Pregnant after stillbirth, how did you cope?

[MsV]

As the title suggests wanting to know how you coped with your pregnancy after losing an angel?
I lost my little angel in Oct last year, I'm currently 6 weeks pregnant and I can't stop thinking that it will happen again.

Thanks in advance.

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[shinebrite]

Oh ms V!!!! Bless your heart that your pregnant again!!!! I often think about you my love and am praying for a beautiful stress free pregnancy for you!!! Xxx


---------
Mummie to
Lucy Alys (July '06)
Minnie Audrey (July '09)
Pippi Violet (oct '11)

[MsV]

Thanks shinebrite, I'm trying but it's not easy.

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[earthfairy]

:hugs: Mrs V - I'm sorry to read about your heartbreak - but how wonderful, a new blessing on the way!

I havent been through what you have but when I lost our first baby at 13ish weeks & fell pregnant again all I could think about what the previous pregnancy. I felt like it had tarnished what is meant to be such a beautiful time.... Im sure your OB or Dr will be monitoring this pregnancy very closely because of what happened. And if they seem too blase about it, put the preassure on them. if you want a scan every week, ask for it!!!

I know I cant even begin to imagine what pain you have been through but I guess one way of looking at it in a positive light is that you now have a beautiful angel watching over you....

Be kind to yourself & I wish you all the best with this pregnancy.

EF x

[FirstTimeMummy2012]

Firstly HUGE :hugs: for your loss.

Secondly, :highfive: on your new pregnancy!

I didn't lose my angel via stillbirth but Idid lose my first pregnancy at almost 12 weeks just over two weeks ago so to some degree I can understand your feelings. I went and saw my regular counsellor two days ago and she has a knack for getting me back on track. I don't know how she does it but she does. All I can suggest is that maybe the fears will never go away but you can choose how you react to it. That's all you can do. Easier said than done you say? Well not really ... I absolutely hated with a passion seeing any pregnant women. I was secretly cursing them and wishing it was me that was pregnant. Last night my DH and I went late night shopping and for the first time in over 2 weeks I didn't feel that desperation I was feeling when I saw a pregnant women. I was able to look at her and rather than feel down and say to myself, "I wish that was me" instead I looked at her and was able to change my reaction to it. Instead I said to myself, "That will be me again but this time I will carry to full term and deliver a healthy baby". I know it sounds incredibly simple and maybe even silly, but it really does help. It's all about how you choose to react and what you choose to say to yourself.

As for your question what if it happens again? Well what if? What can you possibly do about it? You are not responsible for the still birth of your angel baby and you can not ever be responsible for another one if you were to have one again. There is nothing that you did that caused it and there is nothing you can do to prevent one. I can't promise you that it won't happen again, but I can promise you that you can fall pregnant (obviously ;)) and right there you've conquered half the battle and that is awesome!

I know that being positive is hard. God knows up until I had my session with my counsellor I was all kinds of negative but she made me see that I'm not doing myself any good by thinking that way. I can't control the outcome of any future pregnancy, I can only do all the right things by my baby and my body and hope for the best. If we were unfortunate enough to lose the next pregnancy well then we just try again. It's not my fault. It's not DH's fault. It's nature unfortunately ... I like to think that my baby saved me. This is going to sound really silly but I had severe bacterial vaginosis and recurrent UTI's for 12 months prior to my pregnancy and all through my pregnany. I was at my wits end and felt out of options. I had seen ever specialist you can possibly imagine and no one could help me or tell me what was wrong with me. I prayed for a miracle to find some answers and then I lost my baby. I was devastated but after the D&C every single symptom I had of these infections has disappeared. Two weeks on and my various disturbing symptoms are still completely gone and my tests are normal. Doctor can't explain it but I can .. my little angel saved me .. it's just unfortunate he had to pass away to do that. That's why I call him my little :angel:

I guess I'm just trying to make the best of a crappy situation and it's certainly made me re-evaluate my priorites. I desperately wanted a boy and admitted I would be disappointed if I had a girl. after what's happened, I sincerely don't care. Boy or girl I will be stoked either way and I really mean that.

What happened to you is not fair. It sux and it's a tragedy but it doesn't mean it will happen again. Try to find your silver lining as hard as that may be .. guaranteed your little angel would want you to ;)

Best of luck in this pregnancy :smiliedance:

[Malu]

How do you cope? Well Im not sure, you just plod through it. I personally am still pregnant so havent reached that happy ending yet, so :fingerscrossed: I get there with this pregnancy.

I know why I had a stillbirth (incompetent cervix for unknown reason) and Ob is doing everything to prevent it happening again. Before I got preg it was really important for me to find out heaps of information on my condition, I needed to know I could have a successful pregnancy, as like Im sure you don't, I don't want another stillbirth.

So I have lots of scans to check my cervix (which is normal management for IC) and I see my Ob every 2 wks and I find that really reassuring as I can ask lots of crazy questions! He is also very happy if I call him at any time with any symptom that I'm unsure of, Ive only called once but its nice to know he is there.

I wish you a cruisy pregnancy with a healthy bub at the end!

[MsV]

Thanks for the replies.
I am coping with what happened, my precious DD was what kept me going those first few weeks. Not to mention my DH was just so strong for the both of us.
I know this time I won't be able to enjoy my pregnancy, that's why I started this thread to get others ideas on how they coped through their pregnancy.

We don't know why it happened, they did find a deletion in the babies 2nd chromosone pretty big too. They initially thought had he survived the birth he probably would have died within minutes. But after testing DH and I they found I carry the same deletion and can't really explain it. I have no known disability they would usually encounter with a deletion this size and were pretty surprised. There are no other documented cases in the world they can compare it to, so they're going to keep following my progress this time round and documenting everything. They explained that in genetics they find out new things everyday and not everyone reacts the same way to the same genetic abnormality.
So basically they can't tell me that no that wasn't why he died or yes it was why he died, because I'm living if that makes any sense.

I'm going in for my first scan tomorrow, wish me luck.


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[scarymarygoldfish]

I'm thinking of you MsV and sending you lots of love. Please let us know how your scan went. I really hope the doctors can put your mind at ease and that you can enjoy this pregnancy without worry.

Please keep us informed xoxoxo Mary.

[mrswhitehouse]

It was vary hard that's for sure!

I lost my DS at 39weeks in 2007. I've had two healthy babies since then and I stressed soo much thought their pregnancies (alot more in my first pregnancy after jaxsons birth though) I made sure they tested for everything and was 'the annoying patient' at my hospital! I actually called the doctor and went in for a scan 6 times (crying hysterically all the way there- thinking it had happened again) and got them to check all was well.

I font have any ways to cope I'm sorry it's just pushing through u guess everyone will tell you a million times that it won't happen again but because jaxson was my first I just couldn't believe it and was never 100% sure I would get to being him home.

One thing was I went out at 9 weeks and bought the new baby an outfit, I thought at least if something happens to this baby then they had at least one possession and it would always be theirs & no other babies :)

Anyway I'm sorry I'm rambling, hope all goes well keep us updated :)

[mrswhitehouse]

Please excuse my spelling mistakes I'm on my phone!

[MsV]

Karenjanuf, thanks for you post it's always reassuring to hear that others have been able to have healthy babies after losses.

I want to send out lots of hugs to those who have lost a baby, whether it was at the beginning or the end of pregnancy and also those lost so early in their little lives. I was told by a midwife last year that you can lose many loved ones through you life but a mother losing a child is the worst loss you can experience and I have to agree.

My scan went great it was so reassuring seeing seeing the heart beating away, plus I'm spot on for dates, bubs is measuring just 2 days behind.

I will keep you guys posted as I go along and hopefully I can try to relax a little as the pregnancy progresses.

Thanks everyone for your kinds words and encouragement.

By the way everyone is welcome to ramble as much as they want :p you won't hear me complain.

Stay safe everyone!

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[siansmum]

Oh MsV, I'm so very happy to hear that you're pregnant again. I often think about you when I'm on Bub Hub and how you are doing. I remember the night that I read that you had lost your little baby boy and I was so very upset for you. I remember sitting in bed telling my husband that you had been posting about being overdue and then next thing I was reading about your tragic story.
I really am so delighted for you and will certainly be following your story. I had a miscarriage at 8 weeks and with my following pregnancy, I worried every single day until the moment I held Dane in my arms. People will tell you to relax and enjoy your pregnancy, but I honestly couldn't and you probably won't either. It will be an incredibly long 40 weeks! I pray that all will go well for you and again, I'm so very happy to read of your wonderful news!

[The Bubble Tree]

hi MsV, I am just reading back old posts and saw yours. How are you doing?

[MsV]

Sorry not to have replied sooner, been a very hectic months. Well after 1 or 2 little scares I'm officially at 37 weeks and getting very anxious by the day. I will be getting induced around 39 weeks so not long to go now.

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[SoThisIsLove]

Just seen this thread. Sorry for your heartbreaking loss but wishing you the very best for your upcoming birth.

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[VicPark]

Best of luck with bubba, I hope things go 100% smoothly for you!

[ciaomamma]

:hugs: We lost our little one in April last year and had DD in April this year. That anxiety never goes away but it did get better once I could feel baby move. We had a great gp and we'd go in to hear baby's heart beat at least once a week, she never made us feel like we were a bother and would say if this helps give you peace of mind... We bought a doppler eventually and it was great!
personally I would just pray, and keep positive, lots of rest too!

[MsV]

Ciaomamma so sorry for you loss, it always saddens me deeply to know that so many little angels are lost everyday. Thank you all for your words of support, I'm taking each day as it comes. Hope that anyone that has to go through a loss of any kind can find peace one day. Take care everyone.

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[MordecaiAliVanAllenO'Shea]

Not long to go now! Hope you're ok and hanging in there. My rainbow baby was a very complicated pregnancy with lots of scares and monitoring. He wasn't growing and was born premmie and spent 5 weeks in hospital before coming home. He's still little too and has been back in hospital for oxygen 5 times over winter- I don't know if his complicated pregnancy and birth or the fact he came after a stillbirth and a miscarriage are the reasons for my ongoing fear but even though he is now a year old I still can't fully believe he's mine for keeps. I worry about him a lot, if I go for a run leaving him home with DH and an ambulance goes past I get really anxious and head straight home to make sure it wasn't for him. All that to say it is a really hard time being pregnant after loss and even now I have a lot of fear. I think you've lost your innocence, and your ability to think those things wont happen to you. Now you're so close I'd go with distracting yourself, and doing all the things you wished you'd done last time with the little one you lost. I sang songs and even read stories to my rainbow in utero because they were thing I was sad about never getting to do with my stillborn son.

[Addison]

Good luck! Hope it all goes smoothly xx

[MsV]

Well thank you all for your words of encouragement. My baby girl was born on 27/10/2012, induced even earlier then planned due to reduced fetal movement. Born at a healthy 3280g and measuring 49cm, she's a very happy baby. All I can say is I didn't relax until I heard her cry and was able to see her eyes.
To everyone out there who is going through the same thing, it is a very long road of constant worry but in most cases there is light at the end of the tunnel along with a healthy baby to finally bring home.....

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[The Bubble Tree]

This is super awesome news MsV! how time flies and now you have a precious to hold finally :goodvibes:

[Kirst33]

Hi MsV

So happy to read your baby girl was born healthy and safe. Do you mind me asking what your labor was like. I feel like I am so traumatized from mine that whenever we are blessed to have a baby again that I will be petrified through the whole labor that they baby will be dead and in turn this will make the whole process more painful and difficult. I don't really know why I am even worrying about it, we only lost our baby girl 3 weeks ago and I know it will be a while before I have a baby again. But I saw the post about being pregnant after a stillbirth and wanted to know what it was like. xo

[MsV]

Hi Kirst33

Firstly I'm so sorry to hear about your loss, it breaks my heart everytime I here of another little angel passing away.

Secondly sorry for getting back to you earlier, it's been a couple of hectic weeks with a new baby and all.

It's been a bit hard for me to completely open up about what happened it's still very fresh in my mind and heart, I guess it's something that I will eventually learn to live with.
Hopefully I can help you with what I write so that you can go into a future pregnancy without too much fear, which isn't easy as you will know when the time comes.
For me getting pregnant so soon after my loss was something I felt I needed to do, it was my way of starting my healing process. In no way was it to replace the baby I had lost, he will always be my baby boy, a little brother to DD1 and a big brother to DD2. I just felt in my heart that it was what I had to do.
Everyone is different though and I can understand wanting to wait until you try again.

There wasn't much that changed in my last pregnancy I was classified high risk and on the advice of genetics counsellor to not go to 40 weeks let alone to 42.
I was offered more appointments, tests and ultrasounds. I saw the same midwife throughout my pregnancy and saw an OB at 20, 34 and 36 weeks, again this worked for me they gave me that choice and I was comfortable with it.
I saw the midwife monthly until 26 weeks then fortnightly until 36 then weekly until I was induced.
I had an early dating scan after a small bleed they found a subchronic haemorrhage (not what you want to hear after a loss)
At 12 weeks it was still there but was told it would resolve itself by 20 weeks which it did. I should mention I had no further bleeds after the first one which helped a lot.
I had 3 more ultrasoundx after that 2 for peace of mind and one last one at 38 weeks to make sure baby was in a good position and lungs were developed.
I did have some days of absolutely freaking out because of movements, but just as I was about to call the hospital she would go crazy for the next couple of hours. She was a big kicker and moved heaps which was very reassuring for me because DS was really quiet.

As I said above I booked in for an induction at 39 weeks, but at 38 + 2 I had a sharp stabbing pain accross the top of my belly it took my breath away, I rang the hospital and was told to moniter babys movements for the next couple of hours and if I was worried to go in. So after 4 hours I had only felt her nudge about 4-5 times, which wasn't like her, when she got moving she wouldn't stop. I tried to stay calm kept telling myself that she was fine. I made my way to the hospital with my bags just incase. I felt small nudges every now and then all the way to the hospital, it was like she was telling me she was all right and not to worry.

I was put on the moniters and bubs was fine after about 5 min she was jumping around like there was a disco in there. As the hour ticked by the midwife called in the OB on duty just to check bubs heartbeat on the moniter, there were slight inconsistencis in the heartbeat every now and then and given my history and the slowed down movements they decided it was best to induce me then and there.


(It's getting a bit late so I'll continue tomorrow, sorry)


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