View Full Version : Thank-you cards, is it rude not to send them?
*Sparkles*
12-10-2006, 20:18
I attended a wedding and a 21st birthday celebration in the last year and gave a nice gift for both. Yet neither party has sent a thank-you card, or even a verbal thank-you come to think of it.
Am I wrong to think that it is still to be expected these days? When I was a kid my mum used to make us write thank you cards to our dear old Aunties for our Xmas pressies!!
When I got married I had thank-you cards made up the same as the invites and I wrote something personal in each and every one.
I will do the same for anyone that buys us something for our baby after he is born.
Maybe my standards are too high but I think it's sad these days that no one else seems to bother :thumbsdown:
I think it is definately rude :mad: for engagements or weddings. These presents have alot of thought (usually) put into them and don't come cheap. I think it is polite to send a thank you so the person knows you appreciate it, specially since at weddings you don't often see the person open the present.
(on a funny note I had a wedding present which was particulary bad a HALF dinner set that said h/p $10 (half price :eek: ). I had trouble writing the thank you for that one........eeer thank you for the four plates and bowls from cheap as chips............
Birthday's I think are different as long as you thank the person when you open it and the next time you see them say 'gee thanks for that great :ecomcity: :ecomcity: I love it etc.
SilverStarfish
12-10-2006, 20:39
It might just be that they got busy and never got around to it, or perhaps they didn't think they needed to - though a verbal "thanks" is cheap and quick!
I had all the good intentions in the world to send thank you notes to all the people who gave us baby presents. And I did send quite a few, but never really got around to finishing it. So I'm sure there's a few people out there feeling the way you do about me :o
Yes, I think it's rude not to send thank-you notes.
After taking alot of time to pick the perfect gift for my cousins engagement, (was expensive as well), and not even recieveing a verbal thank-you...well lets just say for their wedding gift, I didn't go to any effort.
I like to think I give very thoughtful gifts, so it's nice to know people appreciate them.
misskittyfantastico
12-10-2006, 20:47
I always do thankyou cards. DD just turned one and today I sent off 26 thankyou cards.
It's time out of my day, but people have made an effort to agknowledge my daughters birthday.
mumofcaleb
12-10-2006, 20:56
Definatley rude! I resently went to a friends wedding. I've known her for 18 years. We gave them a pretty expensive, good quality Knife by Furi as a wedding gift. She has never sent a thank you card ar even said thank you over the phone. Not really sure what to think of the situation. At the moment I just think she's a
self-centred B****!
I always send thankyou cards and i think its rude when people dont send them, especially for weddings!
I try to remember and now I'm teaching my 9 year old to do the same. One of my mates always writes lovely thankyous and its lovely she does the same, its one of those dying things but there's nothing quite like a thoughtful little card or notelet.
SammieSnail
12-10-2006, 23:14
For weddings and engagement parties I think it is far more important than birthdays....
having said that it took a good two months or so to send off my wedding thank yous :D ....but in my defence we went straight back to university after the honeymoon....and all of them were hand-written with about half a page of personals....DH was no help at all :shame:
I think it is definitely rude not to send thank you cards for engagements and weddings. I sent hand written thank you cards to all our wedding guests and I would expect the same of others. I've been to weddings though when there hasn't been any thank you cards which is very disappointing and rude. Of all the traditional things to do, this is one to continue. A verbal thank you is expected at the very least for big birthday celebrations. I would ask them whether they liked your gift as a prompt to let them know you weren't thanked and to let them know that saying thanks is pretty easy, easier than dealing with the embarassment of being confronted!!
mum2elouise
13-10-2006, 08:07
I think it's rude:mad: I always send thank you notes, whether it was for our engagement, our wedding, birthdays, bubs arrival, etc. I always hand write them too to make it that ittle bit more personal. I think it's just common courtesy:yes:
In some situations it is rude. I remember feeling quite hurt when my cousin had a baby and I went out and bought a special present and card and sent it off. I was quite young then (this was years ago) and it was a special effort and she didn't ever say thank you. In that situation I think its rude.
For my closer friends I don't really think about it. I can't remember any other situation where I felt unappreciated, and that is what this is all about, you feeling unappreciated, and you have every right to be.
On that note, I noticed when I had bubby that some people who I thought would send gifts didn't even send a card. One friend in particular hasn't sent anything. And YES I do expect something considering that when her baby was born about ten years ago I would have spent at least a couple of hundred dollars on sending over little outfits etc. I would have thought she would have at least sent a card so I can put it in with his keepsakes.
People are strange. I'll never figure them out.
A card costs a dollar and a stamp is 50cents. I don't care about the presents, but the cards have been kept.
Its more about the lack of thought for me. I am a bit surprised that's all. Nothing to lose a friendship over, its just been noted, that's all.
yeah i know!
It actually made me think about who i havent sent cards to for the people who DID send us something!!
i hope no one is stewing about ME! LOL
I think thank yous should be sent for wedding gifts. Aside from that I tend to sent thank you letters when I can't verbally thank someone when they give the gift (friends from eastern states etc). The same goes for Christmas cards. Those I can verbally wish Merry Christmas don't get a card, those we know we aren't going to see/talk to get a card.
JordansMummy
13-10-2006, 10:37
I think birthdays no. Weddings, engagements and baby showers yes. I never really heard of anyone doing them for birthdays. But thats not to say it can't be done (although we have never done so).
lucyrose9
13-10-2006, 10:44
It is rude not to send thank you cards, you have made the effort to go and find them a nice pressent so the least they can do is say thanks.
I sent thank yous for my wedding pressents and the gifts i got when i had the baby its being polite.
Shazbutt
13-10-2006, 11:04
I think it depends on what you're brought up on, like, mum taught us all to write thankyou cards/letters for all the pressies we received for x-mas & birthdays etc (if the giver was with us though, we'd just say a verbal thankyou). My grandparents always say....'its so nice to get a thankyou note, you always remember' (and i feel awful if i do forget :o ). I think it brightens their day to know that someone appreciated what they gave/did.
When the girls were born, i sent out thankyou's for every card and pressie. People made the effort to send them, so why should i not!
We went to a friends wedding a couple of months back and they had a wishing well. We put the money in with our card, and haven't received even a verbal thankyou....and they only live next door! That's just rude :thumbsdown:. Not enough to ruin a friendship over....but not very nice.
*Sparkles*
13-10-2006, 11:43
Normally I wouldn't expect a thank-you card/letter for a birthday. But in this case it was a 21st fancy dress party (for my niece) in a hired venue. There was a table set up especially for presents (like at an engagement party). Everyone put their presents on the table and they were opened the next day infront of the family. We didn't go to the present opening so I would have at least expected a thank-you in the mail, or even an email or phone call from my niece.
The person who's wedding we went to and did not send a thank-you was just plain rude in my opinion.
mythreelittlemonkeys
13-10-2006, 19:18
i think so...imo if someone not there face to face I wuld deffo write one and infact to my rellies i would write one anyway - just the way I was brought up...since been able to write had to write them...I think a 21 year old should certainly take time and effort to do...I mean you took time and effort to choose her a pressie
I sent a letter and a few photos to everyone that sent DS a present when he was born. To be honest I was a bit overwhelmed by all the goodies he got and thought the least I could do was send a little note to say thanks (it also gave me the chance to show just how cute he was :o ). I had quite a few comments on how nice it was to receive a thank-you.
SnoozesWithCats
13-10-2006, 19:43
I remember having to send off thankyous for presents after christmas/birthdays when I was a kid ... oh how I hated it! I'm sure the pleasure the recipients gained was nowhere NEAR the agony of having to compose one - I can still remember the feeling of sitting there, with that horrible blank sheet of paper, having to think of something to say
Having said that, now I'm all grown up and all I do understand that it's really important for some people to get them and I do try - I might not be 100% successful though!
And I agree with whoever it was said that the principle is you thank people if you don't get to do it when they're opening the presents (so weddings, definitely ... baby pressies not so much unless they're from interstate, but actually I managed it with the girls - I was so proud of myself! Only about 4 or 5 months late!)
I'm not going to make the girls go through the agonies I did though. Just slap a form letter down in front of them and say 'here, copy that, it'll make Auntie Mildred really happy.' :laughing:
jeepers, i haven't read all this thread yet, but i hope i am not the first and only person to say that i do not and have not ever done thankyou cards
i have a feeling it could be a generational thing? maybe....:o
i was quite suprised to get one the other day for a gift i had given to a friend. i certainly don't expect one, i just like giving pressies:D . it made me feel quite funny to get such a formal thankyou for something that i would do as a matter of course.
a verbal thankyou is enough for me and usually happens at the giving/recieving moment.
i would hate any one to think i am rude because i don't do thankyou cards, maybe they could think i am a conservation warrior avoiding paper wastage..or something...(not laazy:p )
of course i haven't been at many weddings , nor had my own, and that would prolly be the exception for me.
thankyou , thankyou , thankyou all for reading
(just trying to make up for some now)
Hi all,
this topic really made me laugh not at the comments and posts but for a thankyou that I recieved and sent a thankyou for the thankyou!
one of my nieces was born when I was 12 and I got her a cute little outfit (think it was cute back then but not so much now) well my sister sent out thankyou letters for each item/card that she recieved and after I got mine I thought that it was the noemal thing to do when you recieve a thankyou you say thankyou in return so I sent her a thankyou letter back! that was 14 years ago mind you guess that when I have children and send out thankyou's ill know that I dont sit at the mailbox waiting for a thankyou in return!
well just wanted to share my experience with thankyou's and hopefully make some of you laugh!
indigoin0z
14-10-2006, 14:57
i currently have a chip on my shoulder about this sort of subject because my MIL is one of those people who likes to buy people things so they get something in return...
she wont even post her presents -if shes coming down in the next 3 months- because she is that needy!!! she has to have the person say thanku to her face...
everytime we get a card that we never even ask for [or expect]my DH gets a guilt trip if we dont ring & thank her..
she sends a text msg saying something & we dont say thanku within -her- period of acceptable time, he gets a guilt trip..[by the way, i am at fault of course, because before he met me, he use to tow the line of the 'done things' in her family]
i definitely believe in gratitude, & teaching your children to be grateful, but i personally hate 'fake' thanku's by card or whatever, just because 'its supposedly what you are meant to do'...
of course weddings maybe different [but certainly not because of the money they spend... we didnt even let people buy us stuff..] i did them eventually for that... we thanked them for their attendance.
i dont give gifts etc with any expectations... i give gifts with no need for gratification to be fulfilled on my part...
it seems really odd to me how people can assume because they spend a certain amount of money on someone, that it means they deserve their feet kissed..
sorry, obviously i have a bit of attitude at the moment because of MIL... i need MIL therapy:o
mumofcaleb
14-10-2006, 15:35
I would ask them whether they liked your gift as a prompt to let them know you weren't thanked and to let them know that saying thanks is pretty easy, easier than dealing with the embarassment of being confronted!!
I did this also. I txt my friend over 2 weeks ago and asked her if they liked the knife and she has never replied :mad:
misskittyfantastico
14-10-2006, 16:34
I don't give a gift in order to get something back.....giving in itself is a nice feeling.
I think that's why I do thankyou cards...I make them myself and put a photo of the event on the front. If nothing else, it always gives my Gran joy to recieve one!
What reall annoys me is when people dont even give you a verbal thankyou, i asked my friend if her kid liked the prezzies i got for her birthday and she didnt even say thankyou
Becteria
14-10-2006, 18:38
I give gifts for the joy of giving not the thanks but personally I thank people for gifts.
Our wedding was out of Syd so we suggested that guests "Presence was our Present" and on the day we ended up with about 40 presents which i thought was extremely generous. I know that being at our wedding cost at least a coupe of hundred dollars per person, and I didnt want people in the situation where they wouldnt come because they thought we expected a gift. Thats just rude. I wouldnt register or tell people what to buy me because i thought that is not a gift thats a direction. A gift is a personal selection that will always remind you of the giver. Thats also why i never give cash, I actually feel a little offended when people say oh just give me cash. I am not a tight *** I spend but I also spend in thoughts...
I have only written half of our thank you cards stillhave a stack to go but I'll get there! Writers cramp!
I sent thanks you for the baby shower and after maikyra was born - I made a beautiful card with a picture of the princess on the front and then the specifics of her birth inside, heaps of people still have them on their fridges or bookshelves.
bambikins
14-10-2006, 21:13
It's not just rude.............it's bad manners imo. If someone has the TIME to send out invites, put on an event and then to accept a gift, then they definately have the TIME to either send a thankyou note or make a thankyou call.........no excuses, especially in regard to a major event such as a wedding.
It's a sign of gratitude and aknowledgement that someone has been a part of your day and not a case of, well I put on a party, fed and watered them so that's a fair trade........right?.........WRONG!:shame:
ButterflyMama
14-10-2006, 21:45
I think it's very offensive and thoughtless when people do not send thank you cards. Birthdays & Christmas are the only instances when I will accept a verbal thank you, but as far as engagements and weddings and baby showers go.. no. People spend money, you say thank you. It's just the done thing, and if it's not - for shame! It should be.
jade21887
15-10-2006, 13:49
Looks like Im in the minority here, but I gave out mostly verbal thanks for our wedding presents. Our daughter was 6 weeks old at the time, and I felt that if I didnt call up and say thankyou, the cards probably wouldnt get sent. We only had a small wedding with mostly family only, and they seemed rather happy that I called to say thankyou at all!
Squiggles
15-10-2006, 17:40
As a kid my mum used to also make me write a thankyou card to people who gave me a present and at the time I thought it was a huge pain in the ***.
Now... I love sending thankyou cards - simply because I like poeple to know that their thought was appreciated.
For our wedding I sat down for ages and hand wrote a special personal message to all of our guests to thank them for coming and commented on what present they gave us. I got comments back on how lovely it was.
We went to 2 other weddings within a few months of ours and neither of them sent or even said thankyou - I didnt think it was rude as it is their choice to do so, it would have been nice to get a thankyou of some sort but I guess it just shows that I have much better manners than them!! :laughing: no seriously, its personal choice but thats the way I was brought up and I think it is polite to do so and my children will also have the same values instilled in them.
wow, a lot of people who do send thankyou's are quite harsh in judging people who don't. at least, it feels harsh to a non thankyou sender:o .
to tell the truth i have never given it much thought. it just was not the done thing between any of my friends or family. i was not taught about it as i was growing up. i do not think i am *rude* or bad mannerred exactly, although i can see how you might think that if it was how you were taught, or brought up. it just is not an important thing for me. different values....
reading this thread i have come to think that sending thankyou's can be a beautiful and touching gesture. especially a homemade, or personalised one. even if that is an email carefully worded or a form letter, it is the thought of it that is lovely.
if i ever get married i would like to include a thankyou in my wedding rituals, although i think i prefer the idea of thanking for presence, rather than presents.
bambikins
15-10-2006, 22:46
Yeah, and it can also be a bit harsh when a thankyou or even an aknowledgement isn't given..............I really think it has nothing to do with the way one is brought up.
Please and thankyou is a natural acknowledgement from one human to a next...........it starts off when we teach our kids to say taaa or thanks when something is given. I don't think people are asking for a long winded letter of gratitude, it can be done in any way verbal or non. Just a plain and simple thanks.
And to all those non-thankyou senders out there, yes there are people that feel quite strongly about this issue, but I don't think anyone would face up to you and tell you that they were hurt by your non acknowledgement.........but the truth comes out on a thread like this because no one is going to go up to someone and say, "where's my thankyou?.......I feel a bit hurt etc etc. But people can express their annoyance here without directly offending any friends or relatives iykwim.
PS..... sorry if the non-thankyou senders were offended by my using the word bad mannered, it's just that I feel very sensitive to other peoples kindness and generosity which does touch my heart, and would feel quite wrong within myself If I didn't voice my gratitude.
bekkyboo
15-10-2006, 22:53
I dont think it is rude to not send out cards.
I spose it depends on the situation too. Wedding and engagements i spose it would be, but birthdays and such i think a verbal thankyou is fine.
indigoin0z
16-10-2006, 07:47
ummm....
The post says..Thank you CARDS...
of course a verbal thank you is polite.
We are talkign about sending out cards here..
I ring people to say thanks and I say thanks in person I just dont send the cards..
And yes it is offensive to be labeled as bad mannered or rude just because you do things differently.
I think it is very bad manners to stew over not getting aknowledgement for a present.
thanku p-n....:yes: :thumbsup: :yelclap:
i think that covers 'exactly' what we are trying to say..
others have ignorantly taken offence, assuming we meant no sign of gratitude at all etc :shame:
bambikins
16-10-2006, 11:17
Sorry again girls for causing offence, I'm having my baby in around 2 weeks time and my hormones are going hay wire :crying: (I know, I shouldn't use excuses). Maybe I shouldn't be writing in posts like this........
Signing off from this thread. Ciao
Mischief
16-10-2006, 12:07
I dont think its rude not to send cards. I must admit I really do appreciate it if I get one though, and I do try to make an effort to do it myself.
We sent thank you's for our engagedment and wedding gifts. But Ive only sent out a few for gifts people gave me for Oliver. Ive started them....I was making all my own cards...but I just cant find the time to finish them.
That said, I have always made a point to say thank you and tell people how much I appreciated what they gave me. Ie, Thanks so much, Oliver cuddles up to that teddy you gave him all the time, its one of his favorite toys!...ect.
I have never been HURT or OFFENDED by someone not sending a thank you card. Engagements, Weddings, Babies....all busy times in peoples lives.
I do llike to get a verbal acknowledgement though. Just so I know they actually GOT the gift and liked it. :)
ummm....
The post says..Thank you CARDS...
of course a verbal thank you is polite.
We are talkign about sending out cards here..
yep, i meant cards:yes: . sorry if i wasn't clearer, i definately think saying thankyou is good manners. sending cards just isn't the done thing in my circle. we are still all well mannerred polite people though.:wave:
pookiesossige
16-10-2006, 16:37
I was always brought up to send thank-you cards for pretty much everything.. although a lot of that was just my parents hassling me to suck up to -sorry, pay more attention to- my nanna- they keep telling me that it has nothing to do with the fact that she's wealthy :rolleyes:
But I sure hope that not everyone expects a thank-you card, because after Ariene was born, I forgot who gave me what and I just got forgetful and sooo confused.. hence, not many ppl got thank-you cards....
~mia&ryan~
16-10-2006, 20:42
I am a bit old fashioned when it comes to thank you cards, I ALWAYS send them, whether it be for a birthday present or an engagement pressie. I am getting thank you cards made for my wedding to match my invites, then I just have to add a personal message and pop them in the post. That said I have come not to expect them in return, these days it seems to be disappearing. And no an email or text doesn't count!!
RoarsomeMum
17-10-2006, 14:15
We did not write thank you cards.
IMO, I dont think its rude not to write thank you cards. In fact, I think its kinda rude to expect one. I dont know about any-one else, but I would rather have no presents then have ones that come loaded with expectations.
But, I would hate to think that any-ones feelings were hurt.
If any-one who brought us a gift happens to hang out here on bub-hub.. im sorry if it made you feel the way people have described here. :(
I'm with you Miamama I always send a thank you card, it's just something I was brought up to do, I actually like writing personal notes and even send cards to my best friends just to let them know I'm thinking of them. I like the personal touch to thank you cards
I don't however expect a thank you card from others, it's always nice thou to receive them.
~mia&ryan~
17-10-2006, 20:32
I'm with you Miamama I always send a thank you card, it's just something I was brought up to do, I actually like writing personal notes and even send cards to my best friends just to let them know I'm thinking of them. I like the personal touch to thank you cards
I don't however expect a thank you card from others, it's always nice thou to receive them.
:thumbsup: I like sending them too! I also send them for other thing not just pressies. I send them to people who join me to celebrate a special occasion, because it wouldn't be the same without them! I don't think people are rude if they dont send me one (I like it if they do... I keep things like that! lol) cos there are different strokes for different folks!:D
We did our wedding on the cheap (the very cheap) but it was still very nice.
Our place cards were our thankyou cards aswell.
They said something like...
Thankyou for your kind words and gifts.
It means alot to us both you are here.
Can't remember exact words but it was somthing like that, actually better than that. Our budget was very limited so any cost saving we could do, we did it.
I really don't think it is rude. I have been to parties, engagements, wedding as not recieved a thankyou card.
I know it is nice and all, but the cost of sending a thankyou card to everone who attended can cost more than the actual invitation, so we are talking in the hundreds here, some ppl just don't have that money to spend on paper, postage and then there is the environment;)
lilpearl
18-10-2006, 10:56
Thank-you cards are a must for anything. It's an acknowledgement that you received something (whether a present, a lovely day out, a beautiful card, or a favour) and that you appreciate the effort that person has gone to (not to mention, people tend to spend upwards of $100 on a wedding present, the least one can do in return is thank them in writing!). It's nice to receive a thank-you card, and know that your present wasn't lost in the pile...that the thought you put into choosing something personal for that person is something that that person is aware of, and enjoying. I've known of someone to have an engagement party, invite everyone under the sun, receive a gift from everyone, not send a thank-you card....and about five years later, they're not even married! Makes you wonder what the motive was! I always send a thank-you card, and would expect that if I didn't, I would indeed be seen as rude, and not appreciating of that persons friendship and kindness.
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