Co-sleeping question about age

[Johnny Poppers]

I was at a BBQ last night and was introduced to a lady who has a 12 year old daughter who still co-sleeps with her and her DH. I was a little shocked. I didnt feel that it was appropriate for me to ask her why at the time, but it has left me a little curious. So I thought I would seek the knowledge of bubhubbers who co-sleep.


What age do most co-sleepers venture into their own beds?
Would this be a normal situation?
Why would a child of this age still be co-sleeping?

TIA

[Areca]

Who knows why a child of that age could be co-sleeping. Perhaps they are scared of the dark, perhaps they don't like sleeping alone, perhaps they are having a hard time at school, perhaps they have nightmares, perhaps they have recently lost a friend/family member/beloved pet and they are having a hard time dealing with it.

It's not strange...I know when I'm feeling down, or stressed out or whatever I like for DH to cuddle me in bed. I'm 28. I co-sleep every night, just with my husband ;) 12 year olds don't have husbands or wives, they have their parents so it makes perfect sense that if they are needing an extra bit of comfort or security of a night that they will go to their parents. It's not something every child will need but it's not strange for a child to need it either.

[stretch]

DD is 2 and she's just about in her own bed full time now. Some nights are better than others.

Me, as a kid wasn't co-slept but when I was between the ages of about 8-10 I used to have a bad dream or what ever and I'd end up in mums bed. Sometimes consciously.. Other times I'd just end up in there.

Wouldn't say 12 is 'normal' but each to their own. Be abit squishy in there!!

[singlemumma82]

My DD is almost 9 and now that I'm single again is back in my bed every night, she loves her mummy cuddles and hates being in her little bed all alone in the dark (even with a nightlight DD i scared of the dark) I think it's completely up to the parents and child.

Personally, I have given up on DD sleeping in her own bed all night, but I know eventually she'll be fine and no longer come jump in with me, but it will be in her own time.

[sweetseven]

DD1 had her own bed, but came into mine most nights around that age. She was probably 14yo before she started sleeping in her bed more often than mine.

Oh, and she had been sleeping in her own bed from 2yo-10yo as well.

[mummyrissa]

My DD started co sleeping with me when she was 3 after a major operation - that was 18mths ago. I am a single parent so when she is ready she can have her own bed but I wont force it!

Sent from my LG-P920 using BubHub

[MsMummy]

This is why I don't tell people we co-sleep. also, I tend to find it impolite to inquire into what happens in people's bedrooms.

[BlissedOut]

My 21 yo niece still cosleeps with her grandmother most nights.

She feels happy there.

I sleep where I'm happiest, don't you?

[Boobycino]

I don't know about 'most cosleepers' but in our house our bed has an open door policy. That said we encourage jasper to sleep in his own bed for most of the night most nights since he was 3.

Also normal is what normal is for that family. Some families in other countries live in one roomed houses, it's totally normal and natural for the entire family to share a sleeping space. Growing up me & my brother both bed shared with our parents sometimes until my brother was 15 & umm... Me.... Wait, how old am I? 24... Yeah I'd still bed share with my mum if I slept over at her place with jasper. Actually me, mum & jasper cosleep.

Why? For lots of reasons. Because its normal for them and they haven't ever tried to change the sleeping arrangement. Could be anxiety related. I started cosleeping all night around that age when my parents separated. My mum left my dad and I and though I had my own bed at her place I'd pretty much only sleep in her bed. She then got a housemate when I was 14-15ish so I didn't have a spare room to visit so I slept in her bed when visiting.

:) hope that helps :)

[Little-Pink-Hen]

Who knows why a child of that age could be co-sleeping. Perhaps they are scared of the dark, perhaps they don't like sleeping alone, perhaps they are having a hard time at school, perhaps they have nightmares, perhaps they have recently lost a friend/family member/beloved pet and they are having a hard time dealing with it.

It's not strange...I know when I'm feeling down, or stressed out or whatever I like for DH to cuddle me in bed. I'm 28. I co-sleep every night, just with my husband ;) 12 year olds don't have husbands or wives, they have their parents so it makes perfect sense that if they are needing an extra bit of comfort or security of a night that they will go to their parents. It's not something every child will need but it's not strange for a child to need it either.

I agree with this.
I was still getting into my parents bed at 15-16. Sometimes mum and dad had all three of us in there me at 15 and my sister the youngest at 5. If I sleep at mums (when we live separately I'll jump in with her and I'm 30!)

[Johnny Poppers]

Areca I understand why children often seek comfort. I should have added that I asked if it was normal because the child co-sleeps every night with her parents, it is not occasionally. She doesnt start out in her own bed. I am not passing judgement just trying to understand.

[FloatingFairy]

,,.,

[Boobycino]

Areca I understand why children often seek comfort. I should have added that I asked if it was normal because the child co-sleeps every night with her parents, it is not occasionally. She doesnt start out in her own bed. I am not passing judgement just trying to understand.

I don't think anyone here can help you understand another parents parenting choices. We don't know this family or why they've made the choices they have made.

But then... Why do you need to understand? If its a close enough friend and you think you could tactfully bring it up if your curiosity is so intense... But really... It's kinda nothing for you to be concerned about.

[Johnny Poppers]

This is why I don't tell people we co-sleep. also, I tend to find it impolite to inquire into what happens in people's bedrooms.

I didnt feel comfortable asking about the co-sleeping with this lady so that is why I asked on here for people to contribute if they wished.






I was not intending to have a debate about what defines normal so was a bad term of phrase on my part. I was curious about the age that most co-sleepers venture into their own beds.

We started out co-sleeping but our little man was quite restless. He is not a cuddly child, brushes us off once he has had enough cuddles and seems to like his own space. He seemed more content during the day and lest restless when he was sleeping by himself. DH jokes that his snoringis the reason we failed at co-sleeping.

[wannaBamumma]

I totally understand your curiosity! My parents split when I was 9 and my mum, sister and I moved out. I slept with my mum most nights from then and on and off till i was about 14 and i only stopped cos mum got married!! The split between my parents was pretty traumatic for us so I think I felt safest with mum.
She laughs at me now cos I cosleep with dd and shes a wriggler like I was!
Actually thinking about it, when I used to visit my dad he only had one bed for a long time so we slept in there together and I was happy about that cos I was always scared of the dark!

[Areca]

Areca I understand why children often seek comfort. I should have added that I asked if it was normal because the child co-sleeps every night with her parents, it is not occasionally. She doesnt start out in her own bed. I am not passing judgement just trying to understand.
Sorry I wasn't trying to 'have a go' at you so sorry if it came across that way.
I have the non cuddly child who has never wanted to co-sleep (she's 6 now) and I have the baby who at 7 months demanded his own bed and now, at 2, has just started coming in to our bed some nights (anywhere from 3-5.30am) wanting a cuddle. No tears or anything, he just climbs out of bed and comes to us. Then there's my 4 year old...the child who from birth has needed her family unit together. The child who, for the first ten weeks of her life was only separated from me so I could shower and then again of a night so I could get in to my pj's and she screamed the whole time we were separated. Not even her dad was good enough. At 4, nearly 4 1/2, she's confident, happy, has sleep overs (sometimes for two nights) at her grandparents and is excited to being having a sleepover with her siblings at my friend's house soon, extremely cuddly and affectionate, and absolutely terrified of the dark. She's confident to sleep with a light on in the hallway which sometimes extends to a light on in the living room as well. However, our beds are at opposite ends of the house and I know she's only confident sleeping in her room because she shares a room with her big sister. If she was an only child, or didn't share a room she'd be in our bed from the beginning every single night. She's also our best sleeper by far, will announce she's tired and wants to go to bed, still naps once or twice a week and is my only child who knows what it means to sleep past 7am.

Who knows why the 12 year old sleeps in mum and dad's bed every night. Maybe their bed is actually two beds pushed together, perhaps they have a really small house so having one room for sleeping and utilising the other rooms for other things makes the best use of the space. I think Boobycino hit the nail on the head with her post. A 12 year old sleeping with her parents is nothing to be concerned about and there could be 1 000 different reasons as to why they all sleep together.

[trishalishous]

technically i still cosleep as i share a bed with dh, but i left my parents bed aroun 8 or 9 i think. i shared a room with my sister from age 3, but we still went in with mum

[HarvestMoon]

I co sleep with my 4 and 7 year olds. Being with mum is where they obviously feel most comfortable.
I have no issue with it. They will obviously move into their own beds when they are ready.

[Witwicky]

I agree with Areca, it really depends on the child and family, but I don't see anything wrong with it. I get lonely sleeping in my own (and sometimes s bit scared!), so I imagine it would be comforting for an older child to sleep with their parents.

My DS is 2.5 and he goes through phases of wanting to co-sleep and wanting to sleep in his own room. Lately he has been sleeping with me in my bed; where he sleeps is completely up to him. He isn't the cuddly type either (he was cuddling the other day during a sleep and I was shocked lol), but I'm guessing he chooses to co-sleep at times because he is comforted by my presence. My bedroom door will always be open to my kids, whether they are aged 2 or 42!

[share a book]

No it would not have been appropriate. My dd turns 9 this year and most nights goes to sleep in my room. She usually ends up in my bed even if she starts out in her room. She sleeps in her own room if she has a friend sleeping over.

I can't imagine there would ever be a time when I would make her stop.

[notquitesupermum]

My mum was diagnosed with cancer 1 week before my 22nd birthday, from diagnosis till she died (3 months) I slept in her bed every night she wasnt in hospital.

[Lovemyfam]

My daughter co-slept with me and my ex until she was 3 I left my ex and then it was me and her, then I came to Australia last year for 3 months she co slept with my then 14 year old, when I got back from Australia she co-slept with me and my now husband for a bit then moved onto co-sleeping with her sister then at 5 moved into her own bed usually ends up with sister most nights though.