Question for co sleeping parents

[Shoopuf]

:wave:

I've been looking into this whole co sleeping thing, and I just wondered if anyone could help me with a few questions I have?

1. Can you co sleep with a newborn, and if so, how do you make it safe?

2. Is it more difficult for co sleeping kids to adjust to sleeping in their own beds once they're older, than it is for non co sleeping kids? I hope that makes sense!

The reason I ask is because my cousin co slept with her parents, and she is now 15 and can't sleep in a bed alone. She has to touch human skin to fall asleep, which made life pretty uncomfortable last time she stayed with us :laughing:

It isn't like she is just making it up either - she just flat out won't sleep if there isn't someone beside her. Her Mum has been trying to get her into her own bed since she was 10 - did she just leave it too long?

I really like the idea of co sleeping when we eventually have a baby, but I don't want to find myself in the position of my Aunt who has a 15 year old in her bed spooning her every night.

I know there is a load of info out there on co sleeping, but I prefer hearing actual people's experiences.

TIA

[bugsy]

I co-slept with DD1 until she was 18 months. She is a great independent sleeper now at 7. I had no problems moving her into a cot once she stopped feeding at night, and once in a bed, she has always stayed in bed all night.

Safety: I used blankets, not doonas, had blankets at my chest height, and bubs tucked under my arm.

I'm enjoying co-sleeping now with my 11 week old. It's so much easier for night feeds, and she sleeps so soundly at night, and wakes up so happy to see mum and dad every morning.

Co-sleeping for ten years, however, no way. I want my bed back within the next year or so.

[Boobycino]

That sounds like a pretty extreme situation. Has anything traumatic happened to your niece that your aware of? I wouldn't think that's 'because' of cosleeping. Does she have anxiety maybe? Have they taken her to see anyone? I probably would ASAP at 15, being worried something like that leads her to feel she needs to be promiscuous to meet that need in the next couple of years iykwim? Just a thought.

Anyhoooo

With cosleeping, same sort of SIDS guidelines, I wouldn't cosleep with a newborn on a pillow top mattress, only a firm mattress, only have one pillow, and a tucked in sheet rather than thick blankets and dress warmly of your cold. Most importantly don't smoke, drink or take drowsy medications while bedsharing.

More info from sids & kids website -
http://www.sidsandkids.org/wp-content/uploads/Sleeping-with-Baby.pdf

You can also get a respisense breathing monitor - http://www.respisense.com/en/index.php

[Me&MrMagoo]

I coslept with ds in a snuggle bed til he was about two months old ... Then followed all safe co sleeping guidelines ...

At two he's still cosleeping but most nights I will start him off in his own bed so I can have some space - for such a tiny person he is an incredible bed hog!!! He's fine in his own bed but I miss him when he's not with me ;)


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[little talks]

I had a little bed thing I put In my bed while he was little.. Hes now 2 and I can put him in his bed for day naps and at night if I want some loving.. But we always drag him back in.. We feel bad for him sleeping alone lol

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[missie_mack]

You know its funny up until about 60-70 years ago it was very common for people to cosleep with family, not sure why it makes people so uncomfortable because we are just sleeping (well at least that is what I am doing lol)

Like boobycino said as long as you follow the safe cosleeping rules you should be all good. My DS is what I consider a longerterm cosleeper. He has health issues and cosleeping has been good to monitor his health during the night. He has just transitioned into a normal bed quite smoothly. My brother use to sneak it my parents bed until he started high school (where then he decided he was too cool for it lol).
Its lovely with a young baby, particularly if you are breastfeeding. They have the ability to latch on themselves and feed during the night so everyone is getting a reasonable amount of sleep. I also found when we coslept with my DS he was much gentler with us

[Shoopuf]

That sounds like a pretty extreme situation. Has anything traumatic happened to your niece that your aware of? I wouldn't think that's 'because' of cosleeping. Does she have anxiety maybe? Have they taken her to see anyone? I probably would ASAP at 15, being worried something like that leads her to feel she needs to be promiscuous to meet that need in the next couple of years iykwim? Just a thought.



Not that I know of. She seems perfectly fine ... until bedtime. She doesn't scream and suck her thumb or anything lol, she will just stay up all night on the couch watching movies and stuff if there is no one to share a bed with.

Glad to hear that is probably the extreme though ... She is just the only person I've ever known who co slept, so I thought that was kind of the norm iykwim?


I coslept with ds in a snuggle bed til he was about two months old ... Then followed all safe co sleeping guidelines ...



What's a snuggle bed Magoo?

[Boobycino]

Okay. Hmm... Is she a immature 15 year old? That just strikes me as a little odd.

My brother and I both happily snuggled in bed with our mum into our teens. My brother coslept till 2.5 and I didn't at all, but we were both very comfortable to bed share with our parents until we left home. But that's a bit different. And I'd still happily bed share with my mum. But it's not like we needed to cosleep as teens.

With jasper, he's just turned 3 and we are transitioning him out of our bed with mixed success. Lol. It's a little difficult. But I wouldn't have done it any differently & planning to cosleep with little miss.

[BornToBe]

My nine-month old babe basically just sleeps in my arms. That way there is no danger from pillows, blankets etc. Her face is quite close to mine I suppose and she certainly lets me know if anything bothers her through the night with a big squirmy wiggle and a whinge. She's been in our bed since birth and I can't imagine it any other way.
Now that number two may be joining us, I'm not sure how to transition things... we already have a king bed and DH already complains about us hogging the bed! :laughing:

[Shoopuf]

Okay. Hmm... Is she a immature 15 year old? That just strikes me as a little odd.

My brother and I both happily snuggled in bed with our mum into our teens. My brother coslept till 2.5 and I didn't at all, but we were very comfortable to bed share with our parents until we left home. But that's a bit different. And I'd still happily bed share with my mum. But it's not like we needed to cosleep as teens.

With jasper, he's just turned 3 and we are transitioning him out of our bed with mixed success. Lol. It's a little difficult. But I wouldn't have done it any differently & planning to cosleep with little miss.

It IS odd, isn't it? She isn't overly immature .. she has the usual teenage dramas (friends, boys, such-and-such had a party and so-and-so snuck alcohol in etc.), but she misses out on stuff like school excursions and sleep overs because she can't sleep in her own bed.

I wonder if it is because she and her Mum are a bit reliant on one another ... Like, her Dad works away heaps and her older siblings are in their 30s so it has pretty much always been just her and her Mum. But that's not really a viable theory on it's own, because there are plenty of single parents who have great, close relationships with their kids and have kids that can sleep alone.

IDK, it is really weird. I am relieved to hear that for the majority of co sleepers it doesn't turn out this way.

BTW - must have missed that bellybaby was a girl ... Congratulations! :cheerleader1:

[Boobycino]

Thanks <3

[bumMum]

ok in all honesty I think if you are used to sharing a bed you will always want to.. I slept with my parents as a little kid and as I got older with my brother and cousins etc.. And still with my parents. I still love sleeping in mums bed with her. My little sister in law is 15 and hates sleeping alone!! Kind of how you described. Its only an issue if it bugs you though.

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[trishalishous]

we cosleep, and i coslept as a child, no problems getting me to bed :)

[TinyLittleTootsies]

I think part of it would be personality. With DD1 I didn't "give in" to co-sleeping until around 6 months because I didn't like it and I was petrified all night to sleep with her and squash her. In the end I only stared getting sleep when she slept in bed with me and it was great. At 3, she sleeps in her own bed and will come in, in the morning for cuddles, but she is a bad sleeper natrurally and nothing helps that.

DD2 I co-selpt with from birth. However as soon as she was strong enough she would push away from me! lol. By around 9? months she started being really unsettled in our bed, crying out, pushing us away on the bed etc, and so we set up her cot and she loved it. At 1.5 moved her into the bottom of her sisters bunk and they are really happy sharing. Now that they are 2 and 3.5 they some times play until they fall asleep on the same bed, but pretty quickly get sick of each other and wake up to tell me that their sister is in their bed and to move them lol.

They both still love cuddles in the morning but they love their space at night and need their own beds. I am the same.

I think you might have nailed it when you say her and her Mum rely on each other. DH hasd a 16 year old cousin, and his single mum insisted on him sleeping with her until he was around 10. She hates him not sleeping in bed with him because she needs it for her own comfort, so told us she loves that he comes to sleep in her bed after nightmares or if he needs comfort etc. I think if he was a daughter they would just sleep together every night still becuase it is what they both "need" in a way. She said she never even tried to make him sleep in his own bed because he didn't need to. So that might be what your Aunt and counsin have done? Where co-sleeping turned into your Aunt wanting it more for her comfort too and so now it is a habbit?

What we rely on to get us to sleep is a habbit that can always be cracked though. I would say that your Aunt could stop it if she wanted to, but it might suit them both :)

Anyway, what I am saying is you set the boundaries in co-sleeping. A lot of co-sleeping parents have the baby fall asleep in their own bed at first so that they can do that, and also because day time naps usually need to be taken alone (and so you get around 4 hours of kid free bed time ;)) and then the baby wakes and is bought into the bed to feed and co-sleep for the rest of the night :).

[Lillynix]

1. Can you co sleep with a newborn, and if so, how do you make it safe?
Yes you can, i've done it twice now :D

To make co-sleeping safe is easy. No smoking, drinking, medications that make you drowsy or drugs to be taken by ANY adult who will be sharing the bed space with baby.

No pillows near baby's head (DH and I use a pillow but make sure it's not anywhere near baby's head), we sleep with a light doona (though blankets are considered safer) though this doesn't get used on baby, baby is just dressed warmly, and the doona is kept at waist level on us, we just rug up our top halves in cooler weather. It's also not recommended to wrap a co-sleeping baby, just dressed appropriately. Your mattress should be firm and not too soft, baby (or you) shouldn't 'sink in' to it.

And naturally, bed rails so baby can't roll out or be knocked out. We either have my side of the bed hard against the wall or we use a side-car cot, which is just the cot without the drop side, pushed against my side of the bed, it allows for extra sleep space for baby if needed.

2. Is it more difficult for co sleeping kids to adjust to sleeping in their own beds once they're older, than it is for non co sleeping kids? I hope that makes sense!
In my experience, no.

We didn't co-sleep with our first born. She went straight into a cot in her own room from the day she was born. She was a great sleeper as a baby, but from around 3 years old she would wake every.single.night and call out to DH to hop in to bed with her. She wanted to co-sleep with him, she got to a point where she didn't like sleeping alone. So from the ages for 3-5 years she co-slept with DH. She would go to bed by herself, then wake up from midnight onwards and call out. Then one day just after her 5th Birthday, she decided she was too old and went back to sleeping alone without dramas.

Our second born, DS1, co-slept from birth, then 1 month after his 2nd Birthday (DS2 was 1 month old, for that 1 month, both he and DS1 were co-sleeping with), we suggested to him that he might like to sleep in his own bed in his own room. He was ecstatic at that idea and was absolutely thrilled. So, we got the room ready for him and he went to bed in his own room, in his own bed without ANY fuss and now at almost 4, still sleeps all night in his own bed. He's not once needed to co-sleep again.

Third born, DS2, is now 22 months. He is still in our room, but has recently stopped bed sharing with us in preparation of Babe #4 being born. He sleeps in the cot (drop side on) which is jammed against my side of the bed. He goes to bed and sleeps all night until early morning when he wakes and he climbs into bed with me for a little snuggle and doze until we're ready to wake up. He will be transitioning out of our room before Babe #4 arrives and I have every confidence that it will go smoothly given that he sleeps all night in his own space anyway.

I would definitely say that your Niece is the rare exception. All of our friends co-sleep with their children from birth, and some co-sleep longer than others as it's usually left to the child to decide when they are ready to move out of the family bed. Some stop co-sleeping as toddlers, some slightly older (5-6) but those that have older children (8+) are no longer co-sleeping :)