemyfam]

Hi Steph, I can totally feel your concerns and sadness because I'm going through exactly the same thing. I was with my boyfriend for 18 months when I found out I was pregnant. I was ecstatic and told him of the "good news" expecting that he would jump with joy. But instead of feeling excited, his whole personality changed. He began to keep his distance and he stopped calling me after a while. Although he said he was happy, deep down I knew he wasn't as he never once talked about my pregnancy. I am now 18 weeks pregnant and nothing has changed. He's still keeping his distance and he still doesn't talk about the pregnancy. I now only see him once a fortnight (if that!)

In my heart, I constantly remind myself that he is irresponsible and I also query whether he is the right one for me. Your bf sounds exactly like my bf! Total d***heads!!! They are not man enough to accept the consequences of their actions and they blame us for getting pregnant.

Just remember when bub is born, it will be their loss. They decided to not want to have anything to do with bub and they will regret for the rest of their lives thinking about bub.

Hugs to you. Stay strong, stay positive. They say there are two things you shouldn't waste your time on: things that don't matter and people who think you don't matter. Keep smiling Steph! :)

Congratulations!

I say to him that its not rocket science to figure out that I may fall pregnant if we have unprotected sex but no matter what I say, he's in constant denial and disbelief.

WOW your crossing off your BF as a POS but think about a few things before getting angry.

Did you ask hi if he wanted kids? Maybe he isnt ready which means he can become ready men are different and some take time to process all this.

Maybe he is in shock which can make people act very strange but this usually wears off and they become great dads.

Give the guy a chance maybe he wants nothing to do with the baby and if that is the case you will know. Not a big deal let him walk and enjoy your baby dont bother him hound him or anything his loss.

[Luna Lovegood]

Did you ask hi if he wanted kids? Maybe he isnt ready which means he can become ready men are different and some take time to process all this.


...if he didn't want kids, he could try keeping his member in his pants.

The a male willingly engages in intercourse he is accepting any responsibilities resulting from the intercourse...including pregnancy...

I find your post very offensive and insensitive to the women going through this. Do you not put any responsibility with the male in this situation?

[Lovemyfam]

...if he didn't want kids, he could try keeping his member in his pants.

The a male willingly engages in intercourse he is accepting any responsibilities resulting from the intercourse...including pregnancy...

I find your post very offensive and insensitive to the women going through this. Do you not put any responsibility with the male in this situation?

No he does but what I was saying is to chalk them up as d*ckheads is a bit harsh dont you think? Men are not women they take time to process pregnancies sometimes. Her BF may be scared or nervous he may come back around to be the best dad ever but treating them badly and calling them names isnt a great way to try to deal with the situation. He played his part now maybe he needs space to make peace with it all and absorb what his happening and the changes he will have to make.

[SassyMummy]

Check the section you're in. I believe it says, "SUPPORT for unplanned pregnancies." It might be a good idea to consider that before replying...

This thread is also too old to be offering advice on. She'll be about to pop if she hasn't already.

[Lovemyfam]

so giving another opinion or advice on how some men react is not support? I hope she is doing well and he came around to be a good dad.

[delirium]

lol just when the place was getting boring :laughing:

[SassyMummy]

I just find it strange that someone would dig up and old thread... One you'd have to go looking for... At least searching this sub section anyway... Then posts basically telling other women to not worry too much if a guy acts like a knob about a pregnancy he helps create.

[Sonja]

Damn now I want to know what happened ... Did he take off or hang around ....

Often wondered about these old threads...

[Lovemyfam]

It was in my usercp didnt even see dates tbh

[StephanieC]

Hi everyone, thanks for your input (good and bad) :P
This is what ended up happening-
Karl did not return to me- although lived in the same town for a few months after the original post so it was hard to not jut head over to his house and start fights. I resisted- in the end I thought "Not worth the stress for my baby".
I still am heart broken that he didn't stick around.
I found out a while after that he already has a kid in NZ, I had no idea so he had been lying to me from the start. He moved back to NZ and I felt amazingly relieved, there was no chance of seeing him, or bumping into him it hurt too much every time I did because he wanted nothing to do with me or the baby. Anyway about a month before I was due I was at our local shopping centre and guess who was working as the security guard there- ******* had been back for a couple of weeks and hadn't contacted me. He walked straight past me and just looked at me and did a little nod of the head. WTF right. Anyway 3 weeks ago at 37 weeks I gave birth to a beautiful little girl. She looks like her dad sometimes- but mainly when she is doing a poo so that makes me happy- kind of a coincidence- he's a piece of **** and she's doing one lol. I am very happy I chose her over him but I still think about him everyday when I look at her. I am so proud and amazed at what I have created.
THANKS FOR THE SPERM DONATION A-HOLE.....

Take care everyone and good luck:cheerleader1:

[SassyMummy]

LMAO@about the poo thing! :laughing:

Otherwise, I'm really sorry he was such a selfish jerk. It seems to be an all-too-common story. *hugs*

Congratulations on your daughter and I'm glad you made a decision that was best suited to you. xx

[faroutbrusselsprout]

Congrats on your baby girl!
So sorry to hear he was such an a- hole...
Actually...! He sounds like a Karl I use to know. He was an a-hole too.... Maybe it's the name!? LOL

[Mokeybear]

Congratulations on your little girl, I did wonder what happened! Bugger him, look what you have!!!! You and bub will have an amazing journey :)

[Tildy]

Congrats on your little girl and :thumbsdown: to him. He clearly isnt worth your time of day. It sounds like you made the right decision for you in the end. All the best in your new life with your little girl.:hugs:

[dancingchipmunk]

I'm glad you ended up doing what you wanted. CONGRATULATIONS!

[myusernamewoohoo]

Congrats on your little girl . It's sooo fantastic you updated and such a great ending .
Yep love the bit about being a sperm donor lmao .
Your a strong women and I'm sure a awesome mum , keep doing what your doing xxx

[mummy2Luca]

congratulations :) your a strong women and your little girl is lucky to have such a great mummy xx

[laurea]

Wow congratulations :)

I have a baby with a man like your fob (more malignant in fact), and i just want to assure you that you will think of your ex less and less as time goes on. I speak from experience. It feels weird for sure but you will adjust and be even more determined to be a great mother to your baby girl. You will have an incredible bond just you and her against the world and eventually he will be a distant speck on the horizon behind you.

He may have a lot to answer for one day to her but you have done your best and continue to, thats all that matters. x

[nikki61087]

I honestly wouldnt worry about him unless he comes around. With my first daughter, i was dating her so called dad for 3 years before i fell pregnant. We had talked about marriage and kids but it seems it was all just talk. He asked me to get an abortion several times, i never did then he cheated. Moral of the story, do what YOU want and honestly dont worry about him. If i listened to my ex i wouldnt have a beautiful 3.5 year old :) best of luck

[Hokey Pokey]

Congratulations!