View Full Version : "It's very common".....
I'm SICK TO DEATH of being told this!!! Sh*t the hell up!
Seriously, do you think that helps me AT ALL???? I've lost 2 babies, I lost my hopes and dreams for my future, I've lost pieces of my heart that will never heal and I've nearly lost my relationship with my partner. Seriously, why don't you shut the hell up. You bury 2 of your tiny little babies and then come and tell me how friggin' common that feels.
This was my doctor today, who rushed me through a much anticipated appointment, with regards to testing I've had done to determine possible causes for our losses. Not only did she rush me through, she was unable to interpret or explain the results and she offended me with seriously f'ed up condescending comments like "I know you're a worrier".
I'm sorry, I don't usually go off like this. I know the above post sounds horribly distasteful but if I hold it back I am going to explode. :banghead2::gloomy:
So sorry for the loss of your babies and the insensitive dr x
So because something "is common" that means it shouldn't hurt as much? What a crock!
Big hugs to you, ignorants twats!
i know what you mean. i do think people try and tell us this mainly to make you feel less 'alone'. i dont think they have malicious intent or want to come across as making it sound like you should just get over it coz it's so common, but we get very annoyed that because it's so common, that our loss is less significant. I know people mean it in the sense that 'there was perhaps something genetically wrong etc etc, so your body recognised this and dealt with it', but i do feel the same as you, that people think you should just brush it off and get on with life. well, it's BLOODY hard and yes the most saddest of things i've had to experience.
I am currently STILL spotting since my m/c. The actual m/c started occuring jan 1st (with spotting beginning earlier- xmas day, yes Yipee for me!). And then this monday 30th i got my period, but it's CD5 and i'm still waiting for it to **** off, as it better not go back to being spotting. My doc took bloods on monday and said my levels were under 2, so looks like this should be my period and this should all be over soon. So yeah because of things like this continuing on, it's real hard to just pick yourself up and get on with life, with the constant reminder that your dreams have been shattered once again. As you can tell by my signature, i too am at m/c #2 and think we've chatted about having similar dates/months of our m/c. well, here's to hoping you and i only have to try again for another couple of months to get and keep our BFPs. Coz if it's another 7 months of TTC on top of the other 5 months from the conception to the first m/c, i dont think i could cope!
I'm sorry for your lost babies :hugs: :hugs:
I totally agree, I'm very sick of people saying that same thing to me too. The more people who are starting to find out about our m/c, the more & more I'm hearing it. I don't think that people realise how hurtful it actually is.
I am also over people saying, "it happened for a reason". I have heard that so many times & get really upset over it. I think what, your childs here for a reason but mines not?? That just doesn't seem fair to me. I find people's comments can be really hurtful especially those who've never experienced this before.
Sending you heaps of hugs & I wish people would think before saying comments like that to others. I have found that family have been the worst at it :hugs:
Thank you, ladies :hugs:
I completely understand a doctors motivations in stating 'it's very common" in the first instance, in that they are stating a fact and trying to let you know that you are not alone, or that it isn't anything you have done to cause it ect ect ect but she has said it too many times and I have heard it so many times that I've just had enough. It would have been ok if she wasn't using it to cover up the fact she didn't know how to interpret my results and so just said that to fill a void.
Not to mention the other offensive things she said. I won't be seeing her again - just my doc wasn't there. I hate getting her. I can't stand her.
Merri berri - hang in there! I'm sorry it has been such a drawn out experience for you. I know how you feel. TTC is the only thing keeping me sane and my biggest fear all at the same time.
Rocky - thanks for your understanding and I'm sorry for your loss :hugs: I just cannot fathom why people think these comments are a good idea??? Seriously :confused: I would never say that to someone - not just because I have been through it now and know it is the worst thing to say - but I really would not have said something like that before this experience either.
Why can't people just say "I'm sorry for your loss" or "I'm so sorry" or something like that just like you would say to someone who had lost a loved one. I mean, seriously, if someone's loved one past away you wouldn't go up to them and say "it's very common" *for people to die*!!!!! You wouldn't say that in a million years - why is it ok to say to someone who has experienced pregnancy loss???
Just because my babies were so small it does not change that they were my babies. I just don't understand.
Onelove how long since your little ones became angels if you font mind me asking I cannot imagine bury two little ones I just had my little ones funeral Monday and know I couldn't do it again and to hear than from my doc would make me Mad!!!!
I totally agree Onelove - it is common to get diagnosed with cancer but people dont say "dont worry, it happens all the time". All I wanted people to say was "I'm so sorry, what a shxtty thing to be going through".
People can say the most hurful things sometime, even my MIL who has had 3 misscarraiges said "toughen up, misscarriages are just part of life". Maybe to her they were but to me it was devestating.
I am sorry for your losses, feel free to vent on BH anytime :hugs:
Hear! Hear! I agree with you wholeheartedly OneLove and I am so sorry for your loss. I went through an m/c with my first pregnancy in October last year and I got the same comments. "It's very common." and "You must remember that it probably happened for a good reason."
The thing is I got it a lot from the women in my life who have had children. Made me think did they go through this (I know for sure one of them definitely did - my sister) and did people say the same things to them. Surely they found it hurtful too, so why are they repeating the same horrible stuff to me??!
It's like they are saying 'Deal with it, I had to.'
You just want to be able to mourn your baby, and its like everyone is saying get over it. We should be allowed to mourn them. I really like how people on here list their angel babies. Their little souls stay with us I think and I hope if I do manage to fall pregnant and stay pregnant one day, my angel baby will be a guardian angel to my new child.
:hugs:to you. You may have felt you just needed to vent, but you also vented for many of us and I thank-you for that. That someone else understands how hurtful those comments are makes you feel just a little bit better.
even my MIL who has had 3 misscarraiges said "toughen up, misscarriages are just part of life".
i cant believe she said this. they are not part of life. they are a Crappy crappy crappy disappointment in life. we dont wish them to be a part of anyone's life!
merri berri - yeah that is just my MIL for you! She is full of comments like that
Dannii - I am so incredibly sorry for your loss :hugs:I see you have been trying for some time too. I can only imagine how terribly heartbroken you must be after trying to hard and coming so close. My heart goes out to you and I am thinking of you. I lost one babe in April and another in December. My December babe was due close to the same time as your Raymond I believe. I read the Due Date group but never joined as I was too worried still from losing Iris back in April. I am lucky we didn't have to try hard to conceive but just can't seem to get them to stay with us :( I feel that I shouldn't complain when I think of lovely Mummas like you who have had such a tough road. Again, I am so sorry you lost your beautiful son xxx
RinoBiscuit - Thank you! I don't think I have ever "vented" on here before. I have been a member for years but have never gotten into posting much. I tent to just read along. I didn't really get the "vent" threads - but now I do! It actually made me feel better and I am so thankful for lovely woman like you all here who understand and sympathise. It really helps.
I cannot believe your MIL said that to you!!! Oh my gosh - who says that kind of thing??? :eek: I'm so sorry for your loss - it just sucks so bad, huh!?!
Aw Nellie, thank you :hugs: I do feel better. I hope it really does help someone else out there too. I wish that pregnancy loss was realised for the tragedy that it really is and for the babies that they really were. I really hope that you are holding your precious bub sometime very soon and I'm sure you angel will be watching over you and your family :hugs:
:hugs:I completely agree.
"It's very common" .... So *** sick of hearing this! Yes, it may be. But that in NO way makes me feel any better!
Along with "It must of happened for a reason". Really? You telling me there was something wrong with my baby so it's better off I lost it is meant to make me feel better?!
Big hugs and I'm so sorry for your pain :hugs:
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