ABI (Acquired Brain Injury) - anyone have one or have a family member with one??

[mrstuilawa]

First i'd like to apologise if there is already a thread about/similar to this in here and i've missed it. I'm reasonably new to bub hub, and did a quick search but couldnt find anything ABI specific.I'd also like to apologise as this will be a long post.

I was really just wondering if there are any bub hubbers out there who have an ABI/partner/other family member/child has one?

The reason i am asking this is because my DH has one. And i'm kind of curious as to how others cope and what it is like being a parent with an ABI?

As a bit of a background story, i will fill you all in as to how DH ended up with an ABI and what his side effects are.

December 8 last yeaar he went to the pub after work for a couple of drinks, spoke to him at 9pm and he told me he was coming home soon. i woke up at midnight and he still wasnt home. long story short, he had been assaulted and was on his way to the PA hospital in Brisbane for brain scans. (for any bub hubbers in the brisbane/ipswich region you may or may not remember this as it was on the news and in a few different newspapers) as a result of the assault he suffered from bilateral contusions (bruising along the front of his brain) and two bleeds on the front right side of his brain. DH spent two and a half weeks in hospital. When he first came out of hospital the smallest things were major issues for him. his hand eye coordination sucked. his hearing and sound perception (not sure if there is such thing) were off. he couldnt even walk down the street alone because a car driving on a street 3 or 4 blocks away could sound like it was about to run him over.

The part of DH's brain that is injured controls his ability to control his emotions, his ability to perceive other peoples emotions, his ability to think of the consequences of his actions, etc.

I havent posted this as a sob story, i'm more just curious as to whether there is anyone else out there going through a similar thingg, and how they deal with it.

Thanks in advance :)

[FNT51]

My sister had one... Storey doesn't have a happy ending but there were lots of outside factors to this, and I totally understand about not understanding that maybe the things they are saying could sound weird our upset the people around them. She also forgot who our younger sister was.
I do remember seeing that on the news and big :hugs:
My mum handled it in a totally unreal way... She got a job in an abi organisation called headway. They have support groups and out of hospital living so patents can learn how to live at home again. She was in one of those houses.
She wanted to know as much as she could about how all different abi's can affect different areas off the brain, and subsequently alter peoples personalities.
Some days it was total chit. Other days it was like it never happened. We just never knew wheat we were going to get in our case. I know I haven't been much help, but I'm here if you ever need anything, just a pm away! :yes:



Fighting for control over who's right... Predictive text or me!

[MuminMind]

I don't really have any knowledge in the area, but I just wanted to send you a virtual hug. :hugs:I read your reply to my thread about my "missing" DP the other day, and my heart is absolutely breaking for you.

Armouring yourself with as much knowledge as possible might make your situation a little easier (in lack of a more appropriate word) to cope with.

I hope you find support from people in here who share your experience. :hugs:

[bellalika]

My future BIL has an ABI, along with a few other things from his accident. According to the paramedics the only two things that stopped him from being killed when the two cars hit him was that he was so drunk it wasn't funny and he didn't see the cars coming so he didn't tense.

After 2 weeks in ICU, an additional 3 weeks in hospital and 8 weeks in rehab he is ok. The scar that has the tire tread visible in it freaks me out more than a little though. He tries to make fun of his ABI and that he "now has a piece of paper saying that he is a retard" but I know it hurts him as much as his other injuries do. It is his processing part of the brain that is effected, not his temporal lobe like it sounds like it is with your hubby.

I can't comment on what it will be like when they have kids. He desperately wants them. My sister is too career focused at the moment. She ended up studying her Div 1 in nursing after the accident. Being a Div 2 was no longer enough. It gave her drive that she didn't have before and we are all proud of her. She starts her phd in 2013. Meanwhile he settles for being a fantastic uncle to his biological nephews and his nephews through his future marriage.

[mrstuilawa]

FNT thanks so much :) i wasnt too hopefully that i'd actually get a response, i had never even heard of an ABI until DH ended up with one.

i'm quite curious too as to how injuries to different parts of the brains alter the ABI symptoms.

i should consider myself lucky really, at the end of the day he can still walk, talk and take care of himself. it hasnt always been this easy but he's made a lot of improvements in the past 12 months, i'm quite proud of him :) i totally get what you're saying about it c hanging from day to day. one minute he might be like you or i, then the next minute he says or does something that's totally irrational. it was really hard at first, we kind of lost contact with a lot of so called friends because they just didnt understand.

the situation did get a little complicated though, immigration actually sent him back to fiji (where he was born) even though he's been living and working here legally for nearly 6 years. they dont have the facilities over there to recognise or take care of people with ABI's, so we're kind of having to wing it for the next 6 months or so until he is able to come back here. i'm going over end of Jan to help out because he's really been suffering without my support :(

your mum sounds like a total champion! DH was part of a group called steps for people with ABI's, and i spend a lot of time with young carers QLD, so it does help a little to know you arent the only one

while it sucks that we both have family member's with ABIs, as selfish as this is, it's good to know i'm not alone!

[mrstuilawa]

I don't really have any knowledge in the area, but I just wanted to send you a virtual hug. :hugs:I read your reply to my thread about my "missing" DP the other day, and my heart is absolutely breaking for you.

Armouring yourself with as much knowledge as possible might make your situation a little easier (in lack of a more appropriate word) to cope with.

I hope you find support from people in here who share your experience. :hugs:

Thanks so much MIM! I'm so glad your DP made it home safe and sound. that not knowing is the WORST feeling in the world, make sure he never does that to you again!!

[KatiesMum]

:hugs: :hugs::hugs: :hugs::hugs:

[mrstuilawa]

My future BIL has an ABI, along with a few other things from his accident. According to the paramedics the only two things that stopped him from being killed when the two cars hit him was that he was so drunk it wasn't funny and he didn't see the cars coming so he didn't tense.

After 2 weeks in ICU, an additional 3 weeks in hospital and 8 weeks in rehab he is ok. The scar that has the tire tread visible in it freaks me out more than a little though. He tries to make fun of his ABI and that he "now has a piece of paper saying that he is a retard" but I know it hurts him as much as his other injuries do.

I can't comment on what it will be like when they have kids. He desperately wants them. My sister is too career focused at the moment. She ended up studying her Div 1 in nursing after the accident. Being a Div 2 was no longer enough. It gave her drive that she didn't have before and we are all proud of her. She starts her phd in 2013. Meanwhile he settles for being a fantastic uncle to his biological nephews and his nephews through his future marriage.

your BIL sounds very lucky to be alive!! i dont know if he is interested in support groups and such, or if they even have these organisations where you are, but we found ABIOS (acquired brain injury outreach service) to be a massive help, and DH attended monthly get togethers with STEPS which is a group for people with ABIs.

how long ago was his accident? i've been told over time that ABIs can go away entirely. it's been 12 months for DH and although the staff at PA say this is only a short time with respect to recovery and that he's got a long way to go, he's already come so far.

i can't even imagine how proud you are of your sister :) i'm in two minds, after everything DH and i have been hrough, whether i want to help people in a similar situation to mine re ABIs or re Immigration. DH has also had a 4 year battle with immigration which sadly hasnt ended in our favour so the stresses from that have definitely not helped his ABI

[mrstuilawa]

:hugs: :hugs::hugs: :hugs::hugs:

thanks katiesmum, sometimes hugs are all you need to feel better!

[DQ]

Firstly, I am so sorry to you and your DH, this just isn't fair is it? how life can change so dramatically, in the blink of an eye :crying:

Secondly, one of the other mods' DH has an ABI and your thread has been bumped for her attention, so she will most likely be directed to your thread with her story :hugs:

All the best :hugs:

[mrstuilawa]

Life has a habit of doing that unfortunately, i've found the best way to deal with it is to try and take it all in my stride and not get PLOM (Poor Little Old ME) :laughing: too often! i could probably go on and on about how unfair it is and how much i hate the guy that did this to us (he is up on grievous bodily harm charges - has gone to trial twice and he is now claiming insanity so we have to wait for him to be assessed :rolleyes:) but none of that will make my life any easier so i try to keep it to a minimum!

Thanks so much Edward, even with my attendances at Young Carers i have still not met or talked to anyone else who's partner has an ABI so it would be great to be able to discuss it with someone who knows/understands!

[bellalika]

how long ago was his accident? i've been told over time that ABIs can go away entirely. it's been 12 months for DH and although the staff at PA say this is only a short time with respect to recovery and that he's got a long way to go, he's already come so far.

i can't even imagine how proud you are of your sister :) ABI

Thanks. I'm proud of her too. I can't believe all the things your going through. First immigration, then the attack, and now both. How unfair!

My BIL is in fact very lucky to be alive. So many people kept telling him he should be dead. For a whole it caused him so much guilt that to deal with it and the physical pain he returned to drinking heavily and started taking drugs. It lasted a couple of years but that has passed now except for the odd night out with his mates that goes too far. Typical 24 year old.

His accident was nearly 7 years ago now. His temper still snaps and he has problems processing increasingly complex problems. He has found a way around a lot of it. Note taking etc that he would never have done before.

After his accident they told him that they doubted he would be able to return to doing the same work he was doing in such detail. They also said his other injuries would stop him working by 30. Now they say with more intense physio he may be able to work until nearly 40 before having to take on a less hand on role. As for his work, it is brilliant. He is a spray painter and gets a lot of work on vintage and custom cars due to his detail and ability to mix paints. Returning to being able to mix and think creatively was something he never thought was possible.

[V8]

Firstly, I am so sorry to you and your DH, this just isn't fair is it? how life can change so dramatically, in the blink of an eye :crying:

Secondly, one of the other mods' DH has an ABI and your thread has been bumped for her attention, so she will most likely be directed to your thread with her story :hugs:

All the best :hugs:

That would be me, thanks sweetie for bumping this thread. :) I have probably written about it years ago on the hub, my story of DH is on here somewhere, if i can dig it up i'll share it with you :)

I'm also in Brissy, DH's accident was 7 years ago, he fell 30 metres off a bridge, was in a coma and in hospital a total of 10 months, he used to be in the army so we've had lots of adjustments along the way and continue to do so. His short term memory is shot, as is his reasoning skills, his attention, i say he has behavioural issues, cause really it's like dealing with a child sometimes. Physically he's ok and you wouldn't know to look at him, but it's a very very challenging road. I was 23 when i became his full time carer and am now 30 with 3 kids to him, it's tough, and i've had no support from anyone else who's in that situation, specially not anyone my age or with young kids.

[mrstuilawa]

Thanks. I'm proud of her too. I can't believe all the things your going through. First immigration, then the attack, and now both. How unfair!

My BIL is in fact very lucky to be alive. So many people kept telling him he should be dead. For a whole it caused him so much guilt that to deal with it and the physical pain he returned to drinking heavily and started taking drugs. It lasted a couple of years but that has passed now except for the odd night out with his mates that goes too far. Typical 24 year old.

His accident was nearly 7 years ago now. His temper still snaps and he has problems processing increasingly complex problems. He has found a way around a lot of it. Note taking etc that he would never have done before.

After his accident they told him that they doubted he would be able to return to doing the same work he was doing in such detail. They also said his other injuries would stop him working by 30. Now they say with more intense physio he may be able to work until nearly 40 before having to take on a less hand on role. As for his work, it is brilliant. He is a spray painter and gets a lot of work on vintage and custom cars due to his detail and ability to mix paints. Returning to being able to mix and think creatively was something he never thought was possible.

He has done so well and come so far, your sister must be so proud of him :) and she must have the patience of a saint, it's definitely not an easy thing to deal with! your BIL must have worked so hard at rehab to beat the odds and be able to do a job that he loves once again.
i have found DH has resorted to alcohol on occasions to try and cope, even though they recommend not drinking for 2 years. I'm hoping once i am in fiji with him i can get him to stop entirely as we will be TTC!
i have noticed that he has a really short temper/gets frustrated very easily (which in turn frustrates me as i am not a very patient person lol) but we are slowly learning to work through it

[mrstuilawa]

That would be me, thanks sweetie for bumping this thread. :) I have probably written about it years ago on the hub, my story of DH is on here somewhere, if i can dig it up i'll share it with you :)

I'm also in Brissy, DH's accident was 7 years ago, he fell 30 metres off a bridge, was in a coma and in hospital a total of 10 months, he used to be in the army so we've had lots of adjustments along the way and continue to do so. His short term memory is shot, as is his reasoning skills, his attention, i say he has behavioural issues, cause really it's like dealing with a child sometimes. Physically he's ok and you wouldn't know to look at him, but it's a very very challenging road. I was 23 when i became his full time carer and am now 30 with 3 kids to him, it's tough, and i've had no support from anyone else who's in that situation, specially not anyone my age or with young kids.
wow i can't believe you have coped all on your own like that, you should be so proud!! if you do manage to find the story please let me know :)
i feel kind of silly for having a sook now, you and DH have obviously had a much longer road to recovery than i've endured so far. i totally get you on the behavioural issues thing, on a good day DH is like you or i, but on a bad day it is like having a child. i found it really hard that physically you can't tell that he has an ABI, because (this is right after the accident) DH would say or do something in public and get really horrible looks off people, because they didnt realise he has an ABI. i felt like i was constantly having to defend him.
financially, i was unable to be a full time carer for DH, i was very lucky that after he came out of hospital my mum, dad, step dad and sister took turns visiting (all from interstate) to look after him while i worked. i was 21 when it happened, and even now i feel like i've aged far too quickly, but i wouldnt change it for anything because i love him and i'm lucky that he's still here with us :)

[V8]

Here (http://www.bubhub.com.au/community/forums/showthread.php?286791-A-Long-road-to-recovery&highlight=road+to+recovery) is a link to my story. :)

[Luna Lovegood]

My brother was assaulted at 15 and has an ABI.

He was walking home from his job a McDonald's a 3pm and an older man jumped him, dragged him into a empty house that was midway through construction in a quiet suburban street and assaulted him for several hours. For no reason.

It's really freaking senseless and the guy barely got a slap on the wrist.

He is still emotionally distant from people- even his niece. He just shows no emotions regarding anything and get frustrated very quickly. His short term memory is still bad. It really doesn't help that my brother likes to drink. He also choose to stop seeing doctors and taking mood stabilisers that were helping him. :rolleyes:

Please don't quote, I would like to remove some of this later...

[Luna Lovegood]

Here (http://www.bubhub.com.au/community/forums/showthread.php?286791-A-Long-road-to-recovery&highlight=road+to+recovery) is a link to my story. :)

Serious, you're pretty amazing to be so supportive and dedicated. :goodvibes:

[Bell & Bug]

deleted

[mrstuilawa]

V8 your story and video made me cry, i can't believe everything you two have gone through and that you've stayed so positive. your DH looks like such a loving caring father too, and your boys are beautiful

Rabbity i can't believe the guy who did that barely got a slap on the wrists!! especially to a 15 year old boy, that is so horrible :( frustration seems to be a common side effect of having an ABI, all we can do is support the ones we love through tough times.

[mrstuilawa]

My sister has an ABI as a result of a car accident when she was a little baby. Half her brain died as a result of the car accident. She wasn't expected to live, but she did. She wasn't expected to walk or talk, but she does. She truly is a miracle.
I don't know exactly what parts of her brain are affected, but she is delayed for her age. She doesn't speak clearly, but she can talk, she just holds back. She just graduated from high school this year :)
She also has epilepsy as a result, which is managed with medication.

she has certainly beaten the odds hasnt she! your parents must be so proud of her :)i was told at the hospital that a lot of recovery and progress made comes down to each individual persons will to get through the situation. that if they can't push themselves and find the willpower that their recovery will suffer.
DH was on epilepsy medication for a while, but it seemed to do more harm than good and hasnt had any fits since going off it.

[Luna Lovegood]

mrstuilawa- I know. Although if that *man* had of been sentenced to jail forever it still wouldn't have been enough for me. How are you regarding it all- are you angry over it? What happened to your DH's attackers?

[biscotti]

Rabbity, not quoting but I'm local and I remember the news story and I am so so sorry :( ...your brother was only a yr older than my son, what a terrible terrible thing to experience :(:no:

OP lots of hugs to you..and as always to Vee :hugs::hugs:

[mrstuilawa]

mrstuilawa- I know. Although if that *man* had of been sentenced to jail forever it still wouldn't have been enough for me. How are you regarding it all- are you angry over it? What happened to your DH's attackers?

i'm of the same opinion as you... a lifetime in jail doesnt make up for what he's done or how he's changed our lives. I try not to think about it too much, because it does make me really angry still. He hasnt been sentenced yet, the police have attempted to run the matter to trial twice now and the most recent time (which was a few weeks ago) he decided he's going to declare insanity and that he's not responsible for his actions. so now we have to wait for him to be mentally assessed, and go from there. He's so full of ****, he claimed that my DH called him a black c**t, but my husband being fijian is actually darker than him. i guess what makes me most mad is that when he is sentenced (positive thinking here!!) he will be given somewhere between 8 and 15 years. but after that he gets out and his life returns to normal. what he has done to DH has changed our lives forever, and the only thing that would make me feel better (as horrible as this is to say and please no one have a go at me, i'm still hurting over this situation) is if he were to get an ABI. that is the only way him and his family will ever know what they have done to us, and what our life is like now. if it was an accident i could cop it on the chin and deal with it, but he had my husband on the ground repeatedly smashing his head into the ground saying you're still awake. there's nothing accidental about that. the only saving grace at the moment is that he is in jail after being found guilty of another offence (indecent treatment of a child under 16 *shudder*)

thanks biscotti :) :)

[V8]

Serious, you're pretty amazing to be so supportive and dedicated. :goodvibes:

I appreciate the thoughts i guess you just have to do it, cause noone else will. I would not like him to walk away from me if i was diagnosed with cancer or something else, so i saw that i was committed to him till death do us part type thing, it's certainly not been easy and i think if i knew now what i didn't back then, would i have stayed with him. But it was a very traumatic and emotional time for all of us and i had to stand by him while he was going through so much. I feel terrible for your brother and what he's been through, and to think someone else did it to them, i'd never get over that, much love to you and your family xx


My sister has an ABI as a result of a car accident when she was a little baby. Half her brain died as a result of the car accident. She wasn't expected to live, but she did. She wasn't expected to walk or talk, but she does. She truly is a miracle.
I don't know exactly what parts of her brain are affected, but she is delayed for her age. She doesn't speak clearly, but she can talk, she just holds back. She just graduated from high school this year :)
She also has epilepsy as a result, which is managed with medication.

Oh gosh, that's terrible, a miracle indeed specially to have finished high school. Do you think she'll be able to work or study further?


V8 your story and video made me cry, i can't believe everything you two have gone through and that you've stayed so positive. your DH looks like such a loving caring father too, and your boys are beautiful

Rabbity i can't believe the guy who did that barely got a slap on the wrists!! especially to a 15 year old boy, that is so horrible :( frustration seems to be a common side effect of having an ABI, all we can do is support the ones we love through tough times.

I try and be positive, but sometimes it really is difficult, you just can't help but throw your hands in the air and give up. I've been to several counsellors and psychologists and he's seen a neuropsych lately aswell for his anger and depression episodes which were getting really bad. ABIOS are really great, they've been checking in on us cause having another baby certainly creates more adjustments, he was ok apart from the fact i ended up with a ceaser and he got angry at me for not being able to do anything, i was in so much pain, many tears and angry moments in that short time that should have been happy, but once he got his head around it (still not much of idea) we just had to ride it out till i got better and then continued on like normal.


Rabbity, not quoting but I'm local and I remember the news story and I am so so sorry :( ...your brother was only a yr older than my son, what a terrible terrible thing to experience :(:no:

OP lots of hugs to you..and as always to Vee :hugs::hugs:

Thanks Biscotti xx


i'm of the same opinion as you... a lifetime in jail doesnt make up for what he's done or how he's changed our lives. I try not to think about it too much, because it does make me really angry still. He hasnt been sentenced yet, the police have attempted to run the matter to trial twice now and the most recent time (which was a few weeks ago) he decided he's going to declare insanity and that he's not responsible for his actions. so now we have to wait for him to be mentally assessed, and go from there. He's so full of ****, he claimed that my DH called him a black c**t, but my husband being fijian is actually darker than him. i guess what makes me most mad is that when he is sentenced (positive thinking here!!) he will be given somewhere between 8 and 15 years. but after that he gets out and his life returns to normal. what he has done to DH has changed our lives forever, and the only thing that would make me feel better (as horrible as this is to say and please no one have a go at me, i'm still hurting over this situation) is if he were to get an ABI. that is the only way him and his family will ever know what they have done to us, and what our life is like now. if it was an accident i could cop it on the chin and deal with it, but he had my husband on the ground repeatedly smashing his head into the ground saying you're still awake. there's nothing accidental about that. the only saving grace at the moment is that he is in jail after being found guilty of another offence (indecent treatment of a child under 16 *shudder*)

thanks biscotti :) :)

That would be so hard knowing that someone else is responsible for doing this to your partner, it's just so unneccesary and as you said it changes the lives of the person and those around them forever. Unless you've been caring for someone with an ABI or have a fair amount of involvement in their life you really have no idea. I know even my DH's parents have no idea the extent to how bad he is or can be, they only see him a few times a year so have no idea what it's like 24/7 living with him. One time he lost his ipod, which he does a lot his mother had to lie down and take a valium cause she had a headache and was stressed from looking for it. :rolleyes: She has no idea. It's frustrating as heck :( I hear ya. :hugs:

[mrstuilawa]

i hear ya V8, i've had many friends/family say they don't know how i do it, they wouldnt be able to do it if they were in this situation, etc but you really don't know until you're in the situation. you do it because if you don't no one else will. and you do it because you love them. i still struggle when DH gets in his 'moods'. he says quite hurtful things because he doesnt think before he opens his mouth. and he likes to blame me or get angry at me for things that are out of my control. i've had a lot of people say things about how he's 'back to normal' and such, but he isnt, they don't have ot live with him and seeing him for a few hours or a day or two at a time gives absolutely no insight into what it is really like. i find my DH loses things all the time too, i think he's now lost his bank card 3 times in as many months. your DH's mum obviously has no idea what it is really like, i guess no one does unless they are dealing with it on an every day basis!
my DH family don't really understand. they've never heard of an ABI and in fiji they are not really educated in mental health issues and such as well, so when he went back in october they noticed the change in his behaviour but didnt understand why. i had to explain to them that the damage from the assault was permanent, and while his behaviour and attitude may continue to improve, there is no guarantee. I think (and hope) he will be a lot better once i am there. i am usually the only one that knows how to calm him down and help him think a little more rationally.
I actually had last night what i labelled an ABI breakthrough with him. I'm sure some of you ladies will understand the significance of this. since the accident he has been quite self centred, sees things in black and white, is unable to compromise or sacrifice anything. long story short, he is using his super to buy a boat for his brothers to run a business so we don't have to support them. for the past two weeks we've been fighting because he wants a boat that we simply don't have the money for. after many arguements, tears, attempts at compromise (on my behalf) he finally agreed last night to pick a boat that is within our budget and to not have unrealistic expectations. and he did this without a fight, without any harsh words or complaining. he did say (and it made me laugh) okay i'll buy a smaller boat, but you know in my heart i really want the bigger boat. i simply told him that if he bought the smaller boat and worked really hard he'd be able to save money to buy the bigger one. it seems like a small thing, but it's a massive accomplishment for him.

[V8]

That is a big accomplishment really, he was able to see reason and thought behind it. They really can have a lack of impulse control which makes them see things as black and white as you said, it's basically their way or the highway. Very frustrating! It would be hard being in Fiji there definately isn't any support there (that i know of) it's hard enough to get support here for ABI. My DH is from the philippines and if his mum had her way she'd pack him up and move him over there with her, not a very smart move on her part, he'd send her to the loony bin. I'm surprised i don't drink or smoke due to the stress of dealing with a DH with a brain injury. How are you going to be able to get him back in Aus and get some help for him? Did he go to the PA hospital? Is he seeing any outpatient therapists there at all? I also definately recommend counselling, not just for you, but for him, for him to get the changes he'll experience in his own self and hopefully a third party can tell him straight up how difficult it is going to be for you to support him. I have tried to not let DH's brain injury stop me from doing what i want to do, specially with my kids, it's kinda good being the cheif decision maker in the family, but it can also be an overwhelming burden at times. But i have still accomplished things like finishing my degree in Social Science, we've been overseas twice after having kids, once to NZ and once to Fiji, the next trip i'm planning a few years away is to take the kids to Disneyland. We are very fortunate with what we have and i try to look at the positives rather than the negatives, but it does weigh you down at times. Speaking to others that 'get it' would definately be helpful. :)

[mrstuilawa]

oh he is definitely very impulsive!! i'm still so proud of him, feel like a doting mum or something :laughing:
i have a friend who is from the phillipines and her older sister has cerebal palsy (excuse my poor spelling) and from what she's told me it is very similar to fiji over there in that there is not much in the way of education or treatment for those with disabilities/brain injuries.
He did rehab at the PA as an outpatient for a few months, he's supposed to still be going every 3 months but can't atm with being in fiji. he was offered very little in the way of counselling/support as there is not much he was eligible for because he wasnt a permanent resident. this was a constant source of frustration for me, that the australian government wouldnt help him when he was here legally and it was an australian citizen that put him in this situation. victims assist havegiven him funding for a psychiatrist but that's more to deal with the side effects of being assaulted (nightmares, fear of going out alone, etc) than an ABI.
you have accomplished soooo much given your situation, you should be so SO proud of yourself. i only hope that over the next few years i can achieve even half of what you have done! it's always good to try and focus on the positives, but i do still have some "why me" days. they are few and far between though!

once DH visa is sorted i would love to get into working for immigration. Whilst DH was still here and we were trying to sort out his visa he had a lovely dispute resolutions officer who totally inspired me to want to help other people in situations similar to ours :)