Feeling very sad :(

[AANGELZZZ]

So, on Thursday we went along to see our obstetrician for our first appointment at 10 weeks- and it seems that our baby died (in the week before we saw the dr) (we had been for a scan the previous week and seen a heartbeat). The words im sorry there is no heartbeat will ring in my ears forever i think.... I was sent in for a D & C only a few hours later and then went home in the evening.

Now I just feel empty, both in the emotional sense and the physical sense. My bleeding has pretty much stopped already, which is good, but also another sad reminder that it's all over.. It's so hard waking up in the morning being pregnant and leaving hospital the same day not...

I wanted to get in touch with some ladies who had experienced this and then went on to have positive outcomes quite quickly- but don't even know where to start.

I know I am luckier than some because we already have a daughter- it's just heart breaking all the same.

We would like to try again ASAP, but don't know wether to do it before or after AF returns. Our Dr said we could try whenever we wanted to. This also brings much fear and worry, what if it happens again etc....

Mods if this has been posted in the wrong section, please move.

Thanks

[duckduckgoose]

I'm so sorry for your loss :(

[Mopoke]

:hugs::hugs:
so sorry for your loss

[ja78]

Hi angelzzz

I am sorry for the loss you and your family are experiencing at the moment.

Please come on over to the TTC after loss thread when you feel ready. We are a very understanding and helpful bunch (if I do say so myself!) and can really be a soft place to fall when you are having a tough day.

Big Hugs:hugs:

[FluffyDucks]

Hi AANGELZZZ,

Firstly I am so sorry for your loss! And it is heartbreaking no matter if you have no children or 20...it doesnt make the pain any less.

Its horrible and it sucks and its depressing and all so much more. May last year (you can read my story here) I had a D&C as my baby was diagnosed with Fetal Hydrops as I was told that he very likely would not make it to 16 weeks gestation.

The hardest thing was knowing the baby was still alive and having a procedure like that. My only saviour was knowing that when the mother is under a general anathestic it crosses the placenta so affects the baby as well.

It took me a long time to come to terms with it. I dont like talking about it in real life...I just say (if it comes up) that I had a 'loss' and thats it.

The OB said that the abnormality happened when sperm met egg...so there was nothing I could or couldnt have done to prevent it. Just something that happened.

He did say that my chances of this happening again was slim (but not 0%) so if I wanted to could try again as soon as I was ready.

After much discussion with DP (we already have two healthy boys) we agreed to keep trying.

I hated seeing pregnant women with their big bellies or little newborn bubs. It was like a reminder of how I couldnt do it...or how I couldnt make a healthy baby. And each month AF would turn up with her pains and again it was another slap in the face. I really struggled with it.

So many people say "oh if you just forget about it then it will happen"...but how do you do that? Ridiculous!

I am now 27 weeks pregnant and am feeling good....I am not stressing anymore but up until my 19 week scan, every day was hard. Trying not to freak out over every little thing.

I wouldnt say I fell pregnant quickly....I it took another 8 months (as I had a chemical) then the next month I was UTD again.

We tried straight away as soon as all the pregnancy hormones had left my body. I started OPKing, etc so I knew when I was Oing as I didnt want to waste any time. Basically I waited until after AF only so I could start counting as I wasnt sure if I should count the D&C as an 'AF' or not.

All I can suggest is start TTCing when you feel ready....and if thats now then do it now.

Nothing will stop you from feeling anxious when you do fall pregnant again but if you can take it one day at a time I think that will help.

Good luck and all the best!!! :hugs:

[MelandBen]

Ohhhh nooooooo :( I'm so sorry

[Stretched]

I've just been through a similar thing. We had our first US at 8 weeks and baby measured 7 weeks and no HB. My levels were still going up so waited a week and had another US which confirmed sac was still growing (hence levels going up) but baby still at 7 weeks with no HB, so baby would have died at 7 weeks. As I'm often home alone with DD I didn't want to wait however long it took for my body to realise the baby had died to miscarry naturally so had a D&C.

Because I had had such a horrendous week of 'unknown', not being 100% sure if the baby inside me, giving me all my morning sickness etc, was alive or dead, the D&C actually almost was a relief. But sad is definitely the best word to describe how I feel on the whole. One day you're preg and planning the next 9 months as a pregnant woman, the next day you're not and having to re-think all your plans!

My Ob recommended waiting to start TTC until after I have had a period. I also found some great information on this topic here http://www.pregnancyloss.info/trying_again.htm

I would like to wait until November before I start TTC again as 1st trimester is not very nice to my body and I need a break from feeling like c##p before I do it again. But that's just me, if you feel physically and emotionally ready, then I say go for it.

Like you I also already have a child, and I do consider myself so lucky and am sure that it would be so much harder to deal with if this had happened with a first pregnancy. But it still hurts and I do feel a bit traumatised/broken after it all. I have already had many people share their positive post-miscarriage experiences with me and am not feeling to stressed about TTC again, when I'm ready. I wish you the best of luck too!

[AANGELZZZ]

Thank you so much for all of your replies. Like a couple of you have mentioned, the first trimester is rough on me as well. I just feel that I'd like to try again and conceive so we can welcome the much wanted baby into our lives. We had planned this baby to arrive before our daughter turned 3- I can deal with the morning sickness if it means that we have a beautiful baby at the end.

I guess I kind of feel like a failure too- I don't understand why my body has done this- why the baby was fine one day, we can see the little heartbeat, then the next week it's gone. Sleeping, no bleeding, cramping or anything.

Millions of questions- was it something I ate. Something I did etc.

Would it be cheating our little angel if we started trying again so soon? I really feel that this was our baby, not just an embryo. . . I'm mourning it's loss- It feels weird to even be thinking about DTD!

To make things worse, my bleeding started again not long ago- I think I may have done a bit too much today- trying to catch up on cleaning seeing I was so sick with morning sickness and the house looked like a bomb hit it- thought id do it now!!

My head is a mess.... Argggh

[Stretched]

I had my D&C 10 days ago and my bleeding has been coming and going. I thought it was all over after about 2 days but I've been spotting on and off since then. I also thought it was doing too much that re-started it - I had to clean up the post-morning-sickness-etc bomb site house too and feeling so much better than I had in weeks got a bit carried away! The website I posted the link to has info that explains it's actually the hormones causing the bleeding, so no need to worry. Now on day 10 after mine really seems to have stopped :fingerscrossed:.

I also know I'm not ready to DTD yet, just seems so soon while I'm still mourning. I think it's right to be mouring tho, even tho bub was just a little bean - in our hearts we had made another baby and were so excited and happy.

I was lucky that I received a job offer, actually got the call the morning before I went in for my D&C. Getting ready for this has been great to stop me thinking about my loss 24-7. I still take quiet time to grieve each day though. But I would recommend making sure you have a few things to do to stop your brain from just going around and around in circles.

There's lots of useless advice about how what happened was natural and not our fault and blah, blah, blah. It doesn't really make you feel better or stop you asking the questions about if you'd done something different, but it is all true. We didn't do anything wrong and we know our bodies are capable of bearing a child too, it just happens sometimes.

We had also planned the gap we wanted between bubs and now that's not going to work out. Life never goes to plan though does it?

[AANGELZZZ]

I'm so sorry for your loss :(

Thank you Majestic. It's so nice to know there are people out there who can relate and who care.

[Lisagirlau]

I know how you feel. I found out that I was pregnant, then went for a scan to find out I was pregnant with identical twins. We got so excited, told our family and friends. Went to my ob for our first meeting, told my husband not to bother taking the day off as it was just a meet and greet. Only to be told that there was no heartbeat in either baby. I was alone and histerical. To say I was devastated is an understatement. I cried for 2 weeks. I honestly thought I would never get over it. I hated seeing pregnant women and it seemed like everyone was then pregnant with twins. I.ve learnt that Time heals all wounds. The doctor advised me to try again after 3 cycles, but I needed to be pregnant to heal my heart. So after my first period I became pregnant. I worried the whole 9months. But now I have the most perfect baby Who is so happy and relaxed. Everyone is different, but without her, I couldn't have ever got over the loss. nothing anyone says can make it better. Go out have a few wines and a cry with your girlfriends and then start again. Xoxo

[Loulabelle]

Aangelzzz: Before I had DD I had two m/c. Both times they were blighted ovums - so they placenta devloped but not the baby (so I had all pregnancy symptoms including bad m/s but no baby). The first I m/c naturally but the second I had a D&C as I was about 12 weeks and had no bleeding etc. I found it so hard to get over emotionally. I cried and cried all the time. I found it so hard to be around other pregnant people (there was a girl at work who was pregnant and I didn't like her and she drank coke and had KFC and Maccas every day of her pregnancy and I found it so difficult to be around her). I went and saw a m/c expert and he did LOTS of tests that all pretty much came back as fine. So about 3 months after AF arrived after the d&c we started trying and I got pregnant with DD second month. I was totally paranoid all pregnancy but hired a doppler at 13 weeks which was great as I could listen to the h/b and feel reassured till I could feel her kick. I also has some counselling which was quite helpful - if you think it would help try to see some one who knows about pregnancy loss/stillbirth as they wikll have a much better approach.
I truly am so sorry for your loss and hope that you and your partner can give each other strength during this hard time. Please look after yourself and I hope when you start TTC again it is a fast and uneventful journey for you xxx :hugs::hugs::hugs:

[AANGELZZZ]

Thanks everyone- I'm feeling very thankful to have found this group and to have found so many women in the same situation- (although I'm sorry we are all here together...) The positive stories are very encouraging to hear and give me some hope.

I think we have decided to wait until AF arrives, before we try again- so that my lining has a chance to build up and shed naturally, I have heard that the uterus can be a little inflamed straight after a D&C and I don't want to do anything to effect the chances of our next baby not making it... Until then I need to learn patience, because I am the most impatient person on Earth!!!!

Thanks for sharing your stories... Every little bit counts...

[Roxylea]

We have just been through a similar time. I had been extremely ill with morning sickness and had not been able to keep anything down - not even water for over 48hrs so I headed to my GP last Friday 19/8. She sent me straight to hospital to have some IV fluids as I was so dehydrayted. We were 10wks and 1day according to my LMP, we had not had a first scan yet and were booked in for our 12wk scan on 30/8.

The hospital advised they would do an ultrasound to check everything was ok. I was concerned there may have been more than one in there as my belly was growing at a crazy rate, and there are triplets in my family and multiple twins in my DH's family.

This was my third pregnancy but it had been a long time - as I have DD14 and DS11 to my previous husband. This was to be my second husband's first baby and I can't describe how excited and proud he was.

My husband was not at the hospital when they took me in for the scan, but he was on his way. When they wheeled me into the US room I had this horrible feeling of fear wash over me - this was the first time that I felt as though something was wrong. The radiographer advised that she could not find a heart beat and my baby was much smaller than 10wks. She did an internal US but still no heart beat.

Our baby had made it to 2.3cm - they advised that baby had died 7-10 days prior. My body had not registered the loss, I was still so sick they were giving me maxolon via IV as I was still so nauseas. We were sent home and was scheduled on the Emergency Board for a D&C on Monday 22/8.

I barely had any loss, by Tuesday morning there was nothing, I felt so empty. My belly was still there and my breasts were still so sore and tender. I felt so helpless and it felt so unfair. Our baby was taken but the reminder was still there, I still felt pregnant I was still feeling nauseas until Thursday.

It's now Sunday (6days post D&C), my breasts are no longer as tender and by belly is finally almost back to before. The scariest part is that had I not been so sick, we may still not know today that our baby had passed, the Drs said it could have taken weeks for my bodies natural processes to have registered our baby had died. This is the only time I have ever been a tiny bit thankful for morning sickness.

We will try again, I will be 35 next March and really hope by this time next year we will be proud parents of a beautiful baby.

We will certainly not be waiting until 12wks for our first scan next time.

Thank you for sharing your heartfelt stories - It has really helped.

[becnbubs]

Hi

Thought I'd like to join. I too had to have a d and c last week on Wednesday. I would have been 12 weeks on the Thursday. But I think deep down I knew something wasn't right and I had an ultrasound
On the Monday which was one of the saddest moments of my life when they told me our baby had passed Away at approx 10 week 1 day.

As I was having no signs of miscarriage I decided on the d and c.
I'm ok with the fact our baby wasn't ready and I'm already blessed with ds nearly 8 and dd 5.

Im having up and down moments I'm guessing it's my body realizing there is no baby anymore.

I was due to go back to work today but yesterday was having more pains and more bleeding, which today it's stopped again, did you guys have bleeding for long? I just want it to stop so I can feel "normal" again get my usual period and think about starting again.

I'm sorry to hear of your losses and know that it will get easier for us all.

[Frenchy]

:hugs:
Same thing happened to me last year. First pregnancy, first appointment...no heartbeat :no:
Myself and my husband were absolutely crushed. Also within a few hrs I had a D&C and I felt so empty after. Had a follow up appointment with my OB 6 weeks later who told us to get straight back into it. Took round 3 weeks to ovulate again but sure enough we were successfully pregnant again straight away. I was a crazy mess again for that first appointment (and honestly each subsequent appointment thereafter); holding my breath every time hoping to see a heartbeat. Now I have a beautiful 6 month old boy with a perfectly smooth pregnancy.
:hugs: I'm so sorry for your loss but I'm certain your beautiful little bubba is just round the corner for you :babydust1:

[earthfairy]

:hugs:

I am so sorry for your loss honey. You will find GREAT support here on BH - it was the first place I found when searching online when DH & I lost our first baby at 13wks back in 2007.

I had been bleeding for over 2 weeks whilst all u/s showed bub still had a strong heart beat. Looking back on it now I kind of knew something wasnt right. The day before I actually went to hospital I had an emergency scan & everything was ok. That night I started cramping & ended up in hospital. Emergency was shut so they sent me up to the maternity ward....this in itself was heartbreaking enough. Listening to all these women in labour with their babies as I laid there loosing ours.
They wer so understaffed they couldnt even do an u/s but confirmed my cervix was dilated so said I was certainly m/c. I was left to lay there with my gorgeous DH by my side while I just bled & bled. They sent me home after 6 hours.

We thought that was it. It was over.

The next night in the shower I hemorrhaged & lost our baby on the bathroom floor. It was the most horrific night of my life. Especially having to package up our tiny baby & take it in to the hospital :(

After 4 weeks the bleeding stopped & I felt fine, almost desperate to start TTC again. It took 10 months before we fell pregnant with our DD. There was nothing wrong with us medically to explain it taking a bit longer than expected. Looking back now, I know that whilst I felt fine PHYSICALLY, mentally I was just not ready. Once we grieved properly & "let go" we fell :)

Dont let anyone tell you how you SHOULD feel honey....grieve, cry, wonder.....it is all part of it. That baby will always be your child. But be kind to yourself....and remember that there are a lot of people here for support.

The sun will shine again for you soon honey....in the mean time, take care.

:hugs::hugs:

EF x

[laurea]

*Hugs* of course it was your baby, fully developed or not it was your child and don't let anyone tell you any different. I'm so very sorry for your loss :(

I have had something similar happen years ago and i got pregnant the next month before i even had a period so it is possible.

You sound like such a loving family. I wish you all the best x

[AANGELZZZ]

Thanks to everyone for replying :) it's so nice to know there is a support group here.

I haven't gotten my period yet, it will be 5 weeks tomorrow since my D&C. Had my hormone levels tested 2 weeks ago and HCG still at 60. Had another blood test on Monday and get results on Friday. Hoping they have gone down more...

Good luck to everyone here who is TTC now. Hopefully we can all catch some eggs soon xx

[Tls5431]

I went through something similar at the beginning of the year. At around 11 weeks we went to our first appointment at the OB who informed us that there was no heartbeat. We had been for a scan at 6w where there was a hb so it was hard to hear those words.

We went for another scan where they were able to tell us that the baby had passed at 8 weeks. I opped for misoprostol rather then a D&C, it was a huge mistake. I ended up with retained product which they said would pass with my first period. My period came after 6 weeks and the retained product did not move, so I ended up with a D&C anyway.

But we decided to start again and after our 3rd cycle we feel pregnant and I found out on the due date of my angle baby :goodvibes:

I'm currently 11w 5d and still stress that this is going to end badly, but on the other hand had a scan at 6w with a hb and 9w (at the ob's) with a hb. so far so good...

[AANGELZZZ]

I went through something similar at the beginning of the year. At around 11 weeks we went to our first appointment at the OB who informed us that there was no heartbeat. We had been for a scan at 6w where there was a hb so it was hard to hear those words.

We went for another scan where they were able to tell us that the baby had passed at 8 weeks. I opped for misoprostol rather then a D&C, it was a huge mistake. I ended up with retained product which they said would pass with my first period. My period came after 6 weeks and the retained product did not move, so I ended up with a D&C anyway.

But we decided to start again and after our 3rd cycle we feel pregnant and I found out on the due date of my angle baby :goodvibes:

I'm currently 11w 5d and still stress that this is going to end badly, but on the other hand had a scan at 6w with a hb and 9w (at the ob's) with a hb. so far so good...

Wow good luck to you! My Ob had said that when we fall again he is happy to do scans once a week if we like, I think I'll take him up on the offer just for peace of mind if I need it...

I hope you have a very uneventful pregnancy- good luck :)

[Hokey Pokey]

I'm so sorry :hugs::hugs: