View Full Version : mean lady in parenting room
Its just not my day today ! Went to Macquarie centre - DS was hungry so - went to parenting room to give him a bottle as he is easily distracted "outside". Sat in one of the chairs - not inside the little rooms for breastfeeding mummies - but in the foyer so to speak. Another mum - came out of the cutained cubicle and asked me how old DS was - told her - nearly 8 months and she hen proceeded to berate me on bottle feeding.. and questioning me as to why I was not breastfeeding! and did I know that Breastfeeding was best for baby?!!!( We were the only 2 in there at this point)
After I got over the initial shock of her bluntness - I felt the need to explain to her that I had in fact breastfed him up until 6 months (with much difficulty on his behalf and mine) and that he had self weaned by 6 months..... I then found that I was getting cross at myself for having to explain my reasoning and packed up my little bundle of joy and walked out.
I am all for breastfeeding for as long as one can and if it suits you and your bub - but I just could not / can not get over how judgemental she was.......
Anyway - thats my vent for the avo - ......
Hi Lucy
I was at Mac Centre today too and had I been in there I would have supported you all the way. For a start no-one - especially a stranger - has a right to lecture anyone on how they look after their child. There are so many circumstances underwhich you may have not been able to or chose no to b/feed your child in the first place and the last thing you need is a slanging match. I think it's all very rude. Had I been able to b/feed my baby longer than what I did I would have been very grateful but some of us just can't. And it's certainly not for other people to stick their noses in!!!! To be honest I think there are a lot of women who take to b/f very easily and can do it for a very long time and can get on their high horse about it a little too much!
There, that's my bit for the day!!!
Oh that's terrible!!!!!!! :eek:
I haven't experienced this yet - but i'm sure I will experience some close minded rude nosey person who has their views to impose on me at some stage!
I don't think i'd be able to hold back and not give them some mouth!!
Ooooh, that get's me sooo cross. That person is going to regret every saying something to me!! ;)
nemosmum
29-09-2005, 17:09
You know what I hate more then judgemental breast feeding know it all's is the fact that we mums feel we have to justify why we are bottle feeding OUR babies!
I BF for about 11 months but introduced bottle feeds from about 8mnths as I went back to work and everytime some one comments on it I feel this guilty need to defend myself and my reasons for bottle feeding bub. Who cares why we bottle feed we just do!!!!! So there :p
Briannabear
29-09-2005, 17:39
Hi Lucy,
You poor thing. That woman sounds very rude.
I dont believe anyone has the right to criticise what a mother does for her child. After all, the majority of us always do what we feel is best for our precious children.
Breast or bottle, your baby is still getting what they need!! ;)
Nickster
29-09-2005, 18:09
Hi Lucyp
That woman had no right to berate you like that! What a miserable person she must be! Her poor child - fancy having a militant psychopath as a Mother - there's a future psychiatric patient she's rearing, I'll bet. It's hard enough being a Mum without that sort of "opposition" from another Mum - why can't we just all support each other?
You did the right thing to walk out...you'll always get support here from us on the forum. Big hugs to you!
jembelina
29-09-2005, 20:51
HOW RUDE :mad: I can't believe what you have experienced. Who did she think she was??? As a mother you'd think she'd have some idea how hard it is winging it 90% of the time and hoping like hell your doing the right thing! Incidents like this make me really glad for this forum where us mums can laugh, cry and support each other.
suziebear
29-09-2005, 20:54
Hey I really feel for you. I too had a very similar converastion with another mother ... but I was not in the mother room ... I was actually sitting in the coffee shop in the shopping ctr giving Jayden a bottle when a very rude mother proceded to tell me how "wrong" I was for bottle feeding my baby. I let her continue until she had finished (was quite a long story she had and many people watching by this point) before I told her that she really she mind her own buisness. That when my son was 3 weeks old I was put back in to surgery and had to have radiation scans done (called VQ scans) and I also must take asprin to live as I have a blood clotting problem (found post birth) that I was advised by my OB & GP and Jayden's ped that I would be doing much more for my child who mind you was and still is growing well to put him on a bottle as unfortunately my body has it's own needs.
So for all the mothers who do wish to feel that they have to "lecture" the mothers of bottle fed babies, please think twice. Many of us have medical reasons as to why we can't breast feed and besides, it is a mothers right to choose and the thing is .... not the one thing is always right for everyone and every baby.
Suzie
What a Cow!!! She needs to get over herself!
I b/f but had a 50th dinner to go to so i expressed and took a bottle with me as the dress i was wearing was not appropriate for feeding! I got some horrible comments and looks from people and it made me think that these people must have the most boring lives! I mean, i have better things to worry about in my own life than who is bottle feeding and why!
I plan on weaning DS around 9 months or so and am looking forward to all the comments. I am going to start planning my comebacks now so i am prepared. :p
thanks everyone for being a listening post so to speak! I think , more than anything - I was just so taken aback by her bluntness! :p
Briannabear
30-09-2005, 08:03
Is frustrating sometimes. Some people just have no tact whatsoever.
Mumof2+1
30-09-2005, 23:33
I breastfeed my first two children for 18mnths and 12mnths repectively and am now breastfeeding my 16week old bub. I choose to breasfeed but never for a minute think that women who bottle feed their babies, are doing anything wrong.
It is a personal chioce and sometimes like some of you, you don't have a choice for other reasons. Sometimes mothers can be the nastiest, egotistical people.
I too have given my baby a bottle of expressed milk and have gotten the looks of discust and felt I had to defend myself as if there was something wrong with bottle feeding anyway. I do give my new bub the occasional bottle of formula as I don't always have enough milk to express when I need to. She takes both breast and formula milk the same. If it doesn't bother her, why should it bother anyone else.
The only time I have ever had a problem with some one choosing to bottle feed, was with my cousin who told me, she wouldn't even concider breastfeeding because it would make her boobs sag. For me, Vanity is not a good reason for not even concider it.
all the best to everyone who are bottle feeding their babies, I'm shure they are all healthy.
Trish
Taylah 8yrs
Jacob 6yrs
Ellah 16weeks
Lucybelle
01-10-2005, 17:43
Lucy, I'm sorry you felt you had to justify yourself and I'm sorrier you felt you had to leave.
If this EVER happens to me I'll tell them I had a double mastectomy and cry. (which I haven't). Rude people like this deserve a shock, and to realise there could be more to the story - which again isn't their business. Then again I might say that my BIG FAT silicone implants stop me from feeding (which I don't have either).
Blessed Mum
01-10-2005, 17:46
Hi guys,
Thanks for raising this subject. With my son I was unable to breastfeed due to complications and felt quite let down for him and myself. But it ended up being a positive experience. I am now 23 weeks pregnant with #2 and had many people from family, friends, my gp and m/w assume I will naturally breastfeed but this is still a scary thought for me. Hubby really wants to be able to feed from the start again as well!! So I feel really torn about what I should or shouldn't do. Any advice or experiences you can share are appreciated.
Take Care
Tara :)
ThomasMum
11-10-2005, 08:51
Its just not my day today ! Went to Macquarie centre - DS was hungry so - went to parenting room to give him a bottle as he is easily distracted "outside". - ......
Hey lucyp, lucky I wasn't there. Otherwise she'd get an earfull from me! We have equal rights to use that facilities whether you BF or bottlefeed bubs, period!
We went to MC last weekend to get more of Bonds stuff for Thomas at BigW. I like their self-service counters, I think its great! Pity you weren't there lucyp!
We went to MC last weekend to get more of Bonds stuff for Thomas at BigW. I like their self-service counters, I think its great! Pity you weren't there lucyp!
Hey!! I am often up there! and love the self check out also - makes life much easier than standing inthe mile long queue! Next time Im there i'll have to check out all the babies I pass to see if any look like Thomas :)
To All you bottle feeding mothers out there. I am expecting no 1 but thought i would drop in and mention that i have two nephews, 3 and 5. one breastfed til 6 weeks and one for 2 weeks. And thought you would love to hear that they are two very happy healthy boys and have great strong bonds with everyone close to them because mummy, daddy,aunty, grandma and poppy all got to bond with them when feeding. they certainly havent suffered in any way. your baby knows you love them no matter how you feed them(as long as they are getting fed) and they dont judge you. that is the important thing. KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.
rynosmum
11-10-2005, 18:02
I was bottle fed as my mother was unable to breastfeed and I think I turned out okay ? :confused:
I breastfed my son for almost 5 months but stopped when I had pneumonia and had to take some high dose antibiotics. I was told I could continue to B/F however Ry became very ill after the first feed so I stopped straight away. I ended up with mastitis by stopping so quickly but couldn't do much about it at the time.
It is no-one's business but your own to B/F or not B/F or how long you do it for, whether you control cry or not, co-sleep or not, circumcise or not. Mum's have enough guilt without people adding to it.
Live and let live - there's a lot of research around but also a lot of living proof. Would you know if your best friends even had been B/F or not ? Do they have lifelong attachment issues ? I don't think so... :)
ThomasMum
11-10-2005, 20:51
Hey!! I am often up there! and love the self check out also - makes life much easier than standing inthe mile long queue! Next time Im there i'll have to check out all the babies I pass to see if any look like Thomas :)
Ohh cool, we dont go there often tho. But yes you have to keep an eye on a guy with a Bjorn sling because thats where Thomas wpuld be, with his dad! LOL and the ussualy goes straight to the game section lol
I was bottle fed as my mother was unable to breastfeed and I think I turned out okay ? :confused:
I breastfed my son for almost 5 months but stopped when I had pneumonia and had to take some high dose antibiotics. I was told I could continue to B/F however Ry became very ill after the first feed so I stopped straight away. I ended up with mastitis by stopping so quickly but couldn't do much about it at the time.
It is no-one's business but your own to B/F or not B/F or how long you do it for, whether you control cry or not, co-sleep or not, circumcise or not. Mum's have enough guilt without people adding to it.
Live and let live - there's a lot of research around but also a lot of living proof. Would you know if your best friends even had been B/F or not ? Do they have lifelong attachment issues ? I don't think so... :)
Hear hear rynosmum!! I so 100.1% totally agree with you :D
lucyp, i cant believe someone would be so rude to a complete stranger! what a horrible person that lady must be. I have actually often had the opposite experience in that im often asked 'your still feeding? omg' and people staring at me as i try to discreetly give bubs lunch, these people pee me off too! whether bottle or breast, someone just walking past us in the shops or change room do not know our stories and have no idea how we came to feed ours bubs the way we do, and they have no right to say anything to us at all!! some people are just sooooo rude :mad:
Hi l just read about your experience, that was totally wrong of her l mean who does she think she is. I am so sorry that you were subjected to that.
Personally l havn't experienced that but l too bottle feed my dd. I tried for 8 weeks to breastfeed. I was induced and as dd was a little early she didn't develope her sucking reflex properly. As a result of that she couldn't attach. I was so disappointed, but l was determind she would have my milk so for almost 8 months l expressed. I understand that there are many reasons, causes and choices, but in the end it is an individual descision. Between mother and baby not anybody else. Sometimes too you don't get to choose people should remember that before they pass judgement. Anyway what else can you say, at the end of the day you are a mother to your DS that's all that matters
Goddess_Mamma
31-10-2005, 19:57
Thats disgusting, you dont treat other people like that. THe way you feed YOUR baby is up to you, just as the way she feeds her baby is up to her.
My son is a bottle baby after much heart ache and deliberation from myself. I thought that I would love breastfeeding and was depressed and shocked whenI found that I didnt. 'Its whats best for him' I thought, and as I wanted what was best for him I blindly continued to breastfeed at the detriment of our relationship.
Isaiah lost over 13% of his body weight in the first four days due to undaignosed incorrect attachment, well attachment that wasnt as good as it should have been. He is my first baby and not one midwife checked my breastfeeding technique even though he was steadily and alarmingly losing weight, until the day I wanted to go home. I felt (and always will) guilty and responsible for his poor health, and developed a negative association with breastfeeding. This seriously affected my bonding - I dreaded feeding him and sadly dreaded him waking up. I developed a uterine infection which required a long period of antibiotic medication, during which I could not breastfeed. I was still determined to breastfeed, amd expressed after each feed to keep my supply up. This lasted for 5 days before, exhausted and depressed I gave it up and committed him to the bottle.
He was a different baby when I put him on the bottle and I feel in love with him again. Now I love him more than anything in this entire world and am ashamed that I didnt for that period. It was painful beyond desription to watch him play with other people during that time but not me - like he knew how I felt. I was happy that he was bonding with his father and my mother, that he felt loved somewhere, but heartbroken that it was not me he turned to, smiled at and played with. Once he was on the bottle and the pressure of breastfeeding off me, I could play with him and be his mum. Now he looks for me, smiles at me, laughs and plays and I can tell that he loves me and knows that I love him more than anyone else does.
Breastmilk is what is nutritionally best for baby, theres no denying that, but it is not always best for bonding between mum and bub - which is more important in the long run. I read somewhere that instead of 'breast is best' they believed that 'a hungry baby knows best' - its true and its always makes me cry.
Oh you poor thing how horrible that must of been :( I bottle feed my little man because he just would not take the breast milk no matter what i did, i tried every thing but he would not have it. i felt so bad like there was some thing wrong with me but finally realized that some times things don't happen the way we plain. anyway i'm sorry you had to go though that, there's nothing worse then people like that.
our little treasures
03-11-2005, 12:47
I am a mother that chose to breast feed no matter what probs came up including still to this day right know I have 2 rips on the breast and a 3mnth old who sits at the breast every hr.... I would never have the guts to say something to another mum on what she has decided to do I have sil that just didnt cope with cracked nipples and now bottle feeds infact I'm only one in both families that continued...
It's their business not mine
sorry for your experience and tahnk you for leaving the cubicle free for b/feeding mummies I think your doing the best that you can do
Foxymoron
03-11-2005, 13:12
As a breastfeeding mum can I just say how sorry I am that you encountered sucha nasty *****! (Am I allowed to say that on Bubhub?) She wouldn't know anything about your journey as a mum, or how you came to bottle feed.
I once had some silly cow tell me in a feeding room that my child would "get used to that bottle" It was expressed milk because we were having such a hard time feeding that I couldn't manage it when I went out! She was a first time mother, imparting wisdom to someone with years more breastfeeding experience than her... but did she know that? Nope, just assumed!
The more women lambast each other for their choices the greater the divide between us all... I think it's sad.
dormouse
20-11-2005, 02:27
I just want to say that I feel alot better about myself after reading this tread!
I breastfed DD for 7 weeks before I had a night out & bottlefed for the evening. After that, try as I might, I could not get my milk supply to come back properly. It kept getting harder & harder to breastfeed & eventually my milk dried up altogether. I also had big problems expressing. It just didnt happen for me!
I had every intention of breastfeeding for at least 6 months & got really upset & down on myself when I couldn't. I felt as if it was my fault because I had a night out when I should have been looking after my baby properly.
DD is still only 13 weeks & I feel that I am not giving her the best start by formula feeding but my hubby & family love that they can feed her too!
I have felt really guilty ever since that I can't breastfeed anymore & reading this has made me feel alot better about what I am doing.
THANKYOU!!!
grrrr!!!! what is it with woman who insist on trying to make other mums/woman feel bad???? makes me soooo mad, and how dare anyone suggest that someone is not a good mum based on whether they ff or bf????? we all need to take care of each other, not put each other down, we do that enough to ourselves as it is!!!!
hehe, i know i already posted a response in here, but just had to put another 2c in :)
rebeccamum
24-11-2005, 16:20
He is my first baby and not one midwife checked my breastfeeding technique even though he was steadily and alarmingly losing weight, until the day I wanted to go home. I felt (and always will) guilty and responsible for his poor health, and developed a negative association with breastfeeding. This seriously affected my bonding - I dreaded feeding him and sadly dreaded him waking up. I developed a uterine infection which required a long period of antibiotic medication, during which I could not breastfeed. I was still determined to breastfeed, amd expressed after each feed to keep my supply up. This lasted for 5 days before, exhausted and depressed I gave it up and committed him to the bottle.
He was a different baby when I put him on the bottle and I feel in love with him again. Now I love him more than anything in this entire world and am ashamed that I didnt for that period.
I had the exact same experience! Not one nurses at the hospital I stayed at sensed that I have low supply. Everyone only wanted to concentrated on the position! And when I raised up the low supply issue, I was always ignored. What disgusts me the most is despite the fact that she cried for hours, no one told me that she's hungry (I'm the first time mum and had no clue about babies) or suggested me to give her a bottle - they just kept telling me to bf her. I had C-section but left the hospital only 3 days later as I couldn't stand it any longer. I was sure my parents are best at taking care of me and they are! My mum cooked me all the dishes she could ever think of will increase my suppply. I bf her, then gave expressed bottle and topped up with formula. This lasted about 4 wks and no matter what I did, my supply just wasn't increased.
I was so dissappointed and felt guilty that I couldn't give me the best food she deserves. To make matter worse, the formula she had didn't agree with her and everytime she pooped she'd scream as if in great pain. I didn't bond with her at first because of all difficulties I had with breastfeeding and I was so stress. Now that we're doing better with bottlefeeding she's a much happier baby and I feel strongly in love with her.
To all of you who have similar experience, remember that parenting is not only about your ability to breastfeed your babies. You probably can bf your babies for the maximum of 2 years, but parenting last a lifetime.
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