Just the one

[~EmsMum~]

I didn't know exactly where to post it, but mods if its in the wrong section please feel free to move it.

Lately ive been thinking about if I would have another baby or not.... And you know what I don't think I ever will... Im 99.9% sure that Emma will be an only child and I really do feel at peace with it.

I get upset when people ask if I want anymore children and I say no im happy with one, they always say yeah right thats what you say now. and im like Grrr people don't listen.....

So my question is to people who have only one child, do you feel guilty about your decsion and do you also cop alot of **** from other people (remarks wise)

Sorry about the rant

[Jem]

as u know mandy i have 3 :p and boy did that happen fast :laughing:

But dd was an only child for 4 yrs.. and in that time i did get ppl telling me i should be fair and give her a brother or sister .

i just let it go in one ear and out the other... even now with 3 ppl tell me i should give the boys a sister :eek: :no:

[SweetSerenity]

Im happy with one :yes:

Im not ruling out having another one, but we will make that decision if and when it feels right! Im not going to put our family through financial hardship right now just to have another baby...

Maybe after we buy our own house in the next couple of years ill consider it, but im like you mandy, im at peace right now having just the one :D

[spring]

I would love to have more children but I don't think it fair for anyone to critisize what decision you have made regarding your own life, whats it to them? Its not them who has to go through pregnancy, sleepless nights & all the rest. I'd say 'pfft' to them.

[SamanthaJane]

I would love to have about 3 or 4... but considering i want to be married before i have anymore that will be a LONG way away.... If ever!

There is nothing wrong with only having 1 child. I really wish people would just mind their own business... As if it even matters to them! :mad:

[Cupcake]

Just the one for us :yelclap: No-one makes me feel guilty or says anything bad(to my face:rolleyes: )& tuff if they think it is selfish or cruel, I know what I want & what I can cope with & I am very happy with my decision :thumbsup:
My DD has 6 cousins all born within 1.5yrs of each other so she has plenty of playmates :smiliedance:

[caitlin]

Hi my name is Linda Gordon and I am a 42 year old mother of Caitlin (5). Our family is very happy and my husband and I married late and left little time for a big family, we tried and tried for a sibling but it miscued 2 times after Caitlin. I am concerned about what people say and feel about only children and they all assume it is a decision made by the parents, not one by choice or circumstances.

I am looking for any parents of 'onlies' who live in the Brisbane North area who are interested in conversing about concerns etc. I have also accessed the 'Only Child' group based in England and they suggest the possibility of starting a group in Australia of onlies and their families. If anyone is interested please contact me.

Thanks.

[Mum&bubs]

Mandy I don't think there is anything wrong with just having one child at all. I used to always get confused after I had Summer because I had such a bond with her I didnt think I would be able to share that with another child.. (now THAT sounds selfish hehe) and I often debated in my head if I really wanted another child or just keep it as one. Karl and I (obviously) chose to have another one & I have already fell in love with her even though shes not quite here yet & I cop a lot of cr@p about having a baby too close in age to Summer. Seems you just can't win can you? People seem to push their noses into everyone's business & say what they think is right or wrong no matter what you do. So basically what I am saying is do what you think will make you happy. If Emma is all it takes then do that :hugs:

[TTannyaa]

We decided that Chloe was going to be the one and only for us until I had a whoopsy on the pill. We originally copped a lot of flak for our decision, everyone was saying Yeah right as if you are only having 1 child, that is so unfair you should give Chloe a brother or sister and then when we announced our second (unplanned pregnancy) everyone was like told you so :rolleyes: I think we would have been happy with one, but we are definately happy with 2 and wouldn't change a thing, Simone is wonderful. I will never understand why people think it is their right to criticise anyones decisions and add their 2 cents worth when not wanted. Opinions are one thing, criticism is a whole new ball game altogether. Sorry for raving on a bit. Goodluck with whatever you decide to do. :thumbsup:

[Ana Gram]

I am not remotely interested in having another child. It gets very annoying when people say "You'll change your mind" ect. Um, no I won't.
There is nothing wrong with having one child.

[ThomasMum]

For one simple reason:

Life's fantastic, Thomas is a healthy and happy kid, why change it? :yelclap: :D

[Scout]

I'm a second-generation only child and I think that Sax will be too.

I actually don't like the title "Parents of Lone Child". I've never heard of lone child before - I think only child is far more PC. Lone is only two letters away from lonely and there is no need to an only child to be lonely.

[Mom2twingirls+2more]

I'm an only child, the only thing that is really bad about it is the comments from other people, you know only loney etc, and the questions like 'why did your mum only have one?' because she wanted to!!:mad: But being an only child I have a very close relationship with my mum which is great!!:)

[ashleerose]

Well i have two kids one of each both to my ex hubby (we are still legally married but havent divorced).

I should be happy after all i have one of each (girl 5 and boy 4).

But i must admit i had them close in age and now that they are getting older, i would love to have another one (and i know its going to sound completly crazy but i would only want another one to my ex and that is as unlikely as aliens coming to take me to their planet).

And so i try to squash those clucky moments that have been increasing and remind myself that i have two kids and they are more than enough.

Afterall there is only one of me to two of them.

But i do feel sad because of everything that i have been through i could never ever consider being in another relationship short term or long term and know that i will never have any more children.

[jess_live_die]

i have to daughters but alot of people have one and dont plan anymore and i wouldnt worry about what people say i know it makes alot of people mad but you little girl is beautiful and the more spoilt shell b i know at times i wish i was an only child my sister gets everything.

[suzannec]

my dh and i decided that we would only have 1 due to our age. I have copped nothing but grief and guilt trips from a lot of workmates. My mum even said it was said. She was an only child and she said she was lonely. But hey, that was back in the 1950's when you didnt go to friends houses, have sleep overs and such.
I did go thru a stage where the guilt got really bad and i considered having another one purely to give dd a playmate, but once i regained my senses, and remembered all the reason why we decided on 1, i have finally made peace with the decision and am very happy.
I actually lie now and just tell people i cant have anymore. saves having to explain.
I know i shouldnt have to lie, but it shuts people up really quickly because they dont want to pry as to the reason.

[red crayon]

as someone has already said, it's no-one's business but your own. i will never understand why people, after having asked a very personal question like 'are you going to have another?', then think it's okay to comment on your response! as if they have any say in what your family should look like.

i um and ah about having a second child. if i was 10 years younger, there'd be no second throughts but i'm nearly 40 and i'm fast running out of energy. the thought of doing 2 night feeds again sends me running to the hills.

my son's an outgoing and sociable little kid and i think he'll always be running around with a pack of friends - only child or not.

[SassyMummy]

DD's an only child for now... but then, she's only 15 months.

When I was pregnant, I swore 'never again.' After my c-section, I swore "never again." After a few months I thought, "Actually..." and now I'm thinking, "I'M RARING TO GO!" (mind you, DP isn't...).

I think when people make the insensitive "That's what you say now..." thing, they're doing it because, basically, you're 19 and your bub is young. A lot of people can look back at how they were at 19, and can't believe the decisions they'd "made" for the rest of their life... I mean, I'm only 20, but looking back at when I was say, 16...well, I just laugh at how ridiculous I was. A lot of older people probably, from experience, won't believe you because they know that they changed THEIR minds when they were older, and there's a very good chance you could too (and there's a chance you may not...).

IMO, it's generally best to be OPEN to new things... not decide either way. I mean, right NOW might not be the best time have another... but who's to say that when you're 30, and your bub is getting close to the end of primary school, you won't have the urge to have another? You very well may not either, but to decide either way, when your baby is only really young, and so are you...well, THAT is probably why people roll their eyes and don't believe you.

[defa]

OMG it PI$$ES me off so much when people tell me that i will have another kid I only want 1 and DH only was 1 so why does everyone think we need more??
I love having my little girl i can give her everything with in reason and i am happy that i can do that..
Our house will be paid off when she is in her teen so we can then go O/S on holidays..
I work with kids everyday i don't want to have to look after 28kids at work and then have to come home to a house full of my own...
It gets very annoying when people say "You'll change your mind" ect. Um, no I won't....
Parents can be happy with one child..

[subaruforestermum]

Yes I only have one, I am happy and have my handsfull enough with one, and I always get people asking about anymore.....

The main one is "he needs a playmate", well he has a couple of little friends, and as he grows he will bond with more, and become friends with more children. He does not need a brother or sister to have a friend, as from my experience, I didnt get along with my sister until last year, and we were close as young kids but grew apart........

I wasnt ready to become a parent and am still learning to cope, and learning to be a mum to one, I dont want to have another child, as I say if it happens it will happen, but Im not planning on it, as I was planning on my first, although I wouldnt change having him now.

[OneNowOneLater]

I know this thread has been dead for quite a while now.... But i decided a little cpr would help!

Like Subaru, i wasnt ready to become a parent. And i havent learnt how to cope yet - especially when i'm a single mum.

But with the circumstances behind my pregnancy, the emotional turmoil my family put me thru while i was pregnant. I hated my pregnancy, and everything to do with being pregnant. Needless to say, i never want to be pregnant ever again.

So, i'm more than happy only ever having one child.

[icugal]

From the perspective of an only child here... I hated every single minute of it.

It is quite lonely growing up without any siblings... and you don't get to do the fun things with brothers and sisters etc that others take for granted.

I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure that my son will NOT be an only child.



Just my perspective though... and as long as you're happy with your decision, then it doesn't matter what anyone else says :)

[anscje]

Well as most ppl might know I was an only child and absolutely LOVED it!!!

DS is an only child and will remain so. No matter how many siblings you have it's not a guarantee that they are automatically going to get along with you and want to be your friend.

My Mum has 5 siblings and only talks to 2 of them so I think having another baby for a "playmate" is a ridiculous idea :rolleyes:

When people ask if I'm having another baby I just tell them "why would I have another one when our family is complete"??

They give me blank stares then :D

Oh and on another note, I cannot think of one activity that I missed out on not having a brother or sister. I used to have my friends always wanting to come to my house because my parents always took me out to wonderful places every weekend and all my friends would want to come along.

Being an only child is far from lonely - it just depends on the type of parents you have I think.

[eeyorethedonkey21]

hi there

i'm another "only child" and it didnt bother me at all being an only child. i got spoilt rotten (in fact i still do and i'm 25 and now marrierd)!

my mother-in-law said to me the other day "so when you move into your new 5-bedroom house there'll be your room, james's room, your office and there will be two spare rooms...." and i turned around and said "no there won't"

i have james (who's 4months old) and i have 3 cats that i call my kids. i dont need or want any more kids and i'm sick of people saying "yes you will". i was fine as an only child and i know james will be too because i'll be there to keep him company. and his cousin is only 7 months older than him and my best friend is due in december so james will be 7months older than her little boy.

and like other mums on here have said...."who's to say that our little ones will get on with siblings? i know i wouldn't have. the only down side to being an only child is you have no one else to blame if you do something wrong :)

[christen]

I am only child, and loved it as a kid, it would be cool to have a sibling now that i see how close DP and his sister are, but i am close to her too!

DD will be an only child (unless we get another surprise!!) People say to me '...you'll change your mind...' um...no i always said i would have more than 1, but now that i've got 1, i only want one! I dont want to have to go through that again!!!!!

In saying that though, dp and i have talked about having another one and we pretty much decided if we were to have another baby, it wouldnt be until dd was at least 5 years old.

[IAdoreYou]

I have really been thinking about this alot lately. I have a couple of GF's who only have 1 child and they wouldn't have it any other way.

We are dealing with secondary infertility at the moment after having to deal with it for many years before, it's just a big pain in the A**!

I would love one more, but, I would also be okay with just 1. I love my DD more then anything, if I'm not blessed with another by the time she heads off to prep, then we done I think and go travel with her!


I am only child, and loved it as a kid
I like hearing quotes like this! I'm just worried about my DD not having a brother or a sister later in life ... see what happens!

[katyg]

I always have people tell me that I will change my mind later and have another baby. But I won't. The people who tell you that have no idea. I am a single mother, and have been since my ex left when I was 4 weeks pregnant. I was bed ridden with severe morning sickness for 8 months. I lost half my blood and needed 4 blood transfusions while giving birth. My son is and always has been my absolute joy. I only ever wanted a son. Apart from still being single, often broke and a sahm, even if I married and had money I wouldn't have any more kids. I like only having one.

[LivinOnAPrayer]

Hi ladies.

I was at the hospital with DD who has alot of long term health and development problems(she was an inpatient at that time) and the red cross volunteers were there playing with the kids. I was asked if DD was an only and I said yes, that she'd be staying that way too.
The red cross ladie said to me 'dont do that to her. DH was an only child and he hated it, its cruel'.
I felt sick that shed even say that to me!! What right does she have? None. So i though how rude she was and let it out of my mind.
Then when we got home from hospy a week later, my neibour said the same thing!!

I dont understand how DD could be better off with a child we dont want, cant afford and cant give as much time to as DD gets.

[nugglyboysmum]

lexi - its a load of cr@p and you know it. our children will have wonderful full lives without siblings. Our children dont have to fight for our attention, our children can have their own space when they need it, our children wont have stress head parents, there are so many positives to be an only child and its awwful that so many people focus on the negatives. There are pluses and negatives to every situation in life, but for some families the pluses outway the negatives of having an only child. People really need to keep their cruel comments to themselves, motherguilt is hard enough without having people like that adding to it for no good reason!

[Bronnie]

My DD is an only child, she was a bit of a surprise and now I have a dilemma!
I always wanted at least 2, but I don't want them to be more than 2/3 years apart.
Trouble is, I'm starting uni part-time in semester 2. I REALLY want to get my act together and get qualified, get a good stable job to provide a secure home and lifestyle for my baby girl.
I don't want to put it off, nor do I want to have another baby in 2/3 years and put them staright into daycare so I can resume my studies.
Conundrum!
Not to mention, my DP has 2 daughters from previous relationships and I'm not sure if he's up for another one...

[LivinOnAPrayer]

nugglyboys, i totally agree with you. Anything you look at in life has pro's and con's.

After a long yet gentle time convincing dh that he wasnt going to get another bub out of me, we've started selling DD's baby baby stuff. Its a bit upsetting for me, not cause i want to keep it, but because i dont care that we're not. Guess its another nail in the coffin, so to speak. So right now we're looking forward to getting out DD healthy and developing, then we cant wait for the toddler years!!!

(DD is very behind in all aspects of development, and is a very complex medical case so we're still not really past about 10 months old stages....yet)

[nugglyboysmum]

peta - i had those same feelings when i started to give away all of Archies tiny baby clothes, carseat and all the rest, still occasionally get a bit emotional when i give something away and i think the reason that i give stuf away so soon is, as you said, like another nail in the coffin, like im telling myself im really not going to have anymore children. Its good when yo9u reach the decision not to have any more children cause then you can kinda plan for the future better and imagine what things will be like for your family in the future, its exciting.

Have fun with toddler years, they are exhausting frustrating magnificent and precious!

[Sholmes]

We only have our DD so far. I'm not sure I want another one either. Things are fine as they are and everything is more manageable with one - holidays, childcare, future school fees, housing, space in general!

I'm an only child and I had no family around when I was growing up apart from my folks. I don't think it affected me then, but I do sometimes feel lonely now. Probably because DH is very close to his brother as they are only 18 months apart and I wish I knew what that felt like sometimes.

The fact is, not all siblings are going to get along, they might get along as kids and grow apart or vice versa. We have no control over that.

I suffered depression last year due to a hormone imbalance and that, coupled with the reclusiveness of maternity leave for 9 months made me feel beyond lonely. I'm not sure if I want to go through feeling like that again.

Yeah, most people say to have another one to keep one another company, but it is your decision, your body, your life. No one likes to be told what to do or that what they're doing isn't the 'right thing'. Tell 'em to zip it!

[Nozzy]

I also hate it when asked when (not if) I'll have another baby, and when I say: "happy with just the one, thanks" I get called selfish, ingrate, etc.
Why the h*ll did you ask in the fist place if you can't cope with the answer?
I don't get the lonely bit at all. What are cousins and friends for? I'd rather be able to afford to take my daughter on holidays and have a nicer life.:flowerz:

[LivinOnAPrayer]

Other parents can be so critical. These days everyone thinks their opinion counts and that they're always right.

I dont make a fuss when i see a family or 6. Why make a fuss seeing a family of 3.

Would people be rude if they realised my daughter has serious madical conditions, and that theres a 50/50 chance of passing it on to any other children we may have? Doubt it.

Have any only's on here asked mum and dad for a sibling? How'd you get around that?? Not that i'll need to worry for alot of years yet, just curious

[adelaidejane]

So my question is to people who have only one child, do you feel guilty about your decsion and do you also cop alot of **** from other people (remarks wise)


At this point in time, we're not planning for any more kids. Laidey was a whoops-baby anyway :laughing:

It kinda bugs me when people tell me I'll change my mind. Maybe I will, I'm only 24 and we've only been married a couple of years. But if I don't, and we decide no more kids ever, that's okay too.

From a personal level, I certainly don't want to go through pregnancy again. The actual birthing was a fairly good experience - I was induced at 39 weeks (because of very high protein levels in my urine), but from induction to delivery it was about six hours, and I got through without any drugs. But the pregnancy is what would put me off having more. Horrible nausea that lasted for about 5 or 6 months, horrible heartburn that lasted the entire pregnancy (I remember feeling twangs of it while I was trying to push!!), excrutiating gallstone pain... no thanks! :laughing: