View Full Version : So is he still breastfed???
Buddha Bubbas
03-10-2006, 00:11
if i get this question one more time i am going to strangle someone.
:mad:
What gives anyone the right to ask me HOW i am feeding my baby.
Complete strangers will ask me in shopping centres "So are you breastfeeding?" .... "No, i prefer to give him a chocloate thickshake, is that ok with you?" WTF?
what concern is it of yours, does it make me a better mother if i breastfeed? does it make a difference if i choose to formula feed or maybe i just CANT breastfed...do you use tampons or pads?
its a personal thing so stop friggin asking! :banghead:
reAllytee
03-10-2006, 00:16
People always have to butt their noses in :hugs:
the_queen
03-10-2006, 00:21
I get asked this question, and it sh!ts me for a different reason - people ask am I still breastfeeding and then when I say yes, they ask me when he's going on the bottle.
What annoys me more is when people can't even bring themselves to say "breast" :laughing: they'll ask "are you still feeding him?" and I so just want to say "no, i think he's old enough to order a pizza for himself" :D
reAllytee
03-10-2006, 00:33
Yes what is it with people never being happy one way or the other & also being offended at the idea of saying "breast"..... Seriously !
I love when people react to words like this in public because i then make sure i use them repeatedly but then im evil like that :devil6: :p
I agree, people often ask me this "so you still feeding her?" I say no I stopped, I think she get's hungry but what can I do :D
Wow.. I've never been asked that at all! Maybe I don't look very approachable. :o
I did get asked last week (by someone I'd just met - a friend's elderly mother), after I explained that I was expressing because of milk supply problems "have you thought about weaning?" and I simply said 'No I haven't' and smiled.
Duchessa
03-10-2006, 06:58
To be honest that question never bothered me that much - I didn't find it personal. Maybe it was because I was completely comfortable with where they were at? Dunno... "Double trouble" was - sorry - IS the only comment that ****s me :)
lukaelmo
03-10-2006, 07:09
I love when people react to words like this in public because i then make sure i use them repeatedly but then im evil like that :devil6: :p
Ooo I adore you Ally!
I was asked a lot if I was "feeding" the dude too... nah, why do you think he's so little?
Oh this really gets on my nerve:mad:
When my kids were babies I would get asked this offten and I hated that I felt I needed to explain why I was bottle feeding.
I was so anoyed at a "friend" of mine the other day when she asked a mutral friend if she was still "feeding" her baby when she already knew she was bottle feeding. She then said to me later that the mother was really fat and it must be because she didn't BF:mad:
alanasmum
03-10-2006, 09:32
I don't think that everyone who asks whether you are breast or bottle feeding means to pass judgment. But unless you have had a baby and have had to make a choice either way, I don't think you realise that the question can offend some people.
Before I had DD, I remember asking a couple of friends whether they were breast or bottle feeding but it wasn't to pass judgment - it was only because I was interested in what they were doing. Having said that, I would never ask the question of a stranger.
I gave breast feeding my best shot but it didn't work out so DD is bottle fed. I'm completely comfortable with this decision. She's happy and healthy and that's what matters. If a friend asks me if she is breastfed, I just smile and say "no, she's bottle fed" and leave it at that. If a stranger were to ask me, I would probably say "that's none of your business" ! :yes:
tweedledee*tweedledum
03-10-2006, 10:00
"Double trouble" was - sorry - IS the only comment that ****s me :)
That is MY most hated comment also! I get asked constantly about how I am feeding my children and how much trouble it must be and how they must be keeping me up all night, blah, blah, blah. I don't mind people wanting a chat, but honestly I feel like saying, "You don't know me, you don't know my children, how would you feel if I just walked up to you and asked you what colour undies YOU have on?" (Seriously that is a question I get a lot, do they have matching underwear????? WTF????) Also, I hate if I am feeding them in public their bottles, people will come up and say, "Didn't bother with the breast heh?" I get sooooooooooooooo angry because YES I did breast feed and they have only been bottle fed for a month and a half, I hate that I feel I have to defend myself to strangers! Sorry for the vent, I'll leave now!:D
SamanthaJane
03-10-2006, 10:47
I just find it weird that people ask it...
People keep asking my sister "Are you still breast feeding" and "How is the breast feeding going"... People that she barely even knows, and sometimes strangers ?!?! :confused:
I just don't get it... i think its such a personal thing... my sister had a lot of difficulty trying to breast feed due to inverted nipples and is now expressing instead. She doesn't want to tell the whole world about her feeding problems! :rolleyes:
I think its the same as people asking "is he up-to-date on his vaccinations" or "Has your after-bleeding stopped" or (not pregnancy related but..) "Do you use tampons or pads"... etc
I don't think its an issue with us not being comfortable with our decisions. I mean, for example, I am perfectly happy using tampons, but i'd be very uncomfortable around someone who was asking what i preferred to use... It's the fact that these things are personal choices, and yeah okay, perhaps we are uncomfortable because people are so judgemental these days.
RedPanda
03-10-2006, 10:54
So true SJ. I think after you've had a baby, you're also searching for some privacy and dignity. Your body has been public property for the past few months (people touching your belly uninvited etc), and you just want some privacy back.
Mum2Lucas
03-10-2006, 11:00
fortunately I dont get that question alot but alot of people when they see me bottlefeeding my bub start talking about breastfeeding and how good it is and one person was talking to my friend about it for half an hour it's the best thing and that. Don't they think i know it's good for the baby but it really upsets me because i really wanted to breastfeed.
Buddha Bubbas
03-10-2006, 11:19
seriously... some people just dont have a brain!
I would just like people i do not know to mind their own business. i dont mind family or friends asking, as long as its not judgement based!
and as far as breastfeeding and being asked are you going to bottlefeed soon.... you just cant win!
you have a baby and you get asked so when are you having another one? im sick of being polite to strangers!
sorry.... bad day and ive had it! :banghead:
Ooooh I get this heaps too! "So are you feeding her?". Doesn't really offend me but it grates on me because it's such a stupid question - "No I prefer to starve her but thank you so much for asking!". :rolleyes:
Probably irrelevant, but here goes anyhow....;)
On Sunday purchased 4 bottles of cascade gingerbeer to drink at a friends place. Young guy (late teens, early 20's) in the servo commented "on the hard stuff tonight, what are you going to add to it?". I replied nothing as I am breastfeeding. I waited for the uneasy reaction which never came....the guy said " ginger's good for breastmilk isn't it". I nearly fell over!!!
Duchessa
03-10-2006, 12:18
:laughing::laughing: That's the best laugh I've had all day - not your average Bottlo!
WizzFizz
05-10-2006, 14:15
LOL - oh you girls are all so funny!
jessgray
05-10-2006, 14:27
:laughing: thats so funny.
i too felt like i had to explain why Ds1 was FF and not BF. particulary in the parent rooms. i remember once ds had only been on solids for about a month and he prefered a bottle first then solids and a mum was like :eek: "no wonder your baby is fat you feed him too much" and i was like nope he stops eating and drinking when he is full :D and then she told me how FF are obese lol
i do intend to give BF a go this time because it helps reduce allergies so i am hoping to minimise as much as possible with #2 but still if it doesnt work out and #2 is FF i will have tried and thats all that mattered.
whether BF or FF bubs is still getting nutrition and being fed :D thats all that should matter
the_queen
05-10-2006, 14:35
I love your siggy Duchessa, very very true :D
Yeah really! My baby is 11 months - surely he can make his own meals by now!
:hugs: Its sad that people don't understand.
My answer is - I am lazy and not interested in making up bottles - no one helps me (hubby works a lot) so breastfeeding is much easier. Can't afford bottles or formula either. Luckily I have been blessed with this ability to nourish my children.
I would like to feed my child as long as he likes (self wean).
Seems like we can't win either way!
If you are ff you get asked 'why aren't you breastfeeding", and if you are bf you get asked 'when are you going to stop?"
I had a complete stranger (male) ask me once if I had given up breastfeeding "because the baby didn't like it or something?" I felt like giving him the explicit details of my inverted nipples, breast abscess and recurring mastitis just to see the look on his face, but ended up saying 'it's a long story...' I mean, really, is it anybody's business?
:hugs: to all you who feel you have been judged for your choices.
SassyMummy
05-10-2006, 16:20
A lot of people asked me if DD was still breastfed or not..and I didn't take it as an attack on me as a parent (unless they followed it with something about "breast being best" or whatever).
I just always put it down to small-talk...people just don't know what to speak to you about (especially if you're a SAHM - and therefore has practically no life outside of bub...lol...like me...:rolleyes: ). It's the same as people asking "how old?" or any other type of question IMO...it's not about suggesting you're a bad parent.
So like I said, I had heaps of people ask me breast or bottle...and the only person that ever offended me with that question was DP's grandfather...who went on to tell me that "you know, breastmilk IS better for them you know..." blah blah blah. Luckily he dropped it before I had the chance to say anything back...
I think that most women should at least ATTEMPT breastfeeding, but I don't think they should HAVE to breastfeed "just because." I only breastfed for 9 weeks. I quit because DD wasn't getting much from me...and was ALWAYS hungry. After switching to the bottle, she was just SO content!
If anyone would have questioned my decision, I would have just informed them that DD was MUCH more satisfied on the bottle...that she was getting far more from it than she was from me...and that, if making sure my daughter is full, makes me a bad parent, then I guess I'm the world's worst parent. :rolleyes: (I later discovered that DD was tongue-tied, and that could have been our problem with breastfeeding).
our little treasures
05-10-2006, 16:36
Oh dear I am one of those people "who don't have a brain"!!!!
I ask all the time are you breast feeding or not, I didn't realise it offended some people.. I ask as we are in the year 2006 and I thought that how we decide to feed our children isn't a taboo subject. I agree that it comes down to how you feel about the decisions you have made as a mum and individual. I am happy with the fact that I am still breastfeeding my 14mnth old and I don't give a hoot who isn't happy.... If you feel happy with your decisions ff or bf then nothing will bother you.. I am sure people are only asking because they want to know how your going in a negative way!!
IMO:thumbsup:
Buddha Bubbas
05-10-2006, 21:45
Oh dear I am one of those people "who don't have a brain"!!!!
welll im pretty sure you do have a brain! i am offended by strangers asking me.... honestly it seems to be older ladies that do this. will be standing in the line at coles, oh what a cute baby... are you breastfeeding?? well where is this conversation going... if i say yes when i walk away will you think oh what a 'good' mother? maybe i am too sensitive, maybe i have nothing better to do with my time... i am completely comfortable with ff my son.... maybe its not about the actual question... maybe its more that i dont liked being asked 'personal' questions by complete strangers! :rolleyes:
Whispers
05-10-2006, 21:50
I don't think that everyone who asks whether you are breast or bottle feeding means to pass judgment. But unless you have had a baby and have had to make a choice either way, I don't think you realise that the question can offend some people.
I totaly agree some people say it just to make conversation i have asked this question many times and still do its not so i can pass judgement after all i only breast fed both children for 2 months
SamanthaJane
05-10-2006, 22:13
Hmm... well just a question to all the breastfeeding mothers in the world that have asked "Are you still breast feeding".... How do you react? What are your thoughts? (Whether it be in your mind, or out loud) Because I highly doubt that 100% of you will say that you don't think "negative" about that mother... ;) Maybe this is why bottle feeding mothers are uncomfortable about people asking that question? Because they know that some women WILL think negative thoughts about their decision....
Today we went to my Great grandmother's funeral... My sister was feeding her baby a bottle (it was expressed milk) and one of the women attending the service went up to her and said "Why aren't you breastfeeding anymore?!" My sister replied "Well, this is breast milk, but i just can't feed him from the boob anymore". That woman then replied "Oh thank goodness for that, i thought it must have been formula"... Little did she know that my sister has been feeding him with formula every now and again because she doesn't have enough milk. So, of course, my sister was offended. This lady was talking as though formula was the devil, when, without it, my nephew would be starving... :banghead:
Like i have said before, i feel uncomfortable about people asking me ANY personal questions. And in my opinion, i think breastfeeding is a very personal thing. I've never asked a woman how her breast feeding is going and i never will... it's none of my business, simple as that!
Whispers
05-10-2006, 22:23
any breastfeeding mother who asks another mother if they are breast feeding and gets the answer no and thinnks badly of that mother needs to wake up to themselves justbecasue its good for them dont mean its good for everyone as some people have said some woman dont feed simply because they cant and some becasue they choose not to I understand where you are coming fromsaying it is a personal question and some people are private people who dont like there bussiness out there for everyone to see iahve alwasy asked this question and never really thought that maybe i am offending this person or invading there privacy maybe becasue i am an open person so i will take on board that this offends you and and some other parents and try to make conversation some other way
i'm not sure if i have ecer asked this q., perhaps of my friends i have asked how the feedings going. if any ulterior motives, i mainly want to know how it's going in case there is any information or experiences i can share with them especially if they are having any problems or need any help, or to maybe bond over the shared experience of parenthood. (bit like what we do here maybe?:rolleyes: )
if i have it asked of me i don't care, i am proud to be able to say i am breastfeeding.
i do think it is just to make conversation, just like the are they sleeping through yet? & are they a *good* baby?:confused: :banghead:
i can't fully imagine what it would be like to answer as a non breastfeeding mum, but i'm thinking a simple 'no - bottlefeeding worked out better for us'. would be an end of story type answer.
I have been asked this and I can honestly say I have never been offended by it. I just presumed it was one of those inane comments people make when you have a baby, along with "is he a good baby?" and "is he sleeping through the night yet?".
(Inane question 1) Standard Answer: "Yes, I am breastfeeding...(insert inane comment re how its going) Standard Answer: "yes its going really well".
(Inane question 2) Standard Answer: "Oh yes, he's a very good baby, makes it very easy for us although we have nothing to compare it to"
(Inane question 3) Standard Answer: "No, not sleeping through yet, wakes at about 2 although its getting closer to the morning"
Lots of nodding and smiling etc and our own special inane comment "he's got a lot of hair". I swear to god I have heard those words about 50 times so far!! Standard Answer: "Yes! he came out like that" blah blah inane chatter.
Its just what people say, I don't think most of them mean to offend.
i dont mind if people ask me, but what i do mind is if they critise how i choose to feed my baby
Buddha Bubbas
05-10-2006, 23:26
Lots of nodding and smiling etc and our own special inane comment "he's got a lot of hair". I swear to god I have heard those words about 50 times so far!! Standard Answer: "Yes! he came out like that" blah blah inane chatter.
OMG! :o i said this to you at the darling Harbour meet! :eek:
:idea: i think i get it now
Niksmum26
06-10-2006, 07:22
It's just wierd isn't it, what i want to know is how that information benefits the person asking, when it has nothing to do with them. When ds was about 3 weeks old had a couple visit (friends of the inlaws) and the husband asks "SO you breastfeeding" i said "yes" he then continues to ask "Are you in pain, does it hurt?" (whilst pointing with his hands around his chest area) i was like WTF??? :eek:
I agree that it is such a personal question- because it's not just about milk and feeding- you are talking about your breasts!!!!!! Just because i had a baby doesn't make it a green light to discuss my breasts??? Did anyone ask how you're breast were doing before you had a baby???
OMG! :o i said this to you at the darling Harbour meet! :eek:
Well there you go!! :laughing: :laughing:
SamanthaJane
06-10-2006, 11:20
I agree that it is such a personal question- because it's not just about milk and feeding- you are talking about your breasts!!!!!! Just because i had a baby doesn't make it a green light to discuss my breasts??? Did anyone ask how you're breast were doing before you had a baby???
I agree with that... to me, it's the same as asking whether i am still having the "after birth bleed"... I also don't like people coming up to me and rubbing my belly and i hate it when people lift up my top a little to see my belly... I dunno, maybe i just like my personal space.... :confused:
Like Hazel said in another post, our body has been public property for 9 months (well, i know mine has anyway...) and right now i'm really just wanting my own space back. I listen to the questions my sister is being asked (she has a 4 week old bub) and it just p*sses me off that the whole privacy thing is going to be abused AFTER the pregnancy aswell... but like i said above, maybe i just like my personal space more than what other people do.. :confused:
Ana Gram
06-10-2006, 11:36
SJ, I never allowed anyone to touch my stomach when I was pregnant. I had one person who still persisted after I said no. I asked what the hell they thought they were doing. They said I just want to touch the baby. I said unless you are going to stick your hand into my uterus all you are touching is me and I said no.
our little treasures
08-10-2006, 22:32
Amazing how different everyone is.... I loved being preggars and everyone rubbing my belly and asking for me to tell them when bubs is moving so they can feel it!! As goes with my boobs, mmmhhh maybe I just said that wrong, lol.. No I mean my boobs and breastfeeding are mine but if someone takes an interest and asks questions about whether it hurts etc etc, I don't mind answering as I believe it's all natural!!
Doesn't make us bad for being different but that is more than likely why I ask those questions because I don't mind being asked..
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.1.9 Copyright © 2012 vBulletin Solutions, Inc. All rights reserved.