Sorry to crash your section Daddys but...

[becandabub]

I have an issue I need some manly (and womanly really!) advice with. My DP is a wonderful wonderful man, with a terrible hoarding issue. He seems to think at any time we could be struck by a complete lack of income and an inability to change our situation, so in preparation for this he must keep anything and everything he's ever owned - as if a bow & arrows will somehow make it possible to pay our rent.

Ok, sarcasm aside, how can I help him to see that filling our garage and our shed and our house with stuff he was once interested in but now has no use for isn't a good idea? He's making progress very very slowly - he'll start to clean out the office but then his neck will hurt and so he stops. I wouldn't mind, but it takes him so long to get started in the first place that getting him restarted is frustrating. I would clean it all myself, but he won't let me make decisions on what can be rehomed, and he won't make the decisions himself either when I ask him so we end up with piles of things out in the hallway for him to go through - which he never does, so it all ends up back in the office.

I do have to admit to being someone who is brutal with possessions - if I haven't had a use for it for a while, I'll give it away. I do need to be more careful because I left my 6-figure salary behind 12 months ago in favour of happiness, so chucking things willy nilly must be controlled. But it's so frustrating to me that he is completely opposite, and we never have any space in our house because of it.

I worry when we have our bub he'll never be able to get rid of the tiny clothes, and when the bub starts moving around I'll be constantly worried about him or her ending up trapped under a scuba diving tank or something.

Please help me!

[rainbow road]

Ahhh he sounds like my dad!

No advice sadly - mum has given him one space (under the house) to keep his stuff where she won't go and he isn't allowed to hoard anything else...

Seriously, if he hadn't married my mum he'd be found dead under a pile of old, unusable computers.

[Daydream Believer]

Have you actually watched that hoarders show? It worked WONDERS for my mum who is exactly how you described... She finally saw her collection of things for what it was and had a giant cull. Only problem is she has to watch it regularly or she starts hoarding again - its kinda like medication... Lol.

Hubby is exactly the same, but thankfully he goes through moments when he can 'see the light' and BOY do I take advantage during those times. :)

[becandabub]

Yep, we've watched hoarders - it makes him say, "See, I'm not THAT bad!!". I try not to be too hard on him as I know if I wasn't so painfully clean & tidy we would have much less of an issue. But I am constantly trying to move past junk, make space for stuff we actually need etc. e.g. I cleared out the nursery & told DP he needed to get his clothes out of the built in in that room, hoping he'd get rid of some he never uses. Instead he moved them to bubs' tallboy.

[Daydream Believer]

Lol - well that's using his noggin.

:) perhaps a sit down 'pow wow' and you guys can compromise? For instance, have you asked him how he plans to profit from the old now and arrow? Or is he keeping it for when the zombies come? :)
Hubby and I have a 'vetoed' list. We can each say 'no' to 5 things and the other cant object (I just try to see it from his perspective, and don't use it on, say, his first pair of cons that he has had since he was 15). Did I make sense?

You sound really logical, funny and above all, like you have the ability to reason :) all very valuable when I try to have a discussion with my hubby. I have found that whenever something is actually important to me, and I tell hubby as much, he is always more receptive.

Can you ply him with beer and/or food? 'hey hun! I made you tacos, let's talk about that office'...

Hope this is helpful - this is all just my own personal tips from my relationship.

[Daydream Believer]

I tried to pm you, but it won't let me? I have a controversial idea LOL :)

[Xanthic]

Is there any way of giving him a cabinet or small room with limited amount of space? Then tell him (in such a way he thinks it was his idea) that he has that space and only that space to use. Call it his "hero space/cabinet/cupboard" to make it sound important. Once his space is used then he has to make space by purging or not storing the "new" item. Get him to agree that anything left out gets thrown out if it's still out after 2 or 3 or 4 days.

It makes him choose what is important to keep/store and since it's "his" decision what to keep you are not seen as the baddy that made him toss things out.

[becandabub]

I tried to pm you, but it won't let me? I have a controversial idea LOL :)

Oh I've turned on PM now!

[becandabub]

Is there any way of giving him a cabinet or small room with limited amount of space? Then tell him (in such a way he thinks it was his idea) that he has that space and only that space to use. Call it his "hero space/cabinet/cupboard" to make it sound important. Once his space is used then he has to make space by purging or not storing the "new" item. Get him to agree that anything left out gets thrown out if it's still out after 2 or 3 or 4 days.

It makes him choose what is important to keep/store and since it's "his" decision what to keep you are not seen as the baddy that made him toss things out.

This would be excellent - if we didn't have an office, shed & garage full of stuff already!! What I need is for him to completely reset in terms of his possessions so he can fit into a small space, then I'm happy for him to fill the whole shed if he needs to - but not spill out over everything else. I dunno how to get to that point with him...

[LoveyDovey]

The thing that stuck out for me with your OP was when you said you are concerned for bubs safety with all that stuff laying around.

I know your DP is already besotted with your unborn so maybe play the safety card and tell him your concerns. How could someone argue with that?

If he sells it all (garage sale, eBay, gumtree) he could put the money in a high interest account "just in case".

It must be so frustrating for you :hugs:

[GluttonForPunishment]

Well, just a suggestion, but you're doing this to clear the space, not to generate cash, correct? So tell him to clear all the old junk through ebay/garage sale etc, and the money generated is his to spend - new TV, fishing trip, etc? But give him a time frame, otherwise you'll get in someone who'll just clear out everything! This way he has two incentives!

It's just a suggestion, but dangle the carrot and the horse might move?!

[becandabub]

The thing that stuck out for me with your OP was when you said you are concerned for bubs safety with all that stuff laying around.

I know your DP is already besotted with your unborn so maybe play the safety card and tell him your concerns. How could someone argue with that?

If he sells it all (garage sale, eBay, gumtree) he could put the money in a high interest account "just in case".

It must be so frustrating for you :hugs:

I don't think he'll see it like that - at the moment he feels like everything has a place and so as long as we keep the baby in it's place too, it will all be fine. What he doesn't understand is how much little fingers get into things and just how hard it's going to be with an excess of stuff to manage every day.


Well, just a suggestion, but you're doing this to clear the space, not to generate cash, correct? So tell him to clear all the old junk through ebay/garage sale etc, and the money generated is his to spend - new TV, fishing trip, etc? But give him a time frame, otherwise you'll get in someone who'll just clear out everything! This way he has two incentives!

It's just a suggestion, but dangle the carrot and the horse might move?!

His problem with selling stuff is that he won't get what he thinks it's worth - and though it has zero value to us, sitting in the garage gathering dust, his view is he'd rather keep it than get nothing for it. I laughed when he said this and he joined me - he sees how irrational it is, but I'm not sure he's in complete control of this part of his mind. He's his father's son - and his dad was born when you didn't have much so you held on to whatever you had.

To his credit, he has given me a stack of out dated computer networking books and said I can give them away, and he's listed his wakeboards on eBay today. My concern is what happens if they don't sell - he won't list things for $1, he lists for what he thinks they're worth which I can understand but his views of what things are worth are sometimes skew. So then we'll be back at But I won't get a decent price for them and I'm not GIVING them away - they're perfectly good!!

Must reiterate - he's an excellent man. :) I'm lucky to have him loving me every day.

[Mattus]

Maybe try selling them for profit, or showing him that there's people worse off that could do with some of the stuff he doesn't use?

I have my SCUBA stuff, golf clubs, and my computer - the rest of it (dare I say all of it including the aforementioned stuff), is mutual property, more or less. You can only use so much in one weekend with the kids around, and it's a shame to see good gear go to waste.

That's why I sold my motorbike. I miss my bike. Should have sold the dive gear...