Is it just me or....

[~Emma~]

Should I expect my partners 13 year old son not to constantly stir DD when he comes over for access visits?

I'm not talking a few little things throughout the day... Its constant - all day until he goes home. DD spends the day screaming (due to either getting too excited or annoyed or both), I spend the day thinking nasty thoughts, getting headaches, yelling at DP to sort his son out (which he wont for fear of upsetting his son) and I cant wait until its time to drop him off.

I've tried separating them. Telling him that what he is doing is wrong doesnt seem to phase him - he just says 'sorry' and 2 minutes later hes back at it.

I dont know if he is doing it to get attention (since he was getting all the attention when his parents were together) or if hes doing it to be an annoying so and so.

I'm almost at the point where I'm going to ask DP to shorten the visits.

Getting worked up over this like I do can't be any good for bubs - who seems to stop moving when I start stressing out about access visits.

Whats a girl to do??

[DQ]

I think you may need to sit down with DP and tell him how you feel. Personally, I think it is a bit unreasonable of you to ask him to shorten visits, it is after all his son. You are right though, the stress is no good for you.

You have to find that "magical balance" I guess, but that is easier said than done. Good luck!

[cwsmum]

Maybe your DP could take his son out for a few hours and spend some time just the two of them. If he is just trying to get attention then that might help. Maybe they could go somewhere in the morning together then you and your DD could meet them somewhere for lunch...a picnic or something.

Just an idea :)

[*~alegna~*]

You have to find that "magical balance" I guess, but that is easier said than done. Good luck!

:yes: I agree. Being a DSM must be ever so hard. hard for DSS aswell.

I hope it all works out for you Emma, definately bite the bullet & speak to DP, especially now you have another little one coming.

Good Luck ..have a few of these....:kiss: :hugs:

xxAngxx

[caz]

yelling at DP to sort his son out (which he wont for fear of upsetting his son)

I'm sorry but whose the parent, the father or the son :confused:

Your DP needs to talk to his son and set some ground rules and one of them being not to torment DD. I know it's hard on fathers who only see their kids part of the time. they want the time they spend together to be fun, they don't want to be seen as the big bad ogre, so they let the kids go and do what they want. And that's not a healthy relationship.

I know it's a hard to find the "magical balance" good luck with it and just remember we are here if you need to vent some more :hugs:

[WeThree]

Without knowing exactly what he is doing, its hard to say to much, but I have a large age gap between my oldest and my next one and whenever my oldest is home (before and after school, weekends etc) it is very similiar, and I have come to realise that it is not always my oldest ones fault, DS 2 just carries on like a nong so much more when DS 1 is around, he screams and carries on if DS 1 does not do exactly what he wants straight away, or if he has something of DS 1s and DS 1 wants it back BUT DS 1 does stir him up alot and it drives me batty, its so draining.
Anyhoo, just sharing this because I think its kind of normal for older kids to stir up the littler ones, they love the reaction, and it may also be attention seeking as well, its really hard to say, but feel free to chat some more about it with us if you need to :)

[Jo_Jo]

Without knowing exactly what he is doing, its hard to say to much, but I have a large age gap between my oldest and my next one and whenever my oldest is home (before and after school, weekends etc) it is very similiar, and I have come to realise that it is not always my oldest ones fault, DS 2 just carries on like a nong so much more when DS 1 is around, he screams and carries on if DS 1 does not do exactly what he wants straight away, or if he has something of DS 1s and DS 1 wants it back BUT DS 1 does stir him up alot and it drives me batty, its so draining.
Anyhoo, just sharing this because I think its kind of normal for older kids to stir up the littler ones, they love the reaction, and it may also be attention seeking as well, its really hard to say, but feel free to chat some more about it with us if you need to :)this is so true could not of said it better myself:thumbsup: ....jo