Nurse vent (sleep school)

[Milliner]

Sorry long vent

Ok so I had a call back from sleep school today as we NEED to go and stay for a week to get DS under control with his sleep. He has been an unsettled baby since he was born (as some of you may know). So the nurse rang today and I told her that it is at the point where I will do anything to get him to sleep (feed, rock, put him in his swing, car) whatever it takes to get him to sleep as we have had enough!!!

He is 9 months now we have been to day stays at sleep school twice, we have done the strict comfort controlled crying for over a month when he was 3-4 months old that didn't work, we tried controlled crying for about 3 weeks (broke my heart) that didn't work.

The nurse was telling me that he will not settle because we didn't try these methods for long enough (1 month is not long enough????? ) and now that I will do anything to get him to go to sleep that is wrong and I need to work harder WTF??? What does she think that we have done all this time.

I am so sick of people telling me what I should be doing, I am going crazy it has been like this for 9 long months, do people think that we haven't tried everything??? I mean we have tried everything!!!! Nothing is working for us and it has come to a point where we need help to sort this out and no one is willing to help us they just make me feel like S#$T!!!!!

Anyway by the end of the phone call I was angry and in tears and just hurt by her coments she made me feel like I do nothing right. (she finally put me down on a cancellation list)

[Percy]

Oh you poor thing. lots of:hugs:

I know exactly how you feel. I got the exact same response from the nurse in the qld sleep school. Im at my wits end as well. DS is 16 months and still doesnt sleep.

The nurse was so rude to me, and told me that i wasnt a priority as i obviously hadnt been trying long enough.

Its so infuriating. No one seems to want to help at all.:thumbsdown:

[Milliner]

Thank you for your support. we have had enough and after today I am even more stressed and upset.

They are there to help and at what point do they think that you need to be at before they are willing to help you???

Sure they are finally going to help (after 6 months) this is only happening because I got angry and upset on the phone, I nearly told her where to go. They just don't listen

[Percy]

Im still waiting for help. DS has been on the list since he was 12 months.

There are some places that come to your home, but unfortunately thats just out of our budget.

I really hope things get better for you soon.

Lots of :sleeping: for everyone!

[Mummy'N'Bubby]

I have the same problems with my almost 6 month old.. he wont sleep in his cot, i have to nurse him to sleep and this can take up to 4 attempts before he is down for the night but always wakes up within 5 hours of going to sleep.. he also wont let anyone else put him to sleep ...
i dont really believe in controlled crying so i have been perservering with this daily routine and it too is driving me nuts ...
i couldnt handle the thought like you of letting people tell me how to raise my baby this is why i have never gone to sleep classes...
you just do whatever you think is right. Your child loves you regardless.. i say to hell what other people think or want to say.. if you feel advice only works then try it but if you feel that this would upset your child then dont do it... your a good mummy no matter what ...
i know what sleepless nights are like and i dont wish it on anyone...
my heart goes out to ya :hugs:

[Me]

i don't know about other states but in qld you can go to Riverton as a private patient and it can be covered by private health insurance. if you want to go as a public patient where it doesn't cost a cent then you just have to wait for a spot. i was lucky and got offered a spot pretty quickly back at easter, but it was because of public holidays and ppl don't like going for a 'short week'.
i also know a few ppl who have gotten in as a priority - 1 had a newborn who wouldn't let her put her down - literally not even to change her nappy - so the mum couldn't sleep at all! and the other couldn't get her 4mth old to sleep before 3:30am - no matter when she started trying to get him down!(from memory she also went in a 'short week'.
Just hang in there and a place will come up. but once you get in you will truely find them a great help. they have more options than just CC. they give you the choice of if a dummy stays or goes(if in use) if bubs is left to cry or not cry. they also help with any feeding probs as a lot of the time the 2 go hand in hand. i have my :fingerscrossed: that you get in soon.

[Kade's Mummy]

Oh mum2bailey - I feel for you lovely! Sleep school saved my life, not sure if you have private health insurance but Kade and I spent 5 nights in Mitcham Private Mother Baby Unit and it was just the best thing ever.

PM me if you want more info about them - BTW, I only got in so quickly cause I had a COMPLETE meltdown on the phone and told them I was brave enough to put my hand up and say 'I need help' and I couldn't believe noone would $%&#in help me!! I felt bad for being so psycho but in got us in... and quick. It was the best thing for us, hard, but really effective.

[Milliner]

Thanks guys! I really just need support and don't need anymore people telling me have you tried this, have you tried that, YES I have tried EVERYTHING and nothing is working!!!! I feel like apart from my partner and parents who know how hard we have have tried no one else seems to understand how hard that it can be living with a big (little) sook.

I really need help here, I told the nurse this so hopefully she will take me seriously for once. :fingerscrossed:

[jessgray]

we looked into sleep schools for ds and i went to a day one and never again. i was told to do controlled crying and it was the onlyway ds "would learn" :thumbsdown:
now my ds vomits under distress and stress so unless these people want to sit there all night with ds holding a bucket while he "learns" thats fine. i told them i didnt want to do CC and they said i was going to have to put up with ds's sleep problems. that was early this year since then we have found our own way to settle ds it might not be the way the sleep school wanted but it suits ds.

IMO sleep schools often dont give the best help

hugs for you:hugs:

[our little treasures]

My advice rock him sing to him cuddle him love him do what you can so both of you are happy. My dd we rocked to sleep until I was so preggars I started laying with her to go to sleep, we also went to sleep school and I hated what they did our dd became fearful and her whole personality changed. Dh agreed that we couldn't do this to her.. I am now laying with ds to put him to sleep I will never allow my children to cry themselfs to sleep, we miss the fact that we can't rock our dd anymore.. Oh and dd doesn't have issues with going of to sleep I often come out of my room from putting ds to sleep and find dd asleep sitting in a chair with head in her lap!!!

[BabyJoy]

I have just read this thread with tears in my eyes... :( I really feel for you especially since my seven-month-old is also a terrible sleeper. I have chosen to rock her to sleep even though every expert and book says not to. I can't tell you what a relief it is to read that other mums are doing the same thing. I have been feeling guilty for not doing CC and for rocking her to sleep - there's so much pressure to do CC these days! :mad:
I don't have the option to go to a sleep school, but I have rung our local community health centre and the nurse there is very helpful and open-minded. She will come to your home (free of charge) if need be. Perhaps this is an option for you too?
Good luck and I really hope things gets better soon! :hugs:

[SAMum]

I also rock DS to sleep every night and for all his naps and often he will only nap while I (or DH) am holding him, like others have said we felt like we were doing it all "wrong" but there was no way that I was letting a 4 month old cry for any length of time at all, it's just not right. My older sister (mum to 4 brilliant children, now grown up) said we are doing fine, DS just needs us a lot at the moment and the time will come where he doesn't need us so much any more, everything changes all the time so just because you might have to rock to sleep now doesn't mean you will be rocking a 5 year old to sleep! I feel so much better now that I am not stressing about it, just going with the flow and letting DS dictate what happens, he is still far too young to try and "teach" how to sleep, maybe if we still have problems at 12 months I will look at the options...
good luck and don't beat yourself up, you are doing a great job and you obviously love your little bubba so much.

[Rhys'Mum]

Wish you all the best with this. It is sad that it is such a common refrain, in many cases people who are asking for help from the nurses aren't seeming to get it.

I went in for a drop in clinic visit, had a total meltdown, cried and told them I just couldn't cope any more, was petrified it was going to get worse and could just not deal with the crying (rocking didn't help with our little man). I managed to get admitted to QE11 our residential program, and they also referred a social worker for a home visit (seems my meltdown was pretty good.) Friend had a meltdown with a different nurse and was told there was a difference between wanting to go and needing to go... go figure. What I later found out was that you can be referred by your GP and your GP can ask that you be listed as a priority case. Not sure if works the same where you are but maybe its worth a try.

We went to QE11 at nine months and it was really beneficial for us. There was a bit of crying (from both of us) but it wasn't near as bad as what we'd been through and my little man was so much happier. While going to bed and staying asleep had been pretty traumatic in our house for soooo long I didn't realise just how much being tired was affecting him when he was awake too. I just wish I had thrown a hissy fit, refused to cope, even exagerated if I needed to get us in earlier. I really didn't realise that it could be so much better, I kind of thought it wasn't that bad, that it would get better with time and that it wasn't worth fighting. For us it was worth pushing for and going through.

Big hugs, good luck, my heart goes out to you.

[Milliner]

Thanks heaps guys, well they just rang me and we are going in for a resi stay in just under 3 weeks time. If I get the same nurse I don't know how I will deal with her if she has the same attitude in person, but we will see how we go. I have a feeling it will be a very hard week for all of us.

[elissas]

Have you considered taking him to an osteopath or chiro? I've been taking DS to a chiro who does a special technique called "Network Spinal Analysis" (no crunching, very gentle, DS loves it).

After a few weeks he is napping easily during the day for at least an hour at a time, and he's accepting sleep time.

We had a rough patch with night sleeping the last couple of weeks (waking 8x a night instead of the usual 4-5), but that was due to teething (he just popped out his first tooth). Since then he's been much better. The last few nights he's bombed out at 8 and has only woken a couple of times (for a feed about 11 and then again at about 4ish). For me this is heaven! It's getting better and better too.

I've actually had a couple of 3-4 hr stints of sleep!

The problem with his back is that his neck, middle and lower back were out, causing the nervous system to be out of whack. He was overproducing adrenaline, which meant his poor little body couldn't stop. And the more we'd try to help him stop the worse it would get. He was wired for 9 mths!!

So even if we had tried any CC or CIO methods, which others tried to encourage us to do (and luckily I refused) it would have made him even worse.

In nature the birth process wouldn't normally have such an effect on bub's backs, but because of the hospy "industry" of childbirth, things don't happen as they would in nature. A lot of babies end up with problems because of the birthing process, including some common ones that are just put down to "being a baby" - like colic. (DS also had trouble with wind and constipation. Once she fixed his lower back, he farts and poos with no effort at all!!)

Sorry for the long post, but I'm so excited about the results I just have to share it all :D :ecomcity:

[Milliner]

I have taken to the chiro a few times and it didn't make him any better at all. :thumbsdown: Sometimes I wish that they would find something and fix it. It's so hard to live with such a grumpy baby 24/7. I love bailey but I wish that I could enjoy him more, YKWIM. All this crying just gets to much sometimes. When he is happy he is happy but that doesn't last to long because he is always tired.