I Want My Baby To Be Able To Put Herself To Sleep!

[MrsMiggins]

My DD will be a year old on Wednesday, and she has never been able to put herself to sleep (except in the car!)

As a newborn, she would scream blue murder if she was put down awake and as a consequence we spent the first few months of her life carrying her around everywhere.

As she got a little older and began moving around, she got better, although was (and is still) very clingy.

At the moment we have a great bedtime routine in place and this has helped her settle quite well (although we have had a few incidents where she has been hard to settle, particularly lately, although that is due to teething), however she still needs to be held until she is sound asleep. If we try to put her in her cot before she is in a deep sleep, she will just start screaming and is then even harder to settle.

We have a new bub due in March, and my DH goes away quite a lot. I am worried that I will be having to rock two tired, cranky babies to sleep and never get a break!!

We don't want to do controlled crying for a number of reasons I won't go into here. What I would really like to know is;

How can I get my baby to go to sleep on her own without upsetting her to the point of hysterics?

[Milis]

Hi Mrs Miggins,

I am in a similar boat with my DS. He HAS to be rocked to sleep every night, and once he's asleep I have to wait at least 15 minutes until he's in a deep enough sleep to put in his cot. If he isn't quite there, he screams as soon as his head hits the sheet and we have to start the whole process again :banghead: .

I'm also not into CC but I have read about a technique where you can ease them into it slowly. I haven't tried this yet, but am planning to when this current bout of teething is over. Cant remember the details exactly, but I think you start by introducing another association besides rocking, such as a song or a phrase. For a few nights, you rock them to sleep as usual, but sing the song as well. Then you rock them to the point of sleep, and just sing the song until they are actually asleep, then once they are used to that, you don't rock them at all, just sing the song, and then (if you have managed to get through all that), you put them down in their cot when they are nearly asleep, and sing the song, and so on, until you can put them down awake, sing the song (or say the phrase) and leave the room. I'm not explaining this very well - If you are interested, let me know and I will pm you the details of the book - they explain it much more clearly! It might be worth a shot!

Good luck - I hope you get it sorted out (and congrats on your pregnancy!).

[MrsMiggins]

They both sound great Milis & Cupcake!!

I'd be very interested in hearing about both methods - PM away!!

I just have been racking my poor PG brain to try & figure out how on earth you can get a baby to self-settle without us both going insane!

[tickle]

I'm not saying that you won't get her to self settle but if you don't in time for the new baby, don't stress. My DS still doesn't self settle and neither does my DD but we manage quite a reasonable level of sanity at most times. Most days I get them to have a day sleep at the same time, which is great. I just get the most difficult to sleep first and then work on the easy one (my DS).
At the moment I'm weaning my DS off me being there. I'm slowly getting him used to me not being right there with him. Today he went to sleep while I sat a bit away from the bed. So I'm slowly moving towards the door.
Good luck with it.:D

[JumpingBean]

I had that problem also with my 3 1/2month old DD. I ended up putting her in her cot one day and just sat next to it, not making eye contact, just to let her know I was still there tho. She fussed about a bit, but eventually fell asleep on her own, and is now sleeping much better during the day for it. And I don't even have to be in her room anymore for her to fall asleep.
Anyway, there is a maternal & child health nurse in Brisbane - she's at Aspley each wednesday to visit for free, who is an expert in sleeping/settling. Plus if you are that desperate for help, she does home visits to help you thru it (at a cost). I would recommend seeing her for a chat. she really helps. PM me if you need more details about her.
Hope all goes well for you!:fingerscrossed:

[bpato]

Hi

We are in the same boat. DS wont go off to sleep without being rocked. Ove the last 2 weeks we hav ebene putting in the cot just beofre he is out to it and gentle patting him or rubing his back. If I try to leave he gets up and plays.


Cupcake I would aslo love to know how you did it, if you don't mind sharing.

Sorry I coudn't be to much hel;p, just wanted you to know you are not alone.

Belinda

[pookiesossige]

Mrs Miggins, in the 'No Cry Sleep/Settling' thread (or whatever it's called, it's something like that!) they're discussing Elizabeth Pantly's (sp) book which has some pretty good reviews!! I only say this becuase I'm interested in it myself and have a similar situation going on here and the same view on CC as you have, I think.

And I also want to agree with Tickle- it may seem dauntingly impossible now, but you WILL manage with two if the situation doesn't improve itself by then (with or without making attempts to help dd self-settle). And I want to congradulate you for giving you DD a wonderful, gentle way to go to sleep for her entire year of life- how lovely to gently drift off to sleepy-land in the arms of someone who is your world. You have met her need for comfort during this part of her day and that is a lovely thing.

I decided when DS was 20 months old and i was expecting DD in a few months that it was time he stopped going to sleep in my arms with a bottle. I wanted him to have his bottle with me, then go into the cot to drift off on his own. It was dead easy and we never had any problems because we had waited until he was ready, and had met his need for cuddles and assistance going to sleep in the lead-up to the change, when he still needed our help. I believe he is so independant and good at going to sleep alone now because of this. We certainly didn't start any 'bad habits' or 'create a rod for our backs' as SO many people told me I would!!

Oops, sorry for the :ecomcity: :ecomcity: , it's all me me me as usual!!

Good luck!

[wktz]

We are having the same problem, our DD is nearly 4 months old and because she had a lot of wind problems from birth, she got used to falling asleep in our arms, while we were trying to wind her.

Now she has to be asleep deeply before she goes on her cot, and when her periods of light sleep come, she fully awakens and screams so much that we cannot put her back in the cot. As a result, she is waking up at least twice in the middle of the night (usually at 1am and 4am) and it is a lottery whether we can put her back to sleep again.

We have ended up giving up and leaving her asleep in our arms from 3am until 6am just so one of us can get some sleep from the screams.

We are, however, at wits' end, we have started the "Baby Whisperer" routine of putting her in her cot awake and just talk to her and reassure her, the moment she cries, pick her up until she is quiet and then put her down again, repeat this process for hours if need be. However, she got so worked up yesterday that she made herself phisically ill and it took us ages to settle her, we do not want to go down this path again.

Does anybody know of any help, midwife, nurse, anybody who can come and see what is going on, and what we can do? Any help will be much appreciated.

[SixtiesChild]

I think it depends on the baby's character.
Soft music can be very soothing to babies that feel nervous at bedtime. I've got a cd player near 7mth old dd's cot and she now asscociates that with bedtime. Babies love routine, so I do a few things like clockwork and then leave her to listen to the music.
A few drops of lavender on the bed sheets (away from baby) can be slightly sedating that is if you like the smell of lavender.
Perseverence is good, some babies require extra training.
My first dd was a real clinger and a lot of work.
Goodluck

[bpato]

Kirsty

Does bub sleep on her back or her tummy? I ask this as DS had wind probs as a bub and we found that he slept much better and settled easier on his tummy. Maybe try some tummu sleeping. Our pead looked at DS is the hospital a sleep on his tummy and said to us " Oh we've got a tummy sleeper, good on him , I find it more comfortable" He wasn't concerned about it and we have had no problems and he is now 1.

The other thing that we used, after recommendation form the midwifes in hospy, and you may not like the suggstion, but each to there own, was a dummy. The sucking motions helps bubs to past wind.

Not sure if this is what you were after but hope it may help.

Belinda

[wktz]

Well, we did it, we bit the bullet and rang Rene Rees from healthy baby, she came over on saturday night.

We were a bit skeptical at first, but she is a lovely lady, made us feel comfortable, and she was as attentive to our needs as she was to our baby.

She wrote a list of guidelines for us, and she was available on the phone all sunday when we had to start teaching Maddy to settle to sleep by herself in her cot, without us rocking her to sleep.

It was absolutely horrible, and I dont think we would have made it if it wasnt for Rene...we called her 4 times during the day and she was very reassuring to us, and she called us at night to tell us she was thinking of us and to have faith in our baby, and to believe that our little girl can do this.

This morning, we put her in her cot awake, and she grizzled for 10 minutes and then was fast asleep!!! unbelievable!

Last night was the first time in 5 months we were able to have dinner together and eat without rushing to settle her!!! We know there is a long way to go, but she is resting, she is sleeping well, and we are slowly recovering our frayed nerves!! Thanks Kell, for sharing the information with us.

[Kaileysmum]

Oh my dd is so the same as yours MrsMiggins, she turned one last week and still wont go to sleep herself, and wakes during the night most nights. If anyone has any suggestions for me too that would be wonderful as Im sick of rocking a 12kg baby to sleep every day.

[Boymum]

Hi there Mrs Higgins and Bpato how are things going with bubs and the self settling?

I am in a similar situation with a 12 month old DS.

Very interested to hear any of your success stories.

[MrsMiggins]

Hi boymum!

Unfortunately I haven't had any success. Not that I've really been going out of my way to try anything new at the moment. We were having some massive sleep issues, so I didn't want to make matters worse by attempting to have her go to sleep on her own!

We appear to be over that little bump (:fingerscrossed:) for now at least, so I'm just happy to be getting some rest finally! I'm not so bothered with having to rock her to sleep, so long as she is sleeping, you know?

I may try again when I think we're both ready, but for the moment I'm enjoying some :sleeping: !!

[Boymum]

Thanks for that MrsMiggins, I do understand....I think I too use the old rocking/bouncing to sleep still because it enables me to get some sleep too.
DS sleeps pretty well so I shouldn't complain really....he is just getting rather heavy and my poor old arm gets sore he,he.
I am sure our bubs will learn to go to sleep on their own one day (in the near future) and do it happily because we have use we have made them feel secure and happy going to sleep for this long already....

I wish you luck with your DD and new baby to come and their sleeping, No. 2 might surprise you and be a self settler early on. You deserve that being such a great Mummy to your DD. But if not, you'll just have lots of extra hugs to give out :)

[MrsMiggins]

Boymum, thanks so much for your lovely comments! I have to admit, I do love a bit of a quiet cuddle with DD, so I'm not stressing out about it overly (although I will say that from time to time it does get a bit much & I do stress out about it!!)

Maybe I could make a suggestion to make life a little easier for your poor tired arms! I find that I have trouble holding DD for as long as I need to sometimes, and so I have taken to placing her on top of a pillow on my lap when she has her bed time bottle. This works great - I can hold her for as long as I need to without feeling as though my arms are going to drop off!!

[Mikeswifey]

My DD always fell asleep by herself in her cot until she was 12 months old.

She is now 17 months old and for the last 5 months I have had to lie down with her for every single sleep until she is asleep (unless its in the car).

I am so so so sick of it too!

[Boymum]

Thanks for the reply MrsMiggins, thanks for the tip too...will give it a go.

Mikeswifey, that's strange hey? Well it could just be a separation thingy and one fine special day she'll go back to putting herself to sleep.

We just have to be so patient with our bubbies I know, it will all pay off in the end.

[Tulp]

Our little one settles himself to sleep most of the time. At times when we put him in his cot awake, he'd be grizzly for about 5-10 minutes and then silence - fast asleep. This usually happens during his fussy time in the evening. Other than that, he settles himself to sleep and wakes up a happy baby.:yes:

[Boymum]

YOu are one lucky Mumma Tulp.

MrsMiggins...things still the same at your end? Well things are about to change for us in the next 8 months....we are expecting Baby No. 2 aswell. I have some progress on DS's settling to sleep but only when he is very very worn out, otherwise he's fighting off his naps and sleep with every effort he,he. The days I take him out to parks and run around or shops here and there, swimming etc...he usually gets so worn out he doesn't need me to rock or sway or anything, he happily lays in his cot and I pat his bottom for a minute then he's fast asleep.

As for naps and how many a day, well huh....things are changing there for us, he may be dropping one of those.

The joys of Parenthood, I do love the challenge, but argh....some days I do need my sanity.

Anyway, I am going to continue trying to think of fun things that wear DS out to do, and try and feel like it at the same time (early pregnancy you know what it's like).

Will keep you posted.

[jess_live_die]

aww hunni u poor thing my daughter started putting her self to bed and sleep at 11months but my 1st daughter was hell until she was 19months

[MrsMiggins]

Congrats boymum!!!! :smiliedance:

I hope the sleep fairies can sort themselves out for you in the meantime!!

I'm taking it easy for now. I may be pushing my luck but I'm just letting the chips fall where they may & see how things pan out in a few months when DS arrives! :)

On the plus side, DD has been self-settling much more when she wakes during the night! yay!!

[Rachael]

Routine is the name of the settling game in our house :)

Our son is 4.5months old...


Anywhere from 5.30pm to 6.00pm Bradley gets half a bottle with me and then undressed and into the bath with his Daddy.
I then get him out of the bath and dry him then give him a nice body massage with Johnsons Lavendar bedtime lotion then into his PJs and back out on the couch with me for the other half of his bottle.
That takes us till around 6.30pm.
Once he has finished his bottle he gets to sit on the couch and cuddle for a bit then gets a kiss from Daddy goodnight and then I take him and put him in his cot.
He gets his dummy put it and then I hand him his little blanket with the teddy head (snuggle blanket sort of thing) and a kiss with me saying Good night Bradley sleep well, I loveyou. He cuddles his blankie and usually rolls onto his side and closes his eyes and drifts off to sleep.

Sometimes I get a few grizzles but it is rare.

Day time sleeps is another thing lol, he just wants to be awake for most of the day till I get home around 3pm from work then he snuggles up in my arms while I watch TV and snoozes for 30-60mins.

I highly reccommend the body massage with Lavendar cream it helps immensley and till I started dong it we had problems with him settling to sleep.

Also nice bonding time with bub too :)

[fire~fly]

i had a similar problem with my son not being able to put himself to sleep, after 3 nights in a row of waking every 40 mins, i had enough. i got tough and put in to action the laydown technique from tizzie halls "save our sleep" book. it has worked wonders. in a matter of 1 month, yes only 1 month, my son is having a 1 and a half to 2 hour nap in the morning and the same in the afternoon, and sleeping through the WHOLE night! From 7pm to about 6.30am. I cant believe the differnce it has made to my son, he is so much happier and mummy is so much happier too!! :hugs:
It is hard at first because you have to let your little one cry a bit, but oh it is soo worth it!!!
So the technique is... when your bub is tired, put into the cot awake and stay there. your bub will try to stand up, when he does this just lay him back down and say "its time to sleep" just the once. lay your bub back down 15 times and then leave the room. your bub will scream and protest but leave your bub for 20 mins. Go back in after 20 mins, you will feel very guilty as bub will be red in the face with tears rolling down their little cheeks, but just remember that you are giving them the gift of being able to go to sleep independently. Ok, now you will stay with your bub until they are asleep, but do not pick them up. continue to lay bub down everytime she sits/stands up, but u will notice that the gaps between her sititng up will be getting longer. when she lays down for a while, put your hand on her belly/back and say good girl and leave your hand there for a minute and then take it off. continue doing this until she is asleep.

after a few times of doing this, the crying time will be less and less. if my son cries now, its only for about 30 seconds and then he goes to sleep.
i hope this helps you as it has completely turned our lives around for the better.
good luck :thumbsup:

[Boymum]

Hi there,

Thanks for the tips girls, very helpful.

Lately DS has been alright....well except for last few nights.

He usually goes down for a sleep within a few minutes of being patted on bottom or back either in my arms or laying in his cot. He'll wake once or so for a drink or cuddle, which is no problem to me. Goes back to sleep no worries after. So it's great....a few nights he has slept through all night.

I think the last few nights he has woken a few times a night due to teething or something, he's drooling again and is clingy during the day more.....not sure what's going on there. But at least I know he can do it, he has slept through a handful of times now, I feel so pleased.

How is everyone else going with their bubbies sleep? Any improvements?

Good Luck.

[mumofgrace]

I also used Tizzy Hall's book Save Our Sleep. My little one at 6 months was waking up to 8 times a night and as I was back at work I was slowly going insane. I bought the book to try before booking myself into sleep school. It worked after the second night and since she has slept from 7pm - 6-6.30am and had two sleeps during the day.

She is about to turn one and is the last week or so starting to be resistant to sleeps but I have gone back to the book for more advice - Tizzy seems to have a solution for most problems - I am her biggest fan now! With a second baby due any day - the new addition won't stand a chance! She even has recommendations for routines for two babies!!

Good luck - try anything and everything I say until you find what works for you.

p.s I bought Save Our Sleep from K Mart as it was about $10 cheaper than the book stores.:yelclap: