View Full Version : When did you feel ready to try again?
After a birth trauma (for me, but it seems so insignificant when i read anothers posts in here), I'm finding despite all the odds I do feel a little clucky.
The thought of being pregnant again terrifies me honestly, what if labour goes horribly again, what if something happens to my baby, what if something happens to me, can I cope with another baby, what if I have trouble breast feeding again....all these what if's.......but I just dont know what to feel.....
I was wondering if you have had another baby after a traumatic birth, and how long it took you to be ready for it?
I just wanted to bump this up into "new posts" because I am curious too! My birth experience wasn't fantastic, but I've found myself lately thinking about a second bub. I have to go back to work for a bit first, but if it weren't for that, I think I'd be TTC by Christmas. The way I figure, the birth may be awful, but it's such a short time out of my life (hopefully under 20 hours!).
i to felt the same way...i said i am NEVER going to do this again. had a horrible VB and dd was my first and last child. but i went back for more... 7 years later mind you. i know people say that once you have the baby in your arms you forget about the pain... well didnt happen for me... i will not forget how painful it was. but i moved on.... dont know how... just with time i think. i was still terrified when i had ds (c/s) and you know what ..... i am NEVER doing this again ;)
I am pretty sure you know my birth story, if not go read it :p
Both of us after E was born were to darn scared to ever think about having any more children ever, then I had a de-briefing at the hospital and spoke to everyone and was told I was fine to start trying when I was ready so I think E was around 12 weeks when we said OK we'll let nature take it's course, so we were only ready when all the mental fear was taken away, so perhaps go talk to someone about it or have a good idea of what will happen next time, I even have a better care plan to follow the DR's at my hospital were great that way!
When my DD was first born I was really keen to have another. I honestly don't know why, but I was. Five months down the track and I can't see it happening. Even though I would say I have been affected by what happened at her birth I don't think it would make a difference to whether or not I would have more. The thought of lying there and having another caesarean makes me sick to my stomach but the reward is so much worth it.
I would also do all that I could to avoid having another caesarean. If I ended up with previa again I would probably seek some couselling of some kind because I know if I had to have one now I would have to have a general as I couldn't handle it emotionally. I really would hate to miss the birth of my baby.
Anyway enough rambling, in the end the trauma wouldn't really make the decision for me but there would be a significant emotional impact on the experience.
It took me 10 years to be brave enough to do it again.
Ok well obviously i havent had another yet but we are officially trying again.
Ive always wanted more bubs but to be honest i was totally freaked by it all & never wanted to do it again.
Yes i spoke of wanting another etc etc but when the reality kicked in i went into panic mode as did DP !
When i finally started talking about it for real even my mother nearly fell over & had a heart attack. She was soooo sure that after the hyperemesis through the pg i was put off but then the birth was so horrible even for her to witness she thought yep this is it no more kids for her !
The fact is though i love Boof so much that i want more !
I could adopt or foster ( i plan to foster in a few years time ) but i want at least another of my own. I helped make this beautiful little man & well how can i resist another !!!!!
Im getting all my records from the birth etc so im prepared & ive been speaking with my psych which helps. DP & i have spoken more about it etc & he has even done a 360 in that he is willing to help me through another VB if its possible. We are even looking at hiring a private middie to make sure i can labour at home for as long as possible without fearing both mine & bubs safety.
I think talking about it goes a long way in the healing process to be honest its like letting it out allows the wounds to heal.
If you need to talk im always here you know that :hugs:
I had a traumatic labour with my DS and we are TTC#2. After DS's birth I said I was NEVER having another one and truely thought I never would. By the time DS was about 6 months old I was thinking maybe.... Now that he is 14 months old I am really excited at the idea of having another baby.
I am also very scared!! I have the same worries as you Kat...I dont want a repeat of the labour I have had, I wonder how I will cope with 2, I wonder how DS will cope, I remember the sleepless nights etc but I still want another child.
My way of thinking is that I know what to expect now, I am educating myself on how to avoid a repeat performance and I will have a plan B this time. I keep thinking of what Christmas will be like in 20 odd years time when my children and maybe even their children come home to me! That will make it SOOOOO worth it all!! Not to mention all the wonderful times between now and then!
Goodluck making your choice, it is really difficult but when your ready you'll just know! :thumbsup:
I had severe birth trauma.
I am pregnant again now.
The thought of natural labour makes me cringe. I am absolutley petrified.
I have elected to have a cesar, but my OB really really wants me to try for a natural birth again.
I am so scared. I think its very normal to feel scared after birth trauma.
It took me 4 years to have another baby after a traumatic emergency c-section with complications and a baby that ended up in special care. Next time around, I paid for private health insurance, went to natural birth classes (outside of the hospital) and found an Ob who would support me to have the birth I WANTED.
I had a fantastic (still painful and a bit scary) birth. It was a normal vaginal birth with no intervention. It just happened. My body knew what to do.
My daughter's birth renewed my faith in my body. I didn't feel I was a failure anymore!
My third child is due in 5 weeks and I'm still a bit scared but there's no turning back now!
Best wishes to everyone who's had a bad experience. Good luck the next time!
We have decided to start keeping our baby things now. 6 months ago, we were definately NEVER having another child.
We still havent decided for sure, but we thought it might be a good idea to keep some of the more expensive things and the really nice clothes, we think maybe by the time Oliver is a year old we might start trying again.
Since starting antidepressants I have started feeling so much better about having another child. So we will see.....
I'm even starting to feel excited about TTC and being pregnant again....LOL Struggling to remember the bad stuff of pregnancy.
Although sometimes I feel like it would be cheating Oliver to share us with another child, then I swing to thinking how special it would be to share a pregnancy with him, letting him touch the belly and feel a baby kicking, letting him cuddle a new born...ect....
I wouldnt consider my birth story to be easy, enjoyable or something I wish to repeat...and during the first few weeks of DS's life I said "never again" or "Im having an epidural straight away next time" (LOL, as if!).
However...I am totally clucky again already! I cannot wait to be pregnant again as I loved every minute (Ok, with a few exceptions), and being an eternal optimist, I am convinced I will get my not-to-long, not-posterior, drug-free birth next time...
Perhaps when I do fall pregnat again, and I am faced with the reality, the nerves will set in....
Please don't EVER say your trauma was insignificant compared to others! Yes, someones physical trauma may be worse than yours, but only WE can possibly know the extent of the emotional trauma...
I suffered a great deal of trauma after the birth of my first DD. I had nightmares etc... basically felt sick whenever I thought about it.
Anyway, when DD was 1 year old, we thought we were ready for another bub. I just pushed all the bad thoughts to the back of my mind and thought I'll deal with birth etc... when I come to it.
Well the SECOND I found out I was pregnant it all cam flooding back to me. As a result I spent the 9 months of pregnancy extremely stressed, anxious etc... it was the worst 9 months of my life.
Well, the birth came round... went fantastically :thumbsup: Totally different experience from the first time around. But the the trauma from the first time really got in the way - and stopped me from experiencing the happiness & joy etc... I feel that I should have felt.
I am STILL (2.5 yrs on) suffering trauma from the first time, and have only just began to get some help for it.
I have on piece of advice... please speak to someone about it (if you haven't already)....get some couselling and support - don't let your first experience werck you next like mine did :(
My pregnancy with DS4 was a bit of a surprise, but my DH and I were being a bit open-minded about the possibility. We werent trying on purpose, and leaving it to the universe, iykwim.
I had been depressed whilst on the pill, I think I felt depressed that control over my birthing options had been taken over by outside forces (previous c/secs, DH not wanting too many kids) and I felt a bit like I was in a battle with my body (it seems my DH only has to tap me on the head and I fall pregnant, I am that fertile). I came off the pill, and a weight lifted, like I could just be me. But still, I didnt want to think of the ramifications if I became pregnant. I just ignored it.
As soon as I got pregnant though, it hit me like a mack truck. Full blown ptsd and S.A.D. I totally freaked about the upcoming birth, and didnt know I had any options. I felt totally powerless, that I was going to have no other choice other than lie back and just let what needed to be done done, unceremoniously and without dignity. I just hid away from the world at the prospect, literally. Couldnt answer the phone, couldnt get out of bed, couldnt look anyone in the eye. I was an empty shell. I felt so sick at the thought of the upcoming birth.
For the sake of my kids and marriage, I sought out a pyscologist, and it was the best thing I ever did. I began cognitive therapy in regards to my S.A.D. and anxiety in general. I then got the courage to attend Birthrites (birth trauma group for women who have had c/secs), and again, the next thing I did which was a life saver.
I still havent really dealt with the birth trauma of my DS3's birth, as when I got pregnant with DS4 I just had to throw all focus on his birth, and really had to train my mind with affirmations that each birth is unique and that this birth wasnt going to turn out like any of the others. I was so dependant on my midwife and the girls at Birthrites, and tried to avoid all negative imput, and just bathed myself in their positive words and encouragment.
Another thing I di, through the help of my vbac classes (this can work for anyone after a traumatic birth experience, not just women planning a vbac) is write up 2 lists of 'what went well' and 'what went not so well'. Write up a future birth plan putting on it what you want repeated, and what you want avoided, by looking at the 2 lists. Start researching on how to improve your birthing experience. I constructed my the birth of my DS4 along these lines. (If anyone wants info on books etc I read to gain inspiration for a positive birth, please pm me.)
I was hindered psycologically during the labour with DS4, but had prepared for months beforehand with positive birth affirmations and visualisations, which I totally brainwashed myself with, and I listened to hypnobirthing cds - one of which was a meditation for letting go of past birth trauma. So when my traumatic memories reared their ugly head during labour, I would draw upon the affirmations and these affirmations got me through beautifully. I look back on my recent birth and get positive goosebumps over the joy and happiness I feel.
I dont think you will ever fully get over a past birth trauma, and from my experience, you neednt let it effect future births if you put in the work and devotion to creating a positive and better birth experience next time.
I still have tonnes of issues surrounding my DS3's birth, I mean, I cant even write up his birth story yet, it is so painful. But this traumatic birth experience wasnt going to stop me from having a great birth with DS4.
So, do your homework, and you can be on your way to better births with future children....I hope this gives a ray of hope to a few of you out there....:hugs:
I was like you...totally worried and confused about what would happen with my next pg/birth/bfing etc etc
I had a terrible pg with my first, a traumatic birth, hated bfing, suffered PND in silence for along time......:ecomcity:
I am now half way through my second pg and am in heaven, this pg is totally different to my last
I feel wonderful and am very positive about the birth/bfing etc and coping with another bub
Even though this bub was a bit of an accidental conception lol I guess I felt ready once my son (who is now 2.4mths) was more managable (as he had alot of allergies and bad reflux so was a horrid baby lol)
So once he got older and was able to communicate with us i felt more in control and capable of having another bub.
I wish you luck recovering from your TBirth:hugs:
And send you positive vibes for your next pg/birth/bfing experience whenever that may be:kiss:
I feel ready, emotionally, to try again now (DP isn't though, so we're not TTC).
I think that I had to overcome some of my feelings about my c-sec before I could get to this point...and I'm not saying I'm fully 'over it' (I don't expect that I ever will be), but I can see a light at the end of the tunnel. For me, that comes in the shape of the possibility of VBAC.
I hold on to that, encourage myself that I can, and will, have a successful VBAC. I tell myself that I know my body like nobody else, and that I trust my ability to deliver my baby how I was designed to. That's what I cling to - those thoughts and goals... they help me.
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