View Full Version : Why can't people understand?
Rainbowbrite
26-09-2005, 12:16
Sorry guys, just want to have a whinge, and its quite long. Just had my sister 37 and my neice 12 over for a visit and by the end i was so glad for them to leave. I love my sister, but why can't they respect my wishes & methods of parenting?
All started because MJ was tired when they arrived so I politely said "she's not feeling the best so just give her a little space please." I knew she wasn't feeling the best by the whimpering and lip dropping as soon as they spoke to her. MJ was laying down quite contented on the floor but next thing i know, she's been picked up. MJ started to stress and "whinge" (her word) more so I asked for her to be given to me. My sister then got up and walked away with her :eek: MJ ofcourse got worse but my sister just kept her and was trying to play with her. All MJ wanted was me, if she got me, she would have settled.
When I eventually got her back, and attempted to wrap her, she was screaming :mad: After 5 minutes of screaming, she fell asleep, I put her in the cot, but only for 30mins, not nearly long enough. When she woke crying, I ofcourse went in to give her the dummy before she woke fully which is "wrong." Apparently I SHOULD have let her cry? Not on my watch. I know all to well that if she doesn't go straight back off, she'll start screaming again. After argueing with my sister I went and picked her up for a cuddle so she'd doze again.
Thank god they're gone. MJ is now asleep in a mei tai, but still sighing :( Do you all have the same problem with family telling you that letting bubs get upset is a good thing? MJ's a sensative bub that needs her space & her mum so why can't family respect that?
Sorry for the rant, I hate MJ being upset.
RB
I'm so sorry you had to go through that!
It is hard enough being a parent in this world, without having to cop it from family as well!
I'm kind of lucky that all my family is overseas, but I did go and stay with my mum once, and when she started giving me a bit of a lecture about something, I just said to her, this is the way I do it, and if you don't like it, I'm leaving! She was great after that.
Especially if you are going against the 'mainstream' it can be a bit daunting when people have negative reactions.
Just take some time to think about why you choose to do things the way you do, and you'll feel better.
I think everyone goes through this in onwe way or another, it is par for the course to be told you are doing the wrong thing with your kids, and i don't know if it ever ends, I think we all probably just grow thicker skins over time.
Have a lovely day anyway! :D
I guess I am lucky that although some family members have different parenting ideas we all tend to respect each others right to parent.
I did have one incedent that did upset me though. My DS was 2 weeks old and my brother and SIL were staying at my house for a week, I had to hang clothes on the line so I asked my SIL if she could watch my DS who was sitting in his rocker. I come in from outside to find my son screaming in his rocker and my 2 1/2 yr old daughter trying to comfort him, my SIL was sitting on the lounge and looks up and says his ok. Even a 2 1/yr old knew he nedded comforting!!!
I am always being told by a friend that I spoil my son becouse I get him straight up when he wakes up instead of letting him cry.
Ony you know what is best for your family.
Hugs to you. I hate seeing children's behaviour described in this way. Kids are people too, with big feelings and needs. I'm sorry you and bubs had a crappy time :(
sopolicha
26-09-2005, 13:18
People saying "that baby just needs to cry" is one of my all time, absolute pet hates. Can someone please explain to me why? I am not convinced that a baby needs to cry, I think they cry for a reason.
The old excuse "it is good for the lungs" is an absolute load of bs and if I hear it one more time I could get really cranky. My mil is the worst offender.
But the worst one was just under 3 weeks ago just after DD2 was born I was stuck in recovery after a caesarean, with a midwife and a nurse. DD2 went a bit blue (nose stuck in boob) DH and I were just amazed that she took so well to the boob, that we didn't really notice and the midwife and the nurse were gabbing away. So I pulled her off the boob and she started screaming. I said shush shush, the midwife was up me about letting babies cry and that I did not need to calm my baby. WHY NOT? Not as if being wrenched out of your nice warm home is bad enough, then you are nearly suffocated and your booby is taken away. Maybe I should have posted this in the bad midwives thread.
We have similar experiences with our family.. we have now reduced drastically, the amount of time we spend with them.
It is not healthy for babies to me made to cry it out... I am always shocked by people being so adamant that it is good for them... infants cry for a reason, they need comforting.. it is what we as parents are supposed to be there for.
As difficult as it is.. it sounds like you are doing a wonderful job :) Being available and creating a relationship of trust with your baby will have its rewards.
Oh wow sopoli, that's horrible :( My MIL tried the "it exercises their lungs" crap on me and I said, "Ok I'll open your vein up and give it a little exercise by bleeding..." She never said it again ;)
sopolicha
26-09-2005, 13:42
Ooooohhhhh Janet, nasty but I like it. I would not game to say it to midwife etc who are in control of pain relief etc. I am certain that a remark like that would go way over my mil's head.
I'd complain to the hospital though, sopoli. We know that leaving babies to cry gives them brain damage and is not an evidence based practice so the last place it should be encouraged is in a maternity hospital!
Crazyfamily
28-09-2005, 07:32
I have teenagers and toddlers and when I first became a mum at 19 I had a lot of comments from my now ex husbands family about how I am going to have unruly children and teenagers as I rarely smacked them ( I hate smacking but Im not perfect). The comments came from one person in particular who smacked for everything. now she has two teenagers who are walking all over her and I have two fairly well adjusted fairly well behaved teenagers who usually talk to me instead of getting in trouble. I also allowed them to sleep in my bed when they wanted to and always picked them up when they cried and would even cuddle to sleep if thats what they needed. My kids have been through me and their dad divorceing and with me trusting my instincts every step of the way they are fine. I am so happy wtih the way they are that I am doing the same with my young ones. When I was younger I would get upset about comments made but now I don't care at all. If you feel you are doing it right then continue and try not to allow other peoples opinions to bother you. (easier said than done).
Good luck.
Totally agree with all of you... If my son is upset, I assist him. I know his cries and I know he cries for a reason.. There is no reason to just let them cry.
God it makes me mad when people say that...!!!
Hugs to you all...
Do what you need to do for your child. I wish the world would just stop being SOOO judgemental of mums! No matter what we do, it is never right hey!
But just love the little ones. That's what they need! Oh, and you actually CAN'T spoil a baby... Hugging is not spoiling... What you can do is hug them that they feel loved and protected and supported and when they are older and need help they will (hopefully!!!) turn to you... :))
Cheers all
Natasha'smum
01-10-2005, 15:07
When my dd was little she had severe colic and reflux all she seemed to do was scream and the only way she was comforted was being rocked to sleep. It worked for me and it worked for her so I did not see what it had to do with anyone else, but everyone seemed to be telling me what I was doing was WRONG. Theat I was spoiling her and she would never be able to fall asleep by herself.
MY MCHN even booked me into a sleep school as she felt it was a real problem. I arrived at the sleep school at 9am and until 7:30pm my dd cried and cried they could not get her to sleep and they would not let me in the room to comfort her in the end i called my dh and begged him to come and rescue me which he did. He pushed past the nasty women and picked up our dd and handed her to me were she instantly stopped crying I went home and she fell asleep in my arms and I swore I would never be bullied into anything again. DD was only 3 months old at the time.
I continued to rock her to sleep until at 11 months she no longer wanted to be rocked and wanted to be put in her cot to fall asleep ALONE. NOw she is the perfect sleeper. She has 1 nap in the afternoon for 2 hours and will go down for the night BY HERSELF @ 6:30pm and may wake only once for a quick feed.
It just goes to show that we as mothers to our children know what is best for them and everyone else should just trust in us a little more and follow our wishes to how we want to raise our children. These people have had there turn with mothering or are yet to have there turn
Natashas mum
Rainbowbrite
01-10-2005, 15:35
MY MCHN even booked me into a sleep school as she felt it was a real problem. I arrived at the sleep school at 9am and until 7:30pm my dd cried and cried they could not get her to sleep and they would not let me in the room to comfort her in the end i called my dh and begged him to come and rescue me which he did. He pushed past the nasty women and picked up our dd and handed her to me were she instantly stopped crying I went home and she fell asleep in my arms and I swore I would never be bullied into anything again. DD was only 3 months old at the time.
Hi Natasha's mum, thats so mean. That would kill me. They've also threatened (thats how I took it) to send me to one. Like you i'll put MJ to sleep however she'll go down. Its getting better now so I just go with her flow.
Sometimes she wants to sleep in my arms - great excuse not to do the housework :p Sometimes she wants to be rocked and sushed, so i do it. Othertimes i put her in the cot, she talks to her toys then just drifts off. I'd rather people say that I was spoiling my child than neglecting. I'm learning to cope with the comments. I got another one the other day off an Aunty so I just said "i do what works for me & my baby" and walked away. My mum just smiled and said "she's such a great mum, i'm so proud of how she's raising MJ" :D
Thanks again to all of you great mums :)
RB
j&k'smum
01-10-2005, 21:56
I have found in my experience, it's the people who have made really bad mistakes with parenting, who seem to be throwing stones and judging. I think they find it difficult to see that someone is doing a better job at it than they did/are doing. It is very frustrating having someone tell you where they "think"u are going wrong, most of them should be looking in their own back yard.
It's so hard having someone tell you what you "should" be doing, when it goes against everything inside of you, as that childs mother. Its even more difficult if you havn't got that nature to tell them where to go and for awhile let them dictate to you. Its torturous.
One of the hugest lessons I have learnt with being a parent is to stick up for yourself. And to listen to your gut. When it feels wrong, it is wrong. You know whats best, you know your child. These people walk into your home for 10 minutes and tell you what you "should" be doing, and think THEY know whats best??? hmm. I don't think so. Be strong, be assertive. Stand up and don't take it on. You are the one who carried that child, gave birth to that child, it's your right to decide whats best for that child.
I don't get these people either..or what makes them tick, but always remember, people only treat you how YOU let them!!
:)
My all time favourtite from MIL. I was breastfeeding DS at about 4 months of age. MIL said to me, why don't you give him something decent to eat, milk's not enough!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dir, never did like her advice and obviously NEVER took it. I have heaps more of these stories from the rest of the IL's, but that's the best!
Briannabear
03-10-2005, 18:01
Dont you just love how people try to 'tactfully' give you advice on how you should be parenting differently.
My MIL is sort of critical of me still BF my DD. She has said on a number of occasions that babies who are breastfed beyond 9 months turn sooky. Naturally I smile when she says it and laugh later. I believe that is utter bull!
You just have to hold your head high and trust your instincts as a mum. :)
Briannabear
I totally agree, it takes more guts to stand up for what you believe in than to just follow along and not rock the status quo. We've certainly made our beliefs known to all family, probably why we're not too popular any more, particularly on the smoking thing too. You know "you can't believe everything doctor's tell you, it was alright to smoke around your kids 20 years ago, you turned out alright...". AHHHHHHHHH! I always tell my friends when they get all "that" advice, to just trust in themselves and listen to that "inner voice" and everything will be ok.
Rainbowbrite
04-10-2005, 14:03
My all time favourtite from MIL. I was breastfeeding DS at about 4 months of age. MIL said to me, why don't you give him something decent to eat, milk's not enough!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Dir, never did like her advice and obviously NEVER took it. I have heaps more of these stories from the rest of the IL's, but that's the best!
I get that ALL THE TIME :mad: The "she's 4 months old, she 'NEEDS' food?" I've even been told "if you feed her she'll sleep more" - she's slept through since 2 months pretty much. I get it from the in-laws, my sisters, my SIL's, my Dad and his wife. I just smile now and talk to MJ. Atleast she has something interesting to say :p
The joys we face :rolleyes:
RB
"They" come out with some pearlers, don't they - "if you don't smack your kids, they will never learn right from wrong." Yarda, yarda, yarda. "You have to toilet train them or they'll be in nappies when they go to school!". Crock, crock, crock...
LOL Maghan. You're so right :D How about this one "If I hadn't taught her to walk she'd still be crawling!" ROFLMAO
JanetF, my turn to LOL! Do you think "they" truly believe what they say? Some of our in-laws wont talk to us anymore because we don't take their advice! Ah, what they hell. I'll start smacking, smoking, getting the kid's babysat every weekend so I can go have some special time with my hubbie (but sit there and play the pokies really), sleep alone, give up breastfeeding and while I'm at it start chucking some Phenergan down their gobs before we travel (just in case)!
Where is the "rolling on the floor clutching my sides" emoticon??? Can I just add, I'll start purchasing formula (trying several different ones because of allergy issues suddenly cropping up...) and bottles plus sterilising equipment, mixing up bottles, washing, sterilising bottles, running out for formula at midnight on a Sunday after I accidentally drop it on the floor, getting out of bed in the night to soothe a baby I can't feed because they've had enough bottles, or heating bottles while my baby gets more hysterical waiting for me BECAUSE IT'S MORE CONVENIENT THAN STICKING THE BABY ON THE BOOB. Ah yes, logic strikes again! :D
the_queen
04-10-2005, 20:40
Where is the "rolling on the floor clutching my sides" emoticon??? Can I just add, I'll start purchasing formula (trying several different ones because of allergy issues suddenly cropping up...) and bottles plus sterilising equipment, mixing up bottles, washing, sterilising bottles, running out for formula at midnight on a Sunday after I accidentally drop it on the floor, getting out of bed in the night to soothe a baby I can't feed because they've had enough bottles, or heating bottles while my baby gets more hysterical waiting for me BECAUSE IT'S MORE CONVENIENT THAN STICKING THE BABY ON THE BOOB. Ah yes, logic strikes again! :D
:D :D
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA yes where is that emoticon...!!!
I stopped arguing with them all, stopped trying to educate them, and just started saying "hmm yeah thanks I'll keep that in mind" and then they'd add another pearl of wisdom, to which I would repeat "hmm yeah thanks I'll keep that in mind" and eventually they'd say "are you fobbing me off?" and I'd say "hmm yeah thanks I'll keep that in mind". Some days I said it so often that my DH would come home and say "what's for dinner?" and I'd say "hmm yeah thanks I'll keep that in mind".............. I think the proof is in the pudding - I've got a friend who claims that her doctor told her it would be more stressful for her to give up smoking, while pregnant, so therefore she should just continue smoking!!! She says "never did mine any harm" and I say "hmm yeah how's her asthma and learning disability going? And does she still have that same persistent chest infection that she's had since May?" .........
You know, I love my son (4mth) more than anything in the world. I dont pick him up when he is upset for his sake , I pick him up for mine. My world is a worse place when he is upset, I am sure babies forget things quickly but we dont. My husband is the same, why let your baby cry, for what good?
I agree with earlier threads, you cant spoil babies! If you can then I am guilty as charged.
Good luck to all of you good mums and dads.
bubbabelly
06-10-2005, 09:45
Hey there...
My son is 16 weeks old on Saturday adn everyone has an opinion about my mothering!
Does anyone else get told "YOU ARE MAKING A ROD FOR YOUR BACK"
I swear i have heard thats sooo many times!
My son has a sling that i carry him around in. To get him off to sleep i put him in his sling and tap him bum softly (it reminds him of my heart beat and the sling resembles the womb!) He has been in there since birth and it is very comforting for him! I am the one walking him all the time yet everyone else seems to have a problem with it!
I also chose not to get my son imunised because of various reasons but everyone has an opinion about that too!
Im glad to read that im alone! My son has NEVER cried himself to sleep and hardly ever cries! If he cries i no there is something wrong!
I am also a single mum and my sons sleeps in bed with me! He has ever since we were in hospital but everyone tells me about how i will never get him out! "He will be 8 and still in my bed!" they say. I dont think thats entirely true but i wish they would all just butt out!!!
Thanks for listening to me winge lol.....
Bubba Belly
Hollie (me) 17
Hunter (son) 15 weeks
Hi Hollie :D What a lovely mama you are! And what a happy bub you'll have :)
So what if you bubba's in your bed until their 8. I can guarantee by the time their 18 they'll want to be someone else's bed anyway! People and their opinions, just that. THEIR OPINIONS, not yours. People are entitled to their opinion, but I will not substitute it for my own. Actually thinking about it now, my train of thought is probably why I'm not popular with the in-laws! Why can't they just bite their tongue and not get so worked up with what other people do? You'd think that some how the way we parent directly effects them, maybe it makes them feel guilty...
sopolicha
06-10-2005, 18:16
"You will make a rod for your own back" is my own mum's favourite saying, and after my third child. I just tell her that is it my back and look how happy my other two babies are, who were never left to cry etc.
Another one is the old chestnut "She needs to cry" I asked her what for and all she could come back with was "babies just need to cry" I asked her why and all she could come back with was "they just need to cry". I then took my crying baby of her!!
And good for you Hollie.
Sopoli, here's a theory, might be going out on a limb here. But maybe they need to cry... to tell you there's something wrong, because that is their only form of communication, because they haven't worked out yet that they are not the only person in the universe and they don't quite get that they are not still part of you. Wonder if I could market that theory!
I like the-queen's answer to all those gems: "Hmmm, yeah thanks, I'll keep that it mind." Don't forget to try a half interested look and stupid smile to go with that line...
Crying is actually part of healthy lung development.
My sister used to give me that one too. My kid's rarely cry, but hell when they have a tantrum, I know their lungs are ok! I'm thinking not smoking around them would also help their lungs...
sopolicha
07-10-2005, 17:58
Crying is actually part of healthy lung development.
I know what a hungry cry sounds like, and a tired cry and a lonely cry, but I wonder a what an excerising my lungs cry sounds like :p
Hmmm, "I am exercising my lungs cry". I must say I haven't heard that one from my kids either. I musn't be tuned into them. All these years I thought I was being a good parent and really I was depriving them of exercise! Now it all makes sense...
Crying is actually part of healthy lung development.
So is bleeding part of healthy vein development? Show us the studies, please :D Does crying to the point of vomiting from the stress and trauma of CC mean the child is super well exercised? How on earth has my son managed to grow up into a healthy child without being left to cry?! :rolleyes:
I think the only thing that happens to a child when it is left to cry repeatedly, without anyone helping them is a reactive attachment disorder, certainly no benefit, physically or emotionally.
I got a new one today too... DD is nearly 3 and was not blessed with fast growing hair! Apparently if you shave it off, it will make it grow faster!
Cooper and Matilda have always been picked up when upset, slept in my bed when they wanted etc and you know what? they have slept thriugh the nigh 98% of the time from a very young age, they feel secure knowing that mummy is there if they need her so they are not anxious or upset.
Sarie that is an old wives tale, their is no medical evidence to back that up, if you dont have babies to love, nurture and just breathe in and enjoy their deliciousness, then why do you have them? it seems a very cold, lazy point of view, your baby cries because it is trying to tell you something, how about getting in tune with what those cries mean rather than just ignoring them, yes they might want heaps of cuddles HELLO they are babies, they are creatures of instinct, and by nature they want to be held, alot for protection and security, i feel sad for your little ones, all alone in the night sobbing for mummy, wondering where you are....
Hollie you sound like a wonderful mummy! so refreshing to hear a young single mum enjoying her baby and not being influenced by well meaning but misguided relatives, good on you! :)
sopolicha
11-10-2005, 07:43
Awhh Erin, that is so right, I could not agree with you any more. I even want to pick up other people's kids in the shopping centre that are crying, especially the grotty looking ones. And this is from someone who never liked kids before she had her own.
I am now trying to talk my huband into moving the cot into our room, when the bub outgrows the bassinette. She is my last baby and I just want to hang onto it for as long as I can.
lol Sopoli, you sound just like me, i feel like scooping them up and telling their parents that i 'll take them home with me and i'll look after them, whats one more? :)
I can so relate to that. I was working at the baby expo on the weekend and so many parents push the baby around crying in the pram from tiny newborns to big toddlers. I found it really hard to watch and hear babies crying and being ignored. What's the biggie? Pick the baby up, people, stick it on the boob! It's not rocket surgery, Kimmy!
I hate seeing babies crying in prams with parents indignantly walking around shops ignoring them. And you just know it's right on sleep time/feed time for them. It isn't rocket science on how to settle them, why are people so selfish? Kid's no.1! If you can't make them no.1 DON'T have them...
Rainbowbrite
11-10-2005, 15:59
I'm the same, if another baby cries I feel sorry for them & end up picking MJ up & hugging her :) I pick her up when she gets grumpy in the pram, its usually because she wants to see more :p
RB
You can usually pick the parents who are in tune with their kids. They are the ones carrying a baby/child and pushing an empty pram!
Benandrewsmum
11-10-2005, 17:58
I had the pleasure of my MIL staying with us on the week-end....she has this terrible habit of talking to me through my 5 month old....
....for example....Ben was letting me know that he was ready for a sleep (all the signs were there). MIL was holding him, so I politely said..."OK Ben say goodnight to nanna, it's your sleep time". So MIL says....."oh, that is nasty making you have a sleep Ben, you don't want to sleep do you....Nanna is here, you don't want mummy to make you go to yucky bed."
Oh My God.....I nearly died. In this house sleep is something to be adored!! We love it and have already taught Ben that sleep is great....I don't know if she just doesn't realise what is coming out of her mouth or is she is deliberately trying to undermine us??
Who knows.....for some reason I didn't say anything to her....but next time (and there will be a next time...I am sure), I really need to say something diplomatically! Or maybe not so diplomatically!!
lol Maghan, that has been me many a time!, i do however often end up finding the pram useful for putting my shopping bags in!
All I can say is THANK GOD for this thread (well, this whole section really)!!!! I was starting to think maybe I really was a raving lunatic for sharing some of these views. I can't believe I can actually say to someone 'Research shows...' and you get the response "oh, yeah.. but you've gotta wonder about that research. After all, in my grandmother's day.... blah blah".. :confused:
Come May next year when my lovely baby enters the world, I will know where to come for some friendly support because I already know I'm going to have some challenging conversations with my MIL. I'm wondering if I should start to educate her now while I'm pregnant. Any advice on that?
JanetF, I loved your post about bottles being 'more convenient' than than the boob. What the?!!! :D
sopolicha
12-10-2005, 09:40
cosmic,
my advice about educating the mil is don't bother, it is your baby, and it sounds like you have made your mind up how you want things done. ithink the queen said it in an ealier post "hmm yeah thanks I'll keep that in mind" i just ignore both my mum and my mil, i am sure they know this but it doesn't stop them.
Funnily enough my MIL called today. I've got her onto the cloth nappy idea (might get her to make some linings or something... she loves to feel useful!) so she called to say she's made calls and is getting samples, God bless her. :)
Anyway, I happened to mention a few things about breastfeeding. She didn't b/f either child because she "couldn't".. she actually later clarified that it was more that she "couldn't.... stand the thought of it! :eek:" so I started telling her all these "new interesting things I'm learning" as if this is all new to me.. and she loved it!! She was so fascinated about "how much more we know these days" and now she's going to go and pass it on to all these other new mums or mums-to-be she knows! Her hairdresser is about to cop an earful about the benefits of BF I'm sure! :D
So maybe if I keep edging it in to conversations, it won't be so bad. Though I'm not sure I'll have such an easy time with the anti-CC thing... I'm sure she'll be of the opinion that a good cry never hurt a baby. I will give it a whirl and see what she thinks. And if all else fails I've always got 'hmmm... thanks I'll keep that in mind!' in my arsenal!
our little treasures
15-10-2005, 23:34
I'm the same hubby and I are always carrying the baby I think its so much easier to calm a babe if you pick them up and love them!! There is far too much you shouldnt do this you shouldnt do that!! O h and I also hate the I couldn't breastfeed as well.. Then the same people tell you how you should and shouldnt breast feed.. ggggggggggrrrrrrrrrr :mad:
I never tell anyone how to feed with a bottle because I have never done it!! Oh and once my mil and sil bothy bottle fed that I shouldn't eat chocolae and all sorts of things well when I found an article I took it to mil and showed her how it was just a myth!!!
That stopped her for a while!!
This thread has been such a great read! Hope you and MJ are feeling better now, Rainbowbrite!
What great comments everyone has made - I must admit I did actually LOL at many :D ... but I am a bit confused now ... was I meant to laugh - or maybe cry!! - at this ..
Crying is actually part of healthy lung development.
Just hoping it was put in for a laugh too!!
:)
Here's a new one from FIL and SIL, I'm still shaking I'm so angry. Apparently my son's congenital language and speech disorder is actually a developmental disorder because we don't make him eat dinner every night!
Oh Maghan!
:confused:
Nothing to say to that really :( ..... except {{{{hugs}}}} to you.
OMG that make me so angry! I knew we should never have told them about DS's disorder, somehow I knew they'd twist into something we had done wrong. AHHHHHH! I'm still steaming, thank you for the hug Mimi.
Maghan I'm so sorry :( How thoughtless and judgemental. Big hugs to you and your little ones! *uhgs*
JanetF, you too are super. Thank you for the vent girls, I've stopped shaking now, I'm very calm, breathe in, breathe out, breathe in...
our little treasures
20-10-2005, 10:48
Oh Maghan tell you fil and sil to @#$#@^^^$%@$%#^ and more!!! Your child isnot stupid they tell you when they are hungry!!! Do what you want and ignore them what a horrible nasty thing to say even if you thought this they shouldn't repeat it!! As most parents will assume anything wrong with child is there fault anyway!!!! Oh and FIL knows this how ..... I bet he wasn't there for his kids while they grew up. Sil what kind of children does she have!!!!!!!!!!
SORRY But gosh that makes me mad GGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
Foxymoron
20-10-2005, 11:53
Maghan, OMFG! You poor thing. Ask them where they got their degree in Medicine. My son has autism, nothing to do with what he is fed. He has always eaten well and had plenty of breastmilk. I fail to see the connection... I'm currently studying Naturopathy, and we learn all the underpining western sciences of the body, physiology disease process, pharmacology, biochemistry as well as natural therapies.
I can tell you for a fact that LUNGS DON'T NEED EXRCISE!! they are not a muscular tissue. Crying at BIRTH is a good way to establish respiration, but once it's established all you need is ATMOSPHERIC PRESSURE, which mother nature takes care of, to regulate breathing. The membranes of the lung are for gaseous exchange, and they don't need to exercise!! How do you exercise microscopic alveoli?
I always tell people who give me unwanted advice that babies use instincts as their compass and only cry as a means of getting their needs met. They need to be close to mother.. Would you expect a lion club to sit passively if it could no longer see or smell mother close by? Babies do not know they are living in the modern world and that mama is just in the next room and everything is fine! They assume, as any baby animal would that they are in danger. If you keep them close, sleep with them and feed them when they need it you'll not hear much from them.
What irks me the most is people who come out with these stupid things that are heard second hand and not investigated or proven.. I can back up my arguements with plenty of science, and plenty of knowledge... If you don't like my parenting style, that's ok :D but don't insult me by telling me how I ****should***** do it....
The proof is in the pudding- given time, they'll shut up.
I can tell you for a fact that LUNGS DON'T NEED EXRCISE!! they are not a muscular tissue. ...
What irks me the most is people who come out with these stupid things that are heard second hand and not investigated or proven...
The proof is in the pudding- given time, they'll shut up.
Oh VERY well said Keara!!!
*clap* *clap**clap**clap**clap**clap**clap* *cheer**clap**clap**clap*
I am hoping and waiting for that time - when 'they' all understand:D
Mimi and Keara
You must have met my in-laws somewhere along the track. Spot on! I'm a bit stressed out, FIL is staying for a few days before flying out overseas. I've already told DH that I'm going to say my piece. I am so sick of all this crap and am really sick of hearing all of this stuff second hand. They only ever say this sort of idiotic stuff to my DH, not me. Perhaps they know I will shoot down any of their ridiculous theories, well in fact they know I will shoot them down. It's like they say this stuff to DH to try and undermine us, just in case he can't think for himself and I am telling him how to think - a stepford husband!
The way I figure it, I let them live their lives, I don't condemn them publicly for how they parent or parented in the past. I never said to SIL when she thought bottle feeding was easier than breastfeeding what I really thought, nor when she smoked during pregnancy or force-fed her children that last mouth full of food on their dinner plate... And FIL, he makes my four year old DS shake his hand, because "he's too big to kiss another man". Does anyone see a pattern?
Sorry for the rant, again!
OMG, Maghan! Your FIL DOES have some problems doesn't he ... perhaps passed them on to SIL too ??!! ;)
Say your piece if you feel the need - You go get 'em, girl! - because it will only cause you to stew over it for longer if you don't!
How are you staying sane with hiim in the house???? I think you must be a stronger person than me!!! :D
My sister has some similar issues with her inlaws - and she is often putting them straight! but she remains calm [could I do that?? I think not!] and states her case, with facts and statisitcs. Luckily MIL is a bit more receptive than FIL and she gets a few 'educational' snippets to read, from time to time, from my sis! LOL
AND her SIL has decided to breastfeed her last baby because of my sister's 'example' [and now wishes she had done it for the others!!]. So there IS a chance 'they' can be saved :D
Calming vibes to you!!
Oh and, if it makes you feel better, rant all you like here!!! :)
Yippee Keara! You rock :D
Hi there
Well we've had a couple of days with FIL at home before he flew out to the US. Ahhhh! Not only did we come home from doing the school run yesterday to find him having a beer with the neighbour he knows we had a falling out with, but last night I walked past the kitchen and he had his hand up in a smacking motion to DNi (darling niece). The evil death stare I gave him was enough. How dare he. He sees these kid's once every 3-6 months, and he thinks it is his place to smack them. I've got a brilliant idea, why doesn't he play with them or read them a book, rather than, "Grandad's just going to sit down and watch some tellie".
Then to top it all off SIL (who has been told to stay out of our lives because of her destructive behaviour) rings to say hello to him. She was so sweet as pie to me, like she'd never done anything wrong. My DH is just so upset with it all. He said, he thought out of everyone he could trust his Dad, now he doesn't even have that.
On a nice note though, a girlfriend was over and DNe (darling nephew) was being quite rude to her so she pulled him aside and had a chat to him about his behaviour. I think it was nice for FIL to see how other people also deal with the kids. My friend actually complemented me on how well behaved the kids were (bearing in mind there are six of them, and they do get excited when we have visitors!). She said that she didn't think she could control her two, as well as we could control the six.
I just hope that we are instilling some nice things in our kids, so that they can have a good relationship with each other and us when they are adults.
I just hope that we are instilling some nice things in our kids, so that they can have a good relationship with each other and us when they are adults. Ahhhh Yes - we are hoping the same thing!! :) and hoping that we will be NOTHING like some of the grandparents/in-laws we see or hear about !! LOL :D
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.1.9 Copyright © 2012 vBulletin Solutions, Inc. All rights reserved.