baby change rooms

[our little treasures]

I breast fed my dd and am now b/f my ds, although I'm happy to feed in puplic I also enjoy taking them into the change rooms. So many times I have seen women with their babies bottle feeding them in the little cubicles. I get so angry when they are all filled and I cant sit anywhere peaceful and private to feed my child.

I do think that they could happily feed in public, dont get me wrong if it wasnt every room I wouldnt complain.
Has anyone found the same??

[LucyE]

I rarely go into those rooms so I wouldn't know :) Maybe they are there so their babies don't get distracted and focus on feeding...

[Chickadee]

At around 3 to 4 months bubs can get very distracted when feeding, whether bottle or breast, so as Lucy suggested some mums may feed in the baby rooms. Also, if they've had to warm a bottle in there it's sometimes easier just to sit and finish the feed in there and be able to rinse the bottle than to lug everything out, feed, and then go back in to rinse out the bottle.

Of course if it bothers you then could ask if they mind moving out of a cubicle to the more common seating in the baby room, if there is any.

[madvoice]

While I am an advocate for breastfeeding, I believe that mothers, regardless of breast or forumula feeding (are you sure that these mothers aren't feeding Expressed Breast Milk? Just a thought.) deserve to feed their child in a parent's room. I breast fed until my daughter was almost 4 months old, then my supply dried up practically overnight. Sometimes you just want a quiet space to feed your child and the parent's room is often the best place for that (outside the home environment that is). What really irks me is a lot of teenagers like to loiter in parents rooms and have little pow wows about boys and what not. I've sent several groups of girls packing from the parent's rooms because of it.

I understand your dilemma with not being able to find a spot to sit to breastfeed but I also think formula/expressed breast milk feeding mums have just as much right to be there too.

[Benandrewsmum]

I probably had the same thoughts as you angelbaby8 before I started to bottlefeed. When I was breastfeeding I just couldn't do it in public as never felt comfortable, so relied upon a private space.

However, now I bottlefeed I still rely on a private space to feed. At his age he is very distracted so it is good to get him into a quiet little spot. Also, it can be quite distressing feeding a bubba who has colic or reflux and therefore also good to have a quiet space where everyone isn't staring at you!!

Cheers

[nemosmum]

The feeding rooms are for all parents (not just bf mum's) so I have no problem with mums/dads bottle feeding in them. However I do have a problem with people(without any children) coming in there just to use the microwave to heat up there lunch! I have seen so many people do that and it drives me nuts....I remember one time when DS was only 6 wks old and was screaming for a feed, there was only one partioned off area and the curtain was drawn so I stood outside with my DS screaming for ages and a lady came out with her lunch, she actually had the nerve to smile at me and lamely say "opps sorry". I tell you I have never had the urge to pummel some one so badly as I did at that moment, in hindsight it was probably my hormones and the fact that I was holding a screaming newborn but I was sooooo MAD :mad:
Now if I see anyone in there doing that I always make the comment "this is the parents room the public toilets are next door!".

[TinyStar]

Had the same problem the other day, my dd has recently discovered her lung power, and was howling for a feed and of course all rooms were full. So I sat down in the common area and fed her. The other mums with active todlers very respectfully left, and another bfing mum sat down next to me and fed her dd too and we had a nice conversation. Turning a potentially intimidating situation into an example of how supportive most mums can be of each other. :p

[Nickster]

I just wish the parent's rooms had more cubicles...

[Rainbowbrite]

I agree it does get annoying. I used to use the cubicles all the time, now I only use them if I can't find a seat next to a wall in the eatery but with MJ getting more distracted we're using them more.

Another thing that annoys me about them is the smell :p and the fact that some cubicles are so small I can't fit the pram in them :mad: Whats the point of that?

RB

[Kamaikia]

I think all mums know how it is taking a baby out in public. Everyone seems to think they have a right to touch the baby and talk to you and sometimes it gets on my nerves. I bottle fed my baby and would do so in the baby room. Number 1 it gave me some peace and quiet to feed my child. Number 2 its the only place for me to heat a bottle and change a nappy. Having said that though if the room was full I was quite happy to do it outside - I think we all have to respect that we aren't the only mums in the world :) .
I am just grateful for these change rooms. There are 2 at my local shopping center. One only has 1 seat, a toilet and a microwave. There is no where to change a nappy or anything.
Maybe in the future you could try and work your shopping around babies feed.

[Milly]

I think that the private feeding rooms to apply to all mothers because of babies distraction levels breast or bottle. I remember when my daughter was approaching 4 months, she would get so distracted and come off my boob and look around and carry on, so it would be very much the same for mums who bottlefeed too. A calm quiet place with little stimulation like a feeding room can be the best way to feed with minimum fuss. There is just so much for babies to see between gulps and sucks :D . So, really the feeding rooms are for all.

I think that perhaps they just need more private areas or some scenario where they can get as many mums and bubs in private surroundings as possible. It is a dilemma.

[Melissa1983]

I agree with orlandosmum! I bottlefeed both of my girls, and found it so hard to do it in public, because people walk past and the girls get distracted! And they did need their bottled warmed up.

Why should a babyroom just be for B/F mums?

[~Chick79~]

Angelbaby8, I sympathise with you but I also agree with the other mums. Not all baby change rooms have a common couch to sit on so us bottle feeding mums have to use the cubicles.

I know the feedback you are getting is probably not what you wanted to read but you also have to see it from our perspective... We are just as entitled to utilise these rooms as any breast feeding mum.

If you ever need to bottle feed your child (although top job for being able to BF!), i am sure you will come to realise where we are coming from when we say our bubs need the quiet area to feed...

Hope i don't offend, that is not my intention! :D

[rynosmum]

Hi Angelbaby,

I find that whilst the shopping centres have parent's rooms, the individual department stores often have much higher quality and less busy rooms as not as many people know about them.

Perhaps you could experiment with some different rooms. Not sure if you have David Jones in your local centre but the 3 Brisbane ones I went to were fantastically clean, heaps of room and brand new furnishings - I didn't even bother using the cubicles but instead just fed in the main area.

[our little treasures]

i'm sorry if i upset bottle feeding mums but my point was that all the rooms were filled with them and even if it was expressed alot easier for the mother if the child does get distracted as half the body isnt flashing to everyone going by!
oh well just my gripe everyone has them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[nemosmum]

Flash away Angelbaby8 :p I remember when I first started BF DS had this really heartbreaking scream that made me all flustered so I used to just whip out my breast where ever, when ever LOL :D Looking back it makes me laugh as I really had no shame-I even did it infront of our priest that was discussing our DS baptism :eek:

[madvoice]

i'm sorry if i upset bottle feeding mums but my point was that all the rooms were filled with them and even if it was expressed alot easier for the mother if the child does get distracted as half the body isnt flashing to everyone going by!
oh well just my gripe everyone has them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I understand your plight but all mothers have a right to use these rooms. One day you may be in us formula feeding mother's shoes and then you might understand. Like I said in my previous post, I had all the best intentions of breastfeeding but mother nature had other ideas.

[Mumof2+1]

I'm kind of in the middle on this one. Although I beleive both breastfeeding and bottle feeding mums have the same rights, it is a parents room. Wich means men can also use the facillity. I personly don't care where I breastfeed, but am aware that some mothers don't like to feed in public, especialy in front of men. In this case I do believe a breastfeeding mother should get presidence over a bottle feeding mother. I'm shure in this curcumstance you would all agree.
Please tell me if you don't. It's just my opinion after all.

Trish
Taylah 8yrs
Jacob 6yrs
Ellah 16weeks

[madvoice]

If I was in a parent's room and a breastfeeding mother came in and wanted some privacy I'd let her have it. I believe she should have privacy if desired. I openly breastfed when I was able to do so. I had no problems with it. I just don't see why formula feeding mothers should just go somewhere else though.

[Mumof2+1]

I'm glad you understand the piont I was trying to make. Even though I breastfeed my bub, I would gladly give up the private room for another mum who felt uncomfortable feeding in public. I just flop it out where ever, when ever bub wants it's. LOL :D
When I was feeding my eldest daughter this one day I did see the most disturbing thing in a parents room. A mother took her small chid into one of the private rooms and started yelling her head off at the child for wandering off on her. I also heard loud smaking sounds and then the little boy started screaming.
I was so upset I left. At the time I didn't think to confront the women, but I did tell a security officer that was not far outside. Don't know what happened though.
I think if you don't feel you can do that in public, then why can you do it out of site. It's obviously the wrong thing to do.

[nemosmum]

Thats a very confronting situation Mumof2+1. I think in my mind I would prob. want to go in there and give her a piece of my mind! However if I was confronted with it I dont know if I'd be too stunned and shocked to do anything at all :( I know if my DH was there he'd say something for sure-he doesnt fear confrontation like I do. Once he saw a guy hit a girl on the street while he was driving by and he stopped the car and chased the guy down the street (luckily he didnt catch him, I hate to think of what would have happened) DH hates seeing violence against women and children (although he really likes watching boxing :confused: and even boxed a little bit in high school)

[Mumof2+1]

My husband is the same. I hate to think what he would of done to her if he was with me. I now feel realy bad for not doing more for the little boy but I was abit stunned and I did have my little girl to think of. Plus I don't know what she would of tried to do to me if I did confront her.

Trish
Taylah 8yrs
Jacob 6yrs
Ellah 17weeks

[nemosmum]

Its a very tricky situation as I know many people would say "its her child and her parenting style so keep your nose out of it!" but I also know people who would think "this child has rights too!" I'm in the second category and dont believe in physical punishment. Normally I wouldnt comment on another womens mothering style but when it comes to a child's well being I feel it is everybodies duty to step in and get involved. But like you Mumof2+1 I would prob. have been to shocked to do anything LOL :( a very sad situation, as I bet that mum really loves her child but doesnt know of a better way to handle the situation.

[tickle]

I also have no problem with bfding in public, but it got to a point where my ds just wouldn't concerntrate on what he was doing and was too busy watching other people. This is the reason I started using the parents rooms and I don't see why a bottlefed baby would be any different.
I also see your point though with the rooms being saved for mums who don't want to feed in public.

[BigW]

With reagard to the smacking issue, I too have seen this happen both in public areas and public loos. I agree to an extent that it is the parent's responsibility and right to discipline their child (which is why I find these anti-smacking laws so ridiculously absurd) but I do not condone a) taking them to a hidden place to do it and b) smacking them so much that they are howling as was mentioned.
I also have a hard time dealing with people that walk around the supermarket saying to their children "if you're good I'll buy you a lollie" then "remember I said I would buy you a lollile if you're good" etc etc.......
I agree with the sentiments regarding the parents room, after all, it is for parents irrespective of their feeding practises. I understand though that some people so have issues with 'flashing', and I can't seem to feed in public without squritning people at neighbouring tables! (too fast a let down I guess!) :)
It is a tricky issue, I agree. Unfortunately each to their own.

[Mumof2+1]

I just wanted to add, that I have smacked my children in public when they have been very naughty but it was more of a tap than anything. I do believe we should be allowed to do this if we think it's right, but there is a limit and this lady went way beyond it.

[nemosmum]

[QUOTE=BigW]I also have a hard time dealing with people that walk around the supermarket saying to their children "if you're good I'll buy you a lollie" then "remember I said I would buy you a lollile if you're good" etc etc.......QUOTE]

I would much prefer to hear parents saying that then hearing them smack their children! I think if thats the worst a parent does-offer there child a little incentive to behave in public then good on them, its not an ideal solution to the problem but its a hell of alot better then using physical punishment.
I hope I never have to use bribery but if its between that and smacking-I'd choose bribery every time LOL :D

[BigW]

I agree Orlandosmum, I guess I just get frustrated with some parents occassionally! :o
I think there is a little too much bargaining and bribery going on in todays world, and not enough teaching of values and behaviour. Every child has their own personality, and I know sometimes little people cannot understand repurcussions (sp?).
As I mentioned before though, each to their own. Unfortunately however, as they grow, our children are only going to imitate us as their parents.

[Sarie]

I've only fed my kids in parents rooms a handful of times, usually if they're screaming for a bottle and can't wait to get outside to have it. But they are good for even bottle fed bubs get distracted.
I do agree with (sorry I can't remember who said it now) whoever mentioned the smell. They seem to have changed the nappy bins and they all smell, it's horrid.
My husband had a bad experience a few months ago when our second baby was only very little. I was watching my older boy playing on a kids area in the food court (still recovering from giving birth) and my husband took our tiny newborn into a 'parents' room to change his nappy and heat up a bottle. There was one woman breast feeding out in the main area, no - one was in the cubicles. He gave her a smile, you know to say 'how are you' and she was very rude to him. Gave him nasty looks and carried on as if he had no right to be there.
I thought that was just awful. We had never struck this kind of thing before, my poor hubby was gobbsmacked. Dad's have just as much right to be there, but I guess this women didn't agree.
He hasn't come across this again, thank goodness. My hubby is a great dad he is so involved with the kids, feeding, changing he does everything he can.

[Sarie]

I agree Orlandosmum, I guess I just get frustrated with some parents occassionally! :o
I think there is a little too much bargaining and bribery going on in todays world, and not enough teaching of values and behaviour. Every child has their own personality, and I know sometimes little people cannot understand repurcussions (sp?).
As I mentioned before though, each to their own. Unfortunately however, as they grow, our children are only going to imitate us as their parents.

I agree.
You can't reason with a 2 year old. And sometimes they need to know right now that was they did was wrong and they could have hurt themselves or someone else. Just my opinion.

[Sarie]

I just wanted to add, that I have smacked my children in public when they have been very naughty but it was more of a tap than anything. I do believe we should be allowed to do this if we think it's right, but there is a limit and this lady went way beyond it.

I whole heartedly agree. I do smack my son, if need be. But there is a limit.

[nemosmum]

I whole heartedly agree. I do smack my son, if need be. But there is a limit.


Just curious to know what the limits are in re: to smacking? doesnt it get a bit confusing for parents who do believe in smacking then to turn around and judge another parent for smacking their child :confused:
For me personally smacking isnt an option as I would never allow any one else to hit my DS so I figure why should I? I am of the notion that DS is an individual, a little human being with rights and feelings and I dont go around smacking people on the street that do silly things so I dont think its my right to hit my child either...... as you said BIGW our children will just end up imitating our behaviour. As such I would hate for DS to think I condoned violence, especially against those I love.

Just my thoughts :)

[Sarie]

There is a difference between a smack when needed and beating. I don't beat my children. I don't believe you can sit down with a two year old and explain why they shouldn't do something.
But it's your own opinion and I have mine.

[Rainbowbrite]

There is a difference between a smack when needed and beating. I don't beat my children. I don't believe you can sit down with a two year old and explain why they shouldn't do something.
But it's your own opinion and I have mine.

I agree with you Sarie. I personally believe that a (as in 1) smack on the hand for touching something you shouldn't never hurt me, if anything it taught me right from wrong. I was "smacked" (usually on the bum)and it basically got my attention and I knew what I was doing was wrong. It was always a last resort. Each to their own.

RB

[nemosmum]

There is a difference between a smack when needed and beating. I don't beat my children. I don't believe you can sit down with a two year old and explain why they shouldn't do something.
But it's your own opinion and I have mine.

I agree with you a two year old doesnt understand why they shouldnt do somethings, therefore wouldnt it stand to reason that a two year old wouldnt understand why their getting smacked?
I also agree to disagree, each to their own, live and let live.......

Peace to everyone :)

[Melissa1983]

Has anyone bothered to read why this woman smacked her child. If one of my DD ran off on me, I would smack her too! Whats to say she ran off in the carpark and got hit by a car. I am sorry but there is only so much reasoning you can do with a 2-3yrd old. My eldest DD (nearly 3) has only done it once and she got a smack - she now knows not to run off on me or her dad. I am with Sarie - there is a difference between a smack and a beating. But as with everything, everyone is entitled to their opinion (and to be able to freely voice it) and we should all respect that even if we don't agree with it.

[BigW]

A smack on the hand and a firm 'no' at your child's level is ample.
Laying into your child as this woman did behind closed doors is unacceptable.

It's a massive can of worms. My children are going to know right from wrong, and after my upbringing, I will make sure they respond more to the tone of my voice and words than a beating. I do still think though, sometimes words just don't get the full point across and a little bit of discipline helps.

[Sarie]

A smack on the hand and a firm 'no' at your child's level is ample.
Laying into your child as this woman did behind closed doors is unacceptable.

It's a massive can of worms. My children are going to know right from wrong, and after my upbringing, I will make sure they respond more to the tone of my voice and words than a beating. I do still think though, sometimes words just don't get the full point across and a little bit of discipline helps.

100% agree

[nemosmum]

[QUOTE=BigW]A smack on the hand and a firm 'no' at your child's level is ample.
Laying into your child as this woman did behind closed doors is unacceptable.QUOTE]


Thankyou BigW for answering my Q. in re: to smacking I appreciate that its a very hot topic and I am sorry if I upset anyone by asking about it.
Mummy of 2 if my DS ran off on me in a car park I would be very upset and scared that he might get hurt, I would not choose to take that fear for my childs well being and turn it into anger towards my DS, I would not smack him, I do not see the relevence in it, sorry I just dont. Like I said before live and let live, peace to everyone :)

[the_queen]

RE: public smacking and should you step in?

When my hubby and I were separated, and The Princess and I lived in DV emergency accomodation, we came in contact with a lot of other single mums who were in really really difficult circumstances. And I saw women hitting their children out of frustration, not for discipline or anything like that, but just because they were stressed/exhausted/etc. And you can all say "oh but that's no excuse to take it out on the child" I COMPLETELY AGREE but the one time I stepped in and tried to stick up for the kid, she ended up getting it worse when they got home. Plus, the mother was angry at me, started spreading lies about me and actually maliciously reported me to FAYS for a whole lot of crap that wasn't true (FAYS soon worked out what the truth was, but still I have a FAYS file now). The child kept getting beaten, and I heard recently that FAYS stepped in and now there is a social worker coming round every week. Then there was another woman, who was also just as bad with hitting her children, but instead of me getting angry at her for it, I decided to be a friend to her. I calmly suggested we leave the kids to play and we'll go have a cuppa. So effectively, I put the mother in "Time Out"...!! But as soon as she'd sat down, she burst into tears, and let it all out about her domestic problems and how hard everything seemed, and how SHE DIDN'T HAVE ANYBODY TO TALK TO ABOUT IT etc etc. We talked and talked, I told her about my parenting experiences, she ended up asking me for advice, and now we are pretty good friends (although I still don't like the way she speaks to the children sometimes - but she's a lot better than she used to be) and she is always ALWAYS asking me for my advice about parenting. I now feel in a position to be able to confront her (in a friendly way) when she is out of control, and because we are friends, SHE LISTENS TO ME. I think that we need to realise that these "abusive mothers" are people too, people who have probably got a really hard life, and if they had an outlet to vent appropriately, maybe they wouldn't take it out on their children.

[Sarie]

Just to throw the thought out there.

How many of us would be happy if someone told us we were doing the wrong thing by our child. That we shouldn't do this or that, that we were wrong in the way we were raising our children.

I don't think many of us would take anyone trying to tell us how to be a parent very well.

Just a thought...

[nemosmum]

Every mother (no matter how messed up) loves their chilren and wants whats best for them. Mums do the best they can and when they know better they do better :)

[Mumof2+1]

I did't realise what a can of worms I was oppening up by posting my experience.
:eek:
Normaly I wouldn't comment but this woman was really lashing out. If had of been me she was hitting it would of hurt alot.(just my impression from how loud the smacks were)
As for to smack or not to smack. Each to their own. And I understand it's very hard to draw the line. But in this instance I firmly believe It was way over the top. I know you sometimes take things out on the kids when your stressed. I was terrible to be arround when I was pregnant this last time, because I was in so much pain. I often found myself about to lash out at the kids, but I always stopped myself before this could happen as I knew it was wrong.
What really got to me about this lady was that she was able to keep her cool long enough to take the child into the perenting room out of site. Isn't that saying something is wrong with what your about to do. :confused:

Trish
Taylah 8yrs
Jacob 6yrs
Ellah 17weeks

[nemosmum]

It sounds premeditated to me, its one thing to lose your temper and lash out regretting it later its another to remove the child to a secluded area and then do it, I think thats way more serious!

[our little treasures]

It's actually a parents right to smack thier child as a form of discipline although lashing out in anger is a form of child abuse!!! I have a toddler who I said I would smack well I have started and it doesnt work for us (she hate sitting on her bed) So many times I would think god I would like to give you a few smacks right now but thats when it can get out of control!!! So a quick thinking smack is great as long as you don't lash out in anger!! Obviously some people have never tried reasoning with a toddler it doesnt work!!!

While I do applaud mothers that don't smack I think that it is up to the parents what formof punishment the child gets

[nemosmum]

Im an E.C teacher and before having DS I worked for 6 years with babies and children up to the age of 6. I have been able to successfully discipline (without using physical punishment as its against the law) with thousands of children over the years. I know its a totally different thing when its your own child and your at home by yourself(or out by yourself) and your tired/overwhelmed etc

But I think if I can do it for 6years with other kids whats stopping me from doing the same with my own son.

I know reasoning with a 2 year old can be useless (depending on the childs developmental stage) but I also know there are heaps of ways to minimise negetive reinforcement.

I personally dont believe smacking achieves anything, I would much rather my son learn by watching my positive actions then seeing me lash out and hit him.
Parents have the right to discipline their children the way they think is best but children have rights too,
Just my thoughts :)