What to expect at the counselling session?

[Demdez]

Hi Everyone :wave:

My partner & I are about to jump on this rollercoaster in about a week! Very excited! Im just wondering if anyone can tell me what to expect at the mandatory counselling session? Im not looking to cheat it by having all the answers or anything, I'm just wondering what it is that they are assesing, our relationship, how we'll cope with dissapointment, if we'd be fit parents etc? Just currious :detective:
Thanks!

[nelle7250]

I'm a single parent by choice and I found my counseling session to be VERY laid back. It's not to asses your suitability or your relationship I found as they can't say you aren't suitable but it's more to see where your head is at to answer questions you may have etc.

On thing my counsellor asked me was how was I going to explain things to my children when they were older..... And also about my support network.

My advice to you is just go with what you are comfortable with there are no right or wrong answers and it's a good time to ask questions.

Good luck...... It's sooo exciting at this point!!! :celebrate:

[cabbage patch]

Hi :) I went into the counselling session with the wrong attitude! I was thinking plenty of unsuitable parents have babies without having to jump through hoops so why should we?!
It did not have anything to do with jumping through hoops though. It was great! I left the session feeling like I was doing the right thing and that I was well equipped with what was to come. Our discussion with the counsellor began with her asking about our occupations personal details etc. She then asked us about our families and if we had told them we were TTC. She asked if they were receptive to the idea and we discussd how we thought friends would respond to the future pregnancy. We discussed ways to deal with peoples negativity.
She asked us what we would look for in a donor if we had a choice and also what we would tell the child about how they were conceived.
It was really great as obviously they have seen the pro's and con's of this form of treatment so many times. She was able to inform us of how others have explained the process to their children how they broke the news to family and friends etc.
Our counsellor made us feel so comfortable and made us feel like we were absolutely doing the right thing. It was great to have this support and I hope you and your partner find your session just as beneficial! Goodluck! (And please excuse my shocking spelling ;)

[lulululu]

Agree with pp. it's not about assessing you. You don't have to pass the test. It's more to make sure you've considered all aspects and to open a dialogue between yourself and your partner/support person about the big issues. It's just to ensure you are as prepared as possible


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[catemer]

Hi Demdez. I was nervous about our councelling session too. I was sure they were going to probe our relationship, sure they were going to tell us we weren't ready to be parents etc etc.

Turns out what they were really discuss were things like the current legislation, our support network, if we had told anyone we were TTC, how we would tell any future kids about how they were conceived, plans for when the baby comes (eg maternity leave, other parent leave, day care etc), also about plans for who would carry the baby, if we both wanted to birth, or if one person was going to have all the babies etc.

The counsellor was really friendly and open to discussing everything. We learnt a few things about the legislation and how it affects same sex parents, especially lesbian parents.

As a pp said it's not so much about passing a test as making sure you have all the necessary information and have thought about the long term impacts. Just be open and honest and you'll be fine.

[Demdez]

Thanks so much to everyone for the info, found it all to be really helpful & has taken a weight off our mind! Donesn't sound so scary any more, sounds very healthy infact!
Its so nice to hear frome other who have & are going through the same things :yes:

[jali]

Hi Demdez - welcome to bubhub and best wishes for your TTC journey! How exciting for you both. We both also found the session more an information giving session - not being judged or needing to 'pass a test'. :hugs: jali

[Kite]

Me & my partner didn't need a counsellor for home insemination (of course) but when we went IVF we needed to. I was pretty "ugh" about it. The counsellor however, was pretty friendly, slightly self-focussed, and just said "you obviously really want your kids which is more that can be said for many parents". Tick tick tick boxes. "So obviously you'll be telling your kids early they were donor conceived like we recommend!" *Laughs all round* It wasn't a big deal for us, thankfully.