where has my little girl gone???

[natasha]

Okay! Can someone please help me! PLEASE!
Can somone tell me where my pleasent, funny, loveable caring 20 month old daughter has gone? And who this horrible, whingy, screaming, bad tempered, moody little girl is i have with me?

DD is just crazy! It's like she hates me! She screams when i give her something she wants! She screams to have some juice, so i give it to her and she goes uh, with this horrible evil look on her face(where they put their chins into their chest and look at you through slits in the eyes), and throws it o the floor.
So i go to walk away and she comes after me screaming! I give her the drink and she snatches it off me and screams and runs away.

So i sit down with her and try to play a game that i know she likes, i dont ask her to play with me, i wait for her to approach me, ya know, like in the jungle.:laughing: She will come over and try to play so ill say 'good girl anna, thats nice play'! Well thats it!!!

She throws the biggets tantrum ever!

This has gone on now for weeks. Everytime i say something nice to her she throws the biggest tantrums and screams!:confused:

If she is eating her dinner nicely I will tell her, and then she stops eating and screams and whinges!

Now i get that she is being independant and all, but if i stop praising her, and she just gets attention for bad behaviour, won't the problem get worse??
I try ignoring her throughout the day and sitting on the floor and playing with her toys in the hope that she will play by me, but she doesn't!

Its honestly like she hates me! She shouts for daddy in the morning these days and if i try and give her a hug she just pushes me away. Its like shes this little ball of anger and it upsets me so much!

What do i do?? Has anyone had their little toddler behave like this??

[Ana Gram]

Yep, fun isn't it. Ruby only ever calls for Daddy in the morning, always says to me "Leave me alone", slams her bedroom door etc. I keep trying to remind her and myself that she is 2 not 16! For us, it is basically because we are identical in temprement and the like so we butt head something chronic. Just like me and my mum.

[PinkBinkie]

Hi Nasha
I can totally relate to how you are feeling. My daughter Lucy is now 16mths. For the last 1 and a half weeks she's been waking at 5.30am (not her usual 7.30!) just to see daddy before he goes to work......she wants nothing to do with me! She cries when he gives her to me so he can get ready. Plus she's been having heaps more tantrums and being difficult with her daytime naps. And like your little girl, Lucy doesn't like any attention or praise while eating. Little miss independent. I just keep telling myself it's a phase, it can't go on forever can it ??? :eek:

[jack-e]

sounds like she has hit the 'terrible twos' a bit early. my son is not quite so bad but he is certainly not the angel he once was. i try 'time out' when he is naughty and he is starting to realise that he doesnt want that so listens a bit more..... all trial and error i think...... in time she will grow out of it. just dont let her get away with too much and think that its ok to act like that all the time. Good Luck

[Jo9999]

I totally sympathise. Hang in there with what you're doing, hopefully the phase will pass soon. My dd is so naughty at the moment and sometimes she seems to just do the opposite of whatever I want. I find the naughty chair the most effective discipline at the moment.
I am sure its still you who she wants cuddles and love from when she is sick.
My sister's theory with her dd that it was because she felt secure in her Mums love that she could abuse her in this way. She was not so secure in her fathers love so she was nice to him. And her dd did actually manage to turn into a nice little girl again somewhere around 4 :-)

[natasha]

I just can't do this anymore. I came back from a bubhub meet today and just cried and cried, she was really badly beahved. I know everyone says she's not that bad out of politness, but i know how bad she is. It's so embarressing.:(

Even after we left, she was just horrible, screaming and crying and whinging. I had it all the way home. I wish I could do what i should and just ignore it, but how can i ignore it and expect everyone else to just grin and bear it???

They came for a relaxing time to chat to other mums, not to listen to my child throw huge tantrums when she doesnt get what she wants. I walk on egg shells round her, give her what she wants whenever we are out, just so she won't embarress me. I'm just bawling my eyes out wondering how I can fix this.

I'm really starting to not like my own daughter.:crying: God that sounds awful.
It's not just when we are out. She is like that at home aswell. I try and make her happy and play games and give her nice things for her lunch,i'm really enthusiastic and love pretend playing with her but she just screams and me and whinges 24/7. Nothing i do is ever good enough.

I try and not let her know i'm about to explode, I internilise it all, but i have problems with that (self harm) which really isn't good for me.

I wish someone could come into my house and explain to me exactly what i have to do step by step and be with me to help me through it.
I just want my old daughter back but how do i start fixing this?? Where do I start????:confused:

I just can't do this anymore. I'm just not cut out to be a mother.

[melfunction]

Nasha, K is doing the same things and he is 16 months.

I use the term 'researching' alot with him because I feel thats exactly what he is doing. He is trying to find the boundaries that he cannot cross and it can be incredibly frustrating when he is so bloody persistent. He out-stubborns me :eek:

He is testing me to see what he can and can't get away with and I am trying to be as consistent with him as I can be. I tend to ignore his tantrums which are getting more and more frequent so I don't know if what I am doing is right either :confused: I have never had a 16 month old toddler before, so every day I am learning new things about him and how to manage his behaviour. I am hoping it is just frustration due to the fact he can't verbalise with me hence he gets upset because he can't tell me what he wants and he doesn't understand what I say to him.

I tell myself that I am the boss. What I say goes. Doesn't always work out that way mind you, but we are gradually getting there. He is an extremely active little boy and I find I have to keep him busy although he can amuse himself too.

I don't really have an answer for you, but I can certainly understand the frustration you are feeling. Hang in there Nasha. Tell yourself it WILL get better. Believe it WILL get better too. I am certainly not ideal mother material either, but I am learning.

As for the self harm, you need to talk to someone about that as you already know :hugs:

[Pixie]

Nasha I was there with you today she is so normal, she really wasn't that bad, I am sure she can be worse! I was worried that you had left because she was a bit uppity, but really she's just a normal nearly 2 year old, she's testing you, pushing you to your limits, I was a nanny to a 2 year old, not the same as a mum but still had to figure her out!!

I haven't been there yet with Eliza obvisouly but, have you just left her to her own devices when she kicks up a fuss at home? ignore her completly? making sure she can't hurt herself etc, She gets what she wants, even if you were to shout at her she got a response, she got you she knows that works, hmm what can I try next and so it keeps going :( I know you can't do this when your out but maybe at home.

I use to let Anna:eek: OMG same name just realised lol I use to leave her to scream she would fling herself on the floor etc kicking and screaming, I tried to entertain her but it was like she hated me. When she had stopped she would want to play with me I refused and she soon worked out tantrum = no fun afterwards....I want fun...better stop my tantrums and over a few weeks she got better.

Anyway really she wasn't that bad you silly lass I have seen much, much worse!!:hugs::hugs:

[LA62]

:hugs:

Girls are hard :yes:

:eek: it does not get much better, but they get funnier and have a personaliy as they get older...you will learn to grow with her love and hate her ways and attitude etc, just be firm kids and ignore the tantrums, walk away.

parenting is hard until they leave home:eek: but very true!

[reAllytee]

Oh hun :hugs:

I had a really bad day today also & me not getting sleep last nite affected that also !
I ended having to leave Boof with DP most of the day because i was going to do or say something i regretted !
I can honestly say without a doubt i hated him today.
He whinged & screamed over everything & would not let go of me he has also taken to getting my attention by stomping on my feet which sends me through the roof. I hate my feet being touched so react quite badly.
Please please understand you are definately not alone & Anna is definately not the worst i have seen, honestly hun i would say straight out if i thought she was horrid but she isnt she is just like Boof. Going into the terrible two's early & full on to boot !
Im going to come visit you next week & we are going to have a great day out & if our "lovely" children act up we can leave them together to find their own way home :p

Your doing a great job honestly you are, you just have a very intelligent girl who wants to get out into the world !

Im here if you need me :hugs:

[natasha]

Im crying now.:crying: :hugs: Thanks for all your kinds words.

[~J'dore~]

Hi Natasha:wave:

I understand how frustrating it is having a almost 2 year old. It's a really difficult time.

I just wanted to say that even though you feel like Anna doesn't like you it's not the case...
you are her little world... I'm sure she would be lost without you.

I think the best way to cope with toddlers is to have a plan. I have a naughty mat. I know it sounds silly and that it wouldn't work but it does. You have to be consistant with putting them on there when they are naughty but now most of the time when I tell my 22 month old to stop being naughty or he'll have to sit on the naughty mat he'll calm down and stop.

Keep up with the positive reinforcement. Make sure that she is getting enough sleep at night and during the day and try not to give her to many sugary foods or drinks.

Don't give her free range of all her toys, give her different sets at different times to try and keep her stimulated.

I hope that you're feeling better and more in control since you started this thread. Feel free to pm me if you want any ideas of things to do with Anna or if you just want to vent :hugs:

xx Denise

[motherlylove]

glad i found this thread my 13month old is the best tantrum chucker in her age group i swear.......and so physically strong its unbelievable ...AND I LOVE HER TO PIECES:mad:

[polony]

Glad I stumbled across this thread!

I thought I had a child possessed but it sounds like DD is doing the "normal" thing afterall. Tantrums!

I HATE THEM! I have tried the ignore yet she gets louder and starts screaming. I walk away or leave the room and she follows me to continue on with her crying/screaming. I don't know what to do :(

She also does the throwing herself on the floor thing and goes all red and has tears and everything. I usually give into her or distract her with a biscuit or something. I really shouldn't do that.

I usually give in and do what she wants, whether it be read her book for the 500th time, "read" a photo album, give her my mobile or whatever it is, just to shut her up. I almost lost it today. It seemed like the whingeing and screaming and crying went on all day.

I missed Neighbours because DD was crying through the whole show. Boo hoo! It is the only show I truly like :(

IS there anything we can do to tame the beasts? I don't even have a DP to hand her to! ARGH!

[reAllytee]

I can understand where your somewhat coming from Polony my DP has a spinal injury which means he cant do much & is restricted in even the things he can do ( plays it to his advantage being male at times also :rolleyes: ) but my hat always comes off to single mums because my goodness i dont know how you do it :hugs:
I guess its a case of us needing to calm down because our kids do feed off our emotions. I know Boof has been the way he has because im stressed which makes it all ten times worse.
Most of the time is to just grin & bare it horrible as it is. They are frustrated & who wouldnt be if they couldnt do the things they wanted to do or get things working or even say whats wrong. I know a lot of problems have been dealt with my getting Boof to let me know if something is wrong. So now he comes & gets me grabs my hand ( awww tis too cute ) then say takes me to the door if he wants to go for a walk or play outside otherwise he will take my hand & take me to the toy he cant get to work or that has fallen out of reach etc. Same with getting him to use words for food & drink so we now have " yum yum" when he is hungry & "milka mmm milka" lol or "dink" for water. We tried sign language but he refused this & started saying his words so we just went with that !
Sometimes its hard & really the best thing to do is pop them in the stroller or sling & take 'em for a walk ! Gets you both out & calms you down too !
Hope things get easier soon :hugs:

[ToTeenyTots]

Hi Natasha
I have one of those playpens that I had when Tash was starting to crawl, and we use that as our time out / naughty corner thing. I figured it solved the problem of making her stay in a spot. She can see me through the bars (sounds terrible I know) and I never leave the room if she is in it. When she has calmed down I expain why she was put in there again and take her out after she has akmowledged what I have said.
If I find that i have to do this too many times I put the Baby in the pram and go for a walk. ( sounds simple doesnt it but its more like, find dummy for baby, and toys for pram, put shoes on Tash, find her hat, find my hat, fill up water bottles, put baby in pram, realize Tash has wet nappy, take baby out of pram, change them both, find the shoe Tash has taken off, put baby in pram and with head reeling walk off pushing baby in pram and carrying Tash cause she doesnt want to walk-Gotta love it!!)
Tash has only recently turned into this terror tot so we are still working through it. I feel very confident it will pass( if i repeat it often enough to myself) Sometimes we just get bogged down and you need to take a day off - mentally that is. Let anything that is not going to hurt her pass and give yourself a break. She loves you and is pushing your buttons i know cause Tash does it to me. If she doesnt want to play with you then get on with something you want to do . If she is going to chuck a tantrum when you try to play with her, then dont she may still chuck a tantrum but she will see she has lost your attention. They are smart she will get it after awhile
Cheers
Anna

[Can I?]

There is a great article

http://www.mothering.com/articles/growing_child/discipline/tantrums.html

about listening to your child's tantrums and supporting them through it. It sounds a bit weird I know, but go and read the article (it is LONG so get a cup of coffee) and try it. It has changed the way I view tantrums forever. And yes I do have a 2 and a half year old who can throw a doosy when he wants to ;)

[ToTeenyTots]

Thats a good article. Makes sense too.
Cheers