So you're ignoring me... because of a car?! WTF?!

[SassyMummy]

DP got me a car. Not the world's fanciest car - a $4500 car. My first car. On Wednesday, I have my test, and all going well, I pass... and now, I have a car to drive.

DP's been at the mines and earning a fair bit up there, as you tend to working at the mines... and he said he's up there for the both of us, so using some of the earnings to buy me a car is something he had intended to do the moment he realised he was earning so much. THe job has gone on longer than planned as well... so more money coming in that we had expected.

MIL though... is ignoring me. From what we can gather from conversations with FIL... it's because of the car. Because DP paid for a car for me. I also assume it has something to do with me not working... but she understands it's a bit of a catch 22. It would have been almost impossible for me to work with a partner at the mines most of hte time and no use of a car. It would relying on public transport (and where we are, it's really quite pathetic and limited) to get to and from work somehow, within daycare hours. Given I have no qualifications and pretty much nil experience... my chances aren't great. When I have looked for work, I haven't bene successful.

So this year, I'm studying... I'm studying now, already, but a uni degree that won't land me in a job anytime soon... so I'm going on a break from that, going back to do Beauty Therapy (already did 2 previous beauty courses but having not used my quals, means they've run out) and getting a job doing that... just to earn some money really. But to do this... I need a car. So now I've got one, and soon enough I'll be qualified and employed, I hope!

How is a car reason to ignore me though? They have been harrassing me to get a car and a licence for ages... but now that it's all kinda falling into place, I've done something wrong. I'm guessing she wanted me to somehow earn the money for a car myself... even though, as I said, I can't really earn until I have a job... and can't really get a job without a car/qualifications/experience (even Woolies/etc don't want me cos I'm not really 18 or whatever, and because not having a car gives me even more restricted working hours thanks to having to get to and from daycare on public transport... making what is a 5 min drive, a 1/2 hour bus trip, etc).

I have been having issues with my ILs lately anyway, and didn't want to see them, but DP stopped on the way home from getting me new glasses (I broke the buggers last night - right before my test! Smart move eh? lol)... to get his Dad to help him do something with my new car... so I had to see MIL cos she was there... ignoring me. Giving me 1 word answers to everything I said. Ignoring me hte rest of the time.

I am so over it. DP took me home and so we're waiting for her to go to work before we return so he and his father can do whatever it is to the car.

I'm so sick of it! It was okay for her to be a SAHM until all of her children finished high school... but it's not okay for me to get anything out of DP's earnings, apparently. :rolleyes: I hate that I get treated like I'm some sort of vermin because he's spent money on me.

**Update Post 12 - the reason why she's ignoring me**

[Scientician]

She sounds very a immature.

I would ignore.

Sounds like you have a plan - don't let her make you feel bad!

[Tam-I-Am]

How passive-aggressive. I agree with Scientician - I'd just ignore her bad behaviour and act as though nothing's going on...because if you say anything to her about it, she'll just deny deny deny and make you feel like you're going crazy (I'm an expert on PA MILs, can you tell? :p ).

Sorry she's being so nasty though. It's really not on.

[Johnny Poppers]

Congratulations on the car and :gl:with the test on Wed. Sounds like DP is doing what he can to support you and is happy to do so. It is quite obvious that you need the car so that you have more options for work and study.

Dont let her get to you. You have your own wheels:cheerleader1:

[Scientician]

Good luck with your test!

[pennylane]

Wow.She sounds like my MIL.DH and I have been together for 9 years and had 3 children,I was the main breadwinner for years before we had DD1 and DH got a better job so I would be able to stay home and raise the kids until school years and ever since I had them she's been whinging about when I will go back to work.I own my own business now and that's still not enough.She's worked the same retail job since she was 16,I want more than that for myself.(No offence to retail workers,I did it myself for years and years-Im just over it!)

Ignore her.She's being a cow.

Good luck on your test!!!! :fingerscrossed:

[V8]

Don't let her negativity make you upset. She sounds like an idiot. Also woohoo, fantastic news on getting a car and goodluck for Wednesday, things will be so much easier when you've got wheels :)

[Tam-I-Am]

Wow.She sounds like my MIL.DH and I have been together for 9 years and had 3 children,I was the main breadwinner for years before we had DD1 and DH got a better job so I would be able to stay home and raise the kids until school years and ever since I had them she's been whinging about when I will go back to work.I own my own business now and that's still not enough.She's worked the same retail job since she was 16,I want more than that for myself.(No offence to retail workers,I did it myself for years and years-Im just over it!)

Ignore her.She's being a cow.

Good luck on your test!!!! :fingerscrossed:

She sounds like she wants your DH to spend all his money on her instead :p

What a joke. Families should be free to work out their own finances with interference or passive aggression from external family members. :(

[Benji]

I'm sure they will get used to it. They might be a bit old fashioned or have a bee in their bonnet about something or other.

The way I see it is he bought the car for your family. You're a package now, he's not someone you're just dating.

My DP bought me a car recently and I think he drives it more than me! :p

Happy driving :goodvibes:

[BlissedOut]

The way I see it is he bought the car for your family. You're a package now, he's not someone you're just dating.

This!

Yay on the new car, I just got my first car too and go for my liscence at the end of Feb!

Forget the haters, my ILs want our other car now because '**** doesn't need a car, she isn't working'... Because my kids just love to stay home all day every day.

It's none of his mums business what he spends his money on, I'd be happy my son was being practical.

[pennylane]

She sounds like she wants your DH to spend all his money on her instead :p

What a joke. Families should be free to work out their own finances with interference or passive aggression from external family members. :(

:laughing: She went back to the work-force before she was ready to when she had her kids so her thinking is 'I had to,so you should too.'

Except,I don't have to and that's what bugs her.They're a strange crew my DH's fam (they bug DH even more than they bug me which I guess is a help in a way because he always see's where I'm coming from lol).Whenever we buy something nice for ourselves etc' they get mad.Which I will never understand since we have zero credit card debt so I don't see why buying ourselves nice things is an issue? :rolleyes: Were not living above our means by any stretch of the imagination.

I will never 'get' these people.Can't please them.

[SassyMummy]

Thanks everyone!

I actually found out what her problem is (I got DP to ask his father).

Apparently I'm USING DP.

Yep - I've spent the past nearly 4 years with him just in case I got an inexpensive car out of it. lol.

Apparently the fact that I'm stopping uni to go to my course is also somewhat using him... though I'm not sure how that works, or what her logic is there. I'm stopping my uni degree so I can get a qualification so I can work and earn money for us BOTH (well, us ALL, because of DD too... lol).

He couldn't give a stuff what his mother thinks - he never does care what her opinion is - so he doesn't care and says she can think what she likes. Wish I could be that easily satisfied, but I'm still kinda stewing over hte fact that she thinks that I'm some sort of gold-digger (I'd have to be an idiotic gold digger to choose DP - when I met him, he was a student, and then became a first year apprentice... hardly rich! lol).

Oh well... I'll just not bother wasting my time to make conversation with her if I'm forced to see her again. I'll bring a book to read or something. Though, I intend to just not go over there if she's likely to be home, until she grows some sense (and if she doesn't, meh... I'll just never go there... lol).

[Mamacub]

It's my understanding - well in our house anyway - that when you become a little family (that includes couples) you support each other. Sometime that means 1 person works to financially support the family while the other supports the family by staying at home to raise the kids or get a further education to better set themselves up in the future.

My MIL has a bee in her bonnet about me "spending all DH's money" - hate to tell her this but, I don't spend DH's money, I spend the family money. It's not like I spend it on myself, it get's spent on the family!!!
He supports the family financially, I support the family by doing the majority of the caring for our boys, paying the mortgage and bills, keeping the house...may sound a bit stepford, but it works for us!
*DH when home does a lot with the boys and house to! :D

Don't listen to them, do what works for your family! Congrats on the car and good luck with your test and studies!

Well done on your weight loss as well (nothing to do with your post, just noticed your ticker :D)

[Benji]

Yep - I've spent the past nearly 4 years with him just in case I got an inexpensive car out of it. lol.

:laughing: well in that case, you finally got lucky!! You gold digger :laughing:

[Benji]

Mamacub, I believe SAHMs actually save their family a lot of money. Especially during the child care years. 2 children would save over $600 per week in child care alone! You're worth your weight in gold!!

Mine is in school and I'm still paying through the nose for before/after school care, I'm really not contributing that much financially compared to DP even working FULL TIME with ONE child!

[SassyMummy]

Ta guys!

She'll still cranky about the car, but I actually found out from another hubber today that she knew SIL as a child - and SIL was her bully growing up. I think that's terrible, but it's made me feel a bit like, "Like I care what you think MIL - it's not like you're an expert at relationships (she cheated on FIL) OR an expert in raising kids (she likes to tell me what to do - but she raised DP who doesn't like her, 1 horrible nasty daughter and another daughter who moved overseas partly to avoid her family...)!"

I'll be happy if I don't have to interact with her ever again... I just hope though, that if I do, she can manage to put on her big girl knickers and stop sulking about this car. FIL purchased her a car... a much more expensive car than mine (they have seperate money ever since she cheated). He pays all the bills... the money she earns goes towards her mobile (pre-paid) and whatever she wants to spend on herself... so really, she's in no position to tell others what to do).

[Threadkiller]

:laughing: well in that case, you finally got lucky!! You gold digger :laughing:


:laughing:

[DaisyVB]

Obviously, the issue from your MILs point of view is that she thinks that you aren't contributing to the relationship and that her son is away from his family because he has to support you and DD financially 100%.

She's probably also wondering what on earth you do all day, especially the days when your DD is at daycare / school. Is your house immaculate from top to bottom? Are you doing anything to increase your household income? Are you taking any courses? Are you looking at finding a job? What is your partner coming home to and are you actually going forwards in life? She should be checking up on how you're doing and where you're at if it bothered her though.

You say you 'need' a car to do most things, which is far from true. It's more convenient to have a car as public transport takes forever and can be quite unreliable at times. Sounds a bit like an excuse from your side that you can't find a job or do things because you don't have a car and public transport is inconvenient. You learn to make so with what you have.

My partner works up in the mines and is gone 3 months at a time and back for 3 weeks so I do understand where you're at as you rely solely on yourself to get anything done but you're also doing it with the money that he earns.

There are lots of ways you can earn money from home without a qualification, the fact you're not doing attempting this is a bit disturbing. There are also a lot of courses going in the newspaper that you can do (quite often some free ones too). These are all qualifications you could complete to increase your chances of getting a job.

There is also many jobs you can do part time that will fit into daycare / school hours. Your daughter is 6 (looked through your post history), so she should be in school this year? If you think you're going to be late there are a lot of afterschool care programs that she can go to and if your school doesn't offer it than there are ones that come to the school to pick up the kids. Now that you have a car it means you can easily pick her up and actually balance a fulltime job. You'll going to become the next wonder woman by doing that though haha!!

The flaw of being a SAHM is that you know how good it is to not need to work and can be lazy when getting back into the workforce. Unfortunately that's not always the best for your family and eventually you have to be realistic and get a job. It's a lot of stress for your partner to return home, he needs to find a new job and how can he support all three of you in the meantime? If you have a job to help maintain an income over this period of time, it will encourage him to come home.

I hope you are able to work out something and maintain a relationship with your MIL. It can be very beneficial if you maintain a good relationship with her... Unfortunately you have to bite your tongue a lot and act like you agree with everything she says, but thankfully you can come home and rant about it to us hehe. :hugs::hugs: I wish you and your family luck in finding a new way to make ends meat. Mines are a horrible place to be and it really puts strain on the kids and of course mum!

[Benji]

She did mention she's currently studying, and finishing her diploma so she can work :wave:

I don't think getting a child to school on a bus, then catching yet another bus to get to work would be very time efficient. By the time she got to work it'd be time to head back and pick up the girl :laughing:

[SassyMummy]

Yep, I AM studying. I do uni full time at the moment, but am stopping that (at least for a while) to do a course to develop my skills further so that I will be able to work full time. DP thinks I should also try and do a small business course following this so I can run my own business, but we'll see about that. I'm not sure that's something I'm interested in ever doing...

This course will be full-time as well (it's classed as such anyway) - I'll be leaving the house about 6.30am and returning about 7.30pm 3 days a week. The fact is, I couldn't do this study WITHOUT a car, because I'd have to leave even earlier and arrive home even later... and that wouldn't even nearly fit into before and after school care hours, and I'm already feeling guilty about how long my daughter is going to be awake for each day I'm studying... a lot longer than a little girl needs to be. This applies to most forms of study because there are no places close to us that I can access without swapping buses/trains at least twice... and most courses I have looked into start at 8.30 and finish at 5.30 (as this one I'm going to does). The car will only be used to take DD to daycare and then me to a train station... but seriously, it'll save me HOURS just doing that.

ANYWAY... I'm not going to bother to defend anything else, but if DP had an issue with anything, it is up to him to raise these concerns with me. As it stands, he is happy with what is being done. His mother's opinion should be kept to herself, as it is none of her business.

[GluttonForPunishment]

Obviously, the issue from your MILs point of view is that she thinks that you aren't contributing to the relationship and that her son is away from his family because he has to support you and DD financially 100%.

She's probably also wondering what on earth you do all day, especially the days when your DD is at daycare / school. Is your house immaculate from top to bottom? Are you doing anything to increase your household income? Are you taking any courses? Are you looking at finding a job? What is your partner coming home to and are you actually going forwards in life? She should be checking up on how you're doing and where you're at if it bothered her though.

You say you 'need' a car to do most things, which is far from true. It's more convenient to have a car as public transport takes forever and can be quite unreliable at times. Sounds a bit like an excuse from your side that you can't find a job or do things because you don't have a car and public transport is inconvenient. You learn to make so with what you have.

My partner works up in the mines and is gone 3 months at a time and back for 3 weeks so I do understand where you're at as you rely solely on yourself to get anything done but you're also doing it with the money that he earns.

There are lots of ways you can earn money from home without a qualification, the fact you're not doing attempting this is a bit disturbing. There are also a lot of courses going in the newspaper that you can do (quite often some free ones too). These are all qualifications you could complete to increase your chances of getting a job.

There is also many jobs you can do part time that will fit into daycare / school hours. Your daughter is 6 (looked through your post history), so she should be in school this year? If you think you're going to be late there are a lot of afterschool care programs that she can go to and if your school doesn't offer it than there are ones that come to the school to pick up the kids. Now that you have a car it means you can easily pick her up and actually balance a fulltime job. You'll going to become the next wonder woman by doing that though haha!!

The flaw of being a SAHM is that you know how good it is to not need to work and can be lazy when getting back into the workforce. Unfortunately that's not always the best for your family and eventually you have to be realistic and get a job. It's a lot of stress for your partner to return home, he needs to find a new job and how can he support all three of you in the meantime? If you have a job to help maintain an income over this period of time, it will encourage him to come home.

I hope you are able to work out something and maintain a relationship with your MIL. It can be very beneficial if you maintain a good relationship with her... Unfortunately you have to bite your tongue a lot and act like you agree with everything she says, but thankfully you can come home and rant about it to us hehe. :hugs::hugs: I wish you and your family luck in finding a new way to make ends meat. Mines are a horrible place to be and it really puts strain on the kids and of course mum!

Um, surely her working or not working is between the OP and her partner? And nothing to do with you or her MIL?

[Guest]

I think daisyVB raised good points in trying to understand how your MIL is thinking. I know exactly what you mean though, having that car sounds great, I couldn't live without mine.
Mil's are strange creatures, I'd just ignore her, let her be critical and negative of you and anything you do will never be good enough :/

[missie_mack]

DaisyVB sounds like you should start advertising where you live to everyone. It would seem that have an ample supply of casual jobs within working hours and a great public transport system. Unfortunately this is not the case everywhere and we shouldn't use this perpective to tarnish anothers situation.

Sassy- not to worry. There is no pleasing some women and it would seem that mother of boys can be the worst (I know my mother sees my brother through rose coloured glasses!) When my FIL annoys me I like to think about how I will drive his precious Porche to his funeral one day

[Zombie_eyes]

whoa. wtf.

:eek:

MEET*

[sunnyflower]

She's jealous of you. Plain and simple. She had to go to work when she didn't want to and you haven't yet. Some people don't like others to get it easier than them cause that's not "fair". Well the world ain't fair, she should suck it up.

I would just ignore, she'll get over it....sounds pretty petty to me.

[emzluvbub]

Obviously, the issue from your MILs point of view is that she thinks that you aren't contributing to the relationship and that her son is away from his family because he has to support you and DD financially 100%.

She's probably also wondering what on earth you do all day, especially the days when your DD is at daycare / school. Is your house immaculate from top to bottom? Are you doing anything to increase your household income? Are you taking any courses? Are you looking at finding a job? What is your partner coming home to and are you actually going forwards in life? She should be checking up on how you're doing and where you're at if it bothered her though.

You say you 'need' a car to do most things, which is far from true. It's more convenient to have a car as public transport takes forever and can be quite unreliable at times. Sounds a bit like an excuse from your side that you can't find a job or do things because you don't have a car and public transport is inconvenient. You learn to make so with what you have.

My partner works up in the mines and is gone 3 months at a time and back for 3 weeks so I do understand where you're at as you rely solely on yourself to get anything done but you're also doing it with the money that he earns.

There are lots of ways you can earn money from home without a qualification, the fact you're not doing attempting this is a bit disturbing. There are also a lot of courses going in the newspaper that you can do (quite often some free ones too). These are all qualifications you could complete to increase your chances of getting a job.

There is also many jobs you can do part time that will fit into daycare / school hours. Your daughter is 6 (looked through your post history), so she should be in school this year? If you think you're going to be late there are a lot of afterschool care programs that she can go to and if your school doesn't offer it than there are ones that come to the school to pick up the kids. Now that you have a car it means you can easily pick her up and actually balance a fulltime job. You'll going to become the next wonder woman by doing that though haha!!

The flaw of being a SAHM is that you know how good it is to not need to work and can be lazy when getting back into the workforce. Unfortunately that's not always the best for your family and eventually you have to be realistic and get a job. It's a lot of stress for your partner to return home, he needs to find a new job and how can he support all three of you in the meantime? If you have a job to help maintain an income over this period of time, it will encourage him to come home.

I hope you are able to work out something and maintain a relationship with your MIL. It can be very beneficial if you maintain a good relationship with her... Unfortunately you have to bite your tongue a lot and act like you agree with everything she says, but thankfully you can come home and rant about it to us hehe. :hugs::hugs: I wish you and your family luck in finding a new way to make ends meat. Mines are a horrible place to be and it really puts strain on the kids and of course mum!


I think you should come back to this thread when your own child is 6. Then you might have some better experience regarding juggling children and work and getting around and even trying to study when you have kids. My son is just 3 months yet I am fully aware that nothing is ever easy with a kid.

Sassy - Your MIL sounds like a typical MIL lol. Really, none of it has anything to do with her and she's getting her panties in a bunch over nothing. Hypocrisy is a beautiful thing! Sounds like she is just trying to find things to pick at about you and she's failing pretty miserably.

[SassyMummy]

Thanks guys.

And that's just is Sunnyflower... she didn't go to work until her kids were much older. DP says maybe his last years of high school - her other girls were out of the house by then. She only had to work because of issues between her and FIL and FIL no longer trusting her with his money afterwards... he still paid her rent and bills and stuff though, she just had to earn her own spending money.

But yeah, I'm kinda over it for now. I'm driving, so I feel a lot more independant lately, and have my orientation tomorrow... course starting next Wed... so I'll be pretty busy by then.

MIL never liked that I started uni, thinknig I should do childcare instead (seriously, I don't like kids enough to do that... unless I could ASSURE I would only ever work with non-speaking babies... lol)... and thinks that this course is a waste of time too... but bleh.

DP's even got grand plans to create a salon in our home when we buy one... (I'm doing a beauty therapy course)... and while I don't even know if I want to work for myself, I'm sure that'll go down well with the MIL when that comes out... LOL! "Wasting all this money so she can play dress-ups with people... blah blah..." lol.

[Guest]

I have 3 good friends who have their own businesses in beauty therapy, they make a killing, it's not something she should snub her nose at, it's a serious profession with good earning potential. Good luck with your course :)

[VintageLover]

Um... How is it any of her business anyway???

In future, it might pay to keep your affairs to yourselves...

[Pinkzy]

I'd ignore her and buy a bunch of the My Family stickers for the back window for every single person in your family - except her :laughing::laughing::laughing:.

Nar I'm just joking, I hate those tacky boganistic stickers lol. Just ignore her.

[SassyMummy]

LMAO.

I thought about getting some My Family stickers (not for this reason though) and just having an adult with lots of cats. I don't even have ONE cat... just thought it'd be funny for random people to see me with like 30 cat stickers. lol.

[Pinkzy]

:laughing::laughing: your car would be known as the crazy cat lady mobile!

[VintageLover]

I'd ignore her and buy a bunch of the My Family stickers for the back window for every single person in your family - except her :laughing::laughing::laughing:.

Nar I'm just joking, I hate those tacky boganistic stickers lol. Just ignore her.

Hahaha!!!

[MsMummy]

From memory, you live in the outer suburbs somewhere. I don't know how you managed without a car for so long. I didn't have one for a few years, but I was close to city and transport and childless.

As for your partner buying the car, you're in a relationship, and the contributions of the parties vary over time. It'll balance out in the end. You guys obviously decided as a family you needed another car, and you bought a modest car. Doesn't seem controversial. And it will increase your employment prospects, of course. My partner has worked in job network for a long time, and he says lack of transport is normally a big barrier.

It sounds like his mother is overprotective, and can't accept that his primary family bond is now with you and your child, not with his parents anymore. She needs to let go, as what you, as a family, decide to do with your family money is your business.

[SpecialPatrolGroup]

Seriously, ignore her........and when she come crawling to you for a chin wax, you just tell her to take her she-beard and bugger off:D

[SassyMummy]

Seriously, ignore her........and when she come crawling to you for a chin wax, you just tell her to take her she-beard and bugger off:D

LOL!

Thanks everyone. This vent was made a little bit ago, but MIL can get over it. Or not. I don't care much either way, I'll just do my own thing. She can whinge from the sidelines if she wants.

[SugarSkull]

I don't see how it's any of her business. What you and your DP do is your business, nobody else's. Some mums just can't let go. They still need control.
You should tell her that you're going to cover your steering wheel & gear knob in diamonds, pop gold rims on your car, along with gold door handles and belt buckles. Tell her it'll only cost you $10,000. Muwahahahaha

[Boobycino]

Oh oh oh! I saw a 'my family' sticker family with just one chick & a dozen gold fish. Hehe. But crazy cat lady is good too.

[SpecialPatrolGroup]

Oh and congrats on getting your license. You will soon be wondering how you ever did without it.

[Boobycino]

Oh & MILs are funny. Mine expected me to return to work when jasper was newborn and give him her to 5 days a week to raise... Yet she's not worked a Day in her life. Errmmm - I think not.

[SugarSkull]

Oh & MILs are funny. Mine expected me to return to work when jasper was newborn and give him her to 5 days a week to raise... Yet she's not worked a Day in her life. Errmmm - I think not.

Seriously? = /