So angry!!

[Disney Baby]

First off, I would just like to mention that DH and I haven't spoken to eachother since last night...

We did our first IVF cycle in Jan which resulted in an early m/c. I obviously bled for longer, so when I knew it was all clear to DTD again, I was very excited and looking forward to it. Especially since we have some friends staying with us for going on 2 months now but they stayed at another friends last night.
DH always tells me how I don't look after 'down there' nice enough (which is partly true lol) so I made an extra effort to make it look nice because I was really looking forward to last night.

Right when it is about to start he brings up about me getting a brazilian because I've never had one before. I told him that I didn't want to because it would hurt and because I have my vag on display enough with IVF and am VERY uncomfortable with it. He then continued to tell me that if he paid for it then I would HAVE to get it done. I said no. He THEN continued on saying that if I loved him I would get it done. By this point I was getting angry and told him that if he brings it up again, tonight is off. Of course, he brings it up again in a smart a$$ way.
I cracked it and then we started getting into a fight about how "I always call the shots". So I told him that of course I'm not going to do something that will cause me pain and uncomfortability if I don't want to. Then EVERYTHING that is crap about our relationship came out (which happens every so often anyway).

I told him that I saw a flyer about free marriage councilling and that we should go. He said it wouldn't help us and only make him look like the bad guy for making me sound like a b!tch.
Then, as usual, he brings up EVERY.LITTLE.THING bad that has happened even over 3 years ago.


There are so many more things that he does/says that really angers me (and I never used to be an angry person), but for now the brazilian thing is my issue because I am still sooooooooooo angry that what I was looking forward to never happened, all because of his stupid thinking.

He then had the hide to ask if we were still going to DTD or not!


I'm not sure what I'm after by posting this. I guess I just needed to get it off my chest.

[Californication]

I think you need some of these :hugs: :hugs: :hugs: :hugs:

For what it's worth, I wouldn't have a brazillian unless I wanted one either.

[Myztiks#1Fan]

Hugs. Has he had one? Nobody has a right to force you into doing something you dont want to do and i dont blame you either.

Hugs xx

Sent from my GT-I9000T using BubHub

[mum2twinboys]

No one can tell you to have a brazilian. It hurts, so if you don't want to do it, you don't have to.


but. . . . . If he is demanding that you have a brazilian, then I would be demanding that he does too! And make him go first. Guaranteed that after the 1st one you wont have any more complaints from him about you not getting waxed.

Big Higs, hope you can sort it out.

[Mrs E]

Tell him you'll get a brazilian if he waxes his chest!

Bit of an unfair ask of him :(

[JaneDoe]

I'd be telling him you'd get a Brazilian if he will get his chest and balls waxed!!! What's good for the goose is good for the gander!!

I do get him wanting it 'tidy' down there but the pushing the waxing issue is too far IMO!

Maybe you guys need to seriously consider counseling before bringing a baby into the relationship!

Babies can strain even the strongest of relationships, it sounds as though you have some unresolved issues, add hormones, lack of sleep and a new person to the relationship and it will spell disaster!

Good luck xx

[Bubs'n'Roses]

He doesn't own your vagina so I don't know where he gets off thinking that if he paid for it you'd have to do it.

But that's just the tip of the iceberg isn't it.

Big hugs. Maybe go to counselling for yourself, maybe it'll help you and you can let your husband know how things could be. He sounds like a bit of a pain.

[starflame]

Your DH sounds like hes being a right jerk and very immature as far as Im concerned. Im not for Brazilians and I sure as hell dont shave/wax my vagina if I dont want to and my DP just has to put up with it cos its my vagina..not his. He has no right to tell you you HAVE to do anything...thats bullsh!t. Bringing up all the bad things in your relationship over something totally unrelated is bullsh!t as well. :hugs:

[made2bAmummy]

The way he went about that is so out of line. Its ok for him to like brazilians but its soooo not okay to say "if i pay then you have to have it". God i hate pron and what it has done to mens perception of what a normal woman is like. Offer a tandem wax - his balls for your hoo haa.

[Stiflers Mom]

Wow, I'd also be telling him to wax his hairy area as well. Not chest, that's too easy. Or tell him to F-off, that would work too.

[anewme]

:hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs::hugs:

He was so far over the line that I am sure he can even see it anymore. Asking is one thing demanding is another. I am sorry that he felt it was ok for him to demand that of you.

[Penny88]

I would definitely be saying I'll get mine done if you get yours.

I do get brazillians done every now and then and just trim in between when I feel like it. If DH doesn't like it - then he doesn't have to play!

If you've groomed to make it "presentable" like he's asked then why should he ask for more. I have to admit, it mustn't be fun to get a free flossing IYKWIM.

I would put it like this to him:

Say he's afraid of heights or whatever. Say "if I paid for you to go skydiving then you'd HAVE to do it because I'd paid for it. How would you feel about that.

[Disney Baby]

:laughing: thanks ladies!

We are now talking again, and the brazilian hasn't been brought up again...yet!

There is not a chance that he would get his area waxed. He told me that he is a male and doesn't have to have it waxed! :eek:
Well excuse me Mr, but women are suppose to grow hair down there aswell! It just so happens that having it shaved or waxed is more desirable for men. Doesn't mean it HAS to be done.

It was funny though because he trimmed himself last night, I guess as a truce (or however you spell it) :laughing:


I'm also looking into marriage councilling, but it would need to be free or bulk billed atleast because there is no way we can afford that on top of everything else we already need to pay.

If anyone knows of such a place in Perth, preferably north of the river, that would be great :)

[GluttonForPunishment]

I'm sorry, but, WOW! Really?! What. A. Schmuck! As a guy, I say "Brother, shut the hell up! You be getting laid boy! BE HAPPY!"

He can't tell you what to do "down there." He has no right to even make a damn suggestion. It's your body, and I can tell you that it amounts for the sum total of STUFF ALL when you're dtd. Unless there's, ahem, closer inspection going on.

That was a smooth way of putting it. Quite happy with that.

Anyway, yes, that's really the only difference it makes, and a trim suffices!

Twit!

[Pawzette]

I'm sorry, but, WOW! Really?! What. A. Schmuck! As a guy, I say "Brother, shut the hell up! You be getting laid boy! BE HAPPY!"

He can't tell you what to do "down there." He has no right to even make a damn suggestion. It's your body, and I can tell you that it amounts for the sum total of STUFF ALL when you're dtd. Unless there's, ahem, closer inspection going on.

That was a smooth way of putting it. Quite happy with that.

Anyway, yes, that's really the only difference it makes, and a trim suffices!

Twit!


Totally off topic here.. but I NEVER knew you were a male!!

[GluttonForPunishment]

Totally off topic here.. but I NEVER knew you were a male!!

*checks bits*

YEP!

You must be on the mobile app most of the time huh! My "title" or whatever it's called tells everyone I'm a guy! I don't think that shows on the app.

[FirstTimeMummy2012]

I had the exact same problem with my DH. He has begged me to get a brazilian and under no circumstances will I do it. I know it hurts like hell (my sister does waxing) and not only that but it looks gross .. turns me off to see a hairless cha cha. Trim should suffice. Anyways. I told DH that if he waxed his balls and butt I would get a brazilian after him. Needles to say he hasn't brought it up since.. funny that! :yes:

[Disney Baby]

:laughing: GFP your so funny! I never thought you were a male either! And I totally agree with you on this " As a guy, I say "Brother, shut the hell up! You be getting laid boy! BE HAPPY!"



I never in my wildest dreams would have thought that he would have made such a big deal over something so stupid at a time like that! He complains that we never DTD if he goes without for 2 days in a row! So when it was about 2 weeks since the last time, I was shocked when he brought it up!

He told me last night that the friends that have over stayed their welcome is really starting to take a toll on him, as it is on me aswell. I know that isn't the main reason for our problems (the weird box he lives in his head is! :laughing:) but I think some 'strain' would be taken off when they finally leave.

We have been married for 1 year next week, and have only lived on our own for 4 months of that. We have always had someone 'needing somewhere to stay for a few weeks', but DH has said "No more!"

I've also found a councelling place, just waiting for them to get back to me and confirm that they will bulk bill.

[Disney Baby]

I also got a call from my IVF clinic the other day asking how I was after the m/c and that they have a free councelling service for stuff like that. Geez lady! It would have been nice to know about it AS I WAS GOING THROUGH IT! Not 2 weeks later!!

And I know it's not the same councelling as couples councelling, but it could have helped some?

[hoping28]

Sorry about your m/c :hugs:

I agree with GFP he should be happy he is getting Any!! DH has been nagging me for the last few weeks but my belly is getting too big and annoying and the last time it hurt so i don't want to now until little man arrives.

I used to get brazilian's every month, but stopped for a while and now that i'm UTD there is no way in hell i'm getting one done, just getting my legs waxed hurts enough to make me cry! I trim it now and DH is happy with that but he does prefer brazillians, i always tell him how much they are and if he wants me to continue he will pay for them, that shuts him up about it for a while.

[FluffyDucks]

Fairly certain I will get shot down in flames about this but I don't find his request for his partner to have a Brazilian particularly bad. Okay it was delivered poorly (And I don't know your dh or current situation) but I would hope that in a caring and loving relationship that my partner could request a sexual desire...and I would hope I could fulfill that for him.

Just saying is all!

[GluttonForPunishment]

Fairly certain I will get shot down in flames about this but I don't find his request for his partner to have a Brazilian particularly bad. Okay it was delivered poorly (And I don't know your dh or current situation) but I would hope that in a caring and loving relationship that my partner could request a sexual desire...and I would hope I could fulfill that for him.

Just saying is all!

Ok, sure. Example:

I want an@l s3x with you. I don't care that it hurts you and that you don't enjoy it. Do it anyway.

Really? You would honour that request? Because in my opinion, in a "caring and loving relationship", you both care about what each other don't want to do as much as what you do want to do. That's why it's caring.

Her DH is showing a total lack of care by continuing to force this issue. SHE DOES NOT WANT TO. It hurts, causes her pain and she doesn't want to do it. No one should make her feel bad about not wanting to do this, let alone the man who's meant to care about her the most.

[brooke88(mum2b09)]

Compromise by saying you'll get it done if he comes along and gets one too ;)

[babybabycakes]

Ok, sure. Example:

I want an@l s3x with you. I don't care that it hurts you and that you don't enjoy it. Do it anyway.

Really? You would honour that request? Because in my opinion, in a "caring and loving relationship", you both care about what each other don't want to do as much as what you do want to do. That's why it's caring.

Her DH is showing a total lack of care by continuing to force this issue. SHE DOES NOT WANT TO. It hurts, causes her pain and she doesn't want to do it. No one should make her feel bad about not wanting to do this, let alone the man who's meant to care about her the most.

thank you thank you thank you! Exactly this!



(off topic- but if i wasnt married and also taking shemar moore to the bub hub awards- id ask to take you. Your a credit to the Y chromosome )

[Disney Baby]

I'm making my DH sound like a bad person, he really isn't. He really is a caring person, but sometimes he gets ideas stuck in his head and he isn't happy until they are sorted. His idea this time is a brazilian.

I like the idea of telling him how much they cost, but I'm pretty sure he would be happy if I only got it done the one time just to see how I really feel about it, but I really don't want to...like really really don't want to! I'd rather try and give myself a brazilian before I let someone else :laughing:

I try and do things he tells me to because I am a pretty closed off person I guess and don't really like to try new things, and he tries to push me to break out of that zone to better myself I suppose. Sometimes it's ok and others it's not. I just don't like it when he makes it sound like I NEVER do anything he says, when if he really thought about it, I try harder than he thinks!

I hope this councelling place gets back to me soon.

[sunnyflower]

whatever did men do before brazilians were invented???:p

[AM]

but sometimes he gets ideas stuck in his head and he isn't happy until they are sorted. His idea this time is a brazilian.

Meaning until he gets his own way?? Honestly, the only person who has any say over what is done TO YOUR BODY is you. Yes, he can suggest until the cows come home, but the final decision is YOURS and he needs to back off and accept that. That is what respect is about.




I try and do things he tells me to because I am a pretty closed off person I guess and don't really like to try new things, and he tries to push me to break out of that zone to better myself I suppose. Sometimes it's ok and others it's not. I just don't like it when he makes it sound like I NEVER do anything he says, when if he really thought about it, I try harder than he thinks!

I hate to say this, but this rings quite a few alarm bells to me. I was in a relationship where I was told similar things, and pushed into things I didn't want to do. It's controlling, and can ultimately be quite toxic.


I hope this councelling place gets back to me soon.

Yes, please do have counselling, things sound a bit concerning to me.

There are also a couple of books you could read.

"Why does he do that" Lundy Bancroft
"Should I stay or should I go" Lundy Bancroft

Both give quite amazing insights into healthy, and unhealthy relationships, and enable you to be ableto objectively assess where yours is at, how it can be improved etc...

All the best. :hugs:

[Guest1234]

Fairly certain I will get shot down in flames about this but I don't find his request for his partner to have a Brazilian particularly bad. Okay it was delivered poorly (And I don't know your dh or current situation) but I would hope that in a caring and loving relationship that my partner could request a sexual desire...and I would hope I could fulfill that for him.

Just saying is all!

There's nothing wrong with him suggesting she get waxed, but that doesn't mean she should. If she isn't comfortable with doing it, she is well within her right to say no, and he has to respect that.

[FluffyDucks]

Ok, sure. Example:

I want an@l s3x with you. I don't care that it hurts you and that you don't enjoy it. Do it anyway.

Really? You would honour that request? Because in my opinion, in a "caring and loving relationship", you both care about what each other don't want to do as much as what you do want to do. That's why it's caring.

Her DH is showing a total lack of care by continuing to force this issue. SHE DOES NOT WANT TO. It hurts, causes her pain and she doesn't want to do it. No one should make her feel bad about not wanting to do this, let alone the man who's meant to care about her the most.

*sigh* Really? Is that what you got from my post? That she should be forced to have an@l sex??

What I was trying to say in my post in the context of the OPs question which was about brazilian waxing (NOT an@l sex) was that if my partner had a request that I would HOPE that I could fulfil it.

It didnt say I WOULD....I said I HOPE I could. Which means that I would like to fulfil a desire he may have but I may not. Did you not read that part?

Geez! From your post you are implying that I have said that he should hold her down with a pot of hot wax in one hand and a beauty therapist in the other. From what I read of the OP it was one request for some hair removal and I responded to that comment.

If it was about an@l sex or something else I may have responded differently.

[MissMuppet]

I don't think people object to the request. They object to the demand and pouty tantrumy behaviour in response to 'no'.

I'm astounded by his 'you always call the shots' objection. Its your body. Of course you call the shots about what happens to it!!

My body is not a democracy, sorry. Absolute dictatorship I'm afraid. I'll take requests, suggestion, advice, but ultimately what I do to it comes down to a vote of 1.

OP I'd be angry too. I'd object to DH getting a bee in his bonnet about my body.

[FluffyDucks]

There's nothing wrong with him suggesting she get waxed, but that doesn't mean she should. If she isn't comfortable with doing it, she is well within her right to say no, and he has to respect that.

I totally agree....no is no. I was trying for a different perspective...so maybe the OP would not be so angry about it as all the replies to the OP was 'he's a b@stard, etc'.

And as I said in my post was that I hope I could....not that I would.

[VintageLover]

Oh god..

Just tell him no and be done with it! Stand up for yourself woman bloody hell..it does hurt and you have other stuff going on too.

If my husband tried to make me groom any part of my body in any particular way he'd get a cuff around the ears and told to get a grip!

Ridiculous. End it firmly next time and don't let it bother you. He sounds like a child.

[GluttonForPunishment]

It was the implication that she's being unreasonable that I took issue with. He has asked. She has said no. That should be the end of it. It doesn't matter if it's an@l s3x, waxing or a regular s3xual position that she doesn't like. She has said no - end of conversation. Him using the "if you loved me" line is totally bs.

Now, if I took you out of context, I apologise. But I doubt I was the only one who did.

[FloatingFairy]

OP just wanted to shed some inside light on it for you.

Even if you did reluctantly go along and get a brazillian just the once for his pleasure, I can tell you know that unless your pubic hair is very light blonde and not a lot there, then he won't be as pleased with the results as he'd expect.

When I first had a brazillian I was soo disappointed because in my head, I was gunna come out looking like a porn star (yep-I blame porn for this!) but instead, given that it was the first one and I had been shaving for at least ten years-probably more, and so that I didn't pass out from the pain (and I have a pretty high pain tolerance!), the end result was not at all porn star like, and even after the tweezing, it was still not 100% smooth and hairless.




•Sent from my iPhone•

[VintageLover]

Lol..floatingfairy!! Yep... It takes a couple of goes...
Not pretty...

[waterlily]

:hugs: I think it's perfectly fine for him to ask but once you say no he should drop it. Not nag you and be mean! That's really inappropriate and immature!!

Maybe you can suggest he do it first ;)

[Theboys&me]

OP just wanted to shed some inside light on it for you.

Even if you did reluctantly go along and get a brazillian just the once for his pleasure, I can tell you know that unless your pubic hair is very light blonde and not a lot there, then he won't be as pleased with the results as he'd expect.

When I first had a brazillian I was soo disappointed because in my head, I was gunna come out looking like a porn star (yep-I blame porn for this!) but instead, given that it was the first one and I had been shaving for at least ten years-probably more, and so that I didn't pass out from the pain (and I have a pretty high pain tolerance!), the end result was not at all porn star like, and even after the tweezing, it was still not 100% smooth and hairless.




•Sent from my iPhone•

Off topic a little but I wonder of they just didn't do a good job where you went?? After my first Brazilian it was smooth as ... Total ... *cough* porn star!!

To OP ... You know I'm a person who gets brazilians - but I sure as sh!t wouldn't want to be told to. Whilst I understand him asking if you would - I think pressuring you and using it as an argument that you call all the shots is a little off.

It's a personal decision that only you can decide. He can request all he wants - but really you should be calling all the shots when it comes to your body :)

[tiggerfields]

AGree with PPs that it's your body and he's being unreasonable. You were right to stand your ground. I hope the counselling helps you guys.

On a practical level if you did want to try hair removal without the pain and ingrown hairs, I used to use hair removal cream down there for years to take ALL the hair off and it worked a treat. Smooth and pain free. I got lasered last year so now am fuzz-free but that used to work for me. Just a suggestion in case YOU feel like doing it as it doesn't involve pain or public display which was my take on what bothered you about a wax.

[Disney Baby]

tigger - I use to use that stuff on my legs and I would get a horrible red rash. There is not a chance that I would put it on my cha cha :laughing:, but thanks for the tip!

I admit that I don't look after down there as well as I should and would like, but I have sensitive skin basically ALL OVER my body! The only place that isn't sensitive is my arms, but I'm sure if I started waxing or shaving them too they would look as crap as the rest of me. I have dermatitis on my face, my legs are just yuck (I get really bad ingrown hairs and sores), and even if I simply shave down there, it goes all red and bumpy and yucky, and because I have PCOS, I guess that's why all of my hair everywhere grows back so soon, but if I shave the same areas a few days after eachother, it stings like all hell and goes even more red and bumpy!
That's why I don't look after it as well as I should, but I try to make it reasonably presentable lol.

As for DH, he definately has some 'issues'. I could go on and on about all of the things he says that would make you go :eek:, but they only seem to come up when we are having an arguement. He doesn't harrass me with it every day or anything.

I haven't heard back from this councelling place yet, but if I do, I really hope they can help us. I know that I'm not perfect either and could fix a few things, but I think DH's problem all comes down to being unreasonable. Hopefully the counceller will make him see that :laughing:

[Speedy]

Wanting to be attractive to your partner and to sexually excite them is normal and natural and there is nothing wrong with that. What's wrong is that your partner is making demands - and demands that you have repeatedly refused.

That is not on.

When he didn't get his own way with YOUR body, he chucked a tantrum and made sure you felt bad by dragging up relationship history.

That is not on.

When you suggested that you get help for your relationship troubles, he plays the victim while being the aggressor and calling you a b!tch.

That is not on.

Whether he agrees to go to counselling or not, I think you should definitely go. You need strategies to deal with his behaviour (and your own - I'm sure you aren't entirely blameless. None of us are :) ).

[earthfairy]

Im a beauty therapist & had a small convo with my DH about me needing some, er, maintenance....

Anyhoo, I went off in a tangent telling him he had no idea how it felt blah blah blah & said, well, let me do it to you!

Mr big man (stupidly) agreed.

That was 7 years ago. He has never asked, mentioned or complained about body hair on me... or him... since :D

[FloatingFairy]

Off topic a little but I wonder of they just didn't do a good job where you went?? After my first Brazilian it was smooth as ... Total ... *cough* porn star!!

that's what I thought but I tried a few different places and even said up front but they were all the same.

After I'd been getting them done for quite a few months, it would be almost good enough but still didn't live up to my standards so I stopped bothering.


•Sent from my iPhone•

[MordecaiAliVanAllenO'Shea]

I find it concerning on so many levels...even saying you feel you don't "maintain" as much as you "should" - there is no should! Ok..well, yes, you should bathe regularly. That's where it ends, anything else is personal choice. Also my partner wanting me to do something that I would find not only painful but distressing would be an immediate turn off. How could he want that? Yes want the end result but as soon as he knew how it would make you feel then still want or deman you go through with it? Would you want your DH to do something that was painful and demeaning for him, and made him feel distressed, just for your pleasure at the end result?

Yes some people have preferences in presentation but even if you do nothing but shower daily then you are not somehow flawed or less than. He needs to respect you as you are and I am saddened that you have been made to feel bad for "not maintaining."

[bohogirls]

Your vagina = your rules. Besides why is he spending time grading your grooming? Most guys would be grateful they get it to it at all, and it should be more about the action then the aesthetic.
If Brazilians have never been your thing then you shouldn't be having to start now. Make him get the 'sack and crack' done at the same time - and then just use Veet for yourself.

[bohogirls]

Im a beauty therapist & had a small convo with my DH about me needing some, er, maintenance....

Anyhoo, I went off in a tangent telling him he had no idea how it felt blah blah blah & said, well, let me do it to you!

Mr big man (stupidly) agreed.

That was 7 years ago. He has never asked, mentioned or complained about body hair on me... or him... since :D


This could possibly be the best thing I have ever read!

[Rachell]

Im a beauty therapist & had a small convo with my DH about me needing some, er, maintenance....

Anyhoo, I went off in a tangent telling him he had no idea how it felt blah blah blah & said, well, let me do it to you!

Mr big man (stupidly) agreed.

That was 7 years ago. He has never asked, mentioned or complained about body hair on me... or him... since :D

Haha! I'm a hairdresser and only know how to wax eyebrows lol.
But
I use to go and get waxed until I gave up.. It was just to painful!!
I didn't see why I should pay $$ to have some one rip out my pubes and me be in pain ;)

I mean it's just hair.. It's not hurting any one right?? I still kept it trim and tidy with "personal clippers"

But my husband had a fit! Saying it was gross, hair mad it look ugly.. I don't really see how a Vagina can ever look "pretty" but oh well.

I also didn't see how making it look like a naked mole rat had anything to do with our sex lives.. Who cares if you have Curly fries of skinless chicken!

But my husband seemed to think it was the end of our sex lives.. I didn't think it was fair he was allowed to have a Wild Forrest around his tree. But yet I had to be kept hair free..
(I don't like the look of shaved or waxed men.. Makes them look like a boy! Nothing masculine about it at all)

Any way I had a wax pot at home that I use to use to do my eyebrows or under arms..

I told him I would go back bare if he waxed as well.. The stupid man agreed... I did one section and he was carrying on about the pain and wouldn't let me proceed..

Oh no but it didn't stop there!!

My husband thought hair removal cream would be a good idea for me to try... I said no as in the past when I tried it, it burnt!!
Any way he tried it... I think he left it on for to long.. I don't know what he did..

But we ended up in the ER because he had chemical burns all over the base of his penis, the top layer of skin on his scrotum had been taken off, and blisters all down his groin and down near his anus... I swear the nurses must have been laughing when we left!

And I was the one nursing his wounds back to good health.. Changing his dressings daily.. Taking him up to the hospital for check ups because he said it was to painful to drive..

This was about 3 years ago! Now we both have hair, and neither of us have said a thing ;)

[GluttonForPunishment]

What is a shame is that some men are too dense or stupid or just plain arrogant to accept that their partner's private regions aren't their bl00dy property.

I don't say this often, but it disgusts me. It really does. Ladies, as a guy, I will normally persuade you most strongly to NOT kick your partner in the nads. But for this I will make an exception.

Go right ahead.

[VintageLover]

God I can't get over how fussy some men are.. My DH takes it anyway he can get it...

:-p