I need help with DH...

[c2p08]

Sorry guys to hijack your section, but i need some help with some ''man business'', i need to know how to approach and support DH with a couple of things. Sorry if this is long.

I posted in here a few mths ago about getting DH to do a semen analysis so we could go and see a specialist to help us with TTC, he finally did it (:smiliedance:) but it came back with some not so good results that we were told were ok by the GP, but the specialist told us were really not good.

His results indicated that he has 6x the normal amount of sperm in one sample then most 27yr old males (that's the good bit), BUT, only 3 out of every 100 were ''normal'', which means that he should be considered infertile (specialist said anything under 4/100 is considered infertile), but because DH has 6x the normal amount in the sample he's not considering him infertile just yet.

He's asked him to do another one in a couple of months, but wants him to quit smoking first. DH came away from the appointment thinking he's all sweet because he's got 6x the normal in one sample, which is still really low.

First question...
how do i get DH to realise what the specialist ACTUALLY said without being a b!tch or making him feel less of a man?

And secondly...
How can i get him (or help him) to quit smoking?

specialist said that once he quits his results will improve dramatically.

We have an appointment again in 4 months time, by then the specialist said DH needs to quit smoking (we're both started healthy eating/exercise to make us feel better). He's improved in the past almost 4 years from over 30 a day to only around 10 a day. (i'd hate to see what his sample was like at 30 a day!).

Anyone got any ideas on how to cut those last 10 a day out? he's tried champix, but gave up after a week (he was doing so good!) and has tried cold turkey and got to about 10 days before we moved back in with his dad and his dad was smoking around him and he finally gave in.

Now, it's jsut him/DD/me at home and he's got no other smokers around him at home or at work.

Any ideas? Any advice? I'm totally lost on both...:confused:

[Sam271]

Maybe you can print off some info from net re: normal sperm count..thats what my sister did is similar situation but her stupid husband wouldnt read it so she just told him. I think something like this would hurt any mans ego.

I have no advice about smoking..i gave up cold turkey one week after i found out i was pregnant with DS after unsuccsessfully using champix...DH is still puffing away and DS is 2 months old!

[c2p08]

I've tried showing him info off the net he doesn't read it either! He knows that i don't want to do IUI/IVF and that if i have to coz he wont stop smoking i'm going to be hell angry at him. I didn't want to put that sort of pressure on him, but i couldn't help it.

[swimyabuggers]

Hi c2p08,

I'm not in entirely the same situation as your DH - my sperm count was low, lots were deformed and not many were swimming. Somehow we ended up with a little miracle who is now seven months old and has far too much attitude, so there is hope!

Every bloke is different - some of us are the more sensitive type (as SWMBO puts it so succinctly, I'm a big gay girl), some of us are manly men (the type that SWMBO went to the UK to get away from).

After I'd tried filling a couple of sample pots and run into a testing lab shouting "I want to give you some semen" to the girl at reception (long story involving wanking at home then a 45 minute mad dash to one of the two testing labs in SA that 'does' semen), I started taking menevit and Coenzyme Q-10. I'm not sure if these helped, but something must've gone right!

As for the smoking, the thing that I found worked more than anything else was changing my routine as well as prescription help. If I went out of the office for a walk I'd go in a different direction to that when I went out for a smoke. I wouldn't stop off at my 'secret smoking place' on my way to work (never smoked at home). Champix worked for me for a while, then I lapsed and started on patches (wearing not smoking!). This seems to have worked for me this time around.

Different people will react differently to the same 'help'. Some will react well to nagging, rewards, threats or beating around the head with a baseball bat, some won't. All I can suggest you do is try different things and see what works best for you and DH.

According to the internets, sperm production takes three months from go to woah so anything that changes now won't have an immediate effect.

Good luck!

SYB

[bigbadbrad]

Hi c2p08,

The age old question, how to get a man to do what you want!

If he is keen to have kids then you could bargain with him. I'm not a smaoker so I'm not sure of the appeal but I do understand that it is a difficult habit to break.

You may remind him that while his output is 6 times greater that may not last forever and the younger you are the better the chances of taking steps to improve mobility (of the sperm that is).

You may also remind him that IVF is a lot less fun than doing it the normal way and ALOT MORE EXPENSIVE!!!!!!!!

As a last resort, you could remind him that he can always start smoking again after you get pregnant although 2nd hand smoke is not good for you or the bub.

Best of luck

BBB

[c2p08]

I spoke to him last night about it (only breifly though) and we agreed that this w/e when DD is at her fathers we'll sit down and talk it all through properly (that way he'd have a while to think things through and we won't have DD harrassing us while we're trying to talk/waking up while we're talking etc).

Anyways, the general jist of what he said to me was that he doesn't think he can quit on his own, he needs the dr's help aswell as my help- bascially to hassle him til he stops.

I told him there are 3 ways we can do it.

1. Go to dr and do what they suggest (whether it be patches or champix, he's tried both in the past and given up after only a couple of weeks coz they ''dont work'').

2. gradually reduce the amount he's having per day. He was doing this before my grandad died a few weeks ago, got down to one pouch every 2 wks but then when i went away for the funeral he got caught out doing something stupid so we had a huge fight and he's back up to (up to) 20 a day.. On good days it's only about 10-13, but a bad day is 25.

3. Quit cold turkey and every time he feels the need for a smoke to call me/someone who can support him and we'll work through one day at a time together.


He said the mix of the reducing it to a point and then stopping completely will probably work best for him. He said he thinks only having a certain amount each day will help him, so, only taking 4 with him and anything more then that he has to 'talk to me' first.



Anyways, thanks for your replies. We've put some baby clothes that we were given up around the house as reminders of what we're working so hard for. He said to me today (he called me from work lol) that he really wants a son, so :fingerscrossed: all of this works.

I gotta find out when he has a day off so i can get him to speak to the GP, i'm taking him to mine instead of his, his seems to have 'given up' and dont seem to care anymore.

[bigbadbrad]

Just remind him that nothing worthwhile is ever easy! And that conceiving is the easy and fun part of being a parent.

Smoking is not nice for non-smokers but kids are particularly out of luck because their sense of smell and taste is even more concentrated than it is for adults.

All the best
BBB

[c2p08]

yep, i grew up with a smoker parent and have asthma that gets worse the more he smokes. My DD hates his smoking and always holds her nose and runs away when he's smoked and gone near her (even if it's been an hour or 2, she still does it) and yells something at him about how smoking is yucky and he stinks. He's alot better then he was when we first met, and he said he did that for us, but i want him not just to quit for me and my DD but for him (aswell as a new baby lol).



I watched a movie last night about a couple who were TTC and ended up having to go through IVF, i want him to watch it but i think he'll get caught up in the secondary storyline of the movie and not what i want him to focus on lol. But, i did tell him that if i have to go through IVF coz he won't quit smoking then i'm not going to be very happy, i told him i'd probably be very p!ssed off at him. I don't like being a b!tch to him, but i couldn't help saying it.

[Mattus]

I'm not going to offer a way to help - although it worked for my wife and I.

We tried to concieve for about 5 years, with the wife going to naturopath, Dr Gonzales, and we went through the monthly pain of.... well, the 'monthlies'. My advice all along (not that I'm always right) was to be happy with who we are, and whatever would be, would be.

Smokes? Slow swimmers? We had unexplained infertility and neither smokers, no other drugs... it juuuuust didn't work.

So, my unfounded and unconsoling advice is to do your best to let it go - as hard as it sounds.

Book a holiday. Buy a business. Make some rather large plans to change your life.

THAT is when something will happen.