View Full Version : feeling like im going crazy
I love my kids with all my heart and I feel like that should be enough to keep me going and stop me being so stressed out but for some reason it's not. I sometimes feel like I'm a bad mother because I get so frustrated when I can't get them to settle down. I have become a little obsessive over my housework and feel that my house must be tidy all the time and when it isn't, it makes me feel like I'm not doing enough even when I burn myself out (which happens a lot). I miss my husband who works almost all the time and I feel like our marriage has taken a bit of a beating and needs some attention and my friends have virtually disappeared since having kids. I only really see them when I lug half my house over to them which in itself is exhausting. This place is so lonely and depressing which I think may be why I don't have a lot of patience with my children which in turn is making me doubt my abilities as their parent. One goes to daycare twice a week and on those days I struggle to take that time for myself, instead cleaning the house like a mad woman and when I do sit, I stew over not having any company. I'm so confused and my mind is so messy, I can't make sense of anything I am feeling and can't clearly see what I am meant to do. Please help...
UmmInayah
13-02-2012, 12:53
:hugs: I could have written your post myself. I have found that goin out first thing in the morning and coming home for lunch has helped with the housework issue. If we aren't home, it doesn't get messy. I take some fruit and drink bottles in the car and after I have dropped my eldest to prep, we go to the park, or the indoor play area at the shops, or just walk around the shops lol. Once in a whole I go to an indoor play centre where you pay for your child to play, but I don't do that often.
Do you have any family members who can look after your children once in a while so that you and your dh can go out? Even if you put them to bed yourself and just have someone sit at your home and be there while they sleep? :hugs: it's hard, isn't it?
Do you go for playgroups? Maybe meet some new friends, other parents?
MrsTiggyWinkle
13-02-2012, 13:11
on phone but subscribing to reply on pc later. For now here's some :hugs: i totally relate to what you say :hugs:
my eldest is three and he goes to daycare twice a week (perfect angel there but comes home and loses the halo) and my youngest is ten weeks so a little early for that yet. we have my husbands mum who can occasionally sit with them but unfortunately it means that she is stuck here until midnight when her husband finishes work so that can be difficult to get enough sleep for the following day. otherwise, I have just started making a couple of new friends and i think we are still at the stage where we are getting to know eachother so asking for help is a bit hard. I have taken the littlies for a walk to the milkbar and let my oldest buy something but to actually go anywhere is so exhausting and i have to make sure i have somewhere to heat up a bottle and keep it cold while we are out, plus carrying everything around, it seems virtually impossible. I literally avoid shops and supermarkets when it's just us. i feel like I'm kind of making excuses but at the end of the day i think i would prefer to stay away from being so tired, otherwise the nightly duties become painful. this is why it seems so much easier to be home but at the same time, really hard too. i really confuse myself sometimes
is there any chance of catching up with people you know or a playgroup or a mothers group in your area?
maybe if you could have a definite playdate scheduled in, even if it is just once a fortnight, it might help?
:hugs::hugs::hugs:
i have been trying to do something like that, but most of the people i know aren't parents and not that i am discriminating because i wouldn't do that but they really don't get how exhausting it is to drag a thousand bags around as well as two kids plus try and make sure you've remembered to take everything. a few weeks ago i went to a friends house after a long time of saying I really can't be going over there all the time because of how tiring it is and it wasn't being understood. when i got there, I had my oldest cracking up about wanting to stay in the car, my baby screaming because he was hungry, three heavy bags to get out plus toys. My friends eyebrows raised in shock at the level of truth of what I had previously said. hasn't stopped me having to go there all the time but at least they can finally see it. i think that's what gets me down the most...noone wants to make it easy for me for a change and if i want any sort of social interaction i have to pretend im superwoman in order to achieve it and then come home and spend an hour unpacking and changing etc.
then once that is done, i don't really have anymore energy to finish the day so i can finally sit down with my man who would have to be up and out of the house by 5 am and not home til dinner time. lots of little niggles here :(
I can see what you mean, and I think it's definitely hard for people without kids to have any idea on how hard it actually is to get organised to leave the house, even if its out to the shops for 10 minutes.
I remember before I had DS I never understood, and I had that mentality of "my kids will fit into my lifestyle not the other way around", then I had my son and hello reality!
sorry I don't have any real advice, just more :hugs: and maybe ask them to come to you?
UmmInayah
13-02-2012, 13:42
I'm so sorry you are having such a tough time :( I have a 3 year old (just turned 3) and a 10 week old as well! So I do totally get what you mean.
If you're in Brisbane, a friend of mine was telling me about a playgroup they have where you can just sit and have a coffee with parents while the children play in a huge play area with toys etc.
i have explained this to them and virtually begged for them to come ten minutes down the road but they cant see why i am pushing for it. i even said that during the day, this place is empty and cold...room only for a frustrated and lonely me and two kids who are generally happy but doing their own thing unless they want something and that makes me feel bitter and angry a lot of the time which in turn causes me to feel a bit jealous that my husband gets to go to work (i know that sounds selfish) but he can at least have a break from the kids and when he finishes, he can leave work whereas i never leave work so having someone pop in for a cuppa is like a justification to ease up on the housework and have a "break". thanks heaps for replying, it definitely helps to just vent if nothing else
I'm so sorry you are having such a tough time :( I have a 3 year old (just turned 3) and a 10 week old as well! So I do totally get what you mean.
If you're in Brisbane, a friend of mine was telling me about a playgroup they have where you can just sit and have a coffee with parents while the children play in a huge play area with toys etc.
im in vic :(
:O wow, my three yr old is to be 3 this week! we are pretty much same timing. how are you going with adjusting to having a second while probably still being driven crazy by the first?
UmmInayah
13-02-2012, 13:57
im in vic :(
:O wow, my three yr old is to be 3 this week! we are pretty much same timing. how are you going with adjusting to having a second while probably still being driven crazy by the first?
Lol I have a 4 year old who is almost 5 as well! It's hard. Really hard. Dh works in Melbourne every other week so I am on my own a lot. He works long long hours while he is in Brisbane as well so we hardly see him. Most of the time he has at home we are all trying to catch up on sleep! My 3 year old helps with the baby a lot. She rocks him in the bouncer while I get dinner ready. She plays on her own a lot so I am really lucky.
I used to find it really difficult to leave the house as well, but I'm used to it now. I try to plan it so that I leave as soon as I've given bub a feed so I know he wont need one for 2-3 hours after we've left. I carry him in a wrap and push the pram with my 3 year old (or she walks). At the park I sit on my iPhone while my 3 year old plays lol!
I dunno if this helps, just thought I would tell you what we do so you can get some ideas..
I get what you mean about your relationship with your dh as well. I hope you find something that gives you some reprieve from housework!
Lol I have a 4 year old who is almost 5 as well! It's hard. Really hard. Dh works in Melbourne every other week so I am on my own a lot. He works long long hours while he is in Brisbane as well so we hardly see him. Most of the time he has at home we are all trying to catch up on sleep! My 3 year old helps with the baby a lot. She rocks him in the bouncer while I get dinner ready. She plays on her own a lot so I am really lucky.
I used to find it really difficult to leave the house as well, but I'm used to it now. I try to plan it so that I leave as soon as I've given bub a feed so I know he wont need one for 2-3 hours after we've left. I carry him in a wrap and push the pram with my 3 year old (or she walks). At the park I sit on my iPhone while my 3 year old plays lol!
I dunno if this helps, just thought I would tell you what we do so you can get some ideas..
I get what you mean about your relationship with your dh as well. I hope you find something that gives you some reprieve from housework!
wow! you poor thing, that would be sooooo hard. not quite sure how you do it as my husband doesn't go away for work, it's just long days and even that is getting to me so i couldn't imagine how you feel. My three year old helps out a little bit with baby with playing and holding hands etc but after a short time of that he runs off and trashes the place especially when we have told him off for something. for instance he is currently screaming the house down and his room is unbearably trashed because i asked him to pick up broken biscuit off the floor and put a few toys away! he won't do it so i turned off the tv and told him he wasn't allowed to watch it or play or anything else until he did what i asked...but i know that by the end of today it will be me cleaning it all up, including his room just so i can get in there to put clothes away! :( I am on here right now trying to ignore it and the housework so maybe i can gain back some patience but i seem to be losing this battle
UmmInayah
13-02-2012, 14:14
wow! you poor thing, that would be sooooo hard. not quite sure how you do it as my husband doesn't go away for work, it's just long days and even that is getting to me so i couldn't imagine how you feel. My three year old helps out a little bit with baby with playing and holding hands etc but after a short time of that he runs off and trashes the place especially when we have told him off for something. for instance he is currently screaming the house down and his room is unbearably trashed because i asked him to pick up broken biscuit off the floor and put a few toys away! he won't do it so i turned off the tv and told him he wasn't allowed to watch it or play or anything else until he did what i asked...but i know that by the end of today it will be me cleaning it all up, including his room just so i can get in there to put clothes away! :( I am on here right now trying to ignore it and the housework so maybe i can gain back some patience but i seem to be losing this battle
Hugs.. My 3 year old doesn't do directions. I have to pretend its all a game with her. Like "I'm going to beat you at cleaning first!" or something like that. She seems to like competition. Or I say "oh man, I bet you can't put all your toys away by the time I've finished feeding your brother!" And lo and behold, she's done it without me having to get into an argument with her about it lol.
Maybe try that? Sorry, I'm not much help :(
Hugs.. My 3 year old doesn't do directions. I have to pretend its all a game with her. Like "I'm going to beat you at cleaning first!" or something like that. She seems to like competition. Or I say "oh man, I bet you can't put all your toys away by the time I've finished feeding your brother!" And lo and behold, she's done it without me having to get into an argument with her about it lol.
Maybe try that? Sorry, I'm not much help :(
I've tried that, quite a few times actually, i think i may have cleaned for him for too long, thinking he was too young to understand so now he just expects it. woops. most of the time a bribe works...surprisingly, i'll give you a banana if you pick this up and he does it but today he is extremely reluctant.
you're more help than you think, I am getting some of this crap off my chest which has been taunting me for ages...thanks heaps for that.:)
UmmInayah
13-02-2012, 14:23
Hey any time :) I'm glad you're feeling better. Sorry the competitive stuff isn't working. Bribery works a treat here too lol!
dreadlockfairy
13-02-2012, 17:20
Hugs OP, looking after 2 kids is hard! Where abouts in Vic are you?
gippsland...moe, where abouts are you?
Izzys Mummy
14-02-2012, 18:18
I'm so sorry you are having such a tough time :( I have a 3 year old (just turned 3) and a 10 week old as well! So I do totally get what you mean.
If you're in Brisbane, a friend of mine was telling me about a playgroup they have where you can just sit and have a coffee with parents while the children play in a huge play area with toys etc.
I'm in bris too! where is this playgroup?
I'm in Bris too and looking for a playgroup my dd is 1
UmmInayah
14-02-2012, 20:17
It's at browns plains! Will repost when I find out the dets. I havent been there yet personally, but have heard good things About it
GettingBigger
01-03-2012, 17:32
aww I feel for you, I have a 2.5 DD and 6 month old DS and it was definately an adjustment when he was born.
I gotta say I'm a first time SAHM ( worked from home with DD in tow until DS was born) and I struggle too. Its just so frustrating never having a clean and tidy house because as soon as you are finished it gets trashed!!!
I agree with the post above, I try to get out of the house each morning if I can, even if its just to go down the the park. I find this way when I get home normally both kids are pretty ready for a sleep so I can manage to get them both down together, giving me an hour or so to myself.
Your baby is still so young i'm sure it will get easier.
BTW not sure if your interested but I warm my DS bottles by taking a small flask of boiling hot water with me, then when he's ready for a feed I pour a little of the hot water into his room temp bottle before adding the formula. This way you get a warm bottle without a microwave. Makes it much easier to get out and about.
ClipClopsMumma
28-03-2012, 00:52
It is so good to know that I am not the only one going through this. Ive got 2 kids and am constantly fighting with my husband over nothing. We arent even speaking at the moment and he just looks at me like he hates me all the time. I knew motherhood wasnt going to be easy but I didnt think it would be one of the most depressing times of my life. I love my kids and hisband and I do get some me time, usually when everyone has gone to bed but i am going nuts. I have no friends with kids and all my family live interstate. Honestly its just so good to vent but I dont know how much more I have left in me.
UmmInayah
02-05-2012, 08:19
Just realised I was supposed to get back about the playgroup in Brisbane.
It's on the corner of middle rd and wineglass ave in boronia heights. It's inside the early childhood clinic toward the back (called early childhood centre). It's on tuesdays and Friday's.
There is another one in Acacia ridge that's on nyngam road (off beatty road). It's right at the end of the no through road passed the school. That one is on Thursday's and they even have a cooking class between 1130 and 1230! It's awesome and practically brand new.
SuperGranny
02-05-2012, 11:34
hi, I have noticed this thread was from march, but I feel like adding some advice. Sahm44, I was a sahm mum for ten years while my babies were small and I am so glad I was able to do that. I had three babies under two, and then four under 6. It was a bit of a chore to get out of the house, but I did manage to go to the local playgroup and baby clinic once a week. I also had a husband who was away with work quite a lot, so I was on my own with the children for maybe 50% of the time. I just did what needed to be done each day. The washing was daily, no disposible nappies. Washing, folding put away, each day. Meals of course, each day. the rest of the house work was often done at night time when everyone was asleep. Often I might only do one chore, one room, or even sometimes just pick things up from the floor. The house was never totally clean from front door to back door, in one day, or even in one week. No one said if you are a sahm mum you have to have the house spotless 24/7, you are staying home to raise your children, you are giving the best you can manage, dont spend your time stressing about what doesnt matter. This is not directed at anyone in particular, 'you' in general. Children need ' maximum affection'. your love and attention, is what they need. hugs, Marie.
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