View Full Version : How much support?
Hi there twin mummies and twin mummies to be...
It took a little while for the fact we are having twins (+a toddler) to sink in, then the excitment set in and i've been eagerly reading and planning, the most common thing people say is ,"oh, you're gonna have your hands full!!!" I agree, but have been quite confident thinking I will handle it.
Just lately I've been seriously thinking, okay, how am i going to handle it? :confused: My mum has been great, she has Caelan on fridays so I can catch up on house work or sleep, and she is saving up her annual leave for when the babies arrive, then she goes back to work full time. DF's parents live 12hours away and we don't get the feeling they'll be coming to stay for much longer than a week in the new year. My dad owns his own business and his wife works p/t and has my 1/2 sister at school, but we don't see alot of them. Most close friends have their own kids and work commitments, but i'm sure will be there if asked.
...most the books talk about having a 'roster system' for helpers... I just was wondering if this is a reality? or who has got through with minimal support and how?
( we live in a small town so no multiple 'groups', other than other mums)
Any advice appreciated!!
I had fairly limited support and also live in a rural area. My dh travels a lot with his work.
I was strongly encouraged - well coerced really, into staying in hospital for an extra couple of days (I hate hospitals!) and then went home - dh went straight back to work, so mum stayed around for about 3 days after I went home. When the girls were two weeks old dh went overseas for about two weeks and I was alone... it was absolutely fine. I was worried about coping, but to tell you the truth, I seem to remember actually enjoying it - finding systems that worked, routines, not having to worry about anyone else but myself and the babes. Mind you I didn't have a toddler to deal with too.
All in all, dh is probably away for about 40% of the time and I have very little extra support. I also don't "do" childcare as the girls are both anaphylactic to milk protein. I have occasionally employed a some help (I had a cleaner once a week for a couple of months after the girls were born and a "nanny" for a couple of hours a day 3 days a week for about 3 weeks after I was hospitalised with pneumonia).
All that blather about roster systems put the wind up me too, but mind you that helped - I was thinking it was all going to be a lot harder than it actually was - which in turn made it easier to cope! My motto has been "prepare for the worst and hope for the best".
I guess the most important thing was to create systems that I could do by myself - ie breast feeding simultaneously is difficult to set up on your own, but achievable if you use a 3 seater couch to feed on...
My twins are now two- which is a lovely but challenging age-
When they were born we lived away from family. I had a very challenging c-birth- which made things quite difficult.
I spent a week in hospy and then my parents came and stayed for 3 weeks- which was an enourmous help- I wasn't really in a fit state to do anything other than feed the babies and sleep- so I was so grateful for the help.
My MIL came up every weekend for 6 weeks and cleaned our very messy house- which was so lovely- kisses to her!
I would encourage you, espcecially since you have a toddler- to find some people that will help you with things- taking your toddler for a walk- coming over and letting you have a rest in the arvo.
I think I ended up getting a cleaner for a few months- which was so lovely.
Do you have any doula's or post natal doulas in your area??
Maybe a roster is a bit over the top- but engaging with some friends that will be able to help out will really benifit you.
We've since moved closer to family- and it's so made such a difference!
Let us know how you go!! Us twin Mummies know what it's like!!
Thanks girls, glad to know I'm not being silly thinking about how it's all gonna work.
Duchessa, I don't know how you do it with your DP working away, I was a bit of a baby hog when DS first got here, but now gladly hand him to dad for bath time, nappy changes etc!
I guess what i'm worried about is the haziness of just getting through the days and nights with a newborn and not remembering much! I'm sure with DP and mums help we can establish some sort of pattern/ routine and not put DS's little nose out of joint, he is just changing and growing and doing new things every day- I don't want to stifle any of that. I have two little twin dolls that I bring out every now and then, soon I'll have them with us all day around home to "practice" - sharing cuddles, waiting nicely and entertaining himself with a book or snack etc.
I guess its gonna be a great learning experience, which i'm sure we'll survive. I've been thinking about the breast feeding, sleeping arrangements etc and have a rough idea of how I would like to do these things, but am open to changing plans if it doesn't go that way.
:) I have g/b twins who r now 19months old. I am still waiting for anyone apart from my DH 2 help me! I found that yes u do have ur hands full & strangers wont let u 4get it but its very rewarding knowing that between their dad, their BB and me, they are happy, healthy and smiling. We made a promise with BB that he'd never change a nappy but he loves to help with outher things.
The thing I found the worst was when they'd both cry at the same time. And the only thing I got from my local multiple group was a 2nd hand pram.
Dont be daunted, u've done it once, u'll b doubly as great this time.
i was the same as you when i found out i was having twins i was like how the hell am i going to cope my youngest was only was 17 months when i found out and my other child was 5 but my mum was really good she said u will copeyour a good mum but its funny when i had the twins no one wanted to help when i was pregnant all these people saying they would help u out run for the hills so me and dp were on our own but when i look back on it i wouldnt change it for the world im glad we did it on our own dont get me wrong it was so hard at times but we got through it twins are the best things ever and watching them grow and play together is wonderful site. if you have people to help u out that would be wonderful for you because it does really help for u to get some rest. [
My husband and I emigrated from the uk so when I found out I was expecting twins I was very worried how we would cope!:eek: Expecially as I had no family or close friends here!
The girls came along at 35 weeks and spent a month in hospital which was very tough!! Yes - I did feel very lonely at times in the early days ! I found the first 2 months after I got home the hardest but as other mummies have said you do cope and what helped me to do that was to get a good routine going expecially around feeding as that is very time consuming initally!! My hubbie had two weeks off when they came home and that was the only initial help I had - he is very hands on though as we have to work things as a team with no other support !! since then its just been the two of us and the girls are doing so well - I was dissapointed that my family chose not to come over from the Uk ! But the whole thing has made me a much stonger person and I wouldnt have things any other way ! The hardest thing was I found many people who had not had twins were very keen to tell me how I should be doing things - I ignored most of the advice - as a first time mum and with twins I think people thought I was clueless!!! VERY FRUSTRATING!!
You will be a fab mum Im certain !! Just take each day as it comes !
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