View Full Version : Being around families / kids etc
Ok - here's my question. Is it Ok, normal, acceptable to not want to be around kids, still get upset at pregnancy/ birth announcements? Avoid baby showers ?
Go for a simple walk on the beach and be surrounded by families so end up NOT enjoying that simple walk ? There are people I just dont see or speak to anymore as I dont want to hear about their babies, family holidays gush gush gushing about how wonderful life is now they have their children.
It's been over 2 years now - is this how it's always going to be ? Will it change ? Is it a problem or am I perfectly within my rights to not put myself in situations that cause me distress ?
Dont get me wrong...I dont hide inside - much - but I still always feel a sharp pang of, for want of a better word, -hurt, sadness, anger, bitterness, sorrow when I hear or see anything related to happy families.
over 2 years .....does it ever stop or is this IT ?
It is perfectly normal and I think u are within your rights to avoid situations that cause u distress. You need to look after the emotional you too.
Will it ever change? I wish I had an answer for you.
Take care & be kind to yourself x
I would say it's perfectly normal too, although people with kids will find it soo hard to understand what your on about, Which can also be upsetting.
I had the same feelings a few years ago and man it was hell because families are everywhere and it was sooo dam hard to avoid them! I used to get very upset just at the sight of a family/baby/child. If you can avoid them completely then that's great but I know sometimes it can be hard to not see anything that will make you upset. I recommend Coles or Woolies online shopping - I used to hate supermarkets!
It does get easier and you might actually enjoy some of the ones that you have a closer relationship with. But it takes time and some days are better than others.
Thanks for the replies - Jackie you say it gets easier ?
if you dont mind me asking , how long has it been for you girls ?
I guess I am trying to assertain if this behaviour is ok or if I'm being my own worst enemy. We have several friends who have kids 2 - 3 years old now & I've never met them. DP sees them but I never go. It amazes me in all this time none of them have ever asked him how I am or how he is - they don't care so I don't bother.
They say time heals all wounds.....I hope so. A girl on on another forum described this as ' breaking her spirit ' That really hit home for me. It is my spirit that is broken - I used to be so confident, life of the party kinda gal....now days it's all panic attacks & feeling not quite up to scratch. I just don't know how to get my mojo back.
Anyway...thanks for listening...just writing this winge out has made me feel a better & of course the old " I'm not alone " feeling helps tremendously.
thanks again X
Can I remind anyone posting here that they need to read the sticky in replying to this area.
This section is specifically designed for the support of people who do not have children.
Juno it is most likely for me a little bit different from a lot of others - It has been about 2 years since we withdrew from ICA (Inter-country adoption) but it was also about 4 and half years of doing ICA after doing IVF/ED so not sure if you would include the 4 and half years on top of the 2 years. IYKwIM!
PM me and I can always send you my email address if you would rather talk in a personal space.
Hi - it has taken me a while to reply to this . I'm going to be brutally honest. When I posted here, when I found this group, I thought, "at last, somewhere safe & local to speak " when I came back & saw the replies, well, I went away to think, I came back, I went away again,I came back, I went away.
My foremost thought was that this is not a haven for me, I am still exposed to hearing ...damn it I don't want to offend. I am so very grateful that you girls took time out to answer my cry but it is not the safe haven I thought it was. I came here specifically to talk with other women who are going through what I am - When I logged on I was - what's the word when you shrug your shoulders & close your lips together & move them to 1 side- downwards ? - resigned - resigned that I had to still be on a baby driven, parenting site. There is no escape. Jack, thanks for identifying that. I did not want to come back here & say " Thanks, but I am not TTC & I don't need to see a shrink." I just need to speak with those who understand my scars & can help me through this maze in ways that others not in this situation can not. Kind words are just that. Kind words. And I take them from the beautiful place they come from. So thanks chicks.
I also want to tell you what I've learn't since I posted . No this is not going to last forever. It's a process.
A very painful process, but a process non the less. It's just that normally the process & elimination, for me, does not take as long as this one is...so it's new territory ......
wish me luck ! XXX
:computerprobs: my computer problems aren't with my computer but with the people inside them that don't read stickies in areas like these!.....I know that it can be said from a place of kindness but it still doesn't mean it's not a :computerprobs:
Anyway back off to the world of :doofdoof: & :dog::dog:
Juno, I think your feelings are completely warranted. When you want something so bad and you see and hear of others having babies and see families etc, it does hurt and is hard... You can't help how you feel and you shouldn't feel guilty for feeling that way :hugs: if you need an ear to vent to I'm here xx
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