View Full Version : Feeling Lonely
Hi everyone. I'm a single mum to a gorgeous little ratbag but lately I've been thinking that it would be nice to have someone to share my life with. This concept is a little foreign to me as I have never been able to make a relationship work and now it is even harder as the guys I have met really don't understand that my daughter comes first and I'm not willing to palm her off to babysitters every weekend.
Is there any others out there that are feeling like this? How do you get around it and find "other" company. I would be really interested to hear from you all, even if its just that you feel the same and want to vent etc:p
Shelleyt
09-10-2006, 17:57
Hi Dee :hugs:
I totally understand where u r coming from. I have often thought about how I would handle the situation when it happens and how you would make time to go out etc. I wouldnt be willing to palm Joel off every weekend either, but I think maybe to begin with, you would need to make some sacrifices to make the relationship work. Even if it was one night out every now and then, and other nights eating in and watching a movie etc. I dunno! :confused:
I guess it would be hard for the new partner also, to be able to get to know you as a person, if the baby/child was always there in the beginning. In saying that, they cant expect you to hand her over all the time! Sorry if I havent been much help! Its a tough one. I would just be making it clear that you cant hand her over all the time, but letting them know that you are willing to make some sacrifices to make it work.
Im sure Mr Right (if there is such a thing!) will come along when you least expect it. :yes:
Am always here if u need to chat :hugs:
I know exactly where you're coming from. I've been a single mum from the time I found out and the father has nothing to do with him at all, I have only 1 family member in WA and I have only been in Perth 2yrs. I don't know many people and don't have many opportunities to meet them either, that's why BH has been great but even tho they are all lovely ladies I'm not that way inclined. I don't have the opportuninty even to meet guys, even if I did I couldn't go anywhere or anything because of my son. I don't have the luxery to palm him of to family and friends as I don't have them.
For the last 2 yrs I haven't been out, even to a movie, that's why I am sooo addicted to the internet. It's my only form of communication. I can't even get on one of those internet dating sites as I can't afford it, so I know how you feel but I don't have any advice because if I had it would have used it myself. Sorry :( Keep positive and it will happen when it is time (that's what people keep saying to me) Good things come to those who wait is another cliche, well I say I've waited long enough. :D
Will see you at Thursdays meet. :wave:
tyler's mum
09-10-2006, 20:58
i know how u feel:hugs: i feel alone every nite when tyler is in bed, its just me every nite
i been talking to a few guys but they just want sex, i wont a man who wonts to be with me every nite not just for the sex iykwim
if it was only easy to find a man:rolleyes:
Thanks for your replies everyone. I guess the lack of companionship is starting to get to me. It was rubbed in even more today when I found out that a guy I've always liked has met someone else. We never got together despite knowing we liked each other and I always felt that Bug was the reason as he had said he didn't really want kids.
Im starting to think it is time for me to head back to Parents Without Partners just to be around other people who understand how i feel as not many of my friends do.
:hugs: I hope we all find someone one day!!!
i know how u feel:hugs: i feel alone every nite when tyler is in bed, its just me every nite
i been talking to a few guys but they just want sex, i wont a man who wonts to be with me every nite not just for the sex iykwim
if it was only easy to find a man:rolleyes:
i no wat u mean...they think since u have a kid u must b easy :banghead: thats not how it works!!!
I got lucky and found a guy who's realllllllllllly nice. He gets along wid my boy great and even though we havent been togetha long (not quite 2 mnths) he undastands i come with an attachment and as much as like being with him, my 'attachment' has priority. He hasnt grown up around kids, but he's not naive...my ds luvs him alredy :yelclap:
Dadandtwo
09-11-2006, 06:06
As as single father, I too know how you feel. I've been on my own for a few years now and would love to find someone, but I find it difficult juggling my work, being a hands on father to my gorgeous kids (50/50) AND finding time to date (without palming the kids off to a babysitter). I had tried internet dating a year or so ago (too early though) but I did meet some lovely people. I found though that the single women I met didn't really understand that my kids came first...I suppose now I would be more inclined to look for women who are parents already...they understand. I'm sure there would be some decent guys on there on the net though? I have just gone back on. My ex has met a nice guy who doesn't have kids himself, but is great with mine...something I'd always worried about.
Christina__
11-11-2006, 13:37
I feel like this all the time... Im 27 and I should be out there meeting people, forming relationships and having a lil bit of fun... I dont get to do any of that however... I feel like Im always at home and if something does come up I dont want to leave my baby with anyone else. So Im stuck in this rut of being a home mum, doing nothing but taking care of my daughter. Often I think is this how my life is going to be forever? Most of the people I know are childless, single and out partying every day... I certainly dont want to be partying every day but some sorty of social life would be good.... But I feel like I gave that up a long time ago when I decided to be a mother... I was with her father at the time so it didnt really bother me much but then he left when she was 6 weeks old and its been just her and me ever since...
Christina_ - you have just described my life. :hugs:
Dadandtwo - I know what you mean. The past couple of men I have dated don't understand that my daughters happiness comes first and I am not willing to palm her off to babysitters every weekend. I've gotten to a point that I also think another parent is going to be the only one to understand.
One other thing I have discovered is that because I usually date older men, it doesnt seem to work for two reasons (that i can pick) 1. Some are really bitter about their breakups and I dont want that around my daughter. 2. They dont want to know about me once they discover Im a single mum. They dont want to think about a future where they may have to get involved in a FAMILY situation.
I guess I will just have to keep looking. If i can ever get out of the house that is.
Where do you find men in the first place? Has anyone tried RSVP? Ive been single since I fell pregnant, which was nearly 2 1/2 yrs ago and every time I have been out I cant find anyone.
I think my problem might be the fact that when someone approaches me the first thing that comes out of my mouth is all to do with my little man. I dont have anything else to talk about.
It would be nice to have a partner but I dont cry myself to sleep about it.
I get pretty lonely at times.. and i get pretty sad.. just because i have noone to share my baby with..
I'm going for the positive approach that someone will come along one day so i should just enjoy being a single mum for now:)
Dadandtwo
15-11-2006, 18:09
Hi again...been busy with work and sick kids so haven't had a chance to log on here. A couple of things...I have tried RSVP...that's the site I have gone back on to. I'm told it is the most 'respectable' of the dating sites. Why not give it a go.
The other thing Mum2Bug said was that older guys were bitter etc...funny, I have heard two guys in the last week tell me this: They are scared to go into a relationship with any woman, whether it be a single mother or not, in case they have to end up paying more child support if they broke up in the future. Rightly or wrongly, that's what they think. Don't know how broadly this goes as far as guys go, and I have never thought of this reason before, but as someone paying a fortune in child support even though I have my kids 50/50, I can see their point to some degree. I think it's more important though to focus on your happiness than the possible negative things that MAY come out of a relationship, but some people feel more comfortable with the negatives, then stay lonely forever as a result.
Another funny thing...I had an advert on a locally based website and today met a lovely woman who I will be seeing again. You never know :)
Good luck Geoff:fingerscrossed:
Hey de-A and shayley, and hello to all single mums and dads. Yes it's difficult meeting people, especially if you haven't got someone to mind your precious children. I think it's o.k to say go out once a week or fortnight,parents are human too, and sometimes we need some adult conversation or intimacy( I had to look up that word in the dictionary, it's been so long ha-ha). Some suggestions:Internet for dating or friendships, bunnings have free DIY workshops on the weekends, join hobbies/groups, school do a course, in vic we have a group called parentlink run by the YMCA, they organize outings, holidays, etc for single parents and kids. So no babysitter required. Start conversation when u have the oppertunity,think outside the box. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. GOOD LUCK AND MERRY CHRISTMAS:tree:
oleander
27-11-2006, 00:25
I am also thinking the same thing 'am i ever going to meet someone?' At the moment it isnt possible because I have a newborn baby, Im breastfeeding, Im still carrying a spare tyre. My daughter comes first and i have issues with trust after the breakup with my husband. Do I want to allow a man into mine and my daughters life? I don't know yet. All I know is that he better be pretty damn special. My standards have sky-rocketed since my ex. My major issue now is that I really want to have more children in the future and would like to find someone that would like the same life as me. But they also have to love and accept my daughter. At the rate Im going I'm going to be going to a sperm donor and it honestly seems to me like the best solution. I can't be bothered 'dating', washing some guys smelly socks, picking up after him.
oleander
27-11-2006, 00:29
BTW I have tried some dating websites. Dont even bother with Adult Matchmaker - they're all dirty pigs. RSVP isnt bad and I never pay any money. They can write to me and pay the money. If they dont then you know they're cheap ******** and aren't worthy anyway.
SimplyMum
28-11-2006, 21:44
As the title says, I'm having a 'down and lonly' night. I'm sick of being single and I hate to say it, I get just a little jelous when I hear or see people meeting hte 'right person'/getting married/or getting pregnant.
There's so many people finding the 'right one' and divorcing the 'right one', why can't I go half that and just find the 'right guy'.
My best friend and his wife are getting divorced and he is the sweetest guy I've known. They had everything, bought a house, beautiful little girl, nice cars- everything. Why would you give that up?
My sister also has a fantastic guy. He's nice and would do anything for her but throws it back in er face. I just want a piece of that.
ARGH- I HATE BEING SINGLE! AND I HATE SOUNDING DESPERATE!:banghead: :o
Baileymoo:hugs: :hugs: :hugs: Have a few of those. Amazingly enough I had one of those days yesterday and ended up crying myself to sleep. Everywhere I went there was happy couples gazing at each other and i was like "Why not me?"
Take care of yourself hun.
Shelleyt
28-11-2006, 23:36
My best friend and his wife are getting divorced and he is the sweetest guy I've known. They had everything, bought a house, beautiful little girl, nice cars- everything. Why would you give that up?
I guess sometimes that just aint enough to keep it going!
Baileymoo, i'm not sure if you believe in this sort of stuff, but I went to see a clairvoyant a few weeks ago because I was feeling a bit down and felt I needed a bit of hope! I felt so good after seeing her and I was not a huge believer in that sort of thing, but she was excellent. She gave me a bit of hope that everything was going to turn out ok and to enjoy what you have now and the rest will come when its ready. Just a thought anyways! It did wonders for me, felt like i had let out all my problems with her!!
I know how hard it is, but hang in there hun. :hugs:
Well another year is almost over and another lonely christmas has passed me by. Reflecting on what my new year resolutions are going to be got me quite down today after a very boring christmas at home. I hate the festive season, it just makes me feel sadder and lonelier. I have no one to share it with and as far as Bug was concerned it was just another day but with some new toys thrown in. I was watching her unwrap her presents, wishing we had someone here to share it all with. And i dont just mean a man, even a close, true friend would've been nice. Im starting to retreat further into myself with this loneliness.
And yet the more I force myself to leave the house, the more i hate it. I have nowhere to go out to, and no friends to do it with. :crying:
blessedmummy
26-12-2006, 22:45
awwww dear mum2bug.............:hugs::hugs: i wish i was closer...we could meet up! it would be wonderful!..im sorry to see that you are lonely..it would be awful to say the least, and i have no idea what you all go through everyday, im amazed at what you all do and learn to cope everyday, you are all wonderful women! :yes:
MissBrightside
26-12-2006, 23:50
mum2bug have one of these :hugs: . I know what you mean. I was lucky enough to have my extended family to spend the day with yesterday. I felt a bit down though, this was my first x-mas in 8 years without my ex and I was a bit sad.
New Years is another story though, I have no friends to go out with and boy I need a night off!! I very rarely get out and I have no one to have a night off with anyway.
Maybe next year.
Geez I hope next year is better!!
jess_live_die
27-12-2006, 00:04
i feel like that at times but then i sit and think i would rather wait til the right guys comes for me and my girls until then im happy with my girls but i know how u feel sometimes i end up cring myself to sleep i know its silly but its true.
oleander
27-12-2006, 00:47
I'm so sad after reading your post mum2bug:hugs: I know exactly how you felt on christmas day. I sat DD in her bouncer chair under the xmas tree and tried to video tape the present opening. Pretty hard opening presents with one hand and filming video in the other.
OneBabyBoy
27-12-2006, 01:53
:hugs: i know how you feel mum2bug especially the part about leaving the house. do you live in sydney? if you do please pm me :hugs:
lovingmotheract
27-12-2006, 16:09
hey i know how you guys feel i have tryed dateing sites but have not found one guy get put i'm getting there i think i just want someone to talk to at the end of the night
i have tryed www.aussiematchmaker.com.au (http://www.aussiematchmaker.com.au) www.rsvp.com.au (http://www.rsvp.com.au) www.lavalife.com.au (http://www.lavalife.com.au) i have tryed them all but i love amm as u can talk to them on line 4 free and there are nice guys on rsvp
Dadandtwo
27-12-2006, 16:43
Yes, and if the guy is keen, they will spend the money on emails etc. I still haven't any luck on rsvp, but have met some lovely women and they would be right for other guys...I'm assuming the same goes the other way too. I spent Christmas Day on my own as I took my kids to their mother's parents house as they have a big party...guessed it would be better for them to spend the day there than at my house. They had a great time. As someone else said here...better to wait for the right one though...lots of strange ones out there :)
I've tried the online dating thing lately but as soon as the guys find out im overweight they lose interest. So i need to meet some in RL who can see that Im big right from the start.
Onebabyboy - sorry hun im in Perth
Thanks everyone for your support. Guess i will just have to force myself to get out more and continue fishing.
Hi I am a single mum to a 10 mth old little girl. I have tried RSVP, and it is definitely a good way to meet people. I found you are able to look for the type of person you think you would get along with, be honest about yourself and guys will make contact vice versa and you can chat online prior to handing out numbers or meeting. Keep in mind there are alot of nice people but some very strange ones too. It's a good way to go as our time is precious with kids. Just be careful, meet in public places and don't let anyone meet your kids until you are 100% sure it is safe of course. Give it a try. Good luck!!!
♥My Innocent Angel♥
28-12-2006, 23:01
:hugs: :hugs: mum 2 bug
and everyone else
there is so much i can relate to
but i have given up hope on finding someone and have settled to just be happy on my own
i would be happy if i could meet some genuine friends male and female so i had ppl to spend my time with other than my parents but i am now faced with another new years at home with my parents alone and probably in bed before midnight
life gets more depressing every day in this deep black hole of singledom
OneBabyBoy
29-12-2006, 01:14
:hugs: :hugs: mum 2 bug
and everyone else
there is so much i can relate to
but i have given up hope on finding someone and have settled to just be happy on my own
i would be happy if i could meet some genuine friends male and female so i had ppl to spend my time with other than my parents but i am now faced with another new years at home with my parents alone and probably in bed before midnight
life gets more depressing every day in this deep black hole of singledom
hey mum21princess I'm sorry that you're feeling that way. :hugs: :hugs:
♥My Innocent Angel♥
29-12-2006, 12:43
thanks
onebabyboy
was feeling a lil down yesterday didnt mean to highjack your thread mum2bug
should add im feeling less in a black hole today but then again i havent been anywhere yet either
Dadandtwo
29-12-2006, 13:51
Guys, I have been looking long and hard for the past two years for sites like this or organisations where I can meet up with single dads. Have failed miserably there, but finding this site (no idea how I seemed to find myself here though) was a positive. So, first up I'd like to make it clear that I'm not trying to 'get myself a woman or anything' here :) ...there's other avenues available to me for that...ie RSVP etc. One thing that I have read over and over here though, not just on this thread, is the loneliness that a lot of you seem to be going through, not just with not having a guy, but not having anyone.
I would really recommend (and I know there's been more than one person who's done this here already) that you at least give the internet dating a go, the clean sites like RSVP. I just came back from a barbeque with a few single mums here in Canberra, and one of them said that she had met her ex husband on RSVP (yeah, ex husband I know, but that's not the point :) ). I know of a few women who have used it and kind of screened the potential guys with their friends, including male friends.
Anyway, I suppose you've got nothing to lose by giving it a try. Costs nothing.
Geoff
Pobblebonk
29-12-2006, 21:13
Hi Mum2Bug. How are you?
I can understand what you mean about being alone for the rest of your life...
At the moment I am quite happy being a single mum. I never go out so I never get the chance to meet anyone. But I think that it would be hard to meet someone who has the same parenting values as you.
For example, I have a single dad friend who is keen on me but there's no way I'd go there with him, and also, he's happy to let his nearly 2 daughter get away with murder, and she bullies my DS around whenever she comes over here and he does nothing about it. She even hits him in the face with various objects and he doesn't discipline her.
Sure, I'd love to be in a GREAT relationship with the RIGHT person, but right now, I'm going to just enjoy Mr Chicken, and not worry about being with anyone.
To add to Geoff's posts, I've got a profile on RSVP, and I think my 2nd paragraph tells people that I'm a single mum and that I'm not looking for a replacement father. I've still had plenty of responses. I think by telling them upfront, it can weed out those that will miss out on good things (and that includes being a part of my son's life!).
Good luck, De-A.
oleander
29-12-2006, 21:21
I agree Miss-alitz - the fact that your a single mum shouldn't make a difference and I've also found that there are alot of guys out there who dont even blink when they find out you have a child. Some of course are after one thing and would go for any girl with a pulse but I'm sure there are plenty of decent guys out there. Like Geoff for example:p We just have to weed out all the ferals:yes:
Dadandtwo
30-12-2006, 09:31
:) At least it looks like you've got plenty of helpers if you do decide to go ahead with the RSVP thing Mum2Bug.:smiliedance:
:) At least it looks like you've got plenty of helpers if you do decide to go ahead with the RSVP thing Mum2Bug.:smiliedance:
Unfortunately that is the one thing i wont be doing. I never said anything before but I have actually had profile on there for the past 4 months and that was where i found all the idiots that couldnt look past my weight problem. (size 18) I only removed my profile last week as I couldnt be bothered with the **** anymore.
Nope, time to get out of the house I think and just meet people out and about. Also thinking I might go back to Parents Without Partners. That was great fun last time.
Geoff, sorry to hear you are still looking as well. I remember a post of yours a while back saying you had met someone who you were hoping to get to know better and see where it went.:hugs:
Dadandtwo
30-12-2006, 14:52
Well, good luck anyway Mum2Bug. Yeah, I had met someone before but nothing came of it. This time around I'm not going to rush into anything. Have met some great women though...just the 'spark' hasn't been there for me. Had my fair share of weirdo's too :) , but that's OK. You'll get them anywhere. Ha, even had guys contact me :). Mmmm, not sure if I should take that in a positive or negative way actually :confused:
Best of luck Mum2Bug...looks like there is plenty of support here for you if you need help in the future anyway.
Geoff
Ladies.......Im thinking we need to clone Geoff or fly him all around the country to meet us all:D
munchkin05
30-12-2006, 18:48
Unfortunately that is the one thing i wont be doing. I never said anything before but I have actually had profile on there for the past 4 months and that was where i found all the idiots that couldnt look past my weight problem. (size 18) I only removed my profile last week as I couldnt be bothered with the **** anymore.
Nope, time to get out of the house I think and just meet people out and about. Also thinking I might go back to Parents Without Partners. That was great fun last time.
Geoff, sorry to hear you are still looking as well. I remember a post of yours a while back saying you had met someone who you were hoping to get to know better and see where it went.:hugs:
ive spoken to a few weirdos from singles sites :confused: oh my god at least im not the only one to attract them hehehe
ive decided im going to get on with life in 2007
and if you ever need a partner in crime dee to come out hunting ;) you can count me in :smiliedance:
ive spoken to a few weirdos from singles sites :confused: oh my god at least im not the only one to attract them hehehe
ive decided im going to get on with life in 2007
and if you ever need a partner in crime dee to come out hunting ;) you can count me in :smiliedance:
Oh good im not the only one!:laughing:
Anytime for going hunting/fishing hun, just gotta find someone mad enough to babysit Bug
OneBabyBoy
30-12-2006, 23:32
There doesn't seem to be any dating websites specifically for single parents does there? or am I just missing something? actually there doesn't seem to be any websites specifically for single parents at all. I wonder why not?
Dadandtwo
31-12-2006, 05:12
When I was looking I found US based sites only and there weren't many Australians listed. In the end I settled on RSVP. A few of the US bases sites include 'singleparentlove.com' and 'singleparent.com'.
Well its a new year, how is everyone feeling about the prospect of a clean slate for the new year?
munchkin05
18-01-2007, 01:06
Well its a new year, how is everyone feeling about the prospect of a clean slate for the new year?
my slate is being cleaned :yes:
hopefully this is my year to make something out of my life for me and benno
seriously thinking bout going back to study but not sure what yet i want to finish of my diplomia (ive inly got maybe 4mths left of it to do ) but also want to do something else
and im going to find a nice single guy that is going to love me and benno and treat us right :thumbsup:
hope all of our years turn out just like we plan
SweetSerenity
18-01-2007, 10:00
Hey Girls
I too have a clean slate, well i will in the next few weeks!
I will be out in a new place with no memeories of my hubby, i can start a new fresh life with peter and i am hoping to stay single for at least a year!!!
After being with someone for over 3 years and gone through what i have i need a big break for just me and peter :D
Angela you will find someone whos just right for you and benjamin!!
Mum2bug, whats your plan??
Love you all Nat xxx
sarmelie
18-01-2007, 11:54
Well another year is almost over and another lonely christmas has passed me by. Reflecting on what my new year resolutions are going to be got me quite down today after a very boring christmas at home. I hate the festive season, it just makes me feel sadder and lonelier. I have no one to share it with and as far as Bug was concerned it was just another day but with some new toys thrown in. I was watching her unwrap her presents, wishing we had someone here to share it all with. And i dont just mean a man, even a close, true friend would've been nice. Im starting to retreat further into myself with this loneliness.
And yet the more I force myself to leave the house, the more i hate it. I have nowhere to go out to, and no friends to do it with. :crying:
goooollllllyyyyy gosh oh deary. I had to to do a double take as to wether i actually wrote that myself or not! It is so reassuring to know i'm not the only one feeling like this!!!
Mum2bug, whats your plan??
At this stage Im really not sure. I know ideally what I would like to happen for me in 2007 but where I am at in my own head and heart at the moment has me feeling that it may be another year or two before I can accomplish it.
I was originally hoping to go back to TAFE and finish my Teachers Assistant course so i could then go on and do the Disability Units to add in to it and work with Disabled kids. But as I am not willing to put Bug into daycare at this stage, that is something that will just have to wait for now.
My main thing for 2007 is to learn to trust. I don't trust easily and it makes it hard for the people involved in my friendships and relationships. I also accept that until I learn to trust, I can not get involved in another relationship. My trust issues always cause problems and im very self-destructive, doing my best to destroy the relationship before I get hurt by them.
If i can achieve an inner happiness within myself, raise my daughter well, lose some weight and pay off my credit card, I will be happy enough for now!!!
Just catching up with all this as back in the single motherhood second time (took me awhile to learn a dog never learns new tricks)
I can say whilst the last thing on my mind is another relationship I found it interested how many male friends offer to become your future partner... hello I just broke up!!
But I will say that they mentioned the right guy will accept your children as a bonus and accomodate you and your lifestyle.. if they can't than aren't worth your time.
Plus friends make the best lovers - so maybe look for new male friends and see where it goes.
ps. about RSVP - now know two couples that got married through meeting on RSVP.
Pobblebonk
18-01-2007, 21:09
Yeah I agree with ChanelC. Some guys just don't understand that being with a single mum should actually be a bit of an honour because we deem you worthy of being a part of our children's lives. And that's a big deal.
MissBrightside
18-01-2007, 22:12
Yep I met this guy who told me he would prefer to be with a 28 yo with kids than one without. Unfortunately he had just gotten married.
Im kinda like mum2bugs, I to have a few trust issues with people, not only guys but people in general. Thats something I have to work on also.
Apparently good things happen when we least expect it, so Im not expecting much this year!:p
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