Crotchety 3yo and crocodile tears.

[sweetseven]

My little 3yo has always been so well behaved and helpful, but the last few weeks (starting at about 3yr1mo) she has been cranky.

The slightest little thing will upset her for an extended period.

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One day, we were getting her breakfast. Miss3 fetched the weatbix and her bowl and put her weatbix in her bowl. Then whilst Miss3 was fetching the spoon, Miss5 got the milk out of the fridge and I poured the milk into her bowl.

She started screaming so loudly that the neighbour jumped the back fence to see what was wrong with the child.

She continued to scream for a further half hour and refused to eat her breakfast.

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One day the dress she wanted to wear was in the dirty washing basket, so she couldn't wear it. She refused everything else I offerred her, and when I gave up and dressed her in something, she pulled it off and ran around naked, screaming, for four hours. Until finally she decided she was cold and allowed me to dress her in something else.

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When we arrive somewhere in the car, someone will go to get her out of her seat, and she'll object and nominate a different person to get her out. She'll scream every time anyone she didn't nominate goes near her, and refuse to get out until her nominated person assists her.

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There are many other instances, but those are the most memorable.

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It really does seem that she is trying to assert her independance, and going about it the wrong way.

[the girls mum]

Bahahaha sorry to laugh but omg she sounds a lot like my 3 yo on her 'i can do it days' - sorry not much help but I def think its an age and indepence thing!

I usually pick my fights so its not too much of me saying no or trying to help with things she can do if that makes sense?

I let her dress herself now and pick her clothes which sometimes makes it look like she is homeless haha but I just go with it.

She is 3.5 now and a bit calmer. xx

Goodluck x

[Pregnor]

My son does similar things. Its really hard isnt it?!

I just try and ignore the behavior the best I can, and try and talk to him about whats wrong, and why he is upset. i.e. with the weetbix, i would have taken him into his room, given him a cuddle and said something like 'im sorry that you didnt get to put the milk on your weetbix today, but its already done. you can do it tomorrow ok? but only if you can calm down and eat your breakfast, can you calm down for mummy?' and maybe talk about something we are doing later in the day that he needs to behave f

[Pregnor]

oh and there are lots of threats of leaving him in the car/at home, taking him to school naked etc.

[KatieKitten]

Omg you are describing my life right now ! That's exactly how my 3yo Is behaving!

I've tried focussing on her good behavior. Seems a little better

[sweetseven]

With regards to picking fights, well that isn't really possible at the moment, because she'll go off about everything.

I get changed out of my nightie into day clothes, and she screams, "No! I want you wear different clothes!".

She just asked for toast. There was no bread left in the fridge, so I got a loaf out of the freezer, all the while she is screaming that she wants bread from the fridge not the freezer. I try to explain there is none in the fridge but she wont listen.
I then put the bread into the microwave to defrost. Again she screams because it was supposed to go in the toaster. I try to explain that I need to defrost it to cut it before it can go in the toaster. Then I go to cut the bread. I ask her how many slices she wants, and she says two. I cut off the crust, then cut her first slice, then proceed to cut her second slice and she starts screaming, "two, not three! I not want three! I only want two!". I hand the two slices to her Dad to put them in the toaster, whilst I cut the rest of the loaf so it will be easy for everyone else. "No, not Dad put it in. You put it in." Then she realises that I am cutting more bread. "No, I not want you have one." I finish cutting the bread and put it away in the fridge, then get her toast out of the toaster. She is pleasantly surprised to see only two slices coming out of the toaster - she genuinely expected it to be three - and this calms her down somewhat. She specifies what she wants on it (butter, vegemite, peanut butter, and honey) and I comply. She objects to the jar of vegemite I use, pointing to the empty jar and insisting she wants that one instead. At least she accepts the explanation that the other jar is empty this time. Finally she is given her toast. She examines it and complains about a bit of crust missing off one corner (which pulled off when I was cutting it) and thus refuses to eat it.

At least this time, the objection didn't last, and she is eating her toast.

[Pregnor]

To be honest I would have stopped the carrying on before it got that far. I would have told him if he was going to behave like that, he would not be getting any breakfast. I would have sat down with him and explained that that is not how we speak to people, and if he wants me to do something nice for him, he needs to ask nicely and be patient. If he can't be nice he needs to go back to bed and have some more sleep. Sometimes I have to take him kicking and screaming into his bedroom. I will wait in there for him to calm. If he cant calm down I just leave him in there for a little while.

I know its different for different kids though.

[chookfeed]

This is my first forum post, but I couldn't read this and not reply as it sounds so much like my 3 yr old daughter's behaviour. She has been throwing tantrums if I open the car door to let her in, as sometimes she likes to do it all by herself. She also has tantrums over me opening the door to put the cat out/let the cat in as she wants to do it herself. She has also refused to wear certain clothes, but then goes on to pick the most inappropriate clothes eg jumper and long pants in 35 degree heat!

Those are just a few of the many screaming fits she has thrown trying to prove her independence.

[Lucy in the Sky]

:laughing: (Hysterical crazed laughter). The timing of this thread couldn't have been better! DS was such a well behaved 2 year old. You could always negotiate with him, explain a situation, calm thing down with a cuddle... now we are in MELTDOWN mode. The tiniest thing will set him off (today it was "I want to wash my hands myself. Don't turn the tap on mummy". - even though it was too tight for him to turn on himself). Then once the screaming-crying starts there is nothing you can do. If I so much as move my arm in the wrong direction it escalates and escalates and can go on for hours. God knows what the neighbours think.
Glad to hear all the mummies of 3 year olds in the same boat. I can't tell you what a comfort it is! Hugs to anyone else going through it too!!! :hugs:It's really tough!




To be honest I would have stopped the carrying on before it got that far. I would have told him if he was going to behave like that, he would not be getting any breakfast. I would have sat down with him and explained that that is not how we speak to people, and if he wants me to do something nice for him, he needs to ask nicely and be patient. If he can't be nice he needs to go back to bed and have some more sleep. Sometimes I have to take him kicking and screaming into his bedroom. I will wait in there for him to calm. If he cant calm down I just leave him in there for a little while.

I know its different for different kids though.

I don't think you understand the extent of the wobblies most of us are dealing with! It's fantastic that you are able to stop the carrying on with your son (I really hope it stays that way for you, and level 10 isn't around the corner). But if you can, then that is not the kind of meltdown the rest of us are referring to!!!

I guarantee if you were in most of our shoes, you would not be able to sit down with your son and explain anything! Seriously. DS goes from happy to nutcase in 10 seconds flat. If you try to talk to him you get "Don't say that" at the top of his lungs. If I squat to look him in the eye I get "Don't sit down, stand up Mummy". The crying is so loud he literally cannot hear me and any gentle, pleasant, firm or stern attempts to correct or coerce or negotiate or discipline go unheeded, or sometimes escalate the screaming.

[TripleTime]

Sounds so much like our house.

A does the XY must do it, usually DH being told off by her & me having to do what ever it is she's melting over.

[TripleTime]

I guarantee if you were in most of our shoes, you would not be able to sit down with your son and explain anything! Seriously. DS goes from happy to nutcase in 10 seconds flat. If you try to talk to him you get "Don't say that" at the top of his lungs. If I squat to look him in the eye I get "Don't sit down, stand up Mummy". The crying is so loud he literally cannot hear me and any gentle, pleasant, firm or stern attempts to correct or coerce or negotiate or discipline go unheeded, or sometimes escalate the screaming.

You forgot the the 'don't look at me' 'go away, I don't like you' & my fave of all time '*slams door* get out of my way, I'm going to my room'.
All comes from my almost 3yo's.

[Pregnor]

:laughing: (Hysterical crazed laughter). The timing of this thread couldn't have been better! DS was such a well behaved 2 year old. You could always negotiate with him, explain a situation, calm thing down with a cuddle... now we are in MELTDOWN mode. The tiniest thing will set him off (today it was "I want to wash my hands myself. Don't turn the tap on mummy". - even though it was too tight for him to turn on himself). Then once the screaming-crying starts there is nothing you can do. If I so much as move my arm in the wrong direction it escalates and escalates and can go on for hours. God knows what the neighbours think.
Glad to hear all the mummies of 3 year olds in the same boat. I can't tell you what a comfort it is! Hugs to anyone else going through it too!!! :hugs:It's really tough!





I don't think you understand the extent of the wobblies most of us are dealing with! It's fantastic that you are able to stop the carrying on with your son (I really hope it stays that way for you, and level 10 isn't around the corner). But if you can, then that is not the kind of meltdown the rest of us are referring to!!!

I guarantee if you were in most of our shoes, you would not be able to sit down with your son and explain anything! Seriously. DS goes from happy to nutcase in 10 seconds flat. If you try to talk to him you get "Don't say that" at the top of his lungs. If I squat to look him in the eye I get "Don't sit down, stand up Mummy". The crying is so loud he literally cannot hear me and any gentle, pleasant, firm or stern attempts to correct or coerce or negotiate or discipline go unheeded, or sometimes escalate the screaming.

I'm sorry but he actually does have these meltdowns, it has taken a lot of work to get to this point. I was trying to be helpful by suggesting you do not let it get to the point they are unable to control themselves.

In the event of a full melt down I take him to his room and sit and wait for him to be calm enough to talk about it. In the event of 'i dont like you, dont look at me etc' I leave him to it.


**Mum, Dad, Big boy (Dec 08) and Baby girl (Feb 11)**

[Pregnor]

If they are that far past it, my principle is to not but into the drama

**Mum, Dad, Big boy (Dec 08) and Baby girl (Feb 11)**

[madjedjjlill]

I know I will probably get my head bitten off but if my 3 year old behaved like that they would of got a smack on the bum.

[NancyBlackett]

Ifit is any comfort to those of you with 3yos who have just 'flipped a switch' and turned into crazed monsters, DD went through about two weeks just before and over Christmas where she was a hellcat. Very similar to the behaviours you have described.

We were completely at a loss because she had previously been quite delightful as a rule.

Anyway, it seems it was just a development thing and she came out the other side - much to our relief. I don't know if it was sensory, mental or physical or a combination, but it obviously affected her.

Hope this is the case for you too, OP.

[tootiredtosleep]

Dd2 is just like that, she has always been difficult though. We have major screaming meltdowns most days, she will even tell me she is "going to Big W to get a new Mum". Ouch.

2yr old tantys are just the warm up - 3's are so much worse.

[Guest]

My 2 yr old already displays this behavior so I can only imagine what I'm in for.
Great advice though Pregnor, gentle talking and removing him from the situation is already helping. His meltdowns can get pretty bad :(

[missie_mack]

Just as a side thought, whilst it is common wouldn't hurt to check for worms.
My DS could be cantankerous at times too :hugs:

[happygrl]

Dd2 is just like that, she has always been difficult though. We have major screaming meltdowns most days, she will even tell me she is "going to Big W to get a new Mum". Ouch.

2yr old tantys are just the warm up - 3's are so much worse.

Going to big w. that made me lol
DS is only 16 months so I've still got all that to come.

Hugs for everyone going through this!!!

[sweetseven]

I'm sorry but he actually does have these meltdowns, it has taken a lot of work to get to this point. I was trying to be helpful by suggesting you do not let it get to the point they are unable to control themselves.

In the event of a full melt down I take him to his room and sit and wait for him to be calm enough to talk about it. In the event of 'i dont like you, dont look at me etc' I leave him to it.


**Mum, Dad, Big boy (Dec 08) and Baby girl (Feb 11)**It is great that you've been able to find a strategy that works for you. I have the problem that it wont help in a single instance, and I dont have the time available to consistently apply that approach. I try to ignore her behaviours as much as possible, but I do still need to provide her with the necessites she needs (such as food, baths, seatbelts, etc).

[Pregnor]

Yes, I can appreciate it is very difficult with 7 kids. It's very time consuming.

I think it's them starting to push limits/assert independence. This is where their personalities really come out.

I have recently started reading ' raising your spirited child' as recommended in another thread. It's very interesting and has helped me refine my strategies , and i'm learning to keep my cool rather than getting cross with him. It may be helpful to you as well?

It's certainly a difficult age

**Mum, Dad, Big boy (Dec 08) and Baby girl (Feb 11)**

[Lovingmumof1]

Ha ha my son is at this stage too, so difficult! I don't think theres any one simple rule that will work every time, these are some of the things I do.
Rule out hunger and tiredness, if mines either he won't listen or respond to anything
Boredom? Try redirect with a fun activity
Kids at this age need a lot of attention, if they don't think they're getting enough they will try anything for a reaction out of mummy(good or bad it's still attention) I stop and completely ignore him until he calms down, he usually gets worse initially, then explain to him why i ignored his behavior and praise him when he is calm.
I also keep an independence chart on the fridge with all the things he can do and new things to learn, he gets a sticker for things like helping cook, going to the toilet, dressing himself etc
I am in the process of teaching him about expressing feelings in an appropriate manner, if he is angry we find an angry space where he can stomp his feet, yell and shake it all out until he is happy again lol I do this with him

If all else fails, he gets timeout... Sometimes this seems to help me more than it does him, it gives me a chance to cool down then try again :)
Or speak to your local health nurse they have heaps of helpful advice
Hope some of this helps

[GrownupsCallMeK]

Subscribing for later

[Lovingmumof1]

Lol I missed the funniest one
Throw yourself on the floor and throw a bigger whammy than they do, it confuses them :) then tell them how silly it is and that's nots how to behave :) its good fun lol

[pram-mama]

When we arrive somewhere in the car, someone will go to get her out of her seat, and she'll object and nominate a different person to get her out. She'll scream every time anyone she didn't nominate goes near her, and refuse to get out until her nominated person assists her.

.

This is what DS also does, its not only the car seat it includes pressing play on a movie, getting him a drink, taking him to the toilet etc etc

[sweetseven]

Yes, exactly. When I read your post on your thread I knew we were dealing with the same problem, where normal discipline doesn't work because it is all the time and we really dont want to be chastising our little ones, all the time.

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And to provide a light at the end of the tunnel, we seem to be coming out the other side now. The phase lasted about six or seven weeks all the time but now there are lots of good times in between.

[Mellyd]

You forgot the the 'don't look at me' 'go away, I don't like you' & my fave of all time '*slams door* get out of my way, I'm going to my room'.
All comes from my almost 3yo's.

I cant help but laugh right now reading this, as you have just described my 3yo daughter. I am literally going crazy with the x10 melt downs over everything which has been mentioned. From what she is/isn't having for breaky, what song is played on the radio, doesn't want a pillow, doesn't want a blanket, dad can't dry me has to be mum agghhh I'm now 8wks with #2 and shi**ing myself that I am stuck with this defiant unruly child with a newborn on the way. Today I told her she was testing my patience, to be told that no mum your testing my patience. What The?