Heart broken for my boys

[mumtok&z]

We have had issues with SS's behaviour towards my boys for quite some time now. I have had this feeling that his Mum doesn't really encourage him to feel that our family is his family too and that we are important. Well, he was over on the weekend and he wouldn't let DS 1 play in his room. When I asked him if he lets his brother ( at his mum's house) play in his room at his mum's house i got a heart wrenching reply. Here is how the conversation went, I will refer to his brother from his mum's side as X.;
Me: Do you let X play in your room at Mum's house?
SS: Yes but i like him playing in my room because he is my brother.
Me: Umm, Khairi is your brother too, so is Zak. Why do you treat them different?you should treat them the same as X.
SS: I don't love them , they aren't my brothers.

I haven't told Dh about this. I don't really know what to do. All that i know is my kids don't deserve this. He doesn't really have a respect for me either. I don't expect him to call me MUM but i do think that seeing as he comes into my home and i do my best to make him feel welcome here that i do deserve some degree of respect. Why should i allow my kids to be second to his other siblings? As far as i am concerned they are all the same. It is breaking my heart for my boys as i know that things are very unlikely to change, especially as his mum is the way she is.

Can any one give me some advice?

[chezbear]

im sorry i cant help with advice but i feel for you i really do that would be such a tough situation to be in i would suggest talk to your hubby and getting his opinion, and then trying to sort something out because if he has no respect for u it doesnt matter what u do he wont listen but his dad on the other hand he has to listen to. i hope that helps in some way.

[MariaO]

Hi Angie,

I am sure that one of the many wonderful stepmums on this forum will give you advice that is probably much better than mine.. Sorry to hear this is happening, I am sure it is heartbreaking seeing your little boy being rejected so. I think that you have to talk to your husband and tell him exactly what happened. Your SS is only a child too and does not know any better so his Dad will have the best chance of getting through to him.

Best of luck and I hope things improve soon.

[Mum2Bug]

Hey Ange

:hugs: to you from me and Bug. Reading your post just breaks my heart as I know just how wonderful your two beautiful boys are and they don't deserve this from SS, especially as we know that SS is doing this all the time to you. The only thing I can really suggest is that it is time to tell hubby exactly what has been going on lately and ask him what he thinks and where he stands on all this. He has to start understanding and accept that SS's behaviour is affecting your own family unit and you are extremely unhappy with it. You have done everything to make SS welcome in your home and the way SS keeps disrespecting you and the boys has got to stop.

I hope it all works out soon and you know I am always here for you:hugs:

[EskimoMumma]

First of all, big :hugs: to you for having to hear that.

I am not a step mother but my DS is part of a blended family. The only advice i can say to you is that you HAVE to tell your partner about this and get him to talk to the mother about it, and just reinforce to your DSS that you all love him no matter what.

Again, big :hugs: to you. Try and stay calm and remember he is only a child, being sadly manipulated by his mother into truely believing he doesnt love them. I am sorry you are going through this.

[kirstenriley]

Hi, my brother and i had a stepmom (we didnt live with her), i was fine with it but your DSS sounds like my brother. A lot of it was he felt he wasnt being"loyal" to our mum if he liked our stepmum which is a kids way of thinking. You and DH definately need to get the mother involved to help change his attitude towards you and your kids as it might (in our situation it did) just get worse till eventually my brother stopped visiting at all!!!

Good luck:hugs:

[aggero]

First of all, big :hugs: to you for having to hear that.

I am not a step mother but my DS is part of a blended family. The only advice i can say to you is that you HAVE to tell your partner about this and get him to talk to the mother about it, and just reinforce to your DSS that you all love him no matter what.

Again, big :hugs: to you. Try and stay calm and remember he is only a child, being sadly manipulated by his mother into truely believing he doesnt love them. I am sorry you are going through this.

Ditto