If your DP were to exclusively parent your child/children...

[CluckySC]

would they get the same style of upbringing?

For example would your DP ensure they had good nutrition, ate lots of fruit and vegetables, drank enough water, avoided too much junk food.
Would your DP make sure they had a secure and supportive routine, got enough sleep, their developmental and emotional needs were met.
Would your DP consider the consequences of parenting choices - such as methods of discipline, schooling choices etc.
Would your DP be as aware of instilling concepts like morals and ethics, independent thinking, consequence of actions and decisions, focus etc?
Would your DP give them the same level of focus and attention as you do, listen to their questions, nurture them as much?

I'm curious because DH is an *awesome* Dad, he and DS adore eachother but I can quite honestly say the parenting is my rhelm that he has a support role in. We're both fine with this arrangement, and I am happily a SAHM who plans to homeschool our kids. DH loves the way I'm raising DS and plan to raise DS2, we discuss parenting a lot and he has imput in all choices (when he wants to, he generally just agrees with whatever I say), he plays with DS when he's home and takes good care of him but any of the practicalities of parenting are squarely mine. If I wasn't doing them I can say almost certainly that DS and belly bub (DS2) would have a *completely* different style of upbringing, even though DH adores the way I'm doing things he would not put the energy into doing things the same way if it were left up to him.

How about in your house? If left to their own devices entirely would your DP raise your kids the same way? Curious!

(Note: This thread is in no way intended to insult, put down, minimize the role of or anything else to fathers or partners. It's just out of interest how the parenting works in your family :) )

[breakthemould]

I could have typed your post word for word! In fact DH and I were having this exact discussion only a few weeks ago and he admitted that most of his views on parenting are what he has learned off me. He admits that our kids would have quite a different upbringing if he was in charge... Less focus on healthy food (I'm a bit of a control freak with nutrition for my DS!) and less routine, and different discipline. He is also a fantastic daddy but like your DP he doesn't wear the pants in our parenting partnership! I would be stuffed if we ever (touch wood) broke up as I would NOT cope with not being in charge of parenting!

[mummaof4]

god no..
he'd be stricter on foods - as in eat what your given at dinner time etc. im more flexible there.. he's also stricter in general.. it takes more to peeve me ;)

i dont even think he knows where the girls classes at school are.. he's always at work early and home around dinner, if not later.

basically how we are is im kids and house & he brings home the money! i know its not what everyone likes anymore.. but it works for us.
if something happened to me i would really really hope that he took the help that our families would offer. scary thought :(

[FloatingFairy]

God no!

If we were to ever break up, I actualy think Id stay with him just so that I still had control because even as a part time parent, without me there to monitor, Id be concerned.


Don't get me wrong, DF is fantastic with DD and she just loves her daddy but (for a few examples of things I need to curb to suit my parenting style):


He doesnt think that the words sh*t, bl00dy, p*ss, fr*ggen are swear words. I do to the extent that I dont want my children using them
He has peviously mentioned in conversations we've had that it would not make any difference what the rating classification was on a show/movie - he'd let the kids watch it if they wanted
He says FF instead of TH and he says tis morning / tis arvo instead of this morning/this arvo and as we teach our children to speak, I don't want them to speak like that
He eats a bag of crisps a day most days, or at least a few bags a week. If I wasnt there to say anything, I know he'd feed them to the kids (I know there are some days he eats them with DD even though I've told him I dont want her eating them so often!)
He smokes and has no issues in smoking when pushing the pram and if I wasnt around to say "wash your hands/change your shirt" etc like I do now, he wouldnt bother doing all those things
If DD was to wake up in the night, depending on what he was doing, his idea of "best solution" is to let her sit up and watch TV with him (and I can tell you now, he wouldnt change it to one of her shows, it'd be whatever he was watching)
They wouldnt eat fresh vegetables (unless he cooked a baked dinner but his idea of "baked vegies" is to fill the electric fry pan with an entire bottle of cooking oil and 'deep fry' them in there so they're nice and crispy (and full of oil!) :barf: )
If he found out our teenage children were smoking pot, he'd let them do it at our place (and would probably bong on with them!)
They would barely be disciplined for bad behaviour
They would probably live in housing commission in areas nearby where he grew up, just because its cheap
Ahhh thats enough for now LOL
He's great at baby sitting during the day when Im at work but I do wonder about how they would be raised if he was solely incharge. Especially given how he was "raised"

Also, I do not claim to be the best parent out there, but I do do a lot of research and like to strive to be better at thigns I do as a role model and in the way I parent DD and it may seem nasty that I used the word baby sit, but thats what he calls it....*on phone to a friend* "Yeah sorry mate, Shans going out tonight so IM baby sitting DD..." the amount of times Id heard that before!

[CluckySC]

I'm a bit the same. If he did as I do I'd be fine if we broke up (parenting wise) but as it currently is I'd worry when our kids were with him :laughing: An example was tonight when he opened the fridge and said "I'd really love some fruit if you cut it up for me" (in three years I don't think he has ever prepared DS a piece of fruit or packed snacks for when they were going out), and me having to remind him to drink *any* water :rolleyes:
It's ok, I'm happy to be in charge of this part of our lives and he's happy to get to focus on work, but like your DH he admits he wouldn't do what I do, either because he wouldn't think to or because it would be too hard!

[FearlessLeader]

interesting question. I think i'm the more relaxed of the two of us in regards to how we parent, as i've worked in CC for a long time. So often DP will fret about something (newborn crying/not meeting milestones 'on time') because of something he's read/heard and thinks maybe we should do something differently, whereas i have seen the wide scope of what's 'normal' so don't stress so much about that stuff. OTOH, i am heaps more stressy about routine, like if DS isn't dressed and it's 8am i start fretting, even on the weekends when i'm not dressed :laughing:
In terms of parenting 'styles' and general morals and ethics, we are completely on the same page.

[bumMum]

He would do things differently but he would still always be a good parent. He would probably swear more-hardly the end of the world. he would be harder on them than me- probably could actually be a GOOD thing. He would still be lazy like me and let them sleep in bed with him and watch too much telly! :p he would not cook as many vegies as me, as he doesn't like vegies much! But he would cook more proper home made stuff cos he likes cooking. I think the one thing which he would do completely differently in is that I can imagine he would be really bad at helping with homework.

[bumMum]

Also if dp was the full time parent I can guarantee the laundry would always be done properly. Clothes folded nicely and all. He calls my laundry folding style the scrunch and throw

[Zombie_eyes]

o_0 I don't think so.... With ds#2 probably, with ds#1 nook wayyyyyyy.

Dh has a hard time dealing with ds#1's autism related issues, It's a battle to get him to understand all the frustrating things with ds, is nit him being naughty he simply can't help most of it... I don't know if dh would be as strict with the therapies we go to for ds, all the work I do at home with ds wouldn't get done, I know this because the two times dh has been left with him while I've been is hospital, it just doesn't get done... I often worry if I die what would happen, I asked dh if I wrote up a contract regarding ds's special need care would he sign it and comply to it lololol he got angry at me!

[FloatingFairy]

Also if dp was the full time parent I can guarantee the laundry would always be done properly. Clothes folded nicely and all. He calls my laundry folding style the scrunch and throw

Actually I'll praise him on that - the housework would always get done.

If I didnt have DF around......we'd be one of those houses you see on the news hahahahhaa

[Chicky Pea]

I could have written all of that myself :yes: Seriously, if DP was the full time parent DD would have toast 3 meals a day and never sleep. My DD fights sleep like a banshee, and he just gives up quickly, where I slog away trying madly to get her to sleep because I know it's important.

Tonight for example, DP was home as it's his only day off during the week and I said he should put DD to bed so he gets used to it. He gave up after 20 mins of her screaming and fell asleep on the couch, so i had to put her to bed AGAIN. I put her to bed every single sleep during the week, and have to be the one to go loggerheads with her. His opinion because she fights it is 'well, she obviosuly doesn't want to sleep...' and will get her up! FFS! :hair: My response to that is if we just let her do what she wants for the rest of her life, she'll walk around naked, eat junk food and not go to school!' He doesn't understand yet that as a parent we have to enforce things that our children won't be happy about.

He is being a fulltime SAHD for two weeks in September when I go back to work and I am TERRIFIED!!!

[Buttoneska]

I honesty think my dh would be a better parent then me and I try to learn from him as much as possible. With babies maybe not he a bit awkward, but two plus for sure. He calm, logical, consistent, committed and sticks to his/our values no matter what.

[teenie]

Buttoneska - I feel the same way as you. My DH is an amazing parent (with babies too). We share the same values and parenting style, yet he is infintely more relaxed and easy-going than me. I think this helps him enormously. I couldn't think of a better person to solely parent our kids than him. What would go by the wayside is organisation...that is his weakness (and my strength). That's why as a team we are so good together. The bills would be late being paid, the washing would pile up a bit etc but as for the kids, they would be incredibly well cared for. Their outfits might not be as meticulously put together (I am a bit psycho about that:laughing:) and DDs hair would look interesting but that's as bad as it would get.

[faroutbrusselsprout]

DH is great. We work as a team and we do it my way!
He has learnt pretty much everything about parenting from me.
He had no role models growing up, he parents were both bluddy awful.
Although his intentions are always good, he still doesn't really think about consequences of parenting decisions and things get put in the too hard basket.
He's not big on routine whereas I run a very tight ship and can be waaaaay to relaxed about alot of things.
He usually is happy on the whole to follow my lead and I pretty much do 95% of the parenting anyway, especially with DD who is BF and an absolute mummy's girl!

[confusd]

DP is ALOT stricter then me.
Apart from that he would be amazing. He is an awesome dad and does a fantastic job. :yes:

[DaughteroftheForest]

The short answer is no.

The long answer is heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eell NO!

My XDP would not be able to cope as a full time parent. He knows it, I know it. We've spoken about it on many occasions.

The kids would have a rotten diet, would be yelled at a lot, he'd swing between being too easy going and too hard on them. They'd never get to bed on time, the house would always be a mess and his answer to most questions would be "Go figure it out yourself." :freakingout:

[TheCatsMeow]

DH would do a fabulous job! We share the same parenting values, especially when it comes to beliefs and morals. The only issue I would have is that he would be a lot more strict. Many times Ive urged him not to raise his voice or be too harsh with DD.

[*babygirl*]

It's a mixed bag here... DD would definitely get love and support. She would be fairly disciplined and have reasonable expectations placed upon her behaviour. He would and does take am active role in getting to know her and the things she likes.
Dp would take great care of her educational needs like homework etc. He would also ensure she ate a nalanced diet and stayed healthy and active.
The downside would be that he would struggle to give her knowledge about the world. He wouldn't be very good at giving morale advice or leading her down the right path because he spent so much of his life being brainwashed and dissapointed by his parents I feel he Is only just figuring out his own morale code and he is still so uncertain about some things.
But I think practically he would be great and the girls would never be without love and support.

[mimsie]

Generally yes. But they would get away with a bit more. Not excessively though. When the big kids were little we split for 3 months and he did sole parent. Pretty much exactly how I would have. He also does a LOT here so I know his natural style and way with them. The one thing he says I do better than him is come up with ideas on the spot when things come up or bub is fussy etc. Thats not how he says it but how I think it. Otherwise we are almost identical.

[duckduckgoose]

Nope. He's a great Dad but things just dont occur to him.

Like the other day he got up with DS at 6am and I had a sleep in. At 7.30 I realised he hadn't changed his nappy yet. Then I got up at 9 and DS was playing by himself while DH was on the computer and it hadn't occured to him that DS would need a nap.

Stuff just didn't enter his brain!

But if I died I'm sure DS would have a great upbringing. His diet would be cr@p and he would be very sleep deprived though!

[MsMummy]

If I died, he would be fine. Probably a bit lesd vigilant about brushing teeth, but great with gentle parenting and more patient than me.

My partner did have the benefit of being a pt sahp for the first 2 years of my son's life though.

[Boobycino]

He'd struggle, but he'd work it out. Id struggle without him though too. So yeah.

He cares about nutrition, but can't cook, so he'd have to learn. He's better than me about showering etc, he'd likely still cosleep because it would be the obvious thing to do - why change anything after trauma. He might struggle with the explosive poo nappies a bit. But we are about to have the place tiled so it's not the same drama as on carpet LOL. Ummm overall, it would be awful, but now he's been home part time for the last 6 months there's not much I'd worry about.

It would be different in some ways. We do have a little bit of a 'mum is for cuddles' and 'daddy is for fun' but that's not to say Jasper doesn't love daddy cuddles too. But that's maybe the only thing, if I couldn't parent Jasper it would break my heart to think of him crying for mumma when he hurts himself because I just do the comfort thing a bit different. Daddy isn't as concerned or smoochy about owies.

[AndrewTheEmu]

I think DH is much more relaxed the I am.

But DD would have a very different up bringing.

I give her more affection&attention.
I supervise her more closly
To me, whinging means she wants something(she's not just 'making noise')
DH would have her eatting chilli off a teaspoon for dinner. Either that or sausages.
Shed wear her pjs untill they fell off
But she certinally would know to build awesom connector thingys.

[Mum2Lil13]

My dh would do a wonderful job and would raise dd just as I would, he cares about nutrition and the importance of sleep, he is a very placid and relaxed person who has loads of patience. I am very lucky to have him as we share the same parenting styles, if something were to happen to me or our marriage I know dd would be raised just fine :)

[CluckySC]

It's great to see that some Dads would have it down pat, and also interesting to see the different roles we bring to parenting.

I think in DH's case he would undoubtably parent better than he was parented (last time his parents came to visit - seeing DS for the first time in 7 months - his Dad sat on the couch the entire time watching viagra commercials on youtube and ignored DS, while his mother told him to shh if he spoke and asked DH how he was doing at his job selling houses.. he's never sold houses :rolleyes:), as his upbringing was pretty awful. His parents are nice people they just don't give thought to anything, put any effort in to raising their kids or looking after them besides the basics of clothes/toys. So I think for him he would do a great job with what he came from, if that makes sense, but couldn't make the jump to where we want to be parenting wise for our kids.

Since being with me he understands that the brain is still forming in the first few years of life, and that experiences especially when young make connections in the mind and set up patterns for life. He can see that his complete inability to empathise for example (which he has worked on a LOT and is heaps better with now) comes from not being shown empathy (if he was sad as a child he was told to "sh*t up and be happy", no one asked why :no:), and that his patterns with (terrible) money management came from modelling his family, his drug use when young had other contributing factors etc.

So our kids would definitely be loved if he was doing the sole parenting, but it would be way too much of a jump from where he came from with his upbringing to get to where we are with attempting to bring up our kids. So in short, love him, but I have no intention of dying or going anywhere and if I did I'd hope DH would be fine with my family still having a huge role in our kids lives to give them a bit of what I would have!

(oh, and homeschooling would never happen if it were just him... some of the things he tries to teach DS are hilarious. He was explaining to him the other day how pineapples grow on very big trees and when DS asked him what the cold war was (after seeing it in his visual encyclopedia) he explained that it was when a lot of people fought wearing jumpers :laughing: Also overheard him telling DS the other day that a boulder and a pebble are different names for the same things :rolleyes:)

[Areca]

Yes. He'd have to learn a few things...like how to cook a meal in less than an hour and a half, and how to give 'the look' so the kids just listen, multi tasking etc. but our values are the same and we parent together, and we have very similar parenting ideals, so the stuff he'd struggle with at first would be minor and within a few months he'd have his own routine down and be fine :yes:

[LotusMum]

Goodness no. I have split up with my now exhusband and the way he parents is abismal. Im just glad he only has them on the weekends.
They dont get changed into pjs or fresh clothes, they are rarely showered, the food they eat is always macaroni and cheese, or noodles, or take away or sausages or spaghetti sauce. They are fed nothing but juice as a drink. He doesnt actually parent at all but has them at his home. He doesnt really do much with them at all.
He also has no idea which daycare DD2 goes to, nor has he asked. He doesnt take much interest in the schooling at all. He doesnt care about anything really, its all left up to me and he gets to be the fun time Dad. He takes photos of them and can pretend hes a Dad, but really, hes a babysitter. He does love them though. SO basicly the upshot is that NOTHING can ever happen to me or I would have grave fears for my kids.

[Maximum22]

I honesty think my dh would be a better parent then me and I try to learn from him as much as possible. With babies maybe not he a bit awkward, but two plus for sure. He calm, logical, consistent, committed and sticks to his/our values no matter what.

This is my dh too... I think he would be a MUCH better parent then I am.... If these kids are skrewed up when they are older I feel it will be well and truly my fault

[HarvestMoon]

My ex would do a pathetic job if he were all of a sudden to become the kids main carer.
He doesn't care for personal hygiene himself so that of course extends to the kids. Brushing their teeth and showering reguarly would not happen.
Clean clothes would probably be a rarity.
Dinner would consist of chips and noodles. The kids would have an incredibley inadequate diet all round.
He has a vague idea of when the kids b'days are and some idea of how old they are but unless the kids actually reminded him of the exact date I doubt they would have b'days.
The kids would have next to no supervision as he would be too busy playing xbox and drinking.
My kids would grow up to be the biggest bogans and quite possibly abusive.
I just hope that no situation ever arises where the ex would be main carer.

[krystallxx]

It would be an absolute disaster !

Fingers cross I don't get too sick or die for a very long time!

He can't handle supervising while I have a shower !

[dicey]

DP can't look after himself, let alone a child. He would give the child to my mother without a second thought. He knows that he wouldn't be able to cope.
He could barely feed my dogs right. I told him that the puppy needed the puppy food and that the big dog had her food in a red tin. I come home to see that he has used ALL of the expensive puppy food to grossly overfeed both dogs.

Could you imagine what he would do with formula?!

He wouldn't wash clothes, and if he did they would blow off the line because he refuses to use pegs. He would eat takeaway every night. My child would probably eat tinned baby food until it was old enough to ask for a happy meal.

Yeah, I REALLY hope DP never has to look after our child alone. He would do such a terrible job.
It probably sounds bad that I have no faith in him, but honestly, it's true.

[MothersMilk]

DH would be fine as a single parent. In some ways i think he would do a much better job than me. He is calmer, deals with things with much more patience and logic than i do, is a better disciplinarian but without being too harsh. He is quite domesticated also (much more so than me) so would do fine with washing clothes/dishes and all that stuff.
He would need to learn to adjust with a few things. Mainly cooking meals quicker - he currently takes about 90mins to cook what would take me 30mins max (he spends forever prepping and fiddling around) that just won't cut it with our 2 kids. Being quicker all round really - he is a bit slow with things like cleaning etc as he has to get things perfect, he would need to learn to get things done faster. Going out with both kids - he can do this but avoids it like the plague becasue it's hard. Obviously he would have to get over that :p If we had a baby that woke every couple hours i know he would struggle a lot but our kids are now that the age where they mostly sleep very well so not an issue these days.
The main stuff he would be fine with - the kids would be clean, fed well, played with, loved, he would take them to the dr if sick, brush their hair and teeth, discipline them etc. He would have the support of this family to help him through any tough times/worries etc.
I would have no worries with my children being solely raised by DH, if i dropped off the perch, they would get a good upbringing. DH wouldn't be perfect but no parent is..

[littlegreenhaus]

My husband and I have very different styles when it comes to life in general. I plan things in advance, he's more spontaneous. I am punctual, he is far from punctual. I worry about things that COULD happen, he never worries about anything until it happens. Overall he's very happy go lucky and always believes things will work out for the best.

If he was soley responsible for parenting our son I think things would be done a lot more on the fly without as much forward planning. We have a very content baby so I'm not sure how he would respond to the difference - maybe he's content because of all my forward planning or maybe he's content because he's like his father - happy go lucky

e.g. before we go out I always pack a back with spare clothes, more expressed milk than he would actually need for the time we're gone 'just in case', plenty of spare nappies, some toys to amuse etc etc. Because I've got all this packed I feel relaxed and ready to face whatever might come our way like an unexpected delay, dirty nappy etc. I can see my husband going out without any of those things! I can see him improvising if he needed them with possibly hilarious consequences.

But when it comes to the things that REALLY matter like nutrition, modelling ethical behaviour, instilling morals and values etc I think he'd do a great job. And he absolutely adores our son.

I guess the one thing where we might butt heads in the future is when our son wants to be going out alone with friends etc. My parents were very protective of me and looking back I'm grateful for it. I'll be much more protective than my husband who fully embraces kids being able to go and explore by themselves. If only the world was a bit safer!

[Annabella]

whoops!

[Annabella]

Goodness no. I have split up with my now exhusband and the way he parents is abismal. Im just glad he only has them on the weekends.
They dont get changed into pjs or fresh clothes, they are rarely showered, the food they eat is always macaroni and cheese, or noodles, or take away or sausages or spaghetti sauce. They are fed nothing but juice as a drink. He doesnt actually parent at all but has them at his home. He doesnt really do much with them at all.
He also has no idea which daycare DD2 goes to, nor has he asked. He doesnt take much interest in the schooling at all. He doesnt care about anything really, its all left up to me and he gets to be the fun time Dad. He takes photos of them and can pretend hes a Dad, but really, hes a babysitter. He does love them though. SO basicly the upshot is that NOTHING can ever happen to me or I would have grave fears for my kids.

I'm still with my husband but this pretty much describes him. He loves them, but useless.

[Uh-Oh]

He'd do as good a job as me. It wouldnt be identical to how I would do things but the outcome would be the same. We agree on most parenting decisions, our parenting styles are almost identical... I also know that his parents would influence his parenting if I werent around and we were raised very similar and that has defintely influenced the way we parent (we both have amazing parents and great childhoods/upbringings).

[the girls mum]

My DH would do fine, and in some aspects a better job then me.

I have left dd with dh for 4 days while I went to Adelaide, and in that time he had an itinerary he did up for her of what they were going to do while i was away :laughing:

She got super sick on the second day I was gone and he coped fantastic and did a brilliant job.

He knows everything about her that I do and would do the best job he could possibly do....I trust him 100%.

[RunningWithScissors]

I don't think he would do too badly actually!!

We are pretty on par with most things, something that bugs me is that he doesn't give them privacy in their bedrooms. One thing I really believe in is that if they are upset/angry, then their room is their haven. They can go in there and escape the argument or talking to etc.
Once he has had his say, he doesn't know when to quit, he repeats the same thing over and over and over and OVER :hair: For me, its fine, I can tell him to shut the eff up, but they can't, so I feel its perfectly fine after his first rant for them to walk away to their rooms. Except he follows them :rolleyes:
I'm always telling him not to tell them off in there.

Another thing is sexism. He really isn't sexist, but he will often throw a silly joke around and then laugh at his wonderful joke :rolleyes:
DS is just getting interested in girls, I don't want him mistaking DHs stupid jokes for reality! I know they learn by example, and DS sees DH doing dishes, washing (he actually dos more than me!) , shopping etc and he does it himself too, BUT I can't ever be sure how he takes it when DH drops a line like "Go back to the kitchen woman!" or "Wash my clothes, you're the woman, its your job"

[Benji]

My DP is completely capable of being a full-time parent. I can honestly say he does around 50/50 of the parenting, attends schooling events/PT interviews, knows what DS needs to do for school, and he knows how downright stubborn DS is and how we have to keep on top of it. Actually, I would say he's much better at handling discipline than me - I can be too soft and then I end up a nervous wreck because I get so tired of DS trying to walk all over me.

House.... it would be messier but he's in no way a slob. He'd do the basics.

XDP is hopeless - he was meant to have him for ONE week during the school holidays once and he nagged me from day 3 to pick him up because he was over it. He is utterly hopeless and would fail big time as a full-time parent.

[shockinamillion]

He would be capable. The house wouldn probably be cleaner too :P Though I think his mum would babysit a lot. He is a great dad, we are both learning together and work as a team so we are mostly on the same page.

[mummykitty]

Exdp would fail as a parent :/ he is passive aggressive abusive and neglectful not someone I want raising the kids :/

DP is brilliant and already does about
50% of the stuff with the kids. He is more relaxed and alot more fun than me but maintains a consistent approach with discipline. He is really good about teaching them things and answering questions and he respects the values that are important to me.. My concern would be food and DP getting enough downtime to feel like himself but I'm sure eventually he would learn how to cook without a tin :p and id hope my family would help with giving him a break occasionally :)

[inkognito]

My dh would do a wonderful job and would raise dd just as I would, he cares about nutrition and the importance of sleep, he is a very placid and relaxed person who has loads of patience.
I am very lucky to have him as we share the
same parenting styles, if something were to
happen to me or our marriage I know dd
would be raised just fine :)

This is us too
We are generally on the same page when it comes to raising our kids, maybe it's because we had a similar upbringing. I know if something was to happen and he was to raise our children he would do just fine :)

[mum2bubba]

I haven't got a partner, so I'll answer this for my ex....um no. I doubt he'd care/raise the kids the same as me. He doesn't do much with them now. Put it this way, if anything was to happen to me *touch wood* I wouldn't want them going to him full time, sure they can still see him and all that, but I know there are people out there (ie close fam and friends) that would take better care of them than he would.