Dreading putting my 20 monther to sleep....

[Little Gorilla]

Ok, well I'm ready for a breakdown over my sons sleeping.

He is 20 months old and this is our routine...

1. Brush teeth & PJs
2. Little bit of a play
3. I make up his bottle of cows milk
4. He waves goodnight to the TV, his toys, the frames we have on the wall (weird I know)
5. I sit in a big comfy chair and give him his bottle
6. I hold him over my shoulder and rock him for a while
7. Then I rock him in my arms like a baby for a while
(also won't go to sleep without his dummy)

He will not go down into his cot until he is asleep 100% - If I put him down before hand, he just crys and crys and crys. So, often I put him down, let him have a cry and then I go back in after say 2 mins. Then repeated over and over until finally he is soooo tired he falls asleep in my arms.

I'm feeling like a failure as I have let this go on for 20 months ....so as a friend said to me its basically like a learned behavior that I have encouraged that I need to break. But I'm at a loss to know how to break it.

Do i get rid of the bottles all together?
Do i get rid of his dummy?

I don't want to give him his bottle in his cot...I have tried once and he just wouldn't do it anyway.

So any advice because seriously this is driving me round the bend...I know I should have more patience for this and I just don't.

[talon]

Sounds like you are having a rough time of it. My son is almost 20 months now and is actually quite a good settler. But it has been a hard slog to get to this point. I suggest stick to your routine but try and slowly kick the rocking to sleep habit.

I think if he is a horrible settler and relies on a dummy then I would hesitate to get rid of it in one go. My son relies on his dummy also and he will only get it at sleep times (and knows that too). It is now his cue for sleeping. I think it is going to be hard either way to teach him to self-settle. I swear by routines at this stage because he knows what to expect.

Our routine is:

Tea time and bottle.
Dad gives him a bath.
Dad changes him into pj's.
Dad takes him to bed but brings him for a kiss on the forehead first and I say "nigh-nigh" so he knows it is bedtime.
Dad puts him in bed and does the same.
Door shut.
I do go in and give him his dummy if he loses it and when he has got it again, I say "nigh-nigh" again so he knows it is still bedtime and then leave.

Could you maybe start by putting him in his cot and sitting next to him and pat him or rub his back - something to let him know you are still there. And gradually move further and further away over time until he doesn't feel like he needs you there to settle?

I don't know what else to offer in the way of advice really. Hugs to you.

[Harmony83]

Wow your story sounds so similar to ours!!
Our routine is
Dinner
Bath
Play with lights on
lights of in living areas and relax
falls asleep in our arms in front of telly
take sleeping bubs in room
give bottle, then dummy
tuck in once fully asleep somewhere between 8 and 9
At the moment I have decided bugger it, we had our CHN appointment and the lady basically said if im happy, dad is happy and bubs is happy then thats all that matters! I don't mind cuddling him to bed most of the time although sometimes it does get a bit tiresome! I have noticed the only time I do stress about it, is when other 'mums' say its bad!
Im sorry I dont have any advice for you but believe me your not alone! Even though Im happy the way things are I will be keeping a close eye on this thread for future advice!!

[TwoBlue]

Perhaps reading him a story after his bottle would help...?

Our routine is dinner / bath / pjs / sipper cup of milk / teeth / into bed / mum reads one story... then 2 stories but he has to stay in bed...
then "its time to sleep now" is what i say...

leave the room .. done ..

Good luck
Its probably going to take time and patience but you will get there
:hugs:

[Foxy]

I think everything in your routine sounds good, except of course for the rocking to sleep. I'm sure you know deep down that you are going to have some rough nights while you teach him to go to sleep in the cot.

I wouldn't worry about the bottle / dummy for now, they are no big deal and you don't want to take away his main "it's time for bed signals". I think you need to do everything as normal, then after the bottle put him in the cot awake and sit on the floor next to him. Of course he will cry and it will be very hard for you, but it is not as harsh as just leaving the room. You need to sit there until he lies down himself and eventually goes to sleep. This may take up to two hours (maybe more!) the first couple of times but if you persist with it (including day sleeps), eventually he will learn to go to sleep by himself. At 20 months he is smart enough to know how you operate - so if you decide to commit to this - don't give in, even though it will be hard. Perhaps you could alternate with your DH every other night? I would also only start this when he is 100% healthy eg no teething etc.

Our routine is:

Bath, 20 min quietish play, cup of milk and story on the couch and then to bed.

Good Luck! :)

[reAllytee]

This was how our life was around the 12mth mark when i started to slowly change his routine.
It was hard but i found it was easier on him & us if we did it incredibly slowly lol !
We now have a routine of :

5.30pm - Dinner
6pm - Daddy gets home & its play time ( unless running late then daddy does dinner :p )
6.30pm - Bottle while cuddling in front of t.v then upstairs for bathtime
Around 7pm - We sit & have more cuddles read a story or just talk softly to his stuffed animals then we choose who he wants in the cot with him ( this can be tedious because if you misunderstand who he points to the world ends !!! LOL ! ). He has his dummy then goes into bed.

Some days he is still asleep playing in his cot at 8pm & somedays we have full screaming matches we just try to deal with them as best we can. There are some days i still need to rock him for a little bit but i have not allowed him to fall asleep in my arms if im putting him back in the cot because it causes more grief.
Its hard i know especially when you want change but i think they need to be ready for it to happen.
I wouldnt worry about his dummy, Boof still has his for sleep time ( he has taken to wanting it through the day if he is sooky but im dealing with that lol ! ) im not going to take it off him to be honest im over people thinking its wrong because thats his comfort ! I wouldnt want someone to take away my pillow because i cant sleep without it !
Anyways good luck hope things get easier soon :hugs:

[Little Gorilla]

Thanks soooo much everyone who has replied ...and the pms I have gotten too :hugs: .

I think for a start I'm going to have the dummy as just a sleep associated thing...so no more dummy on demand. I think he will cope pretty well with this as he really doesn't use it that much during the day.

I'm going to keep him up a bit later tonight and hopefully he wiill go down a bit easier. I'm still worn out from his afternoon naps little episode - so I will start fresh tomorrow and have a talk to DF tonight about what strategy we are going to use.

You girls rock - thank you so much :yelclap:

[reAllytee]

Was thinking of you just before Boof wont eat his dinner .... Again :banghead:
Just when you get a handle on one thing thinking " wow im such a great mum ive got it all happening " *BANG* it all goes up in smoke !!!! :crying:
Well at least he had two bites of a piece of toast :rolleyes:


Tomorrow is a new day .......
Tomorrow is a new day .......
Tomorrow is a new day .......
Tomorrow is a new day .......
Tomorrow is a new day .......
Tomorrow is a new day .......
Tomorrow is a new day .......
Tomorrow is a new day .......
*sighs*

[Little Gorilla]

Was thinking of you just before Boof wont eat his dinner .... Again
Just when you get a handle on one thing thinking " wow im such a great mum ive got it all happening " *BANG* it all goes up in smoke !!!!
Well at least he had two bites of a piece of toast :rolleyes:


Tomorrow is a new day .......
Tomorrow is a new day .......
Tomorrow is a new day .......
Tomorrow is a new day .......
Tomorrow is a new day .......
Tomorrow is a new day .......
Tomorrow is a new day .......
Tomorrow is a new day .......
*sighs*


na na na na:p .....my little devil ate all his dinner tonight...so he gets to have choccie custard now....i feel so silly, but him eating his dinner has changed my mood around....these up and downs have got to stop....:rolleyes:

[reAllytee]

Yep i find if he is eating he isnt sleeping well or vice versa but it is a nice feeling & im happy for you !!!!!!!!!
At least one of us isnt stressed tonite :rolleyes: :yelclap: