How do you cope?

[Pobblebonk]

Hi! How are you? My relationship with my partner is going nowhere and I don't think I want to be with him anymore. He wants us to go to relationship counselling to see if we can sort out our problems, but there's so MUCH wrong with our relationship that I don't know if I can even be bothered.

We broke up when I was pregnant with DS and got back together when he was about 3 months old, so we've been together again for 6 months. I've had to do it by myself before.

The only thing I'm scared of is having to do it all alone. When he comes home, he takes DS and baths him and puts him to bed, while I get dinner ready. And that's really valuable to me because if I have had a bad day with DS, I get to have a break. So I guess I'm a bit scared of having no support at all.

And I don't trust him to take DS over to his mothers house (where he will go live) because he can't make things safe for DS here, let alone over at his mothers house where it's a bit dirty (eg. animal faeces left on verandah where DS crawls around).

I am putting DS in childcare 1 day a week, just to give myself a break, and hopefully when they have another opening that isn't two consecutive days, I'll put him in the other day. But two days a week in childcare is all I want to do, at the maximum.

So all those other single mums out there: what do you do to cope with having to raise a child pretty much on your own?

[Mum2Bug]

i havent really got any advice for you but just some :hugs: . It is hard at times, I will admit that but I just pick my chin up and push on the best I can. I dont get any breaks from Bug at all which has been getting me down a bit lately but I have started relieving that a bit by taking her out to BH meets and having a little cry in the shower at night.

I hope it all works out for you know matter what you decide to do.

[Charis]

Hi Miss_Alitz:) Sorry I haven't got any advice either, but a lot of emphathy and interest as am also in a similar position. Well my bub isn't born yet, but am also trying to work out how to be a happy loving mum when trying to look after bub and also work (a bit)!

But also know I'll be/I am much happier not with DP. Have the same opinion of it being beyond counselling for us too.

Of course family are the obvious option, have you anyone who can look after your precious DS?

Maybe express your concerns re dogs to MIL, as she may not realise..or may actually clean up when her precious grandson is there.

Your message does bring up a topic I'm interested in 'Wills'..ie if anything happens for us Mums, is your exDP then the primary guardian!!??? Hmm can we write them out of this (hopefully unlikely) circumstance?

Big :hugs: to you!! Keep believing in yourself!!!

[loopi1]

Hi Aly :wave:
Big :hugs: to you.

I have been on my own since the day I told my DS father, he did a runner that very night and we have not spoken since. He has never seen or held his son. I have only 1 family member in WA and he works All the time so not really much help there.

You can get lots of advice from different people swinging one way or another but ultimately all choices are up to you. Like every single mum out there we all had these thoughts of how, how will I do it on my own. Well as all of us single mum's and generally all mums, it's hard work but it can be done.

I'm was in a similar boat as Mum2Bug where I had Jnr 24/7 and it is very hard, depressing, lonely and tiring but I have a precious little boy to bring up and I just Do... I've recently got myself a part time job 2days a week so he is in day care and he loves it, playing with other kids instead of me and I get some Adult convo.

About trying to fix things with your other half, why not give counsilling ago then at least you can say you tried. If it doesn't work it doesn't work. There is plenty of help out there for single mums, BH is fantastic for help, advice and friendship but it's up to you and whats best for your boy. There is also a lot of professional help as well.

Aly all single mums know what you are going thru and I personally have had bad, good, ups and downs but I have my beautiful little man and he has been more than worth it.

Okay enough of my :ecomcity: but just remember 'You Can Do It' on your own.

By the way I love your boys name :D

[Chanelc]

Maybe you should go to a counsellor with him - as you can at least see whether the issues can be resolved or you really don't want to work at it anymore - it is a big decision. I guess you know whether you want to or not - all I can say is years down the track will you regret not at least going to a counsellor or will you be happy with the decision you make... food for thought
I left 6 months ago now and we are in the process of reconclining - I don't know what will happen but honestly I love being on my own and as a few of the bubhub's know I find it hard sharing my life with him - when he does come round.. as I have become use to my space. So I am wondering if single mum as hard as it is is healthier sometimes
as for those times when the little one test my nerves I have two methods - one place hre in her cot wiht toys and go outside and just breathe I can calm down and relax and refocus or go for a walk with her in the pram.. you juts have to find your coping mechanism.
Goodluck with what ever you decide.

[lovingmumof 2now]

I have raised a six year old on my own and through my own choice are now raising my new child now 10 mnths on my own.

Sometimes the choices we make are not the most perfect and the most romantic, as mums.

All I can say to you is if you feel you need to be away from your partner you need to do whats in your heart. You will survive, being on your own is not as hard as some people think it is. Its just daunting to think about.

We have support thru this site.

Anytime ask us.

[jess_live_die]

i dnt have any advies but i do know how u feel im rasing to little girls on my own and my ex and i tried to fix things but it couldnt b fixed its hard and its sad but sometimes its better doing it on ur own if u eva wanna talke msg me good luck

[babyboo]

I must admit it has its hard times, but you do get used to it. At first, yes, it can be pretty daunting but once you settle into your own routine it gets better.

If he is willing to give counselling a go then maybe it would be worth trying that first. but.... if your heart really isnt in it then you need to do what feels right for you.

I work 3 days a week to keep my head above water and that way we can have decent stuff, etc. It can be draining, but like others have said you just have to pick yourself up and keep going or have a big cry (which is also good) and then keep going.

It can be pretty draining on you on your own if you dont have close family support, its pretty much 24/7 and i found it really hard at first as my ex too was pretty helpful with the bathing and stuff, but you'll find your own flow.

You'll get lots of support here either way. Just remember to be true to you :hugs:

[scorpio83]

I'm in a similar situation. My ex broke up with me, leaving me alone as all my family and friends live interstate. He proceeded to sleep with not only his boss but someone i USED to consider a friend the next week. Then, after lying to me about it and having me take him back, he tells me the truth. Needless to say I'm now stuck as to whether I should try again or just forget it, since he had so little respect for me. I've agreed to try, but only on a temporary basis to see if that's what I want. Having raised my daughter alone for the last 14 months even with him around, I know I can do it. Although I too have to return to work to keep ahead of the bills. But I agree. If you don't try, you might regret it later. Only you know the answer.