V8
30-09-2006, 12:25
This may get very long.....
Life was just going so wonderfully. DF and i were planning our wedding, we were waiting on a posting for an electrical course for DF who was in the army. We spoke on the phone after i finished work as he was out with his mates, i was in QLD studying, while he was in Sydney with the army. We were so excited about planning on going to Adelaide for christmas and then hopefully moving in together in the new year. Things don't always turn out the way you want it to though....
On the 4th of September 2004 my DF was out with mates, very drunk i might add, and decided to call it a night and walk home from the bar they were at. While they were walking along the highway they jumped over from one side of the highway to the next, little did they know there was a gap in between the highways, and there was no road in between, just a 30m drop!! So my DF who was much smaller than the other guys, innocently jumped over thinking there was ground there, and there wasn't! When his mates realised that my DF wasn't with them, they had realised what had happened and they had to run the length of the highway and get underneath the highway to find him. It was so dark under the highway the only way they found DF was with a mobile phone that had a torch. Instantly our friend went into first aid, and saw that DF was not responding, not breathing and had a very faint pulse. He commenced CPR while his other friend stopped traffic and rang for an ambulance. The ambulance arrived 30 mins later after they had trouble accessing DF. He was admitted to hospital with severe injuries, the staff who were waiting there for the ambulance, took one look at him, and thought, he's not going to make it.
At 5am in the morning i get a phone call from a mutual friend in Sydney, i thought, this is odd, what is she doing ringing me at this hour? She told me DF was in the hospital and it wasn't looking good, and i better get down there. The guy that was with DF at the time, told me what had happened, and i was getting very worried. I rang the hospital emergency department and spoke to a doctor, he told me that DF had chest and back injuries, and that if i was his fiancee i better get down to Sydney. I booked my flight for that morning over the internet, and had to pack what i could and get my mum to drive me to Brisbane to catch the plane to Sydney. The airlines computer systems went down so there was delays after delays and the airport was jam-packed with people going nowhere, as they had to manually check everyone in. When i finally got on the plane and got to Sydney it was 11am. A friend picked me up and took me straight to the hospital. When i got to the hospital it was flooded with friends of my DF's and they took me in to see him. He was barely recognisable. His face and body was soo swollen from shock, his colour was all drawn from his body, he had tubes and monitors all over his body and everything was just beeping. I couldn't believe that this was my DF, it was just so horiffic.
His injuries were quite severe, he had 7 fractured verterbrae, a fractured skull, six broken ribs, a collapsed lung, a chipped pelvis and a lacerated liver. They put him in an induced coma so that his body could recover and was on life-support so that he was still able to get oxygen. He had his head shaved on half of the side and had an ICP (Intra-cranial pressure) monitor drilled into his skull. He had a chest drain that was draining all the fluid off his lungs and he also got a tracheaotomy for his oxygen tube. His brain pressure kept rising along with his temperature, he had developed pneumonia and only had one lung working properly. It was so agonising waiting to see if anything would worsen, but things were at least somewhat stable. Eventually they started reducing the amount of drugs in his system to see if he would wake up, they also started reducing his oxygen levels until he was breathing independantly. Over the next week the tubes were being reduced, his swelling went down and he started to breath independantly. Great we thought, he should be alright soon we prayed. He was moved out of ICU after 2 and a half weeks and put into the neurosurgical ward. Because of his fractures in his back he was only allowed to lay flat on his back and not move much. He couldn't talk because he had a tracheotomy, but there wasn't much going on with him in terms of brain function it's like he was home but the lights were turned off. He would writhe about in pain, pull his tubes out, and bite anything that came near his mouth. A feeding peg was inserted into his stomach so he could get some nourishment as he couldn't eat. He was like a skeleton laying in his bed. We cherished the moments that he would recognise us, or point at someone if we asked who they were. He also started writing a little which helped us actually be able to communicate with him.
Finally after about 4-5 weeks in the neurosurgical ward he was transferred to the Brain Injury Rehab unit. This place was certainly shocking, some patients just screamed in agony all day, others were left complete vegetables with no hope of rehabilitation, we prayed DF would not end up like that. When he was able to get into a wheel chair he showed much more progress. He was quite aggressive though and would hit people or he would just sit and sulk. All the while, no emotion and no words came from his mouth. It was about 8 or 9 weeks without hearing his voice, or getting a hug and a kiss. It was so heartbreaking. A few days before they were going to take his trachea out, he started to talk. He sounded very different to what he used to sound like and he was also just skin and bones as he still wasn't allowed to eat anything, he weighed 45kgs. When he started to talk he said some very strange things and would also say that he wished he was dead, and that he is from another world. The doctor's explained it was called PTA (Post Traumatic Amnesia). They would ask him a series of questions every day and he had to score a 10 to be 'out of PTA'. About 3 months he still wasn't able to get them all right, so they determined that he was as fully recovered as he was going to be and that his short term memory problems were chronic and severe and he would need full-time care for the rest of his life. During this 3 months he had to learn how to walk again, feed himself, dress himself and shower himself. They were actually still quite amazed at his recovery and physically he recovered quite well.
He was eventually allowed on day leave out of the hospital with me, and on his birthday about 4 months after the accident we conceived DS. He kept saying all the time he was happy he was 'back to life' and wanted to marry me and have children. When i found out i was actually pregnant i was so scared to tell him as he would either forget i was pregnant or forget that he isn't meant to tell anyone. Well i told him, he was very happy, but then forgot not to tell anyone. So he told all his therapists and the nurses that i was pregnant. A few weeks went on and they decided to move him from the Brain Injury Unit to the TLU (Transitional Living Unit) Which was basically a normal house with carers there that took him to therapy and helped him with his daily management and cooking and self-care. It was actually a really good thing to go to this place as they help try to gain back some independance and self-realiance. He ended up staying there for 4 months, but after about 3 and a half months i had to go back home to QLD as i was nearly 20 weeks pregnant and had to book into a hospital. DF was finally discharged and sent home to live with me, i was so happy. We picked him up at the airport in July 2005. I got paperwork organised and paid for us to get married at the registry office for the 16th of August (1 day before my birthday) and just enough time for the notice of marriage application. It was such a beautiful day and only a few people were there, we got some lovely pics even though i was 7 months pregnant, i was just so glad after having such a horrid time. Then obviously in Nov we welcomed Joshua to the world and it was such a beautiful moment. We then did a 'renewal of vow's and naming for Josh where we invited our friends and family.
It was such a horrible time, not only coping with my DH's struggles and recovery, we also had a battle with his family over where he was going to live etc. He ended up getting appointed a gaurdian as my DH could not make his own decisions due to his memory. So when i left Sydney i didn't even know if i would see him again or if he would be sent to live with his family. His family were sooo soo horrible to me and to him, i feared he would commit suicide if he went home to live with them cause he said he would rather be dead than live with them. So when we got married, we didn't tell them, i never spoke to them for months after his accident as they wanted me out of the picture. Pity he loved me too much and didn't 'forget' me, even though he forgot lots of other things. Things are ok now that Joshua is here as obviously they want to be part of their grandson and son's life.
Now we live our lives, we are building a house we are moving into next year, we are planning on going on an overseas holiday and hopefully having another baby soon. Every day can be a struggle dealing with DH and his memory problems, but i couldn't have asked for a man that loves me more than he does or a man that loves his son as much as he does. He is a blessing and i am so glad we came through this. It's only going to get better! :D
Thanks for reading, if you got that far!
Life was just going so wonderfully. DF and i were planning our wedding, we were waiting on a posting for an electrical course for DF who was in the army. We spoke on the phone after i finished work as he was out with his mates, i was in QLD studying, while he was in Sydney with the army. We were so excited about planning on going to Adelaide for christmas and then hopefully moving in together in the new year. Things don't always turn out the way you want it to though....
On the 4th of September 2004 my DF was out with mates, very drunk i might add, and decided to call it a night and walk home from the bar they were at. While they were walking along the highway they jumped over from one side of the highway to the next, little did they know there was a gap in between the highways, and there was no road in between, just a 30m drop!! So my DF who was much smaller than the other guys, innocently jumped over thinking there was ground there, and there wasn't! When his mates realised that my DF wasn't with them, they had realised what had happened and they had to run the length of the highway and get underneath the highway to find him. It was so dark under the highway the only way they found DF was with a mobile phone that had a torch. Instantly our friend went into first aid, and saw that DF was not responding, not breathing and had a very faint pulse. He commenced CPR while his other friend stopped traffic and rang for an ambulance. The ambulance arrived 30 mins later after they had trouble accessing DF. He was admitted to hospital with severe injuries, the staff who were waiting there for the ambulance, took one look at him, and thought, he's not going to make it.
At 5am in the morning i get a phone call from a mutual friend in Sydney, i thought, this is odd, what is she doing ringing me at this hour? She told me DF was in the hospital and it wasn't looking good, and i better get down there. The guy that was with DF at the time, told me what had happened, and i was getting very worried. I rang the hospital emergency department and spoke to a doctor, he told me that DF had chest and back injuries, and that if i was his fiancee i better get down to Sydney. I booked my flight for that morning over the internet, and had to pack what i could and get my mum to drive me to Brisbane to catch the plane to Sydney. The airlines computer systems went down so there was delays after delays and the airport was jam-packed with people going nowhere, as they had to manually check everyone in. When i finally got on the plane and got to Sydney it was 11am. A friend picked me up and took me straight to the hospital. When i got to the hospital it was flooded with friends of my DF's and they took me in to see him. He was barely recognisable. His face and body was soo swollen from shock, his colour was all drawn from his body, he had tubes and monitors all over his body and everything was just beeping. I couldn't believe that this was my DF, it was just so horiffic.
His injuries were quite severe, he had 7 fractured verterbrae, a fractured skull, six broken ribs, a collapsed lung, a chipped pelvis and a lacerated liver. They put him in an induced coma so that his body could recover and was on life-support so that he was still able to get oxygen. He had his head shaved on half of the side and had an ICP (Intra-cranial pressure) monitor drilled into his skull. He had a chest drain that was draining all the fluid off his lungs and he also got a tracheaotomy for his oxygen tube. His brain pressure kept rising along with his temperature, he had developed pneumonia and only had one lung working properly. It was so agonising waiting to see if anything would worsen, but things were at least somewhat stable. Eventually they started reducing the amount of drugs in his system to see if he would wake up, they also started reducing his oxygen levels until he was breathing independantly. Over the next week the tubes were being reduced, his swelling went down and he started to breath independantly. Great we thought, he should be alright soon we prayed. He was moved out of ICU after 2 and a half weeks and put into the neurosurgical ward. Because of his fractures in his back he was only allowed to lay flat on his back and not move much. He couldn't talk because he had a tracheotomy, but there wasn't much going on with him in terms of brain function it's like he was home but the lights were turned off. He would writhe about in pain, pull his tubes out, and bite anything that came near his mouth. A feeding peg was inserted into his stomach so he could get some nourishment as he couldn't eat. He was like a skeleton laying in his bed. We cherished the moments that he would recognise us, or point at someone if we asked who they were. He also started writing a little which helped us actually be able to communicate with him.
Finally after about 4-5 weeks in the neurosurgical ward he was transferred to the Brain Injury Rehab unit. This place was certainly shocking, some patients just screamed in agony all day, others were left complete vegetables with no hope of rehabilitation, we prayed DF would not end up like that. When he was able to get into a wheel chair he showed much more progress. He was quite aggressive though and would hit people or he would just sit and sulk. All the while, no emotion and no words came from his mouth. It was about 8 or 9 weeks without hearing his voice, or getting a hug and a kiss. It was so heartbreaking. A few days before they were going to take his trachea out, he started to talk. He sounded very different to what he used to sound like and he was also just skin and bones as he still wasn't allowed to eat anything, he weighed 45kgs. When he started to talk he said some very strange things and would also say that he wished he was dead, and that he is from another world. The doctor's explained it was called PTA (Post Traumatic Amnesia). They would ask him a series of questions every day and he had to score a 10 to be 'out of PTA'. About 3 months he still wasn't able to get them all right, so they determined that he was as fully recovered as he was going to be and that his short term memory problems were chronic and severe and he would need full-time care for the rest of his life. During this 3 months he had to learn how to walk again, feed himself, dress himself and shower himself. They were actually still quite amazed at his recovery and physically he recovered quite well.
He was eventually allowed on day leave out of the hospital with me, and on his birthday about 4 months after the accident we conceived DS. He kept saying all the time he was happy he was 'back to life' and wanted to marry me and have children. When i found out i was actually pregnant i was so scared to tell him as he would either forget i was pregnant or forget that he isn't meant to tell anyone. Well i told him, he was very happy, but then forgot not to tell anyone. So he told all his therapists and the nurses that i was pregnant. A few weeks went on and they decided to move him from the Brain Injury Unit to the TLU (Transitional Living Unit) Which was basically a normal house with carers there that took him to therapy and helped him with his daily management and cooking and self-care. It was actually a really good thing to go to this place as they help try to gain back some independance and self-realiance. He ended up staying there for 4 months, but after about 3 and a half months i had to go back home to QLD as i was nearly 20 weeks pregnant and had to book into a hospital. DF was finally discharged and sent home to live with me, i was so happy. We picked him up at the airport in July 2005. I got paperwork organised and paid for us to get married at the registry office for the 16th of August (1 day before my birthday) and just enough time for the notice of marriage application. It was such a beautiful day and only a few people were there, we got some lovely pics even though i was 7 months pregnant, i was just so glad after having such a horrid time. Then obviously in Nov we welcomed Joshua to the world and it was such a beautiful moment. We then did a 'renewal of vow's and naming for Josh where we invited our friends and family.
It was such a horrible time, not only coping with my DH's struggles and recovery, we also had a battle with his family over where he was going to live etc. He ended up getting appointed a gaurdian as my DH could not make his own decisions due to his memory. So when i left Sydney i didn't even know if i would see him again or if he would be sent to live with his family. His family were sooo soo horrible to me and to him, i feared he would commit suicide if he went home to live with them cause he said he would rather be dead than live with them. So when we got married, we didn't tell them, i never spoke to them for months after his accident as they wanted me out of the picture. Pity he loved me too much and didn't 'forget' me, even though he forgot lots of other things. Things are ok now that Joshua is here as obviously they want to be part of their grandson and son's life.
Now we live our lives, we are building a house we are moving into next year, we are planning on going on an overseas holiday and hopefully having another baby soon. Every day can be a struggle dealing with DH and his memory problems, but i couldn't have asked for a man that loves me more than he does or a man that loves his son as much as he does. He is a blessing and i am so glad we came through this. It's only going to get better! :D
Thanks for reading, if you got that far!