Cats and babies?

[nemosmum]

My darling sister who I adore :p has a big persian cat and a 8 month old DS. When she got preggas I expressed my concerns about having a cat and a newborn baby in the same house......she didnt listen then. But now her beloved cat is doing some really scary (well there scary to me) things: like weeing and pooing near her DS's toys etc :eek:
I think the cat has to go, but she just thinks I'm bias coz my DS is allergic to cat hair! She wont listen to me and gets really defensive when I bring it up. I am really worried about my nephew, not so much DS as we dont go to her place often (usually meet up at g.parents houses, more conveiniant(sp))
What can I do to make her see reason or am I being to nosey? should I just leave the whole messy subject alone :confused:

[rainbow]

My dad HATES cats. If I remember the story correctly - when he was a baby my grandma walked in on a neighbour's cat sitting on my dad's face.
Personally I think you should have "the" talk and express all your concerns once and for all and then drop it permanently. I think her husband should be there for the talk too.
Of course be as gentle as possible when you raise your points but still strong enough for your true message to get through.
The way you handle it will probably have an impact on your relationship. Be prepared for it and do what you have to do to show love and humility afterwards.
My 2 cents, for what it's worth.

[Kamaikia]

I think no matter what you say or think she will be keeping the cat.
I agree that if you push too much it could damage your relationship, as no mother likes to be told they are doing something wrong. Definetly have a chat then drop it - for good.
As we breed cats my son is constantly around them and has been since birth and we have had no problems.
Maybe instead of telling her to get rid of her animal you could go and buy a litter tray and suggest she get the cat trained to pee in it away from the baby and his belongings. In the end it is her choice and you need to respect it.

[Chickadee]

I love cats, but even without a baby in the house I wouldn't stand for one that wasn't using it's litter tray or going outside. Sometimes there are medical reasons like a urinary tract infection, so you could suggest that your sister get the cat to the vet to rule out anything like that. At least as a starting point. The vet may also have some other suggestions to resolve the problem, and impress on her how serious it is. ie that it could make her son sick.

Males tend to be a bit more territorial and spray and there's not much you can do to stop them. But females can also do this. Whenever we've had a problem with litter training a cat we would use vinegar to clean up after it and discourage it from using that spot again, but that doesn't mean it won't use another spot. And I doubt your sister would want to spread vinegar around where her son is playing.

As a temporary measure you could suggest she lock the cat out of the rooms where her son spends the most time - his bedroom and lounge/play room, and probably the master bedroom too. A bit less drastic than getting rid of the cat altogether.

[Sarie]

I think it mostly depends on the cat. We have 3 cats and they all adore our boys. Tessa is the oldest at 9 (10 this year) and she has taken to the boys far better than I expected. She didn't talk to me for 6 months after Nathan was born, but she loves us all again now. She lets Nathan pick her up and carry her around as well.
We also have a 2 year old exotic persion and a 12 month old part persian and they are also very happy to be picked up and handled by Nathan. My only concern is that Bianka (the exotic) likes to sleep up near your face, so she isn't aloud to be in the boys room at night or when they are having naps.
Cats are actually quite harmless, and unlike dogs, they are more likely to get up and walk away when they've had enough rough play.
To be honest, and I don't mean to offend you, but people are usually very attached to their animals and I can completely understand why your sister won't listen to you. Having had pets all my life and worked in the pet industry for quite some time, the cat won't hurt your nephew. But if you keep pushing at your sister she may get quite hurt at what you're expressing. So long as your sis is cleaning up the messes and making sure the bubs toys are clean, there really is no problem with having a cat. Maybe you could suggest that your sis try a training aid for the cat, either one that will attrack it to the litter tray or you can also get a spray that she could use to keep him out of the family area.
Either way I'd probably tread carefully. This is just my opinion though.

[Ana Gram]

The cat is not going anywhere. Sometimes some of us love our pets so much that, they are no longer a pet but a member of teh family and noone would ask someone to give a member of their family away. This is typical sibling rivalry with the cat and the new intruder.

Seeing as you already have something against the cat (allergy), your sister probably won't want to hear any negative thoughts you have about her pet.

[Rell]

There is nothing wrong with having a cat and a baby in the same house. We had our cat for a few years before the kids came along and things have worked out fine. The first time she hopped in the cot she was put under the shower and she never did it again. Our cat is so tolerent she lets my DS pull her tail, pull her ears, drag her around by the collar and today my DD found our cat sleeping in a green shopping bag so she picked up the bag and carried her around for 10 min.
It sounds like your sisters cat is a male becouse he is marking his territory. I don't know if the cat is desexed or not but this might help with this problem. Your sister could also try the under the shower trick when ever she catches the cat in the act.
I think the bottom line is while you are concerned about your nephew it is your sisters house, child and cat so you have to respect the way she choses to do things.

[nemosmum]

My sisters had her cat for about three years prior to bub being born, its a girl and a very shy little kitty and very attached to her owners(my sis and her DH). When bub first arrived the cat basically ignored bub all together but as the months have gone by its getting more and more game, first she'd start walking around DN's playmate/toys etc and now shes started the urinating (she has been fully toilet trained since she was a kitten) I'm just concerned that the next thing will be the smothering in the bubs cot thing (I know its uncommon, but it has happened like in Rainbows post!) I would just hate anything bad to happen. I guess I'm just looking at it from my perspective, I would not take that risk with my DS and there is a real risk, what if she doesnt catch the cat in the act and her bub gets sick because of it!

But your all right about it being a v.sensitive subject and I dont want to damage my r'ship with my sis. I might just keep my nose out of it and bite my tounge.
Thanks for all the advice :)

[mea]

This may sound a little strange, but bear with me.

I used to train dogs and have studied a bit of canine psychology. I don't know much about cats, but suspect this might be a psychological issue, esp if the cat is quite human oriented (as opposed to more 'wild', out hunting all night, ...).

If it was a dog I'd have to observe the environment, the interactions between pet and humans, ... to be sure, but I'd say the dog is probably starting to see the baby as a threat and is asserting it's dominance. I'd advise various techniques to stop the behaviours and ensure the dog understood it was the lowest ranking in the household.

Cats are quite different to dogs (being solitary rather than pack animals), but it may be a similar issue and there are probably some relatively simple things that can be done to stop the behaviour. First step is checking there is no medical reason.

Anyway, if it were me I would do some research on the internet/library or maybe chat to a vet about it. I'd then have a chat with my sister explaining why I was concerned, what I had researched and a few possible solutions (I wouldn't mention any need to get rid of the cat). I'd suggest she speak to her vet about the issue to get some 'official' advice. After that it's up to her and I wouldn't bring it up again.

Hope this helps (and doesn't sound too silly).

Good luck.

[nemosmum]

Thanks Mea, thats great advice and sounds very reasonable actually :)
I might write into Dr Harry LOL maybe he can come out and do a home visit :D

[mea]

Actually Dr Harry was the first person who came to my mind too! :)

P.S. some vets know more about pet psychology than others (a bit like some Drs have a more holistic approach than others) so you may need to ask around.

Let us know how it goes.

[Mum2Tyla]

Hi,
I am a vet nurse and I have a house full of pets including a cat, snake, turtle and an alaskan malamute, I have continued to work with cats throughout my pregnancy but I myself would not stand for my cat urianting and defecating anywhere besides it's litter tray as it is unhygienic even if you don't have children, if the cat is marking it's territory you could try products like feliway, if it is not sterilised then this may also help.
Kelly

[carls]

I agree with Mea - cats are instinctively toilet trained, and if he was peeing in his tray before the baby came, there has to be a reason why hes doing this now and I dare say the reason would be territorial as if to say "this is MY house!".

This is not directed at O's mum, but I have found non cat owners or people allergic to cats to not really understand them very well, or care to understand them.

Put it this way - if your baby starts playing around the cats litter tray, do you get rid of the baby? NO! its the same thing. They are both family members. You cant just get rid of one because its doing something wrong.

[nemosmum]

Hi Girls Just thought I'd give you all an update on my sisters cat. Its actually gotten worse, shes now pooing on the sofas and in DN's toy box. I have stopped trying to get my sis to get rid of the cat (as like you have all said theres no real point, carls put it perfectly if your not a cat person, which Im NOT you can never really understand.....and I really cant LOL)

Any way I suggested she go to her local vet and get some advice but my sis reckons her cat is just attention seeking so she puts her outside most of the day and only allows her in when DN is napping during the day or asleep at night. She also packs up all of DN's toys etc and puts them away so her pus cant get near them.

But I am still concerned as my sis works full time and very long hours (7-7.30pm) and so doesnt get enough time to spent with DN let alone her cat LOL :eek:
Im sorry but I will never get the whole animals are just like people thing......sure I respect animals and when we were kids we always had animals around and one day we hope to have a big enough yard to get a dog for DS but I would never put up with the stuff my sisters cats doing to DN's things etc.

[tickle]

That cat has some serious psychological problems. It sounds really jealous of the baby. I have one cat and she is really good with my ds, she follows him around like a puppy. I would suggest someone like Dr Cam Day an animal behaviour expert, he's the stuff legends are made of!! Dr Harry is pretty useless in my experience. I would also suggest a cat enclosure that allows her to let the cat inside at certain times, like when she is there and at other times it is still confind (you can guarantee if it was let out it would go into other peoples places). CATMAX is one really good company who does these and can attatch them anywhere.
It is really hard (and frustrating) when it is not your animal but I guess you can only suggest so much??!!

Ellen

[Terrible2+1cutie]

We have a cat, we got our cat when my son Blaze who is now 2 years old was just a baby, they grew up together so to speak. I hate cats but my partner loves them. Our Cat knows not to go anywhere near the kids and tollerates so much, he knows he isn't aloud in the cot or on the kids bed or near toys. Even though i hate cats our cat has turned out to be the best cat .

[carls]

I have a very spoilt cat and I'm practically his slave - eg. he is 9kg, huge and takes up most of the bed and instead of shifting him, I manouvere myself around him just so he's comfy... :o

I'm not sure how hes going to be once baby comes, but I will be sure to give him extra love and attention to let him know that he's loved and that I dont choose one over the other etc

Maybe I'm just a big softy. I love cats! :rolleyes:

[nemosmum]

Are you serious Carls? You wouldnt choose your baby over your cat?????
You must really love that cat LOL :p

[Ana Gram]

She probably didn't mean it like that, just that she is going to make sure that her well loved pet is still well loved. Cats have feelings and are subject to the same emotions we are. The cat we were originally talking about really doesn't have serious psychological problems, it is just very jealous. From reading the information given, before the baby came along this cat was the baby and had all the time and attention it wanted. Now it is thrown outside most of the time and mummy is too busy with the new baby. It's a simple case of sibling rivalry, you wouldn't get rid of an older child if they had the same problem.

[nemosmum]

I know, I know Carls didnt mean it like that LOL just joking with her :p

[tickle]

I think that if you have a pet you have a responsibility to ensure that it gets the attention / help it needs to deal with new situations like having a new baby in the house. When we got our pets we considered when we have children and tried to socialise them accordingly.
I am not saying that pets are as important as children but cats have feelings too :p.
I have to admit though, our cat got locked in the bathroom accidently last night and she did number 2's in the shower. If I had to deal with that everyday :rolleyes: , I would definately try to do anything I could to kerb the behaviour!!! Having morning sickness did not help the situation :eek: !

Ellen

[rynosmum]

A friend of mine had a pretty overbearing cat so actually put a screen door on the baby's room. The cat couldn't get into the room but mum could still hear and see bubs.

Maybe just an extra precaution ?

BTW, we have a cat we got from the RSPCA a few years back. He LOVES Ry and puts up with his tail and ear being pulled, his belly being used as a drum and more recently puts up with Ry trying to tackle or sit on him. Strangely enough, if Ry cries, the cat is right there to make sure he's okay (he actually gets quite stressed if Ry is upset). And one of the first words Ry said was 'Mo' the cats name (way before 'Mummy'!). :rolleyes:

That said, if there ever was an unfounded issue which could affect Ry, poor little Kitty would be out the door before he could say "Mmeeeeeooooo.........".

[carls]

I know, I know Carls didnt mean it like that LOL just joking with her :p

Thats ok O's mum *carls wipes a tear from her eye*

I'm such an animal lover - I've always had animals and dont know where I'd be without my Biggles. I guess some people have pets but dont see them as intelligent, feeling creatures - probably because they cant communicate their needs and feelings the way we can.
I have always found that cats will only poo somewhere bad in the house if they cant get outside or to a litter tray (such as the bathroom incident), and they wont crap where you walk - they usually go to the bathroom, a corner, a rug or mat. What frustrates me is some pet owners say "my cat peed in my shoes or on the rug". Well my answer is "if you were responsible and had a litter tray or access to the backyard he wouldnt have done it!". If you have to go, you have to go! The cat thats pooing on or around the kids stuff is just leaving his mark - he cant tell the baby that its his territory, so he does what he would do as if the baby was another cat. The owner shouldnt be chucking the cat outside or being mean, they should be showering the cat with extra affection to show that its not being ignored or loved any less now that theres a new invader in its territory.

I'm also the kind of person that sees an injured bird, rushes to pick it up and then finds the nearest vet! I hope all this love for animals means that I'm going to be a good mum!!

I know Biggles different meows for different needs just as a mother would for her baby! And he gives me lots of love back :p

I can see the men in white coats coming.....

[nemosmum]

Your so right carls about animals having feelings and being intelligent, I agree with you and Im not a pet owner (although I had heaps of pets when I was a kid).

Like I said before my sis barely has enough time for her DS who is only 9mths coz she works 5 days a wk from 7am till 7.30pm. Shes not cruel to her cat, she loves her very much and does provide a litter tray, food,water and shelter plus a variety of cat toys, but she really doesnt have much time left over after working and caring for her baby.
Before bub came along my sis worked just as many hours if not more and the cat was outside alot and it had no behavioural problems until my DN was about 5 months old. DN loves the cat too and gets really excited by it, wanting to touch it etc. But my sisters cat never goes near the bub, only marks her territory when bubs not around.

I dont know, I give up its her cat its her bub and its her problem LOL :p

And hey Carls were those tears coz of little old me? or are your hormones all out of wack coz of your pregnant state of mind LOL :D

[cosmic]

Carls, I am totally with you about sleeping with the cat and manoevering around so you don't disturb it! :D

My DH and I got our dog and cat when we were first engaged and back then he hadn't agreed to kids, so they really were (and still are) our babies. Their birthdays are 2 days apart and they have grown up together so they are the best of friends. We love them soooo much and because I can carry the cat (Burmese.. so cute) over my shoulder just like a baby and the dog trots along beside me (everywhere I go - she's my shadow!), it feels just like having a baby and a toddler. Does that sound really weird??? :o

Anyway - people have often said to me that they will take a back-seat when the baby comes and I can understand that but I still want them both to get lots of love and not feel too jealous or upset when the baby arrives.

I do hope our puddy doesn't have any of these kinds of issues. He can be very territorial.. I guess we will have to wait and see.

[Lil X-men]

We have two siamese x cats (brothers) that we got when I was six months pregnant. They were put out when bubs firstcame home and acted like naughty teenagers, doing all sorts of mischief to get our attention.
Once we had all settled back into a normal routine we were able to devote more time to them again, as they are very cuddly and like to be carried around. Now they see Xavier as one of their brothers, they play with each other and they know not to hurt him or they'll be in big trouble.They are supposed to stay out of his room too, but come in to visit when I'm feeding Xav at night. They are part of our family and we love our puddy cats. The only down side is the fur they are shedding at the moment!

[carls]

And hey Carls were those tears coz of little old me? or are your hormones all out of wack coz of your pregnant state of mind LOL :D

A little bit from column A, a little bit from column B! Nah, there were no tears!!

By the way, I didnt mean to imply that your sis was cruel to her cat, I am sure she is a loving owner, but I have seen pets simply cast aside when the baby arrives - thats what I meant (referring only to other people I have known).

Well I certainly am jealous of you cat owners who can carry their cat around on their shoulders. At 9kg, I think Biggles would break my back! Reminder to self: stop feeding cat his favourites: wildberry muffins and honey ham.....