View Full Version : Wishing well - how much money to give?
louhopeful
10-09-2011, 18:35
Going to a friends engagement party and they have a wishing well. How much money would you put in? Is $50 okay? I dont wanna seem like a stinge! Lol
That's how much I've done in the past. We aren't rich, and that is the same amount I would spend on a gift.
I wouldn't worry about looking stingy - when we got married, the cost of the gift was the last thing I would have thought about. And if we'd had a wishing well, I'd have been darn grateful for receiving anything really.
chubby bunny
10-09-2011, 18:57
I think $50 is fine :yes:
MunchiesMummy
10-09-2011, 19:01
A wishing well at an engagement party seems rude to me? I don't know why thought ha ha. But I don't get engagement parties?
I would say 50 is plenty. X
A wishing well at an engagement party seems rude to me? I don't know why thought ha ha. But I don't get engagement parties?
I would say 50 is plenty. X
You just took the words right out of my keyboard :)
They should be grateful getting $50!!
MummaWhite
10-09-2011, 19:06
I think $50 is generous, I personally would only put in what id spend on a gift :)
A wishing well at an engagement party seems rude to me? I don't know why thought ha ha. But I don't get engagement parties?
I would say 50 is plenty. X
^^^ this...
If they get $50 per guest at the engagement party, what are they going to expect in the well at the wedding?
MunchiesMummy
10-09-2011, 19:12
A wishing well at an engagement party seems rude to me? I don't know why thought ha ha. But I don't get engagement parties?
I would say 50 is plenty. X
We didnt have one because I just dont get the point?
We just took my bestie and her DP out to dinner at a lovely restuarant to celebrate.
I guess its just a celebration, but yeah the whole wishing well thing at an engagement? I think its rude.
AND I agree with pp if you wouldnt spend $50 on a pressie then dont put $50 in a wishing well xx
I'd give $50 at a wedding (more if it were immediate family) but not sure of an engagement, does seem a tad rude, I think you were generous giving $50 at an engagement
RainbowSky
10-09-2011, 19:18
A wishing well at an engagement party seems rude to me? I don't know why thought ha ha. But I don't get engagement parties?
I would say 50 is plenty. X
Wishing wells in general are rude imo. But then I also hate registries and anything that mentions gifts - no matter what the occassion. Very poor etiquette. I have just received an invite to a 21st where she is having a wishing well and specified that she wants money and no gifts!! For a 21st!!!! Yuck.
Anyhoo, I think $50 is more than enough. I went to a wedding recently and put $50 into the wishing well. I couldn't afford anything more and it was only myself that went (no partner or anything) so that was what I did.
louhopeful
10-09-2011, 19:19
Yeah I thought you only had them at weddings as well haha! Oh well, yeah $50 it is! Thanks ladies!
happygirl1982
10-09-2011, 19:21
I think wishing wells are great. Would you rather waste your money on something they like or need ?
I recently attended a engagement party with a wishing well & it didn't cross my mind that asking for money was rude. The couple had a fairly large party at a function centre & I know it cost them about $65 per head (& they invited about 120 people). They are getting married in Fiji so the actual wedding will be small, hence the big engagement celebration.
We gave $50 :)
I would put in what ever you would pay for and engagement gift. depending on the relationship for me it would range from $25-$50
I have heard the rule
Of thumb for a wedding tho is you give(as gift/money) what your meal would cost $50-$100+
I recently attended a engagement party with a wishing well & it didn't cross my mind that asking for money was rude. The couple had a fairly large party at a function centre & I know it cost them about $65 per head (& they invited about 120 people). They are getting married in Fiji so the actual wedding will be small, hence the big engagement celebration.
We gave $50 :)
krystallxx
10-09-2011, 19:43
It would depend on who it was but yeh $50 sounds good.
waterlily
10-09-2011, 19:45
Im another who thinks wishing well for an engagement is SUPER rude!!!
One for a wedding is fine! But Engagement is just greedy!!!
50 is more than enough!
I was invited to a engagement party with the note saying blah blah blah we have everything so we're doing a wishing well etc. So I gave $$ then came the wedding and they had a gift registry?? Oh, I thought you had everything already.... I thought it was a bit odd but whatever :/
mummykitty
10-09-2011, 21:04
To me it would depend on who they were, for family 50 would probably be ok friends I'm not sure but for an engagement that sounds odd.,
PinkIsTheNewBlack
10-09-2011, 21:34
To be honest I dont like wishing well's for engagement- especially if the couple is then going to have a wishing well for their wedding as well!!!! It's like double dipping. They will prob expect more at the wedding too! I think $50 is fine!!!
I had a wishing well for my wedding- not engagement, and only because we had lived together for yrs, had everything we needed etc. The money went towards paying for our honeymoon. We had an engagement party but wanted no gifts at all!
My friend recently had a wishing well at engagement and her wedding and had a bridal shower as well...i just felt this was greedy :P But thats my opinion
[QUOTE=waterlily;
One for a wedding is fine! But Engagement is just greedy!!![/QUOTE]
so you wouldn't have an engagement party?!?
We had a wishing well at both our engagement party & our wedding.
We had one at out engagement party because it was our engagement/going away party & we were moving 5hrs away the very next morning. So it was impossible to pack a car full of presents. And we told people what our intentions were with the $$.
We were using it to set up our new house as we sold our previous house (the one we were moving from the nxt morning) fully furnished.
So we had a wishing well so that we could buy some nice furniture & household items that would last years & stuff we'd actually use rather than an ugly vase or something that'd just sit in the cupboard.
When I'm giving gifts I'd rather give something they want like a gift registry or a wishing well. I'd hate to spend hours looking for a gift I think they may like only for them to hate it.
I agree, wishing well at an engagement is very presumptuous (sp??) Meanwhile, we are invited to a 1st birthday party (yes, a 1st birthday ) with the invitation specifically saying 'no obligation, but we are having a wishing we'll if you would like to make a contribution'. ...W..T..F???!!??!!
MoonGecko
10-09-2011, 22:14
I agree, wishing well at an engagement is very presumptuous (sp??) Meanwhile, we are invited to a 1st birthday party (yes, a 1st birthday ) with the invitation specifically saying 'no obligation, but we are having a wishing we'll if you would like to make a contribution'. ...W..T..F???!!??!!
:eek: I would have been W.T.F too! That's just :eek:
Sounds tacky to me having a wishing well at the engagement. For our party we went out and put on the invite that each person was simply asked to pay for their own meal.
Elijahs Mum
10-09-2011, 22:22
I think as a pp said the etiquette is you should give what the function costs per person, I would much prefer to give money or registry gifts as at least you know what they want and don't have to stress about buying a present and wasting your money on something they don't want.
Janesmum123
10-09-2011, 22:23
I personally never would dream of asking for money on any occasion makes me feel so embarrassed. Whatever happened to inviting ppl to occasions because you want their company. Anyway $50 is fine.
Mrs Awesome
10-09-2011, 22:29
I'm not sure about the whole wishing well idea in general. If this is an option at a wedding I attend, I usually put gift cards in the wishing well....I hate giving cash. I was invited to a wedding once where the poem in the invitation about the wishing well specified that although the bride and groom were happy with "yellow" notes, "green" notes were their favourite. WTF?!?!? Rude imho!:confused:
im not a fan of wishing well's or money tree's etc either but it seems to be becoming the regular thing to do.
i hate having to decide how much to give people.
missie_mack
10-09-2011, 22:49
No matter the event I always make sure my gift at least covers my attendance.
I have never heard of wishing wells for engagement parties either..
ElastiGirl
10-09-2011, 23:05
My rule is $50 x 2 at minimum....
DiamondEyes
10-09-2011, 23:05
0_o...
Whatever happened to "it's the thought that counts"?.... I ignore wishing well poems and i give them a gift.
bebehvala
10-09-2011, 23:09
I'd give $50 at a wedding (more if it were immediate family) but not sure of an engagement, does seem a tad rude, I think you were generous giving $50 at an engagement
Seriously? The cost per head for food at weddings is $100+
We give cost per head plus depending on who it is.
Eg: Sister + $1000, friends + $250
And for engagements at LEAST $100.
Short and sweet because I sent this from my iPhone.
DiamondEyes
10-09-2011, 23:12
Seriously? The cost per head for food at weddings is $100+
We give cost per head plus depending on who it is.
Eg: Sister + $1000, friends + $250
And for engagements at LEAST $100.
Short and sweet because I sent this from my iPhone.
Good for you but not everyone can afford to get a personal loan for other peoples gifts, i guess only rich people should be invited to weddings!!!!
bebehvala
10-09-2011, 23:12
I recently attended a engagement party with a wishing well & it didn't cross my mind that asking for money was rude. The couple had a fairly large party at a function centre & I know it cost them about $65 per head (& they invited about 120 people). They are getting married in Fiji so the actual wedding will be small, hence the big engagement celebration.
We gave $50 :)
Each right? So you gave $50 per head? Still less than the $65 for your food and drink. Am I the only one who thinks like this??????
Short and sweet because I sent this from my iPhone.
MoonGecko
10-09-2011, 23:18
Each right? So you gave $50 per head? Still less than the $65 for your food and drink. Am I the only one who thinks like this??????
And what about the memories from that day? you can't put a price on someone just being there. Its a wedding, not a business trying to turn a profit!
bebehvala
10-09-2011, 23:18
Good for you but not everyone can afford to get a personal loan for other peoples gifts, i guess only rich people should be invited to weddings!!!!
No, not good on me. Shame on you!
You need to at LEAST cover your meal/drinks. How can you attend, eating and drinking the night away and not want to pay for what yiu ate/drank??
Wow, who knew BH ha so many stingy people.
Short and sweet because I sent this from my iPhone.
MunchiesMummy
10-09-2011, 23:22
But why do you think u need to pay the cost of their catering? They CHOOSE to have the party?
bebehvala
10-09-2011, 23:25
But why do you think u need to pay the cost of their catering? They CHOOSE to have the party?
Yes, and you are choosing to go and eat and drink!
Short and sweet because I sent this from my iPhone.
DiamondEyes
10-09-2011, 23:26
Haha horrid
MunchiesMummy
10-09-2011, 23:26
Ha ha are u serious. I had 60 people attend my wedding and not once did I sit there calculating who was paying their way - that is beyond tacky.
I personally think its expensive enough for people to attend weddings as it is.
MunchiesMummy
10-09-2011, 23:28
Wouldn't be much of a wedding / engagement party if no one chose to turn up though now would it?
MoonGecko
10-09-2011, 23:33
Ha ha are u serious. I had 60 people attend my wedding and not once did I sit there calculating who was paying their way - that is beyond tacky.
I personally think its expensive enough for people to attend weddings as it is.
THIS 110% who the hell would sit there either during or after and think right, Jane Doe and Joe Blow didn't pay enough to cover the meals. That is just plain tacky and utterly ludicrous
Would you then refuse to invite them to further parties etc in case they again don't pay their way???
And how would you expect your guests to know how much per head the reception cost unless you told them? Our reception was an afternoon finger food style and everyone thought it cost us a fortune when it cost a whole $1200 for 40 people.
~ElectricPink~
10-09-2011, 23:50
No, not good on me. Shame on you!
You need to at LEAST cover your meal/drinks. How can you attend, eating and drinking the night away and not want to pay for what yiu ate/drank??
Wow, who knew BH ha so many stingy people.
Short and sweet because I sent this from my iPhone.
:eek: You have GOT to be kidding.....
It's THEIR wedding.....why should the guests pay their way :confused: If/when I ever get married, I certainly wouldn't expect that!
The sooper nanny
11-09-2011, 00:03
No, not good on me. Shame on you!
You need to at LEAST cover your meal/drinks. How can you attend, eating and drinking the night away and not want to pay for what yiu ate/drank??
Wow, who knew BH ha so many stingy people.
Short and sweet because I sent this from my iPhone.
Last time I checked you invite people to your wedding because you want their company on your special day, not to profit a gift. Receiving a gift is a privilege not a right
I think calling people stingy is very judgemental and rude
Sent from my iPhone using Bub Hub
mummykitty
11-09-2011, 00:06
Yes, and you are choosing to go and eat and drink!
Short and sweet because I sent this from my iPhone.
This just seems odd to me, I choose to have the party over a meal time, I choose to invite x amount of people and I choose what we eat drink etc to me it's just part of being a good host that you pay just as if I invite someone out for a meal I'll offer to pay and if someone asks me they pay.. My wedding I'd be mortified if I thought that not only had the guests had to go out of their way to get dressed up work out kids etc and travel to me and further put themselves out to pay such a large amount for MY party... I'd hate to think those times where I literally couldn't afford to pay that much but gave all I could I'd be looked down on :/
BlissedOut
11-09-2011, 00:11
Yes, and you are choosing to go and eat and drink!
Actually you are being polite and fulfilling their wishes to have you there to celebrate their special day with them.
~ElectricPink~
11-09-2011, 00:12
Seriously? The cost per head for food at weddings is $100+
We give cost per head plus depending on who it is.
Eg: Sister + $1000, friends + $250
And for engagements at LEAST $100.
Short and sweet because I sent this from my iPhone.
Well....I'm glad that you are rolling in money and can afford to do this :) But most of us can't.
DaddyLarge
11-09-2011, 00:22
I ignore registries, and as far as I'm concerned wishing wells are for botanical gardens. I couldn't imagine the thought process behind inviting people to enjoy my hospitality and then charging them for the privilege. How mercenary is that?
Gifts are supposed to represent thoughts and feelings, rather than being some kind of bizarre payment in kind. I know exactly how I'd respond if someone handed me an invite with a cheesy poem about what colour banknotes they expect me to give them.
Strangely enough, when we invited people to our wedding it was because we wanted those people to join us in celebrating our special day. Maybe we should have put more thought into how to extract more loot?
I gave $50 because that was all we could afford after spending $120 on fuel & $160 on a hotel room to attend said engagement!
I could say a lot more but I think other hubbers have put a certain person back in their place nicely enough :)
BlissedOut
11-09-2011, 00:32
I ignore registries, and as far as I'm concerned wishing wells are for botanical gardens. I couldn't imagine the thought process behind inviting people to enjoy my hospitality and then charging them for the privilege. How mercenary is that?
Gifts are supposed to represent thoughts and feelings, rather than being some kind of bizarre payment in kind. I know exactly how I'd respond if someone handed me an invite with a cheesy poem about what colour banknotes they expect me to give them.
Strangely enough, when we invited people to our wedding it was because we wanted those people to join us in celebrating our special day. Maybe we should have put more thought into how to extract more loot?
Mmm... I totally agree.
I love gifts, I love that someone saw that thing and thought of me. I detest gift vouchers and money as gifts.
SpecialPatrolGroup
11-09-2011, 00:39
But why do you think u need to pay the cost of their catering? They CHOOSE to have the party?
Exactly, and they are choosing the standard to which you will be eating and drinking. I feel that the old rule of giving the cost of 2 meals doesn't really work very well when you consider the ridiculous premiums that venues charge as soon as there is anything involving a woman in a white dress. The amount that the bride and groom are paying includes things like cakage and chair covers etc, so I have to pay for all of that?
I am actually really offended at the implication that if I can only afford $50 for a gift that I am cheap and shouldn't be there. I'm generous, but poor. So sue me. People often have other expenses involved in attending a wedding, including travelling. I think that you should give what you can. Admittedly I do remember some of the larger gifts of cash that we received, but that is because I was so taken aback by the size of the gift, but none stood out to me as being *stingy*.
Myztiks#1Fan
11-09-2011, 01:04
Geeze if people are expecting alot of money i have no chance at ever attending a wedding in my life.
I would like to think i was invited because they wanted me part of their special day, not out to make a fortune off everyone.
Sent from my GT-I9000T using Bubhub
CupidsVictim
11-09-2011, 01:37
Each right? So you gave $50 per head? Still less than the $65 for your food and drink. Am I the only one who thinks like this??????
Short and sweet because I sent this from my iPhone.
I actually agree with you. We always give at a minimum what we think it would have cost for our food/drink, more for close family & friends.
I actually prefer wishing wells instead of gifts (but not for a 1st bday like a PP mentioned!!!) Makes it easy (especially if I don't know them super well - ie. Work colleagues, family you only see at family events)
I do think it's a bit strange to put on an engagement invite but then again, depends on what it was and how formal. If it's a catered, sit down meal type thing I think it's probably ok. If it's a BBQ in someone's backyard, probably in bad taste to mention a wishing well.
DaddyLarge
11-09-2011, 01:38
Geeze if people are expecting alot of money i have no chance at ever attending a wedding in my life.
You just have to think laterally. Nip through the KFC drive-trough on the way and pick up a Dinner Box, then take it with you, drink only water and share your chips with the table. If you're supposed to cover your own meal by the end of the night you'll end up being OWED money.
Problem solved!
mummykitty
11-09-2011, 02:10
You just have to think laterally. Nip through the KFC drive-trough on the way and pick up a Dinner Box, then take it with you, drink only water and share your chips with the table. If you're supposed to cover your own meal by the end of the night you'll end up being OWED money.
Problem solved!
Kfc tastes better than some wedding foods I've had anyway :yes: :laughing:
louhopeful
11-09-2011, 03:24
Ha ha are u serious. I had 60 people attend my wedding and not once did I sit there calculating who was paying their way - that is beyond tacky.
I personally think its expensive enough for people to attend weddings as it is.
I love this!
louhopeful
11-09-2011, 03:51
I'm not sure about the whole wishing well idea in general. If this is an option at a wedding I attend, I usually put gift cards in the wishing well....I hate giving cash. I was invited to a wedding once where the poem in the invitation about the wishing well specified that although the bride and groom were happy with "yellow" notes, "green" notes were their favourite. WTF?!?!? Rude imho!:confused:
Omg!!!!!
Mum2Lil13
11-09-2011, 06:18
At our wedding we had a wishing well but only cause I thought it was the norm these days or that's what people told me anyway because a lot of people told us they would prefer to give us money so I thought as a safety thing money would be better in the well lol. We also gave people the option if they wanted to bring a gift. It wasn't about gifts or money it was about people enjoying my day with me. I would never expect people to pay for their meal and drinks, I invited them to have a good time not to sit at the table and think to themselves oh I can't eat or drink cause I can't donate enough money to the wishing well. I know wishing wells are becoming the norm these days and that's fine I would prefer to give money if that's what the bride and groom wanted but if they wanted gifts then I would happily do that too. As far as the green notes go that is soo rude and I would be embarrassed to have that on my invite!! I wouldn't have a wishing well at an engagement or a first birthday party that's very very rude and tbh I would be wondering whether the money would go into the child's bank account or to the parents.. Just a thought.
finally expecting
11-09-2011, 08:07
I was never going to have a wishing well when I got married, and then for our engagement party got towels, wine glasses and photo frames which we already had a million of after living together for 3 years. I could just imagine bringing home more of them so we decided on a wishing well.
We did however have one of those poems about if you prefer not to that's fine too, and I allowed for anonymity by providing an envelope they could place in the well instead of having inside gift card. This way we didn't know how much had been given from alot of people.
I don't think it is appropriate for 1st birthdays, but for certain reasons maybe 21st I could handle. Ie wanting to head overseas or something.
It's very interesting seeing how differently people view this topic. I'm neither for or against wishing wells. We didn't put anything on our engagement and won't for our wedding. However - I went to a wedding last night that had 270 guests - so a large European affair. In the European culture that I belong too, people are very generous at weddings and I would say that 95% of people last night would have easily given a gift if $100 MINIMUM for each attendee. So, doing that math that's over $27k spent in gifts for this couple - and seriously if everyone was going to get them a physical gift, i would hate to see how you fit $27k worth of stuff in a house the couple have already lived in for three years. So I totally think a wishing well was the way to go - otherwise that is a lot of towels!!!!
really old
11-09-2011, 09:04
I think as a pp said the etiquette is you should give what the function costs per person, I would much prefer to give money or registry gifts as at least you know what they want and don't have to stress about buying a present and wasting your money on something they don't want.
Ezackly
Astraamy
11-09-2011, 09:21
Expecting gifts for engagements Is tacky and rude!
We had a registry that had gifts of under $50 only that we told our parents about so if people asked them about what to buy they could tell them about it. Only grandparents and aunties and uncles used it. And a few long distance people.
But mostly we got towels, glasses and photo frames, which 4 years on are all actually being used as we broke half our glasses and random coloured towels are great for swimming lessons and deflooding the bathroom after Belle has fun.
And some people gave is nothing as a wrapped gift but walked in with a calton of booze and asked where to put it for everyone to share which was great!
I can't afford to put $50 in a card, but I'm awesome at buying gifts. And I think it's more rude to not turn up to a friends engagement party so I always offer to help out with decorations and setup and cleanup and buy a small personal gift. Or take advantage of some of the group buying deals. And if nothing else I make up a package of 2 movie vouchers and lollies.
I agree, wishing well at an engagement is very presumptuous (sp??) Meanwhile, we are invited to a 1st birthday party (yes, a 1st birthday ) with the invitation specifically saying 'no obligation, but we are having a wishing we'll if you would like to make a contribution'. ...W..T..F???!!??!!
I didn't get any further reading this thread past this post as it gobsmacked me so much!!!!!!
A wishing well for a first birthday!!!!! Now I have heard it alll!!!!!!
I agree a wishing well for wedding - fine but engagement - not so much, bit of 'double dipping' but it really seems to be the done thing these days!!!
Asking for birthdays is just taking into the greedy, WTF zone!!!
I would say $50 is more than enough, I usually go $50 engagement, $100 wedding!
Mum2Lil13
11-09-2011, 10:27
I didn't get any further reading this thread past this post as it gobsmacked me so much!!!!!!
A wishing well for a first birthday!!!!! Now I have heard it alll!!!!!!
I agree a wishing well for wedding - fine but engagement - not so much, bit of 'double dipping' but it really seems to be the done thing these days!!!
Asking for birthdays is just taking into the greedy, WTF zone!!!
I would say $50 is more than enough, I usually go $50 engagement, $100 wedding!
Yep, this is what I do too :)
louhopeful
11-09-2011, 11:08
I ignore registries, and as far as I'm concerned wishing wells are for botanical gardens. I couldn't imagine the thought process behind inviting people to enjoy my hospitality and then charging them for the privilege. How mercenary is that?
Gifts are supposed to represent thoughts and feelings, rather than being some kind of bizarre payment in kind. I know exactly how I'd respond if someone handed me an invite with a cheesy poem about what colour banknotes they expect me to give them.
Strangely enough, when we invited people to our wedding it was because we wanted those people to join us in celebrating our special day. Maybe we should have put more thought into how to extract more loot?
Hahaha well said!
louhopeful
11-09-2011, 11:25
I feel comfortable that I gave $50! I'm not against wishing wells at all, but don't really understand it? I like the idea that a pp mentioned about it being anonymous though! The engagement party wasn't a flashy sit down meal or anything just close friends and family, some drinks and nibbles. Not that it matters I still would have felt comfortable giving $50! I was worrying over nothing as if my friend and her df would honestly go through the well and think anyone stingy!
As for a pp calling us all stingy for giving what we can afford - shame on you! :yes:
BigBird88
11-09-2011, 11:32
I usually buy a gift under $50 for teh engagement party and $100 into teh wishing well at the wedding
I don't ever give to wishing wells. I will give a presents but never cash. I have paid for my meal once at one weding but that wasn't a wishing well. My nephew wanted to get married but his partner and himself were at uni so they couldn't afford a big wedding so we discussed it and offered to pay for our own meals ($35). It was the best wedding I have ever been too.
I have not met a bride or groom yet that would want me to take money that I need to feed my family to give to them, so they could have a bigger wedding. If they did i wouldn't want to go their wedding or be their friend anyhow.
for those that have done wishing well's at their own wedding what did you use the money for??
i often wonder with people saying they have everything but still want money as a gift what do they use it for?
ive been married twice so i guess thats double dipping by some people's standards. my first wedding we had a honeymoon registry with flight centre so the money people gave us paid for part of our honeymoon.
my second marriage we did a gift registry with nothing over $100 on it.
mummykitty
11-09-2011, 12:09
Those I've seen have been for honeymoon or one couple donated to charity :)
The sooper nanny
11-09-2011, 12:28
A family member of mine asked for monetary contribution at her daughters christening!!! I was gobsmacked. They have quite a bit of money and absolutely everything that opens and shuts.... Needless to say, our company was enough on that occasion
Sent from my iPhone using Bub Hub
We will usually spend $50 on engagement and $100 on a wedding. I have heard that you should "cover the cost of your meal" but really I think that is pretty ludicrous. If someone chooses to have a fancy wedding where they are spending $200pp on food and drinks I am not giving them $400. Sorry but that is too much and we can't afford that.
Personally I don't really like giving money because I want to know what they are using it for. I prefer gift registries or honeymoon registries (which we had). But even gift registries can be pretty presumptuous - when we have gone to buy gifts off of registries before there have only been gifts of over $150, and include things like dyson vaccumm cleaners and fridges/freezers/TV's/expensive crockery and cutlery etc. I know they might need it but I am not paying $800 for a vaccuum cleaner for your wedding! :eek:
Californication
11-09-2011, 15:12
for those that have done wishing well's at their own wedding what did you use the money for??
i often wonder with people saying they have everything but still want money as a gift what do they use it for?
Like you, we did a honeymoon registry through our travel agent. We got a list of names of those that contributed, but not how much. A few friends came from OS and over east and didn't contribute and we couldn't have cared a less. They ha already spent a fair bit just to come and celebrate with us!!
The last 2 weddings we've been to have been wishing wells. 1 couple put it towards their honeymoon and the other bought things like a professional camera, new couch and fridge and put the $$ towards them. Which is fine by me. They got what they wanted.
FWIW, I have always done $50 engagement and $100 wedding.
finally expecting
11-09-2011, 16:29
for those that have done wishing well's at their own wedding what did you use the money for??
i often wonder with people saying they have everything but still want money as a gift what do they use it for?
we purchased an 8 seater glass outdoor setting and a 7 point surround sound system for our lounge. So not overly exciting items but they are better quality than we would have bought ourselves. And 2 years later it is lovely inviting people over and enjoying something that we spent that money on or even when it's just us.
Elijahs Mum
11-09-2011, 16:34
My girlfriend has very old school Italian parents who have a little black
Book containing who gave how much at their daughters wedding so when they are invited to a wedding/engagement/christening they look up how much that family gave them and they give the same amount back! I know at her wedding she had about 500 people and she received enough money to put in a swimming pool at her house!
RainbowSky
11-09-2011, 17:04
No, not good on me. Shame on you!
You need to at LEAST cover your meal/drinks. How can you attend, eating and drinking the night away and not want to pay for what yiu ate/drank??
Wow, who knew BH ha so many stingy people.
Short and sweet because I sent this from my iPhone.
:no: Shame on YOU. What a horrible, greedy, presumptuous person. All I can say is that I'm glad you're not my friend IRL and I'm glad I don't get invited to celebrations you host. :( For crying out loud, what do you expect for birthdays or Christmas or your baby shower?
Wedding guests do not NEED to cover anything. A person should be invited to a wedding because the bride and groom love them and want them there to share in their special day. Not because of how much cash they can pony up. There is NO etiquette that says the cost of the meal must be covered, that is YOUR responsibility, not the responsibility of your guests.
Last time I checked you invite people to your wedding because you want their company on your special day, not to profit a gift. Receiving a gift is a privilege not a right
I think calling people stingy is very judgemental and rude
Sent from my iPhone using Bub Hub
:yes::yes::yes:
I ignore registries, and as far as I'm concerned wishing wells are for botanical gardens. I couldn't imagine the thought process behind inviting people to enjoy my hospitality and then charging them for the privilege. How mercenary is that?
Gifts are supposed to represent thoughts and feelings, rather than being some kind of bizarre payment in kind. I know exactly how I'd respond if someone handed me an invite with a cheesy poem about what colour banknotes they expect me to give them.
Strangely enough, when we invited people to our wedding it was because we wanted those people to join us in celebrating our special day. Maybe we should have put more thought into how to extract more loot?
I totally agree. I'd much rather put some thought into actually buying a gift rather than just throwing some cash into an envelope. I've done it once, because I'd been really sick and couldn't get out to choose a special gift.
I also hate them because I am really good at shopping and getting a bargain and it would always end up costing me more to put cash in a wishing well. I might find an awesome gift for $30 that is worth $100 whereas I would feel that I would need to put more in the wishing well if that makes sense.
Expecting gifts for engagements Is tacky and rude!
We had a registry that had gifts of under $50 only that we told our parents about so if people asked them about what to buy they could tell them about it. Only grandparents and aunties and uncles used it. And a few long distance people.
But mostly we got towels, glasses and photo frames, which 4 years on are all actually being used as we broke half our glasses and random coloured towels are great for swimming lessons and deflooding the bathroom after Belle has fun.
And some people gave is nothing as a wrapped gift but walked in with a calton of booze and asked where to put it for everyone to share which was great!
I can't afford to put $50 in a card, but I'm awesome at buying gifts. And I think it's more rude to not turn up to a friends engagement party so I always offer to help out with decorations and setup and cleanup and buy a small personal gift. Or take advantage of some of the group buying deals. And if nothing else I make up a package of 2 movie vouchers and lollies.
That's the only way registries are polite. I hate them coming with the invitation but it's perfectly fine to tell people you actually have a small registry, if they are asking what to get.
What a good friend you are. I would LOVE the movie ticket and lolly thing, that is something different and useful...in fact I just might steal that idea! :highfive:
I don't ever give to wishing wells. I will give a presents but never cash. I have paid for my meal once at one weding but that wasn't a wishing well. My nephew wanted to get married but his partner and himself were at uni so they couldn't afford a big wedding so we discussed it and offered to pay for our own meals ($35). It was the best wedding I have ever been too.
I have not met a bride or groom yet that would want me to take money that I need to feed my family to give to them, so they could have a bigger wedding. If they did i wouldn't want to go their wedding or be their friend anyhow.
:yes: I'm glad my friends/family aren't like that either. Actually, I'm glad that 99% of the world isn't like that.
MothersMilk
11-09-2011, 17:19
$50 is what we would generally give.
Close friends get $200.
This is for wedding though - i never give anything for engagements (i must be a stinge :laughing:)
mrsboyts
11-09-2011, 17:24
DH and I have been married 5 years and we spent our wishing well money on a new fridge. It's our wedding fridge! I agree that $50 is fine for engagements and $100 for the wedding. This is a question totally off subject but I was invited to a baby shower which I bought a gift for off a registry and then when I went to visit said baby in the hospital I was shunned by other friends for not getting a gift? I'm childless and never been to a shower before?
NancyBlackett
11-09-2011, 17:35
I think if people think that their guests should give enough to cover the cost of their meal they should just save drama and ask them to pay for it on the invite! That then makes it perfectly clear that the guest isn't being invited for their scintillating personalities, but rather their ability to help the bride and groom ensure a cost neutral wedding!
Seriously imagine getting married with that kind of attitude? You'd wake up the next morning and go through your loot to make sure your costs were covered and if they weren't you'd start out your honeymoon in a foul mood!
We spent our wishing well money on our honeymoon :)
missie_mack
11-09-2011, 18:23
Personally I don't really like giving money because I want to know what they are using it for. I prefer gift registries or honeymoon registries (which we had). But even gift registries can be pretty presumptuous - when we have gone to buy gifts off of registries before there have only been gifts of over $150, and include things like dyson vaccumm cleaners and fridges/freezers/TV's/expensive crockery and cutlery etc. I know they might need it but I am not paying $800 for a vaccuum cleaner for your wedding! :eek:
I think the bigger ticket items are expected for those who want to put in together to purchase it. I know when I got married the people I worked with all put together to buy me the same dinnerset I have at home that I was building on (I wanted a 12 piece setting) which was a few hundred dollars. Similarly with money we were given (despite not having a wishing well most of our gifts was either cash or gift cards) we used it to buy a replacement washing machine when ours died a couple of months later :)
We did $40 for the last engagement but we didn't really know the couple and were actually surprised we were invited. Closer friends and family are different but $50 sounds good.
We didn't do an engagement because we didn't want to oblige ppl to give any presents and had already set a date for the wedding. We had a BBQ so the extended families could meet.
MothersMilk
11-09-2011, 18:58
for those that have done wishing well's at their own wedding what did you use the money for??
i often wonder with people saying they have everything but still want money as a gift what do they use it for?
ive been married twice so i guess thats double dipping by some people's standards. my first wedding we had a honeymoon registry with flight centre so the money people gave us paid for part of our honeymoon.
my second marriage we did a gift registry with nothing over $100 on it.
We planned to use the money on our honeymoon but it ended up all being used to pay the bar tap from the wedding (due to the person in charge stuffing up and continuing to serve drinks after we reached the limit - long story but anyway the short version is we ended up with a huge debt so all money from the wedding wishing well was used towards that)
mummykitty
11-09-2011, 19:10
We planned to use the money on our honeymoon but it ended up all being used to pay the bar tap from the wedding (due to the person in charge stuffing up and continuing to serve drinks after we reached the limit - long story but anyway the short version is we ended up with a huge debt so all money from the wedding wishing well was used towards that)
Surely as it was their mix up they should foot the bill :(
Mum2Lil13
12-09-2011, 12:55
We planned to use the money on our honeymoon but it ended up all being used to pay the bar tap from the wedding (due to the person in charge stuffing up and continuing to serve up drinks after we reached the limit - long story but anyway the short version is we ended up with a huge debt so all money from the wedding wishing well was used towards that)
It was their fault so they should definitely have covered the bill, it is very poor service on their part :(
I think it depends on the type of engagement party. I went to one a couple of years ago and didn't take a gift, as we all just paid for our own meals and drinks at a restaurant and the invitation explained this and said no gifts.
If the couple were catering or very close friends, I would definitely bring a gift or put into a wishing well. The amount would depend on the type of party and the friends.
I do use the rule of thumb of covering my own costs, not because I think the couple necessarily expect it, but because I don't want to feel like I'm freeloading (it's like taking a bottle of wine or something for the hosts to a dinner party). But it is also subject to what I could afford at the time. It's also subject to other expenses. For example, I am going to a wedding next month, but will probably have to pay for accommodation due to its location. The couple do not expect gifts, and the reception will probably be quite casual so I may just get a card or a small gift as I'm already spending a bit of money in order to go.
This engagement/wedding thing is very complicated. Almost as complicated as baby showers.:laughing:
Boobycino
12-09-2011, 13:13
Depends who it is. I'd rather buy a gift, but yeah $50 would be fine. For a wedding or engagement party, if that's what you want give - give it.
Personally I'd much rather receive a gift or money in good spirit. If it put them out I wouldn't want to have caused that!
We were invited to 3 weddings shortly after having Jasper and money was very tight. If I gift was required we couldn't have actually gone to any of them so shockingly we gave nothing. We were too embarrassed to give like $20 or an inexpensive gift, so we gave nothing. One DF has been friends with for ever and have a long and cheeky history I think he gave an 'iou' lol. Or at least he did chat to his mate about planning to give him an IOU. (can't remember it was agggeeessssss ago)
We assumed our friends actually like us and would have preferred we attended than not simply because a gift was out of budget due to our circumstances.
second baby not so easy
12-09-2011, 13:38
For us - Engagment - $50 and Weddings $100 at least -More if it is a closer family or if we are in the bridal party and we use the costing of per head as a guide and this is for 2 people.
Regarding gifts people prefer to give - I think giving people presents they wont use or recieve 5 of the same is wasteful - I would prefer to give them money so they can actually get what they like not what I "like to give" I love when weddings have registar as this covers people that do want to give a an actual gift but they know what the couple would like.
We had a register at Myers, we didnt have a wishing well as if people wanted to give money they could give it in a card. When we sent thankyou cards, the people that gave us money we let them know it was put towards our new lounge and dinining room chairs.
Engagements are normally more casual so $50 would normally be the max. But with weddings it is normally dinner and drinks. For us we think we are having a night out with dinner and drinks and that would normally cost us at least $100 so that is reasonable.
At my wedding my Uncle and Aunty came (really dont like them so this didnt help) with there 3 children so 5 in total. That cost us nearly $400 in food etc, they gave us a platter that was probably $30 max. I find that rude
BlissedOut
12-09-2011, 14:38
We went to DHs best friends wedding recently and as a gift I am making their wedding album into a coffee table book. I didn't have money at the time, but knew I'd have it in a month or two, so am going to use my digital scrapbooking skills to make a beautiful wedding book for them.
Boobycino
12-09-2011, 14:41
We went to DHs best friends wedding recently and as a gift I am making their wedding album into a coffee table book. I didn't have money at the time, but knew I'd have it in a month or two, so am going to use my digital scrapbooking skills to make a beautiful wedding book for them.
That's a beautiful idea <3
mummykitty
12-09-2011, 14:41
For us - Engagment - $50 and Weddings $100 at least -More if it is a closer family or if we are in the bridal party and we use the costing of per head as a guide and this is for 2 people.
Regarding gifts people prefer to give - I think giving people presents they wont use or recieve 5 of the same is wasteful - I would prefer to give them money so they can actually get what they like not what I "like to give" I love when weddings have registar as this covers people that do want to give a an actual gift but they know what the couple would like.
We had a register at Myers, we didnt have a wishing well as if people wanted to give money they could give it in a card. When we sent thankyou cards, the people that gave us money we let them know it was put towards our new lounge and dinining room chairs.
Engagements are normally more casual so $50 would normally be the max. But with weddings it is normally dinner and drinks. For us we think we are having a night out with dinner and drinks and that would normally cost us at least $100 so that is reasonable.
At my wedding my Uncle and Aunty came (really dont like them so this didnt help) with there 3 children so 5 in total. That cost us nearly $400 in food etc, they gave us a platter that was probably $30 max. I find that rude
Why invite them if you don't like them? :confused:
Boobycino
12-09-2011, 15:01
Why invite them if you don't like them? :confused:
*sigh* because sadly in some families there's so many people you 'have to invite' - because you can't pick and choose what family members you invite. :( (I'm never getting married because of this - way too much drama)
mummykitty
12-09-2011, 15:16
*sigh* because sadly in some families there's so many people you 'have to invite' - because you can't pick and choose what family members you invite. :( (I'm never getting married because of this - way too much drama)
I had thought so too.. Till I thought ya know who is this really about, and answer is it's about me and DP it doesn't need to be special to or attended by anyone we don't want there.. DP and I for this reason have only invited people we want to be present (regardless of if they pay their own way ;) ) I think there is way too much drama associated with what should be such a happy day, we realized so much of it is self created or brought on because we want others to make it more special for us..
second baby not so easy
12-09-2011, 15:27
Why invite them if you don't like them? :confused:
Its family! and it would cause too much drama and it doesnt just affect me, it would affect my Mum as well. If your only having a small wedding you can pick and choose, but if your having a big wedding you cant invite all the Uncles and Aunties and not one - I personally see that as rude and im not going to even go into the dramas that would cause.
second baby not so easy
12-09-2011, 15:29
Why invite them if you don't like them? :confused:
Its family! and it would cause too much drama and it doesnt just affect me, it would affect my Mum as well. If your only having a small wedding you can pick and choose, but if your having a big wedding you cant invite all the Uncles and Aunties and not one - I personally see that as rude and im not going to even go into the dramas that would cause.
second baby not so easy
12-09-2011, 15:31
*sigh* because sadly in some families there's so many people you 'have to invite' - because you can't pick and choose what family members you invite. :( (I'm never getting married because of this - way too much drama)
My sis is getting married overseas - mayby Bali so she doesnt have to have the big wedding and deal with all the family dramas!
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