View Full Version : Not quite sure....
Long story short... since it's sort of a long one.
Over a year ago I stopped using the contraceptive injection, two months later I ended up with an ovarian cyst which burst and caused an abdominal infection. It took over 100 days from my last period I got on the implant for me to get AF again. Even then it wasn't all back to normal, in fact it wasn't until the end of last year AF sort of went back to her normal cycle. Turns out I am unable to use hormonal contraception [I also had a rather bad experience with the implant and an allergy to the pill runs in my mothers family.]
During all this time for the past 2 years I've been active with my best mate. Sort of a friends with benefits thing. Admittedly we were stupid and even after I was off the injection we still did it without protection. Even so not once did I ever have a scare, my period was on time and everything.
It's been over 6 months since we've been doing it about once a month and well I don't know why but I just felt I had to take a test. Mostly because I am due for AF tomorrow and haven't had any of my normal symptoms that I have with her.
I also had an x-ray on my foot on monday morning and quite assuredly said to the person that I was not pregnant. [Turns out foot isn't broken but did bruise bone and tore some ligaments, but I'm on the mend]. However the question sort of stuck in my mind, as well as my GP who told me that is was good that I wanted to have children and was so interested in making sure I was normal and that my fertility was good. Though I assured him I wasn't intentionally trying, he explained how each month the chances go up and that 3 months is about normal for my age to conceive in and that I only really have to worry if nothing has happened after 18 months.
Well, this morning under all these feelings I decided to take the plunge. So I got one of the Forelife tests and I sat down and took it. After the time was up I had the faintest, barest of lines. I'm not sure if I can read this as positive or not..
I don't really know what to do either. I can't wait to have kids but I know my best friend doesn't want any. Not for a very very long time. Not to mention that I am moving to Newcastle middle of this year. If I went through with this I would be doing it on my own most likely and I doubt I would get any support.
My parents might be... but then again I'm not entirely sure I want to deal with them. They tend to chew me out and tell me what I can and cannot do and how because of one personality trait of mine or another they think I have I will be unable to do it. I would also be the only single mother in the family and most of my family outside my parents is fairly religious. I didn't ever think I would feel this way.
So I just don't know.. I'm sort of scared. Yeah I'm 23, turning 24.. Almost the same age as my mother. She was 24 when I was born and already married by my age. Even so.. I just don't know..
http://i112.photobucket.com/albums/n191/Whitewolf_suki/Stuff/IMAG0030.jpg
Thunderstorm
28-01-2012, 13:22
Thats a positive hun :hugs:.
Perhaps seeing a counseller would be an option for you.
i am sure your GP could recommend one for you.
Good luck.
insanity
28-01-2012, 13:28
:hugs: That's definitely positive. I agree a counsellor would be good.. even if it's just one you talk to on the phone like lifeline. Don't rush in to any decisions because you feel you have to. Take some time to think over what you want for 'you' :hugs::hugs:
There are a lot of mothers that need to go it alone for various reasons, not suggesting that it is easy in any way, but it is possible.
I have a friend who was having an affair when she fell pregnant with her first. He didn't want to keep it but she wouldn't bow to his pressure, she left him, didn't even ask for his name to be on the birth certificate and did it herself, while starting a now successful business. If your friend doesn't want it you could do the same, in a 'no hard feelings' way just tell him he doesn't have to be involved. But you never know, once he finds out he might want to be involved and supportive?
I would take your time, don't rush any decisions, see your doctor, talk to them. Talk to people on the forum and tell your friend as well. The more you get to discuss this (without telling the world) the more clarity you will get.
Good luck x
Well I've considerably calmed down from this morning and went and visited two of my friends today and chatted with them. One of them remarked that I was being awful calm about it all and she would have thought I would have freaked out more and burst into tears... Well admittedly I was scared this morning, I was worried, didn't cry but even so.. I'm a lot calmer now.
At the moment my only two options are to abort it or raise it, as I know for certain I could never give it up for adoption. There are a lot of things I want to do. I also show my dog as well and that will be a little harder now days. I know one definite thing is that I want to move to Newcastle regardless. I also need to get my license.
All your comments have also helped, I'll be seeing a doctor tomorrow most probably to get clearance to go back to work on my foot. If I don't bring it up then I will see the doctor on tuesday which is my day off.
munchkin05
29-01-2012, 17:10
Making the decision to go it alone is hard but if it's what you want then don't worry about what anyone thinks or says
I'm 24 weeks preg with a little princess and fell unexpectedly but knew I wanted this baby as soon as I found out. I'm in a similar situation as you. FOB and I had been friends with benifits for 3 years seeing each other every second weekend when DS was with his dad. I have told FOB about the baby (cause I felt I had to give him the option of being there or not ) and well I haven't heard from him since .. It's been nearly 10 weeks since I told him
My mum was shocked as well as the rest of the family when I told them but they have all been really supportive and my mum is going nuts helping with all the stuff that I need
I was the first single mother in our family and now I'm the first to fall pregnant while not even in a relationship (guess I like testing my family reactions out lol )
Good luck with ur decision :)
I told my FOB last night and watched him meltdown.. sadly it was amusing to me and he reacted as I had expected.. We were in a Friends with benefits thing seeing each other about once a month... He pretty much definitely doesn't want it..
I told my sister today and she's really excited, didn't react how I thought and is super supportive. Which is great. I think after I've seen the doctor I know my decision will be to keep it..
In my family my sister was the first to shock my religious grandparents by having a baby out of wedlock.. They're over it now but only because she's still with the guy and they have four kids together.. One of my cousins who has two was married shortly before she had her first so at least she was married. She also gave both her children bible names and married into a rather religious family..
I however will be the first single mother, and the first to fall pregnant without being in a relationship.. I'm waiting for the doctor before I tell my parents.. Though that will be the biggest hurdle.. Sort of cringing at the thought of their reaction.. but I will have to tell them.
I'll also still be moving to Newcastle.. It's closer to my sister and she's so excited about it. Said she'll support me no matter what I choose as she was pressured by her mother into aborting her first child as a teenager. So she's really good for advice.
waterlily
29-01-2012, 17:42
Sounds like you have already made your mind up to keep it which is great.
Wishing you the best of luck.
TripleTime
29-01-2012, 19:46
Things all work in the end.
I fell pregnant at 20 with triplets & am now married, kids turn 3 in may.
Newcastle is also an awesome place to raise kids. We moved from Newcastle to Melbourne last year & are moving back to Newcastle in 2 weeks.
Might see you up there then Triple Time, I'm hoping to move up in march.. Also got a dog sheep herding clinic to go to in march just outside of Canberra in Binalong I think it was.. So I'll be moving somewhere around the mid/late end of march. Whilst I'm still able to work living up there for a bit.
Hi iskiea,
How are you doing now ? Has the daddy come around yet or still doesnt want the baby ?
Well got my levels back from my doctor today and I can honestly say I am excited and over the moon.
The father still wants nothing to do with it and even offered the other night to pay for me to get it aborted. Saying if I had it he would be concerned for the "welfare" of "my child", [he seems to think I view raising a child like raising a dog and treats me like I'm naive and knows less that the very tiny amount he does, despite the fact I have 3 nieces, 1 nephew and have grown up with people telling me I'm a natural mother.]
So he's sort of taken ownership of it being his, just doesn't want anything to do with it. So currently he's in mental breakdown the world is ending mode. Convinced I will take him for child support and keeps looking at every negative.. Reading up things and then taking them as facts without reading into it more..
He also seems convinced I will suffer from PND, keeps telling me if I have bub it'll hit me soo hard.. That I'll have all the problems my single mother friend without support has. She has no one and a child with speech delays who is fussy and doesn't listen to her and throws tantrums. She has not got it easy and is sort of mentally not coping. So he's convinced I will end up like her.
He doesn't seem to believe I have support, even though I have my sisters backing, the friends who know are fully supporting me. Even my parents will once they get over the shock of it all. It's frustrating that he can think like that knowing that we've known each other for 4 something years now. I thought he knew me better than that.. but it appears not.
Hi Iskiea
I too am 23 turning 24 and pregnant with my first.
I just wanted to hope you all the best with ur decision to keep the baby and if you ever wanna chat im here.
Its sad that FOB dosnt want to be invovled but i know plently of single mothers who are just amazing!!
I too was like you and so very shocked and nervous to find out i was expecting, a little different as DP and I have been together 6 years and always used contraception. But i had recently landed my dream job on the mines which had taken me over 4 years to get too, I have horses so it was going to mean giving them up for a little while and also do agility with my dog so that has gone too, and was busy saving for a house. But at the end of the day life goes on after bub arrives, its just on a different path and will lead us to diffent things.
Its crazy to think in our parents generation to have 2-3 bubs at our age was normal but today i still feel so young.
Telling my parents was probly the scariest thing ive ever done, But their reaction was the total oposite to what i had expected, and they were over the moon.
Im sure we will make great mummys!
Ouch the FOB sounds nasty :(
Funny how people turn on you isn't it? :no: The true litmus test for a persons character is how they react when things aren't going their way don't you think? He's showing you his true colours and they're not pretty.
The thing is he DOES know you. What he is doing is trying to place blame and coerce you any way he knows how into having an abortion.
And, failing that trying to make you into some kind of villan in his mind so that he can justify his appalling behaviour towards you to himself simply because he doesn't want to take responsibility. Which you're not even pushing him to do in the first place. Unbelievable.
I hope for your sake and that of your baby that by the time he realizes you won't abort your baby he either wakes up to himself and apologises and tries to be a good father or that he simply dissapears.
He has no value you in your lives if he's just going to attack your character and parenting skills simply because you won't terminate the life of your unborn child. It's laughable really. He wants the child to cease to exist and here you are protecting him or her saying no you won't. I think it's his parenting skills that should be called into question if his behaviour now is anything to go by.
I'm happy that you're keeping your baby and are sounding so positive. There will be good days and bad days. BUt that's normal for even planned pregnancies. Take it all in your stride and when you hold your little baby in your arms for the first time you will know without a doubt that you made the right decision :hugs:
bellalika
04-02-2012, 17:53
You found really firm in your decision to keep your child which is fantastic. I'm really hoping fob steps up once the shock wears off. Otherwise you try your best to be the best Mummy you can.
Thanks so much everyone for the support. You really help give me confidence and keep me firm in my decision. Yeah.. he's certainly interesting to deal with, after he has a go at me he always texts me an apology the day after for his behaviour.
I feel that if I ever aborted that it would be like telling the child that it isn't worthy of being born purely based on how it was conceived. I couldn't love my other future children the same knowing that I gave up on that one purely because it wasn't a "convenient" time to have one. So what I can do it have it, I can love it and raise it and show it that it wasn't a mistake, that even if daddy doesn't want you that mummy does and so long as mummy does it's all that matters.
Telling my parents now is the next big step.
Will your sister come with you to tell your parents? It might be a good idea to have her there for support...
My sister lives 8-9 hours away.. I'm hoping a friend of mine pops around tonight like we planned and she can come with me to tell them.. It's daunting but if I don't do it now.. I know I will find it harder as the days go by
Ahh what a shame. Yeah def bring your friend if you can.
Do you think there is any possibility that your folks might surprise you and be ok with it? Or, after a while given some time they will come to be as excited as you are about the baby?
I know they will be disappointed but hopefully they will come around. They were disappointed with my sister but love their grandchildren.. Well my mum this is her first grandchild.. as my sister is my half sister from my father.. I think I will get the worst lecture and blow up from my brother.. He's a self righteous little prick.. but I won't worry about him.
spideysmummy
04-02-2012, 21:06
You seem such a strong and determined woman, you will be a great mummy - with or without FOB.
You will hear it many times, but there really is no perfect time to have a baby.
Good luck telling your parents. I hope they are supportive. :-)
Mummy & Daddy - expanding our family! Our little man born April 2011 and now expecting another munchkin in August 2012! Loving it!!!!! :D
ghostdancer
04-02-2012, 21:08
no advice, just :hugs: follow your heart
Hollywood
04-02-2012, 21:12
Making the decision to go it alone is hard but if it's what you want then don't worry about what anyone thinks or says
I'm 24 weeks preg with a little princess and fell unexpectedly but knew I wanted this baby as soon as I found out. I'm in a similar situation as you. FOB and I had been friends with benifits for 3 years seeing each other every second weekend when DS was with his dad. I have told FOB about the baby (cause I felt I had to give him the option of being there or not ) and well I haven't heard from him since .. It's been nearly 10 weeks since I told him
My mum was shocked as well as the rest of the family when I told them but they have all been really supportive and my mum is going nuts helping with all the stuff that I need
I was the first single mother in our family and now I'm the first to fall pregnant while not even in a relationship (guess I like testing my family reactions out lol )
Good luck with ur decision :)
Wow, your story is almost exactly like mine, except DD's dad is BIL's bestie and I've known him for 9 years, and we only slept together one weekend. Our families and circle of friends were so shocked because nobody knew we had had a fling!
My DD is now 4 months old (DS is nearly 5yo) and I'm so glad I kept her :goodvibes:
OP, I wish you all the best with your baby, sounds like you're going to make a great mum and your baby is lucky to have you.
I think they will come around eventually. If this is your mums first grandchild then she would have to have an incredibly hard heart to be able to shun you and your baby once she lays eyes on him or her :goodvibes:
Wish me luck girls.. I just rang my mother and told her and now waiting for my father to come pick me up so i can go over for a chat... She sounded a little disappointed but seemed to take it fairly well.... Not sure how it's going to go when I get there.
Lovemyfam
05-02-2012, 15:37
Good luck, as far as showing dogs, I did with 3 kids worked full time and traveled and showed dogs it was great and a good excuse to travel, at one point I had 20 dogs and so you can still do it with baby, when the kids were little I took a play pen and had a group of friends I would meet up with at shows when I was in the ring they watched the little ones.
Oh good luck! :)
I think she will be fine with it. If not now then later on :yes:
Maybe if you ask her to come to an ultrasound with you she might start to get excited about the baby as well. It's one thing to think of a baby hypothetically, but when she can see the precious little life inside of you it's something quite different. Let us know how you go hey?
:goodvibes:
Hollywood
05-02-2012, 15:51
Wish me luck girls.. I just rang my mother and told her and now waiting for my father to come pick me up so i can go over for a chat... She sounded a little disappointed but seemed to take it fairly well.... Not sure how it's going to go when I get there.
Good luck! I found telling the parents the hardest part, it's certainly not like the usual pregnancy announcement when it's an unplanned whoopsie-baby outside a relationship. My dad didn't react badly, but he did not hide his disappointment and was not excited. Mum was also a bit 'oh dear' and shook her head. But it's all good now, my whole family is just totally smitten and in love with DD. :bee:
No matter what your dad's reaction, he'll come around eventually, I'm sure.
insanity
05-02-2012, 19:55
Wish me luck girls.. I just rang my mother and told her and now waiting for my father to come pick me up so i can go over for a chat... She sounded a little disappointed but seemed to take it fairly well.... Not sure how it's going to go when I get there.
Hope it all went well :hugs:
Thanks girls for all the support..
It went better than I expected, they were a bit disappointed but they are supportive and a little stressed out because they worry about me but that's cause they love me..
Only thing is.. they've left it to me to tell my grandparents.. As they said... I made the hole so I've got to lie in it.. ahahaha.. I think that will be a little more nerve wrecking.. They still want me to stay here in Canberra and rethink my move to Newcastle, but I know I need to leave Canberra and be somewhere I want to be and somewhere I want to raise my baby.
Thank you again for the support you're all amazing.:goodvibes::hugs::highfive:
insanity
05-02-2012, 23:06
Glad it went well and now that you have made your decision congratulations on your pregnancy!
Maybe wait until your at the 12 week mark before telling your grandparents . I hated the fear of having to tell family lol
Hollywood
06-02-2012, 13:26
Thanks girls for all the support..
It went better than I expected, they were a bit disappointed but they are supportive and a little stressed out because they worry about me but that's cause they love me..
Only thing is.. they've left it to me to tell my grandparents.. As they said... I made the hole so I've got to lie in it.. ahahaha.. I think that will be a little more nerve wrecking.. They still want me to stay here in Canberra and rethink my move to Newcastle, but I know I need to leave Canberra and be somewhere I want to be and somewhere I want to raise my baby.
Thank you again for the support you're all amazing.:goodvibes::hugs::highfive:
That's great that it went better than expected. My grandparents had all died by the time I fell pregnant with DD, they would've flipped if they had been alive, especially my dad's parents as they were very religious and would have really frowned upon what I have done.
Good luck telling your grandparents.
Now that I have thought about it more.. I may end up staying here in Canberra... It will be easier to move after bub is born.. than before that's for sure and gives me more time. Plus mum wants to take time off work to help me out and such so.. it looks like I am staying here.
spideysmummy
07-02-2012, 10:14
I don't think that's such a bad thing - as long as you're happy with it :)
It's nice knowing you have support if you need it with a newborn, and even during pregnancy - especially at the end.
You can always move there when bub is born :)
Mummy & Daddy - expanding our family! Our little man born April 2011 and now expecting another munchkin in August 2012! Loving it!!!!! :D
That's great news. Your mum will be invaluable support for you once the baby is born. And it's fantastic that she wants you to stay so that she can be there for you both. She will be really excited given time. I bleieve this can be a lovely experience for both of you :)
Yeah.. she's getting excited already I can tell.. even if she had taken to calling me almost every day now.. Tonight however I am waiting for the call.. from the father telling me when he wants to meet to have a chat... Sort of have a bad feeling about it..
Oh? How come??
What could he possibly have to say now? I thought you had allready told your parents and spoke with them about it:confused:
my parents are fine...
it's the father of the baby who wants a chat..
should have clarified that better.
Ohhhhhhh. Ok. Yep gotcha.
Please don't go by yourself. I don't trust this guy..Stay safe ok?
What do you think he will say? Are you afraid of any particular scenario?
If you can have a friend come with you i highly reccomend doing that. They don't have to be privy to the conversation but close enough to help you if he tries anything physical.
Well it went splendidly well.. turns out there was a lot of misunderstandings as he isn't very good at articulating himself without sticking his foot in his mouth. His friend was incredibly helpful, ironically enough him being a family matters lawyer.. But even he said that my friend couldn't have picked a better mother for his child and that I was being very mature and well prepared for it all.
Even told me that if my friend was an a** to me to tell him and he would slap him for me. Told him to apologise to me and thank me for being so reasonable and mature about it all.
So it is all going splendidly.. who knows I might even see him at the birth. His friend put forward the question of if I would like him there or not and I said it was entirely up to him if he wanted to, I would be okay either way. So now I get to wait on that decision. All in all though.. It went amazingly well and yes.. I had a friend there besides me.
spideysmummy
08-02-2012, 04:29
That is fantastic news hun! It sounds like you're heading on quite an incredible journey :)
Mummy & Daddy - expanding our family! Our little man born April 2011 and now expecting another munchkin in August 2012! Loving it!!!!! :D
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