Feeling helpless in a frustrating situation

[pegasus]

Okay people

Feeling very frustrated tonight and wanting to vent!!!

We hadn't heard from my step kids for a bit (sms convo with their mother last week, but prob only because the maintenance changed due to the birth of my daughter and I changed it to be in line with that (gave 2months grace without dropping it and she knew my daughter was born on the day). Last week, the mother asked if we were having them (our weekend) - we said yes, let us know when and where to pick up. She replied - I'll let you know - they might be staying at a mate's house. Never heard anything else. My DSD called on Saturday from a friend's mother's phone and asked me to call her back (which I did) and hubby and I had a quick convo with her - we said she could stay whenever she liked in the next two weeks (it's school holidays) but she didn't commit to anything. (We figured it's school holidays - she's probably got plans with friends, so fair enough).

I said to hubby (because we hadn't heard anything else) that it was up to him, but we should extend the same invite to DSS as we'd offerred to DSD and it was up to her, but DSS may want to come still. He came home from work to say - he'd tried two numbers he had for them and got disconnected signals and asked what numbers I had. I gave him the one I have for biomum and he got her. Apparently DSD is in Kalgoorlie and DSS was at a friend's house. DSS was asked and hubby picked him up (he's here now) - hubby drove the 2.5hour round trip to get him and he'll stay the weekend at least.

Anyway according to DSS, DSD is working in a truckstop out near Kal. (For those of you out of WA - Kalgoorlie is about 500km from Perth). I am so angry to hear this (if any of you have read my other posts about my 13year old DSD you'll understand why). Can I just point out the fact again that she's 13!!!


I said to DH - "Are you going to say anything?" and he said - "Why - I can't do anything, and we don't really know the whole story" true, but if this was my kid, I'd make it my business to find out the whole story

Sorry - very angry and frustrated - Am I the only one that can see that this little girl (yes, that's what she is at 13) is going somewhere she shouldn't be very very fast? I just feel so helpless - she's not my child, so really I don't have any input that would be worth anything, my husband feels so helpless and frustrated as we've tried helping so many times before for no change...so he reckons it's pointless to even bother.

For anyone who thinks I'm overreacting - please read my other threads about my 13year old DSD drinking, smoking and getting suspended from school after being there only about a month......

:mad: :mad: :mad:

[reAllytee]

Oh hun :hugs:
I can only imagine what this must be like for you both !!!
Time & time again its like hitting a brick wall hey ....
I cant even imagine letting my 18yr old work at a truck stop let alone a 13yr old eeeek !
All i can do is give you more of these :hugs: wish i had some great advice but i dont :hugs:

[pegasus]

Thanks Ally - it's all I wanted (:hugs: that is)- hubby isn't the one to give hugs in this situation as he is more frustrated than I am!

All I wanted to do is vent.

So many times I asked myself if the reason I really wanted a girl second time round was so I could prove it's not all about the times. (I felt that I wanted to prove that it's not just fate that: "your girl will end up on the wrong side of the tracks as it's just a sign of the times" as everyone keeps telling me) I hope I don't just sound like I'm on my high horse trying to prove the biomum of my stepkids wrong, I just hate the attitudes of their family (blood, not married into it like me) that it's just the way that teenage girls are these days. I hope to heaven that they don't dare use the same words regarding teenage boys when DSS gets there.

More and more these days I believe that children are the product of their parents. (although my mother may disagree with this:p )

Sorry - just venting again...

[reAllytee]

Of course society has a lot of impact on our kids but more than anything our kids are impacted by us, their parents !!!
People need to start taking responsibility & stand up when they see their kids are going down the "wrong" track !!!!
There is always a choice imo & its up to us as parents to help our kids make the right ones & if they dont make the right choice then we keep at them until they manage to get back to the "right" side.
Sorry now im just rambling but i get frustrated when i hear of parents who use the terms you were saying etc or just giving up on their kids im like you i cant understand this & i cant imagine a world like this !!!
Ive been watching Jamies Kitchen & those kids stories make me :crying: I lost it the other nite with one boy who was left on the streets by his parents at age 11yrs !!!! Sorry but WTH ?!?!?!?!?!
I refuse to ever believe i could lose hope in my own child EVER !

[pegasus]

OOh Ally - I soo want to meet you one day!!!

You sound like someone I would get into really great conversations with!!

Please excuse the exclamation marks, but I am really passionate about the parenting issues. My mum wants to skip out on them, but (although I love her heaps, I do think a lot of issues that happened to me are related to how we related. (Only taken me about 15 - 20years to get over!).

I just can't get over how I can watch an episode of Dr Phil or whatever, and see the same issues come up without the people saying - "I know how to deal with this behaviour - you've dealt with it before!"

Okay - I don't have an answer in every situation, but amazingly, I see a lot of the same situations keep cropping up. Somehow this can't be just coincindence.

[Blessed Mum]

Oh Pegasus :hugs: matey. I would be re-acting exactly the same as you. I feel very concerned for you DSD & I don't know her. As you know I have read your posts. I understand your DH feeling helpless & frustrated but the reality is he CAN do something about it. You must be feeling much the same. Isn't it sad that we as step-mothers invest our care, love & nuturing in our partners children yet when push comes to shove we have to stand by. I really really hope your DSD stays safe & that one of her parents take some control soon. Try & not stress too much i know its hard not too but there is very little you can do. Always around if you wanna chat more - add me to MSN if you like.
:hugs: again & I hope your kiddies are going well

[melfunction]

Anyway according to DSS, DSD is working in a truckstop out near Kal. (For those of you out of WA - Kalgoorlie is about 500km from Perth). I am so angry to hear this (if any of you have read my other posts about my 13year old DSD you'll understand why). Can I just point out the fact again that she's 13!!!

WTF is her mother thinking???? :eek: 13 yrs old ffs!! Peg, you have every right to be upset and concerned. I would probably drive out there and drag her home :devil6:

As for this statement
More and more these days I believe that children are the product of their parents.

I have believed that for many years. Children ARE a product of their parents and children also react to their surroundings.

I really hope my son turns out alright :o

[meme]

:hugs: .
it does sound very frustrating for you. i imagine i would feel the same.

i have a 10 year old and i am very protective of her childhood.
lastnite at the video shop i saw some of her classmates hiring out MA rated movies, the last ones my dd hired was the wizard of oz:rolleyes: .

there is plenty of time for them to grow up later.

it sounds like you would be a great support for your dp in his parenting of his other kids. and you do have an important role to play in their lives i am sure, as a step parent. sounds like you are a great one.

[WeThree]

Oh Peggy, I have a feeling I will be writing a very similiar post in a few years time, as you would know from some of my previous posts, our DHs obviously married very similiar loonies the first time around. :rolleyes: :p
You are right to be very concerned, you are not over reacting and hopefully one day she will thank you for your continued concern for her well being
:hugs:

[MamaSage]

Truck stops are dodgy ground for me at 24, let alone a 13 year old. What is her mother thinking? Where is this girl heading?