View Full Version : Using Time out
For the first time I have had to start giving Miss J some restrictions on her daily explorations of the house. For her own safety, there are cupboards she is not allowed to go into and things that she can now reach but shouldn't touch.
I was in a bit of a dilemma about how to apply these restictions because the word 'no' doesn't really work all that well consistently. (she is 13 months) I am unable to put locks on the cupboards and unable to lift things out of her reach, doing so would also restrict my partner from getting these things or into the cupboards.
So, I decided that time out was my only option. I set up the portacot in the main living space of the house. Now Miss J goes somewhere she shouldn't, I say "Jade, no, that's one" holding a finger up. She looks at me and goes back into it.. I say "Jade, that's two" (holding up two fingers).. if she decides that she is going to ignore me I say, "That's three" (hodling up three fingers) and pick her up and put her in the portacot. 1 minute. She doesn't cry, just kind of looks at me forlornly. I go back to whatever I was doing, and she can see me the whole time.
After a mintue I get her out and tell her why she was put in there (I don't know if she understands, but I do it anyway). The we get a cuddle and off we go.
Now, I have done this (time out) three times for one thing (going into the under the sink cupboard) and today, she didn't go into that cupboard at all (but did go into others, that I don't mind her in).
Is that success or did she just get over looking in that cupboard?
Am I counting my chickens before they hatch?
I want to call it a success, but think it's early days...
has anyone else tried this with success on a child this young? Did it work?
Hell - it sounds like a good way to teach them Tash! I may have to steal that one! It's worth a go!
I would call it a success but only i also think only time will tell.
We have this drama too with things being accessable to Boof when they are dangerous etc & everyone always says to put things away & use locks etc but this isnt possible for us either with DP but i guess sometimes not everyone understands.
Ive tried time out with Boof he just laughs at me & goes back to doing it :rolleyes:
But he has started learning the word no lately which is great because he has been saying it after i do when he does the wrong thing & will then go back to it & say no again lol !
Ive also found getting down to his level a great way of getting him to listen to me understandably so because standing over him is rather overbearing & he seems to understand more this way.
But congrats to you both as i said i would claim a small success because you can at least say it does work you just now need to be consistant !
I would call it a success too. I started using the naughty cushion with Matthew when he was 15mths old. I didn't think he would understand, but they are smarter than what we give them credit for. I was using it because he was hitting, scratching and screaming at his brother and sister. Within a few days, he was a totally different child.
It's funny now, if he is playing with his stuffed animals and they misbehave, HE sits THEM on the naughty cushion, LOL.
Keep up the good work, the younger you start, the better.
Glad I found this post! I was going to ask the question about time-out with my 18months old as I was not sure if it was too soon or not! But it looks like I am being too soft on her by not using it yet. :D Sounds like you have had success - Well Done :thumbsup:
I am trying to stop her from doing cheeky naughty things like turning the TV off every 30seconds and from smacking me, DH & other kids. the smacking thing is really getting to me - she seems really mean, but i think she is doing it for the attention (i am suffering from nasty mornign sickness at the moment, so don't always give her the attention she deserves). I have ben using the hallway as a time out, but the port-a-cot will mean more isolation. I will give it a try - Thankyou.
any other suggestions to help with no hitting would be appreciated.
Wow, I can't believe I have been doing this for just a month. It's working a treat. In the last couple of weeks I have rarely had to use the portacot.
I usually only get to one, very occasionally two and she modifies her behaviour. It's fabulous!
It does take a lot of perserverance at the beginning, you do what you say you are going to do, sort of thing... but the results are well worth it.
I even feel confident enough to use it while out.. where there is no time out option. So far I haven't gotten to three while out.. I have no idea what I will do if I ever do... but so far :fingerscrossed:
Glad to hear it's all going well. :yelclap:
Just a question about the Time out Method
I dont have room in my house to set up a porta cot and the one we do have is more like a play pen thing with toys attached to it....
And we live in a townhouse so bedrooms are up stairs and i think that if i was to have to run up stairs everytime he is naughty that by the time we got there he would forget what he was there for....
i know that this will sound mean but
Do you reckon i could lock him in the laundry for a min as time out? There is nothing in there that he could harm himself on\with
One thing that I think is important especially when you start this method is that the child can still see the parent while in time out.
They need to know that mummy (or whoever) is not going to 'abandon' them while they are in a restricted area. I know that would have scared the bejebus out of me as a child.
So maybe put a gate across the laundry door, so they can still see you but the area can be used as a safe time out area.
In short, I wouldn't be closing the door completely.
cool thanks for that i will give a go tomorrow
It takes time, but it's worth it.
another Question how much time before i start to see results?
That's a hard question to answer.
I saw results quite quickly.. but I started her fairly young.
On the first day (for example) I put her in T/O about four hundred times*.. the next day about three hundred*, the next less etc.
Some behaviour she didn't repeat almost straight away, others took a little more convincing. I think my tone of voice while counting had a lot to do with that. The danger stuff I may have been a little more urgent, so she picked up quite quickly that was a no-no.
On average, I would expect results within a week, maybe two. That's being very consistent.. if you start counting, expect to put them in as soon as you say "three". I think that's the real key. Then they know what to expect straight away.
Does that makes sense?
*actual numbers may be lower :)
Cool thanks i will try it out tomorrow and for a week or so and hopefully i see results real soon he is sending me bonkers
I started using the naughty corner when Matthew was 15-16mths old and I saw results within a couple of days.
just a quick question
at the moment he is in the naughty corner and he is crying........ DO i go and get him when he is crying or do i wait until he has stoped crying??
I know its a stupid question
No, dont leave him till he stops crying, you are supposed to put them there for 1 minute for every year of their life. Ei my DD is nearly 2, so i put her in her bedroom for just under 2 mins. Then, whther she is crying/screaming whatever, after 2 mins, i go in and say, 'come on now, lets be good....now what shall we do?'
To try and distract them. Episode over,don't keep bringing it up.
She usually stops crying the min i let her out of her room/naughty corner.
Ps i use a safety gate across her bedroom so she doesnt feel abandoned.
ok thanks guys well so far today he has only being in the naughty room 3 times which i think is pretty good..
Hey guys... sorry to crash here... Ive got a 12month old... and a cheeky little bugger, and I keep getting frustrated with him.. so maybe I'll give this a go rather than resort to any"damaging" discipline...
...one thought i had though, do you think using a portacot will teach them to associate "bed" with "bad" ...any thoughts?
...also I was thinking that with DS I want to teach him to listen to me "at the first" rather than learning to wait till "3" or "5" as some use.. I see so many kids 'pushing it' by learning to make their parents count and only doing what their told at the last second... apart from the frustration of having to do it continually instead of teaching the child to listen the first time, I also wonder about the safety in it, like if its a dangerous situation they dont realise and you need them to listen straight away, but instead, they have learnt to wait til you count... not attaking at all for this method so in no way be offended!..but I just want to hear opinions on it? Im new to this so all opinions are much appreciated!!
OK, I'll leave it there, sorry for going on!
.one thought i had though, do you think using a portacot will teach them to associate "bed" with "bad" ...any thoughts?
I thought about this, and a friend of mine actually uses her childs cot as timeout. She says that the routine is very different. eg when it's timeout there's no cuddling, no teddy collecting, no song or story, while all those things occur at bed time...
Since I don't use the portacot for her sleeping, I don't have this issue, but it is something you will need to consider if you do.
also I was thinking that with DS I want to teach him to listen to me "at the first" rather than learning to wait till "3" or "5" as some use.. I see so many kids 'pushing it' by learning to make their parents count and only doing what their told at the last second... apart from the frustration of having to do it continually instead of teaching the child to listen the first time, I also wonder about the safety in it, like if its a dangerous situation they dont realise and you need them to listen straight away, but instead, they have learnt to wait til you count... not attaking at all for this method so in no way be offended!..but I just want to hear opinions on it? Im new to this so all opinions are much appreciated!!
Pushing the limits is what kids do, it is up to us parents to keep calm and remain firm where discipline is concerned. However you decide to discipline your child it's all going to go pear shaped if you don't be consistent and firm. That means once you start the routine (eg counting) you must be prepared to finish it and apply the consequences. I cannot stress consistency enough.
I don't believe in saying things like '2 and a half' in the counting. (unless you are going to use it all the time) it's one, two, three - consequence. Each and every time.
I have found this to be most successful.. as I have said earlier in this thread, it takes time, you can't expect them to know what's going on straight away, you have to teach them the limits. They aren't born with that.
Another thing I always do is I don't count from afar. If Miss J gets into a cupboard she is not allowed into, I get up and go to her, get down at her level and count, demonstrating the behavior I would like (eg closing the cupboard). You can't parent from a lounge chair (not that I'm suggesting this is what any of us do, it's just another aspect to think about.)
That's why at first this method can be tiring and a little frustrating, but, in my experience at least, perseverance pays off.
they have learnt to wait til you count
Again, not in my experience. Miss J has learned to change her behavior on the first no, or first count.
There is an interesting article in the Spring 2006 issue of Australian Family, "No More Yelling"
It basically talks about how parents trying to be in control all the time are setting their children up for a lifetime of trying to please others.
The child psychologist quoted says that naughty corners don't work. Here is a quote:
"Rewards and punishments place the adult in control; we decide which child behaviors are appropriate, which behaviors will change and how we will go about changing them. The adults using the the controlled approach is the boss. "
The article goes on to talk about how parents should take a guidance approach, and upon reading some of the 'key phrases' (a term that always smacks of power point presentation to me)
The one thing that struck me about the aricle was that it focussed on emotions rather than actions.
On an emotional level, I can see the validity of this 'guidance parenting' method. On reflection I realised that I say many of the 'key phrases' (shudder) anyway at appropriate times, as would most mums I suspect. This method would be useful for when a child is 'tantruming'.
On a physical level I'm sticking with time out. If she does something potentially dangerous, I'm sorry, but then I *am* the boss, it's my job to keep her safe after all.
Just thought you'd might like to see another method.
I think different things work for different kids, and if you use a few things at once, then it's even better.
I use the naughty cushion and it works well, but I always use words, such as if /then and when/then statements, tons of praise etc.
I think that's the key, angel_kisses, a little bit of all methods, hand picked for your individual child.
Well put Tash, thanks for your input guys, its great to be able to discuss, but either way, I'll never stop worrying, but at the same way, as long as I never stop learing huh! Its just so huge to know that your shaping little people, and what we do know (and from now on) has a direct effect on what sort of big poeple these little poeple turn out to be... back to that old saying, if olny every kid came with an instruction manual! but then whers the fun in that!
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