Bloody whinger! Advice needed.

[bubblesox]

I have an almost 3 year old boy who is the most whingy child I have ever met. He has been whingy since day 1 but the last few months he has surpassed himself!

Nothing I do is right, it's like walking on egg shells and some days it's all I can do to hold it together as it goes right through me. I have a 9 month old who is the happiest baby ever and my toddler cries and whinges WAY more than him. I know he's a toddler and 'naughty' behaviour is 'normal' but he's not overly naughty apart from saying no here and there and the odd sly smack at his brother but, oh my, the whinging! If he cries it's SO LOUD and for so long I just want to shove a sock in his mouth!

Is this normal - I don't know any other child who whinges anywhere near as much as my son - should I seek professional advice????

[mytwolilprinces]

I am going through a similar thing with DS1 at the moment, he will be 3 in March. The best advice I have been given is this....

When DS wants something which isn't appropriate/he can't have/or is just wanting you to do something you are not prepared or able to do at that point in time - say "no" and give him a short reason as to why you are saying no. Then IGNORE the whinging. It will go on and on and on, after about another 5 mins, simply say "no" again. No doubt the tantrum will start up but you just have to ignore it.

Trust me, this works. Give it time though as it can take a couple of days but soon enough your son will realise that whinging does not get him what he wants. Be sure to reward good behaviour ie, when he is not whinging make sure he gets lots of positive attention.

I did this with my son and it's only be 3 days and already I have seen a huge improvement. He still whinges and cries when he can't have something but it stops after only a minute or so.

The most important thing to remember is not to try to reason, bribe, distract him etc .... you just give a simple explanation and then ignore the whinging.

Hope that helps :fingerscrossed:

[cassi*girl]

Must be a 3 year old BOY Thing!!!! lol. My DS is a whiny whingy one!

Great advise...that is exactly what I try and do. I fully understand that it goes right through you. That must be a mother gene I have decided as DH can just totally ignore it. I WISH I COULD.
Try really hard to just be strong and DON'T argue with him, it will just go on and on if you do.

Good luck :)

[melbryan]

My DS1 is 3 in June next year and he is hard work even more than my 9 week old. He is a born whinger. I was on the phone and he wanted the credit card and I said no I put him on his mat he wailed and screamed and cried and still came back for it I said no again and hid the card he continued but eventually gave up. The lady on the phone said 'Oh he must be tired' he just woke up.
It's so draining but I am going to try harder with him and maybe in a few months or years he'll grow out of it.

Is it true when they are born as whingers they grow up to be whingers I can see it happening.

[bubblesox]

It isn't so much that he whinges when he wants something he can't have, though he does do that, it's constant whinging for no reason - like he makes stupid noises instead of talking and whinges generally and when he's tired - don't even go there!!!

[pookiesossige]

It isn't so much that he whinges when he wants something he can't have, though he does do that, it's constant whinging for no reason - like he makes stupid noises instead of talking and whinges generally and when he's tired - don't even go there!!!

I hear you, Bubblesox, loud and clear! It's hard, but these days I'm getting better at getting down to his level, looking him in the eyes and saying firmly "no whinging please, talk properly for mummy" after making sure that he's not just complaining because he can't reach something etc.
Then, if it carries on- well, I just carry on with my day as if it's not even happening. I try to focus on the sound of my voice- level, calm, normal and pleasant... and I just keep doing what I was doing, ignoring him....

But it is soo hard and I sometimes find that I have been clenching my teeth for ages and just wanna do this: :banghead: :banghead: :banghead:

[pookiesossige]

If anyone has any useful links to some info about managing this sort of thing, post away!!

In a few weeks I am going to a seminar about toddler behaviour/discipline held by Robin Barker (author of Babylove and The Mighty Toddler). I'll get back to you guys about what I learnt!

[CJJHRA]

I have a whinger... I tell him I cant hear you when you whinge or dont talk quitely and clearly. I let him know that I want to hear what he has to say, but I cant until he talks nicely without the whinge.. its slowly working. ANd yep, I will get down to his level to talk to him and look at him and make sure he is looking back at me too. When he keeps talking in a whiny voice I ask him to go to his room and calm down and come back when he can talk properly.

[Nan]

I don't want to get you down but yes, if you don't get on top of it now, they will keep whinging long into childhood and if you give into it it will become a learned behaviour. "I get what I want if I whinge" etc etc

I'm not a parent of a toddler yet, but I've delt with plenty of 5-6 year olds that still do it! My advice would be to first calmly (easier said than done, I know!)acknowledge that you know your child wants something. eg. "What do you want" they might whinge what they want back to you! Then calmly let them know that you've heard their request. eg. "Okay, I've heard you. You want a buiscuit". This is really important because it lets them know you have acknowledged them as a person, as well as their need/want. Then let them know that you are not going to speak to them until they speak to you in a voice that is not whingy. eg. "I heard what you said, but I don't like your whingy voice. I'm not going to answer or speak to you about it unless you start talking to mummy with a nice voice."
They might ask again nicely and you might say "no not now". If they throw a tanty, calmly remind them that you won't talk about it until they stop and speak in a nice voice. Then if they continue just walk away. If it goes on for ages, remind them every now and then that you are waiting for their nice voice before you'll listen to them and that you said no and are not going to change your mind.
When they eventually stop having a tanty praise them for choosing the correct behaviour. Go over the top with the positive reinforcement so that they get the message about good behaviour loud and clear! Unfortuately it sometimes takes huge tantrums for kids to get it! You just have to ride it out until they stop. Hopefully it won't come to this very often. Like all aspects of discipline - consistency is the key. Every time you hear that whingy voice ask for the nice voice before you let them talk any further.
Hope this helps. :fingerscrossed:

[red crayon]

Thanks for all your posts everyone and for asking the question, bubblesox. Spencer can try on the whinging and it can be so difficult to ignore. I reckon if anyone needed to get a person to confess to a crime, all they would need to do would be to stick the person in a room with a bunch of whinging toddlers. They'd be 'fessing up in no time!

[Can I?]

Try this one

http://www.parentingweb.com/discipline/ep_whining.htm

[babyboo]

my dd is 3 and she is the same - god its annoying :banghead: - she has gotten into the habit of whenever something happens, say the puppy grabs her clothes or she falls from being silly but hasnt even hurt herself she lets out this silly waling cry until someone comes.

When i say no to something, she yells no back at me or is a real little smarty pants. Thats what im battling with at the moment - the yelling, i'll tell her not to do something or to go and do something and she will yell at me something back or simply TOTALLY ignore me.

What do ya do with a 3 year old with a HUGE attitude???

[Desertress]

I dont know what to do with one as i an=m trying to figure that out myself. My son is 3.5 and is doing all the before mentioned things. He dosnt listen, is constantly throwing tantrums and whinging and he ignores you or talks back. We are at out wits end in what to do with him as well.

Will try some of the suggestions.... i want to try a time out corner but for some reason dh dosnt agree with being sent to the corner:confused: . So i have to try other things.