View Full Version : Need a stay at home dads opinion
Ok so I am a mother posting in the dads section. My DH has been a stay at home dad for around 12.5 months now. Am I being unrealistic in expecting that he prepares meals, keeps up with the washing and participates in things like kinder duty, classroom parent at school??? Yep I am narky as I still do 95% of the running of the house duties despite the fact that I am the 'breadwinner'. Is it too much to ask for dinner to be cooked or for the washing to be done, we have 2 kids and basically I do everything, I cook all the meals, do all the washing do things like kinder duty etc.... I forced him to do kinder duty a few weeks ago and he was pretty dirty about it - I am just sad that he is not embracing the rare opportunity to be able to do these kind of things. Mention going back to work to him and he has 1000 excuses why he shouldnt. All he wants to do is persue his personal hobbies (on my watch) and we seem to have constant fights as to why he cannot head to the mountains 3 or 4 times a week to mountain bike ride. For goodness sakes I never get time out!! But he will argue that I get time out when I do the grocery shopping etc (yay for me). So come on fellas please define your role as a stay at home dad for me as I need a male perspective on this. Can I just add before you slaughter me that I was a fulltime stay at home mum for 5 years before I returned to work and I did all the cooking, most of the cleaning, all of the kids curricular and extracurricular activies, playgroup, playdates, managed the family finances, did all the shopping etc..... Our descission to have him at home is based on the fact that I have the potential to earn over $100k a year. I generally only work 8-9 hours a week by appointment but do a lot of driving so I do get tired from the late nights that go with the job (no I am not a prostitute :laughing:). Sorry fellas for the long vent, I am just sooo frustrated by things right now
I think its reasonable to expect a fair division of tasks to me, part of the SAHP role is kindy duty etc. housework is shared. so is leisure time.
have you tried writing up a housework roster?
Another mum replying but feel u are well within ur rights to expect it. My hubby stays home & he dies everything a SAHM does ie cooking, cleaning, looking after our son bath, feeds & play time.
We are the same I earn a lot more than my hubby & he is happy to do the home duties.
Hope he can start to help u out a bit more :)
As a SAHM, I do kid duty while he's at work and we share the housework/meal prep equally.
Kid duty would include kinder duty and parent help at school.
I would expect the same if he were a SAHD and I was working.
This guy is just wrong!
If he gets his share of the jobs done then he gets to go to the mountains 2-3 times a week.
However when babies come life changes and we cannot do everything we used to do without making some changes.
He needs to man up, get the SAH chores done, make sure the family is good and then he can think about his hobbies.
Personally it sounds like he has a great life but at the expense of making yours much harder. Parenting is a team effort (no offence to the single parents who are GODS IMO) and whether you are a man or a women this behaviour is NOT COOL.
Time for a serious chat
Thanks guys for the replies, glad you all think I am not a horrible wife!!! Brad your right he does have a pretty cushy life and he seems to be relishing his role as a kept man but your right it is at my expense. Funnily enough his mum come over yesterday and had a dig at him (which is unlike her as she normally defends his actions) and basically told him to either start being more helpful and look after the house or go back to work and she will look after the children if I need help during the day :smiliedance:. I hate fighting with him about it but I have made it clear the holiday is over and its time to start learning how to run the house, I have also made it clear he is to start taking on a more active role in the kids kinder/school and I have tried to explain the sheer joy of doing this its certinly not a chore its one of the best bits of parenting!! So it looks like he is off to the farm with Kinder next week and he was quite a while doing school drop off this morning - turns out he was having a mothers club meeting with some of the girls and the crossing lady :laughing:
I'm not a male or a dad, but it sounds to me like your hubby just wants to stay home because he's too lazy to work and thinks it's just a walk in the park.
I once asked ex if he'd ever consider being a sahd, he said yes. I asked him if he'd take the kids out to playgroup, school activities etc, clean the house, cook etc just like I've had to do since becoming a mum. He said "yes of course." I laughed.
I just wanted to say that grocery shopping is as much of a chore as anything else, and is NOT time out for yourself, I'm sure other fathers would agree!
You should be more adamant about time for yourself as much as he's adamant about his hobbies! I would tell him to shape up or go back to work but that's me :)
Another mum but as a SHAM we share cooking and cleaning duties. I do more cleaning that him (purely because he sucks at it) and he does.more cooking when he is home. He also does baths when he is here. He is a policeman so works 12+ hour shifts and regular nights etc. He loves spending time with ds when he is here and we clean and wash together on his days off. I wouldn't expect everything from him but a fair share at least!
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Just wanted to say my dh is a sahd too but does his fair share! He also studies. I wanna know apart from looking after the kids what does this guy do with his time if ur doing everything else???
Sounds like he has a good life!
Sent from my iphone, excuse my mistakes, i have big thumbs.
Me 26 + DH 25 baby eric 13/08/2010
Hi Lovelymum, :wave:
Your right, right and right again...I'm a working Dad but have done my share as a SAHD...but surely at work or stay at home, partners share all those things that make up lifes little joys (like groceries shopping) :laughing: and the parent involvement in the classroom these days is great for parent and child alike :highfive: and to think he can't or won't cook a meal, my God where's your head man ...makes me think :eek: that this guy has got something else going on??? G :freakingout: ive him heaps FTD
I have to agree with everyone else in this thread.
What you are asking isn't unreasonable at all. He needs to pull his head out of the clouds. It really does sound as though he wants to live his life on your paycheck while agreeing to 'babysit' for you when you have to go to work. Not good enough.
My DP works long hours and he does more than your "stay-at-home-dad"... doesn't sound like he's actually a SAHD, that sounds like unemployment to me if he can't even drop the kids to kindy!
I'm a SAHM and would be pretty upset if my partner expected me to do all the cleaning, cooking and shopping. Looking after a child (children) is a full-time job and anything else you get done is a bonus IMO. When DP is home from work we share in cooking, cleaning, baby cuddling equally. Having said that, it does sound like you're getting the raw end of the deal
I think expecting him to cook every night is a little bit much however everything else you've said I agree with. Keeping up with the washing if it's done when needed really isn't hard, nor is staying on top of *most* (not all, that's not fair) housework.
I agree with the idea about making a roster and also agree that a serious talk is needed.
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