worrying about what will happen if?

[lovingmumof 2now]

Hi there,

Was wondering if I am alone in these thoughts or if others worry like me!!!

What I am on about is this!!!


I constantly worry if something happens to me, where will my children go?

My sons father has bi-polar disorder (manic depression) and lives with a physco girlfriend. He currently does not see as he was emotionally traumatised by them.

and
My baby daughters father is a bit of a ferral. He smokes and drinks too much and is all about what is in it for him and has many kids all around the country that he pays not a cent for.

It is so stressful to think if my kids had to live with their fathers their little lives would be ruined.

Anyone have their own story to tell?

[jess_live_die]

your not alone there i think of that all the time too.
my 2nd daughters father drinks more times in one day then we see him in a year, my mum has enouff one her plate with my sister and dad his on medication all the time. she doesnt have a anther nanna her grandfather couldnt care less about her and im so worried bout it as well.

[LilShenanigans]

I'm a bit worried about that sort of thing too..
Although, if you write a will (effectively quite cheap when you think about what your doing for the long term possibilities), then there isn't much to worry about... sort of.

The only problem then is deciding on who would raise your child as you would like. I personally have two options and neither of them are currently parents, but they adore my girl almost as much as me, know how I want her raised, know that I never want to lie to her and know ME like the back of their hands.

It's honestly something to really think about as I think I was going to go nuts if I didn't get those thoughts out of my head.
It probably gave me a tad more freedom as I refused to go anywhere without DD... just incase! :(

[munchkin05]

I'm a bit worried about that sort of thing too..
Although, if you write a will (effectively quite cheap when you think about what your doing for the long term possibilities), then there isn't much to worry about... sort of.

The only problem then is deciding on who would raise your child as you would like. I personally have two options and neither of them are currently parents, but they adore my girl almost as much as me, know how I want her raised, know that I never want to lie to her and know ME like the back of their hands.

It's honestly something to really think about as I think I was going to go nuts if I didn't get those thoughts out of my head.
It probably gave me a tad more freedom as I refused to go anywhere without DD... just incase! :(

im in the process of organising a will just for this reason
at this point in time i dont think my ex (as much as i know he loves ben) would be the best person to raise ben
ive thought very hard about who i would give him to
and im going to put it all in the will
(i have nothing else to give ben except debt :laughing: )
but hopefully nothing happens but if it does i know my boy will be looked after well

[*Meggie*]

I know where you are all coming from on this. While I was pregnant I thought about it constantly, what if something happened to me, where would my daughter go. I rang legal aid and they said as far as the law goes, if something did happen to me, my daughter father would then have her because he has rights as a father. I'm pretty sure that even if I made a will, he would still get her. Personally I think thats so cruel, he has never even layed eyes on her and that would the most terrible thing if something did happen when she was like 8 and had to go and start a new life with a complete stranger.

[the_queen]

This happened to my sister's step-children. Their mum died, really suddenly. Their father (my sister's husband) had to go to court to get full-time custody of his children. As I understand it, that was because there was a court order against the natural father, and when the mum died, custody automatically went to her new husband, the step-father.
So I guess (and this is me saying it, who has no legal knowledge whatsoever :p) that even if you go through the courts and have full custody awarded to you, it seems that the children can still be "given" to the dad, in the event of your death, even if that's not what you wanted.

Me personally, when I get back to civilisation (ie the city :p I'm back living in my home town at the moment; we only split up a month ago) I'm going to speak to a lawyer about these kinds of issues.

[loopi1]

I thought about this before my son was even born, as I knew from the day I told his father I was pregnant I would be on my own. I've had a will since I started driving so after my son was born I naturally had to change it so that he got 100% of everything instaed of the original next of kin which was my father.

I thought long and hard about who would be the best people to raise my child if anything happened to me and tho I know my father or mother and stepfather would be great, I didn't want them to be looking after a child at their age. By the time my son was a teenager my dad would be in his 70's and that's not right.

So when I had decided on who I would ask to be Guardians of my child, I asked them to think about it, gave them pros & cons of the responsibilty, talked it over with my family. When all was in agreeance that's when I made it official by putting it in my will. My best friend and Godmother of my son and her husband who are both round my age were actually honored to be asked to be Jnr's Guardian. I have a piece in the will that they never take him away from his grandparents and that if his natural father trys to take him to go to court as he has never been there for him why should he be allowed now. Visits yes but not custody.

It's a hard decision but it does need to be made or anything and maybe the wrong thing will happen to your child. Let everyone know of your descision and make it official. You must do right by your kids.

Good thread

[lovingmumof 2now]

Yes thats what I am on about.

I have a will but its no help. I even looked at Guardian papers but it says the child goes directly to the father first.

I sometimes can't sleep at night thinking about it. I spoke to my parents about it and they said they would fight tooth and nail but I really don't think they would win.

I guess I will just have to stop worrying as there is nothing I can do about it.