Answers for the Do you have kids question?

[singoutsister]

I find it the most hurtful question for all the reasons you all share.
My answer now is:
"I love kids of course but it just didn't happen for me. Yeah bit of a sore point"
Then they know not to ask about it anymore.

Other suggestions?:wave:

[Starf1sh]

I've tried lots of responses over the years, my predominant one with people I don't know is still a simple 'no' and distracting into another topic...never been challenged on that one so far, but I do still get the 'there's still time' response :rolleyes:

I guess I've used this as I don't feel I owe anyone an explanation for why we are childless (particularly strangers!). But lately, I've also considered introducing an educational element to it like, 'no, but you know what? not every can or wants to have kids'....Haven't been brave enough for that one yet! ;)

With friends who know we have had a long term TTC journey I have been more honest about our situation as I have come to terms with it more myself.

[Cazza1981]

Ugh i get it all the time with my job....I say no we dont have kids, and its not from a lack of trying. Then they say oh you have plenty of time yet or dont try so hard and it will happen .... meh i just smile and say thats wonderful advise, thankyou so much!Hehe ends that conversation really fast

[Ngaiz]

Ugh i get it all the time with my job....I say no we dont have kids, and its not from a lack of trying. Then they say oh you have plenty of time yet or dont try so hard and it will happen .... meh i just smile and say thats wonderful advise, thankyou so much!Hehe ends that conversation really fast

The "don't try so hard and it will happen" gets to me the most. Sometimes I just want to turn around and tell them it's hard when people like you keep bugging me about it.

[Tamtam]

I kinda feel it's personal, so my ultimate response would be 'no, miscarriages yes, no children. So now that you've probed into my personal life let me ask you, how's your s3x life? Personal enough for you?'
I would never say it though. And I guess if things were different I would be less nasty and just say yes. At the moment I just say no, it's not for us. And move on.

[fefe76]

Depending on who is asking and how the question is presented to me I will say anything from No I do not have kids, to We have been trying for X yrs and have done some AC but sadly it seems we will never have children.

[steveandjenni]

For many years now our standard response has been "we were never blessed with children". It allows us to say a polite "no" and also to have a sutle dig at all those [several expletives deleted] that never care about the precious children they do have.

[Julia584]

Hi, new here - I know this thread is a week or so old but it interests me very much, I work in an environment where a good half of my clients are looking for a product to suit their growing family. I see pregnant ladies and large families everyday. I sell cars and obviously, when trying to determine which vehicle is going to suit a certain client I would need to probe a little into their private life. What with my fragile emotions I am smart enough to find out how big of a car they need not by saying 'how many kids have you got?' but more of the question 'how many people will need to be in the car on a regular basis', which is a gentle probe to see how far I could go with it.

Going for tests drives always involes changing baby seats and helping kids in and out and soothing them when they are scared because their parents are nervous to drive the new car etc, and naturally my clients all ask how old my kids are, or how many i've got, because I MUST have them, the way I am around their kids.

My answer is alway a quick dismissive one of 'oh, my fiance has a 4 year old that we get every fortnight'. It usually shuts them up when it doesn't prompt more questions.

I got probed by a nosy lady for hours once, not all that long ago, she brought me to tears in front of the entire dealership, my manager actually told her to leave. People can be so cruel, even when its the LAST thing they are intending.

[Kylieglynn]

Yes I hate when they say that also I get but your still young! Doesn't matter I'm only 27 still been trying for 3 years!!!

[happydance]

I have to say I used to ask people "when are you having kids" until we had to go through fertility treatment ourselves and had people asking us all the time "when are you two going to have a baby" very hard to answer when you are going through the heartbreak of fertility treatment!! I used to tell people the truth about when we were going through treatment, but that choice isn't for everyone. I have recently seen someone hounding a friend about when they are having a baby and could see the friend getting quite upset, unfortunately the person asking the question didn't seem to understand that this person did not want to talk about it. I quickly stepped in and changed the subject!

[katezane]

I learnt at work not to ask the kids question. A few of my clients who have tried ivf and the lot with still no children. After my sil loosing a baby and myself having an ectopic and miscarriage. It's a very personal topic and I don't think people just have the right to go around asking.

[ferdy83]

I am new on here but this is a great thread to read. A lot of people ask DH and I when we are having kids and we are getting to the point of truffling to know what to say. Usually it's something along the lines of "we have 15 nieces and nephews...why add to that?" we try to make a joke of it but recently my FIL asked me when I was going to do my duty and give him some grand kids!! I lost it at this and told my DH that he better chat to him because I cannot handle him talking to me like that. If we weren't having trouble conceiving it wouldn't be an issue I guess and my FIL doesn't know the whole story so I give him some slack.

Reading others posts gives me some other options :)

[Smyles]

My response changes depending on the person asking & my mood. I usually respond with "having bubbas isn't easy for us" or I have said "I'll buy a few when Coles starts selling them". The second isn't the nicest response, but sometimes enough is enough & the look on their face is priceless.

[moomechanic]

Went away recently and being the young couple eveyone kept asking if we had kids, the last one I simply said when IVF works!! Turned out she was an FS at the clinic I go to!!!! I now have a new fs haha!!

[Lillaa]

Depending on who is asking I sometimes say that we do a lot of practicing. The look on my grandma's face recently was priceless!!

[fingers xd]

If its family and friends that know our situation they always ask how am I going with it all, at first they asked nervously but I told them I didn't mind them asking after all they had genuine concern I wasn't stressing myself out too much.

But people I don't know very well or strangers that ask I just tell them we are thinking about it but we'll see.

One lady I was sitting next to at a wedding kept asking why I was waiting cause I wasn't getting any younger. I told her if she gave me her working ovaries then I'll give it a go!