HELP, misbehaving 3 yr old

[angel_one]

ok i have a serious problem with my dd, firstly she keeps beating up her brother, anything from hiting, kicking, pushing him ect... and apart from giving her a smack - which works for a few minuites (while she is crying and saying how sorry she is) but then shes at it again!, poor ds whos only 9 months old spends 90% of his awake time screaming at her!
my other issue is her just being plain disobediant (sp) she will ask for something to eat and get told to wait till i am able to get her something (usually she will get told to wait till morning tea, lunch ect..) and instead of saying ok, she will have tantrum. she also knows what areas of the house are forbidden, like daddys office, and our room (which are behind a closed doors) and she will go in there , and also my desk that is in the lounge room, now she knows these are out of bounds, and i know she knows just from the way she has a panic attack when she is caught!, but she keeps doing it, i have gotten to the stage where i dont know what to do any more, everyhthing i have tried, from smacking, taking her fav toy off her, sending her to her room only works for a hour (while she sulks on the couch) then shes back at it!, i am at a stage where all i seem to be doing a screaming all day long (which prob isnt the best for me right now seeing as everytime i get worked up at her i get the lovely pains in my gut (that i normally get when i get worked up while pg!) and as much as i'd like to get this kid out of me already, we still have a few weeks to go!!

any help would be apprecitated, thanks

[Angelmist♥]

AAARRRGGGHHHH angel_one, I Know what you're going through!I think the terrible 2's should actually be changed to terrible 3's!From the sounds of it, she is really trying to stir things up:eek: My only advice is to keep consistent.She is testing you and maybe (just from the sounds of it) she is trying to get your attention.

The best thing I did with DS1 when he was in his terror 3's, was to make him sit in the corner (when he'd been really naughty) and while he was, do something extra special with DS2.I know it sounds awful and like I'm playing them against each other but it did work.He just had to understand that he could paint/draw/bake/have ice-cream with Mummy and DS2 as well if he behaved.Sorry I've started rambling again:laughing:

Anyways :hugs: for you, sounds to me like you're doing a great job!,especially being preg as well!

[cwsmum]

My kids are similar ages to yours...my DS was born march 03 and DD nov 05...DS is always doing something to annoy DD :banghead: If she stands up in front of him when he is sitting on the couch he will push her backwards so she sits down again, he will do this with his hands of his foot. He runs past her and shoves her over when she is sitting playing, hits her on the head with almost anything (never really hard, but that's not the point), if she crawls past him he grabs her to give her a cuddle and holds her til she is screaming and I have to move her away...I could go on and on with the stuff he does :rolleyes:

Anyway...things that work to stop the behavior...if DS does something that hurts, or could hurt, DD then I do the same thing to him. I call him to me and ask him if he thinks what he did would hurt DD and he usually says yes, so then I ask if he needs me to do it to him so he knows what it feels like, usually he says no, so I tell him if he does it again I will do it to him...that usually stops him...yes, I know, that probably sounds like a horrible way to discipline, but sometimes it takes him being show what something feels like for him to understand that it's not something he should be doing.

If it's something really nasty that I could never do to him, he stands in a corner, any corner works, I set the timer on the microwave and he has to come find me when the timer goes off and I usually ask him if he knows what he did wrong and then we talk about why he shouldn't do it again.

Smacking has never really worked fo us, DS just laughs, he also started thinking it was ok for him to smack us. So now he only gets smacked if it's something really really bad...or something we have had to keep asking him to stop.

[Tones]

Oh i can really sympathize with you my 3.5 year goes has gone from this sweet little boy to this awful monster alot of the time.........he is costing us a fortune in shopping with all the sneaky stuff he gets into and makes big messes with.and he doesnt know the meaning of the word wait either.he likes trying to do things when im not looking or feeding bubs or doing the things that need to be done like making his own toast.the other day i came into the kitchen breaking eggs in the bowl and grinning at me covered in flour he informed me he was making a cake.then theres all my shampoos toothpaste detergent talcom powder make up nail polish etc.....argh!!!not to mention sneaking into his brothers room and throwing BB precious cards everywhere and sticking his hands in the fish tank in there getting into his felt pens.another aweful thing hes been trying to do is whack his older brothers and their friends when all sorts of hard objects so its back to the naughty corner.......sigh.......my other boys seem to grow out of this phase when they turned 4 ....so i'm waiting and waiting....

[Kirstlea]

Oh boy do I agree with the statement it should be terrible 3's.

ok heres what I have been doing and it appears to be working.

Everytime and I mean everytime she does something deliberately wrong I send her to the time out spot. When her time is up I talk to her about it and we move on.

Simple things like telling me no she won't do something like wash her hands after going to the toilet (yes I know it sounds trivial but the defiance is huge) I tell her she has two choices, either she washes her hands or she goes to time out until she is ready to wash her hands.

Same goes with not eating dinner, refusing to put her hat on to go outside, etc, all those things that are a necessary part of her life.

Yesterday she started of the morning hitting the dog :rolleyes: I asked her to stop several times I even asked her how would she feel if I hit her the way she hit the dog, anyway cut a long story short I told her she would be spending a lot of time in time out if she didn't start listening to me. I also said in no uncertain terms that I was not in the mood to be pushed so don't test me.:laughing:

We had a great day yesterday.

I have noticed that giving her choices seems to make things easier. I have also noticed that alot of what she is doing is to get my attention which surprises me as she does get alot of my time already so not sure if its to do with the round ball growing in my belly or just her age.

Something else I use is counting 1 2 3 which works 98% of the time, I think alot of it has to do with my tone of voice.

I always tell her when she has used up her last chance and I always carry out the punishment that I have told her she will get if she uses her last chance. Like time out or no more toys or playtime, something like that anyway.

I used to smack her and realised it wasn't working either so your not alone on that score.

Anyway I know my post is a little jumbled but hope it helps in some way.

Kirsten

[Dannielle]

I have twins who are nearly 3. Need I say more!

I do similar things and it works well. If they hit each other or many other violent things that they seem to come up with they go straight to the corner for 2-3 minutes. They don't get a warning for that but they used to. They just know better now. While they are there I pay particular attention to the other one (kiss her sore head etc). They have to say sorry to their sister at the end of the time out or they go back again. They usually say sorry the 1st time. Sometimes it takes a 2nd time there.

If they are misbehaving in other ways I will give them a warning telling them if they don't do it/stop it then they will go to the corner. I give them a 2nd warning and then I count backwards from 5 and they know that when I get to 1 if they haven't done what I ask they go to the corner.

Counting works surprisingly well. Tone of voice is definately the key for the warnings and the counting.

[angel_one]

ok so after extensive research and discussions with dh, we came up with a cross and tick chart, we list the action (like hurting brother, mummys desk (keeps geting in to it), listening (as she likes to ignore us), ect..... and when she does a bad thing she gets a cross, when shes good she gets a tick, seems to have worked today (only home 1/2 the day though) we'll just see how it goes tommorrow.

i can tell you she sure as hell doesnt like getting a cross!

at the end of the day if she has more ticks then crosses she will get a small reward (star sticker), once she starts figuring out the system and starts getting a few stars, she can get somethng big (like we did with the toilet training - when she did a whole week of no accidents (or wet pull ups , if we were out) during the day she got a kelly doll.) now we are working on the nights!!

well i need sleep, got to be strong and not raise my voice in the morning and not being tired certianly helps!! (i am sick of yelling at her so im also trying to just talk calmly with her.)

[~Emma~]

According to my dad the terrible twos can go until children are at least 16 :no: (I'm pretty sure he was refering to my sister when he said that and not refering to me ;) )

DD is approaching the terrible three's with a lot of force and its something that we are trying to nip in the bud before it gets any worse.

I was talking to my midwife yesterday (who must have sensed something was up with DD at home) and she has recommended that I attend the Triple P workshops.

She also gave me a few ideas -

* Give them little tasks to do to occupy them and set the oven timer and let the child know that the activity has to be done by the time the buzzer goes off

* If you are going to smack, smack sparingly. Take the child into their bedroom to smack them and use a fly squat (makes a lot of noise - apparently doesn't hurt)

* Use praise when the child does something good or has done something you have asked them to do

* Make sure the child has some quiet time or rest time every day - even if its only 20 mins - they could have a sleep or just sit on their bed 'reading', just do something quiet - again use the oven timer and tell them that they can come out of their bedroom until the timer buzzes.

I'm going to sit down on the weekend and work out a 'timetable' for DD - just so she is becoming more occupied throughout the day and isnt relying on the TV for her only source of entertainment. I was reading on another website that kids need at least 30 mins of running around time each day - so I will be incorporating that too...

I know this stuff doesnt really have any specific relevance to the original post, but maybe attracting their attention elsewhere will help with other behavioural issues - well thats what I'm hoping anyway :fingerscrossed: