View Full Version : How do you cope with public meltdowns?
I stupidly took DD 5 the towns weekly markets this morning. Less than 10min in she was starting to come undone. By the time i'd quickly walked through the markets, i decided i need some coke and a kitkat and a trashy mag for my sanity this arvo. At the checkouts at woolies DD is screaming, lashing out etc. Her show flew at the checkout, almost hitting the guy serving us, a man 3 counters down commented it sounded like DD was being murdered, DD is grabbing my magazine almost ripping it to shreads and hit me in the face when i got to close.
Get to the car and it was a hell struggle to get her out of her stroller and into the car seat. People were waiting for the parking space. DD Screams insanly the whole was home and then the usual struggle to get her out of her car seat, into her room and shut the baby gate for chill time.
How do you cope? We're at the point now that i cannot take her out. She's too physically strong :( She's in meltdown mode everytime we leave the house :'(
Awwww honey!! I couldn't read and not give you a big hug!! :hugs:
Sounds really tough, I don't know what I would have done in that situation....
However, I'm sure it's something every mum has been through.. Don't feel alone :cuddle:
I hope someone else has some advice for you! X
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I try to get through it and hope for the bet then come home to s ee if anyone put a thread up about an "out of control school kid " at the hops . :laughing:
But :hugs: to you I hope the afternoon is a nice one for you both.
Can you put her in daycare a couple of days a week so you can shop in peace?
I put my 20 month old in at the start of the month for 2 days a week and shopping is now so, so peaceful...blissful...kidless :goodvibes: LOL.
I know what you mean about their strength too. Taking him out in the stroller isn't really an option since it's frowned upon to duct tape ones child into it...I'm not kidding, we have two strollers and he can easily get out of both and living on a main road, I just don't take him out anymore unless DH is home with the car (I don't drive).
When DD acts like that how do you re-act to her?
:hugs::hugs::hugs: Oh hun i so sorry it is dam hard. I hate them. I just try and block everyone else out and just deal with the child having the meltdown. Which can be really hard as my main one is now 11 and very very strong. She is having meltdown constantly atm and we can't figure out why. We gone from not having in months and months to one or more a day. The has to be some reason. Oh sorry back to your issue's.
Try blocking anyone else out (very hard but so worth it)
Try refocusing before it gets into a full meltdown. (hardly ever works for me but when it does it bliss)
If the comfort hold works, do it. I been know to just sit in the middle of a supermarket floor doing it with everyone just having to go round me.
Other that all I can say is make sue you have somewhere/someone to vent/cry
With my son I take him aside and try to calm him by holding him close. If he lets me do that then I wait till he calms down and try to get him to verbalise if anything is wrong. If that doesn't work I might try a bribe but usually his brain is switched into 'animal mode' so bribes don't work. If need be I speak calmly, let him know we need to take him home, tell him I am going to pick him up and generally wrestle him into the car. I also firmly but calmly remind him that we are no smacking family and it is not ok to hit mum. If I have to I will apologise and dump my groceries on the customer services desk instead of waiting to pay. Then when we get home and he is calm I will ask him what happened and why he was so upset. Sometimes he knows and will tell me, sometimes he says he doesn't know. We have a cuddle and thats the end of it. Not sure if thats any help.
*I also smile and turn a blind eye to the bystanders who feel it is ok to comment or I may say something like 'thanks for your wisdom, its appreciated' ;)
I sit her in the trolley and pretend she isnt mine :o :laughing:
Ive dumped all my shopping and grabbed her in a bear hug and just dragged her back to the car. When my DD gets in a mood there is nothing that can be done until she calms down. She doesnt calm down until she gets home and put into her bedroom. No matter what you do, if she is in a mood, trying to talk to her or calm her or give her something to shut her up just does not work.
I firmly tell her that I do not like her behaviour and that it is not acceptable. I tell her hitting is not ok. I tell her we're going home.
At the start of a melt down I can and do ask her what is wrong (is it too loud, are you scared etc) but 9 times out of 10 she's too worked up to verbalise.
When my big boy used to have his meltdowns, public or otherwise I found the only thing that helped was to pin him in a bearhug and just hug him till he calmed down. Sometimes it'd take 10 mins.. he'd be kicking and screaming and struggling like crazy and the whole time I'd be just going 'shhhh shhhhh, it's okay, shhhhh'. Words were useless but he seemed to respond to the shhh'ing. Eventually he'd wear out and calm down and I'd tell him 'it's all right'.
He was also a breath holder, not out of spite but just part of his meltdowns. Thankfully the doctor told me the worst that could happen is he'd pass out and start breathing on his own again. Very comforting in a frightening kind of way.
He's 22 now and sometimes I still have to hold him through a meltdown :(
I'm not sure if this is a resent thread but I had the same problem with my DS.
As he can't hear when there is any background noise shopping was a pain.
I could not talk to him or find out what was wrong.
After we got a few signs under our belt I hoped it would be better but no the issue.
We tried most things until I was told to give him a job.
"Mummy is shopping why do I have to be here!!!"
So before leaving we would write a list of jobs for him to do while I am shopping. Find out the price of ... What is next to ... on the shelf. How many toilet rolls are in a packet
We made it a game for him and I made the questions around my list so I didn't have to go out of my way and make the trip longer. I had to make a fair few questions for the checkout or it would all melt down again.
This has saved my sanity as I home school and don't get days off or respite care. It is also a game I can use to teach him. Reading, writing, math. He love the calculator now and I never go over budget!!
Oh dear, its hard, sounds as though my DS is going down the same path:(
He is 2 1/2, and yesterday at his speech therapy (he does not talk at all) he got so upset when the therapist tried to teach him "my turn, your turn". My boy was intrigued by a train and carriage, and when the ST had her turn, DS had the most revolting meltdown I'd ever seen in him. He normaly will let out a scream and then cry, and look to me to "rescue" him front he bully who took his toy. THis time he screamed, and screamed and cried and kicked and screamed some more, hit the walls and lashed out. I couldn't believe it.
Then last night I tried washing his hair. I tired the best I could, but half way through rinsing he just didn't want it any more. I couldn't leave the soap on his head so I had to turn the shower on and try to wash it off that way. He hated the water going over his face, which I understand, but I tried to be as quick as I could. He ran at me, through himself on the floor and on me. I tried to hug him till he calmed down, he'd go to give me a cuddle while he was screaming, then he'd push himself off me and look directly into my eyes, with anger. He normally loves cuddles, but he looked at me like I was the devil. He lashed out too, so bad that i had to give him a smack on the leg. What to do. I know its a controversial topic, but I was smacked as a kid, and i always thought that as long as a parent didn't go over board, that it was a reasonable form of discipline. But I hate smacking. Even though my DS is non verbal, he understands No, and I've never had any problems disciplining him. Apart from a few taps on the hand and a stern "No" when he was smaller, I've never had to do more than that. And in the last 10 months, I've not even had to do that. Then this absalute meltdown came along, so what do I do? How can I smack him for being naughty, if the very reason he is being naughty is because he is hitting me?? Hypocritical, isn't it? But how else can I tell him its not right? He doesn't listen, nor can he hear me over his screams, and I can't tell him later, because He has no idea what I am talking about, he just goes on doing his thing. He does not understand words like, "I don't like it when...." or "that's not nice behaviour..." or anything. What to do?
My DS is 5 now so we have things in place for tant time.
But before all of that was there I felt as lost as you sound.
Have you tried baby sign with you little man? It is so simple and it was a life changer for us. It does take around 6 months to see if it is sinking in but the first time he signs back is the best feeling in the world. Like there first word is to most parents.
Apart from that I used the hand squeeze and the smacked hand. DS started smacking me back so that didn't work.:gonnagetit:
I hope you find something that works for you. :hugs::hugs:
August- Yes your right, I can't smack him because then he thinks its alright to hit back, and that's not the message I want to get across! We started using some basic sign language about 6 weeks ago, so hopefully it pays off in the long run...
Just wanted to touch base and see how your going with the signs? Have you had any luck yet?
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Does she have special needs?
My boy has only 1 ear and is being tested for autism. I'm not sure about the other but this is a special needs thread.
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All I can say is :hugs:.
My DS often needs to be physically removed from the situation that has triggered his meltdown. We've had a few at kinder - pick up time so he's had a big day at kinder and is tired. I've had to carry his bag and artwork to the car, come back, get his younger sister into the car, come back and then lift him up whilst trying to undo the child safety latch on the gate, cross the road with him trying to flail out of my arms whilst he screams, then load him into the car whilst he is kicking and screaming and trying to run away. Fun times! :no:
All ASD parents experience them and sensory overload and/or tiredness definitely trigger my DS's. Sometimes we just have to ride them out (which is exhausting but nothing else works) and other times I manage to distract him and avoid them escalating. If you know what triggers them, this is usually the key to sometimes successfully avoiding them (I did say sometimes!)
I personally find that talking is useless as they are in a different "zone" and can't necessarily hear you (even if they don't normally have issues with their hearing). Some kids need to be held tight and cuddled, others hate it. It really depends on the child. My DS sometimes likes to be held but other times wants to bolt. When he is in runaway mode, I have no choice but to physically pick him up and carry him out of harms way.
My priority is always his (and other peoples) safety. He'd run out onto the road if I don't grab him and he sometimes hits out at others, so again, this calls for restraint. I definitely do not hit him because my DS takes this as a sign that its OK to hit and we already have issues with him being physically and verbally aggressive during meltdown so that is a no-no for us.
As for the spectators, simply just ignore them if they aren't being helpful or supportive. I don't know if any of these things work for you, but good luck. I feel for you! :yes:
I have had the kinder meltdown and had to take him out. It was the kinder causing the problem.
I had to hold him kicking and screaming out to the car and let him kick it out on the car door instead of me. That was 4 months ago. He is now at school and I think we are going that way again.
His teacher doesn't know how to engage him.
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Hey guys :) We've seen some improvement in DD, although we tend not to take her out to shopping centres etc often. Just for very short trips. She's getting better at containing herself, and we're a lot better at reading the signs.
Oh and DD is autistic with investigations into add, adhd and odd.
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